


Gloaming

by vampiremama



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-09
Updated: 2012-07-21
Packaged: 2017-11-07 09:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 39
Words: 98,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampiremama/pseuds/vampiremama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <div class="center">
<img/><img/><p>"></p>
</div><p>AU of Twilight. The Cullens located to Forks 18 years later than originally planned. Bella said she would have been happy with Jake. She would have married him and had kids and she would have been happy. But she's not complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Title: Gloaming  
> Author: Readingmama/Vampiremama  
> Beta: AcrossTheSkyInStars  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. No copyright infringement is intended.  
> Continuity: AU  
> Rating: M for sexual situations and violence.  
> A/N- I know I will be asked. Gloaming is another word for Twilight, just as this is meant to be a replacement for the activities that happened in that book.  
> My fabulous beta also has a story called The Hunt, go check it out its unique and well written. (available on FFN)

Prologue

I’d never given much thought to how my life would turn out, but even if I had, I would not imagine it like this.

 

How much would you be willing to give up for love? My eyes flashed up to his and I saw his unwavering love as he held out his hand, but was the sacrifice worth it? I was not some young girl full of whimsy and fancy free.  I was a woman with obligations and responsibilities.  How could I abandon them all?

 

How could I not?

 

I looked over my shoulder and saw my son there, a shell of what he once was. Angry and bitter, he held out his hand, beckoning me to come home.

 

I took a deep breath and made my choice, slipping my hand into his.

 


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I folded the last t-shirt in the laundry basket and placed it on the pile. Making my way through the house, I put the garments away in an organized fashion.  The small three-bedroom has been my home for eight years now and I would know it in the dark. The tin roof has been patched several times since we moved in and the washing machine can’t be run at the same time as the dishwasher, but its home.  The tiny bedrooms have enough room each for a single bed and a dresser; the master suite can fit a double. We have a small bathroom with a shower stall, a toilet, and a pedestal sink. Our necessities are kept in a cabinet we installed over the toilet.

Other parts of the house were in need of repair but I knew they would get fixed. My husband was very handy, it was just that there was so much that we needed to fix.

As I put the last shirt in my husband’s drawer, I noticed that it was sweat-stained.  The yellow armpits jumped out at me as I wrinkled my nose.

“Oh well,” I hummed to myself before throwing the ruined top in the waste basket.

It was my last load of the week and I was happy to have the mundane task completed.  The rain tapping on the roof had become relaxing and comforting to me. At first it was so loud that I could barely stand it, the tin of the roof magnifying each drop until I thought I might go crazy, but time had replaced that feeling with a sense of home. The sound of the rain was like a melody written just for me, played almost daily.  If you would have told me that I would grow to love the rain when I first moved to Forks, about fifteen miles from where I live now, I would have told you that you were insane.

I moved to the lush town when I was seventeen years old. My mom, Renee, had remarried to a minor league baseball player and I opted to come live with my dad, Charlie.  I knew that she would like to go on the road trips with him and I didn’t want to hold her back, so I packed up my belongings and hopped the first flight from Phoenix to Forks.  It seemed like a lifetime ago that I worried about fitting in and making friends.

The few friends I made while attending Forks high had mostly gone their separate ways after school. The majority of them attended College elsewhere. It seemed that all my good friends had left, leaving mostly acquaintances.  Of course I still had friends, the ones I had met through my husband.

I met Jake the day after I arrived in Forks. His dad was Charlie’s best friend.  We hit it off almost right away. Jacob was outgoing and exciting and everything that I wasn’t.  I was drawn to him but I can’t say that it was love at first sight. Jake was two years younger than me and there was no way that I would date a fifteen year old, so we started off as just friends.

I spent a lot of time at his place watching him fix up old cars. I found it kind of dull at first, but before long I was getting interested in carburetors and fuel pumps, or maybe it was just Jacob. It wasn’t like a gravitational force that pulled us together, just common sense. We seemed like we should fit, so we did.

He had asked me out every few weeks, just to see if I changed my mind. I was still worried about the age difference and what the kids at school would say, but once I realized that it was me that was holding me back, I agreed.  Jake didn’t even go to my school, he attended on the reservation. So most of our time spent together was on the weekends.  It was almost like I lead a dual life.

Shy, bookworm Bella on weekdays and girlfriend on weekends.

Our first date was a disaster. His car broke down and we had to push the stupid thing four miles to a station. Once we were there, I had to call Charlie and he came and picked us up in the police cruiser. Oh yeah, Charlie was the chief of police in Forks.  Needless to say, Jacob didn’t get a kiss that night but he did get one the next day when he showed up at my house with a note declaring how sorry he was that our night was ruined.  He had spent some time writing it and had scratched out the lines that he didn’t like, adding new ones in their place. Most guys would have rewritten the thing once they had it perfect but Jake gave it to me as it was. He liked to show me all of him, even the unpolished bits. It was one of the reasons I fell in love with him.

The sound of the front door closing notified me that my kids had returned from school. I quickly pulled the meat out of the freezer for dinner before heading over to say hello to my children.

“Hi mom,” Rebecca said as she saw me.

“Hi honey, how was school?” I asked.

“Good,” she replied.

Rebecca loved school, but I suppose most ten year olds do. She was the polar opposite from me at that age in demeanor but was the spitting image of me in looks. Her long dark hair and big brown eyes were exactly like mine at that age. She even managed to have my pale skin tone even with her father being a Quileute. Her outgoing personality made her friends in a heartbeat and she loved to sing and dance. It was a chore to get her to sit down and read a book, and sometimes I had a hard time relating to her.  Most mothers have probably felt the same as me at some time.

“Quil how was your day?” I inquired.

“Fine,” he said simply, throwing his school bag down on the coffee table. I raised my eyebrow at him, a trick I only learned after becoming a mother. He shrugged apologetically and picked the bag back up, taking it to his room.

Quil was fifteen years old and nothing like his namesake, except that he was polished with the same copper skin.  He was extremely responsible and kept to himself a lot more than his sister.  We had named Rebecca after Jake’s sister but Quil had been named after his best friend who had died shortly after we began dating. 

Jake and all his friends in La Push, the reservation where we lived, just a few miles from Forks, had very little in the way of entertainment. They began cliff diving the summer Jake turned 12. They had started off on low ledges and built their way up. By the time I moved to the area, they were jumping from pretty high up. I didn’t understand it; it would take something pretty major to make me want to jump off a cliff.  It always worried me but Jake would always just laugh it off and tease me for being scared.

My second summer there, the boys had gone to jump and one didn’t make it back. The tide was too low and Quil hit the rocks head on. They say he died instantly, which is supposed to make you feel better, but there is nothing you can say to make the death of a sixteen year-old okay. Jake wanted to honor his memory by naming our son after him, I agreed immediately.

The kids went off to their rooms to finish their homework. Our friends Sam and Leah were coming over for dinner and they were bringing their son, John. He was a year younger than Quil and the boys enjoyed each other’s company.  I think Rebecca had a crush on John and she would follow them around, but the boys never seemed to mind much. They let her hang out with them and I was proud of them both for including her.

I had the meat cooking and the salad made when Jake came in, wrapping his arms around my waist.  He leaned in and kissed my neck firmly.  He smelled of oil and dirt and it was a scent that I had come to love. La Push had required me to develop a lot of acquired tastes but I was happier for them.

“Hey Bells,” he said calling me by his favorite nickname.

“Hi,” I replied, turning to him and embracing him.

I fit nicely in the crook of his neck. Jacob stood at five feet ten inches whereas I was barely five foot four. It had taken a while for us to figure how we fit together, but once we did, it was easy to slip into that comfortable spot. 

Jake had been stunning in his youth. Copper-skin and long dark hair, Jake stood out from the guys I went to school with. At age thirty-three, he was still attractive. He had crow’s feet just starting around his eyes and small lines around his mouth.  His arms were still muscular from the manual labor he put in at his garage but lately had been getting softer around the middle. I didn’t mind so much. Even though I kept myself in good shape, I wasn’t the firm, eighteen year-old he fell in love with.  My boobs didn’t sit as high, unless they were in the right bra, and my hips were wider from birthing our two children.

That is what happens in life, you grow and change and hopefully you have someone there that will see you through it all.  Jake was that person for me, loyal and loving.

“You better go change,” I said swatting him on the rear. He gave a little jump. “Sam and Leah will be here any minute.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he teased but headed to our room to have a quick shower and to change.

Jacob’s garage had been doing very well.  His reasonable prices had brought in not only most of the La Push business but a lot of Forks as well.  He employed three other men and they were all kept busy with work.  The best part was that he owned the place so he worked the regular hours and had his staff cover the weekends. It left us with plenty of family time.

Jacob returned to the kitchen just as I was letting Sam and Leah in.

“We brought dessert,” Leah sang as she danced around the kitchen. The way Leah was with Sam was like a sixteen year-old with a crush on Justin Timberlake.  Her love for her husband shone from every pore. They were perfect together and I couldn’t imagine either of them ever being with anyone else. They had been high school sweethearts but they didn’t actually marry until the year after Jake and I did. Sam was a few years older than Jake and I but we all got along famously.

“Hi John, Quil is up in his room.” He excused himself and headed up to visit with my son.

“Can I grab the drinks?” Leah asked heading for the fridge.

“I’ll have a beer, Lee lee,” Sam said smiling at his wife.

“Me too,” Jake and I both answered.

“So how are things?” Sam asked.

“Same, same,” Jake responded.

“Is Quil still wanting to trade schools?” Leah asked me.

“Yeah. I think we are going to let him. I talked to the admin at Forks high and they said he can be transferred without much problem.”

“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?”

“I guess; I just have a funny feeling about it.”

“Don’t be silly. Besides, you drive into Forks everyday anyway, it’s not like it’ll be a problem to take him in,” Leah countered.

“I know. “  I changed the conversation after that. I didn’t know how to put into words how I was feeling. The only word that came to mind was ‘off.’

Leah and Sam stayed around long enough for Leah to help with the dishes before they called it a night.  The kids headed up to their rooms and I heard the conflicting music tastes blasting through the walls. I grabbed Jake’s hand and led him to our room. I held his face in my hand as I leaned in to kiss him. I tried to pull him closer and I felt his reluctance.

“I’m tired, babe. I had a long day,” he said pulling back.

“That’s okay,” I lied, “I’m just going to take a shower anyway.”

I closed the door to the bathroom and let out a sigh. I reached up and grabbed the small box that lay on the top of the cabinet and pulled it down. I opened it up and stared at the brightly colored piece of silicone.

I turned on the shower before starting the vibrator. I had reached my sexual peak in the last few months, and while Jake appreciated it at first, it was obvious that his was long over.  I thought of what a cruel joke God had played on us all. Women peak sexually at thirty something and men at seventeen.  And yet a seventeen year-old was hardly mature enough to handle a thirty something year old woman in any other way.

I stepped into the shower and thanked myself yet again for buying a waterproof friend. I tilted my head back and blew off some steam.

 


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

QPOV

I had hung out with John the night before. He was an alright guy but he was definitely a follower and not a leader. I was usually okay with doing my own thing but it was nice to have company every once in a while.  We didn’t have a whole lot in common, but that was normal for me. Guys my age were more interested in girls and sports rather than math and reading.  Luckily for me, I did speak the international guy language of video games.

When I had told my mom and dad that I wanted to change schools, their immediate thought was that I was being bullied. The truth was, most of the kids at school left me alone. I wasn’t picked on, I was ignored, and that was almost worse in my mind. I wanted to go to Forks High because it was a better school.  Most of the people who grew up on the rez tended to stay and find jobs there. It’s just the way things were, but I wanted to go away to college and study.  With most of the teachers assuming that we were all going to be in the trades, they didn’t give you much help off school time. That was if they were even qualified enough to help.

Once I had convinced my parents that the reasons didn’t involve the lunch money shakedown or me getting myself stuffed into a locker, they finally agreed to check it out.  I was excited and ready to meet new people and actually learn something. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t the smartest kid in the world, but I truly enjoyed learning things and so it made me a decent student. 

“Quil, can you come in here please?” my mother’s voice called from the living room.  The floorboards creaked as I made my way through the hallway, the house showing its age.

She was sitting alone on the couch. My father was out for the night with his friends, Sam, Jared, and Embry. My parents gave one another a Friday night each month to take off on their own and recharge.  It always seemed to work as both ended up being happier the next day. Of course it could’ve had something to do with one of them coming home three sheets to the wind and the muffled noises I heard coming through the walls, but it’s best not to think of that.  After the first time it happened, I bought some heavy blankets to hang on the wall. My dad was all proud because they were native blankets and he thought I was celebrating my heritage, when really I was just trying to save him therapy bills later in life.

“What’s up mom?” I asked.

“Goodness, are you growing again?” she started but then changed course. “I got a call from Forks high yesterday and everything is a go for you to transfer.  You’ll be starting there on Monday.”

“That’s fantastic mom, thanks,” I said hugging her.  She always smelled like baking even if she hadn’t touched the oven all day.  It was one of the best things about her.

My mom was really great. She taught Yoga in Forks for a few hours every morning during the week. She had been doing it for as long as I could remember. Yoga, that is. She had only been teaching it for six years.  Before that she was just a stay at home mom, but when Rebecca and I were both in school, she wanted something to do. It seemed like a boring way to work out to me, but she liked it, so whatever.

She was one of the coolest mom’s I knew but I think it’s because she was still so young. Well, compared to the other moms. My mom was twenty and my dad eighteen when they had me. They said that they were married when they did, but I’m not dumb, I can do basic math. I was five months old when they got married.  It didn’t bother me. I knew that they didn’t get married just because she was pregnant. It was obvious to me that they loved each other, and after fifteen years, I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to change.

I think they tried to lie, tried is the operative word there because my mom can’t lie for shit, to keep me from being sexually active.  It’s laughable really. I couldn’t find a girl I was interested in, and if I did, I’m pretty sure she would have wanted nothing to do with me.  Besides, the last thing I wanted to do was get a girl pregnant and be stuck in La Push or Forks for the rest of my life. The world was way too interesting not to be able to see it.

I pretty much looked like the runt of the litter. I had been the shortest kid in my class, and yes, that included the girls, until school started this year and I had a growth spurt. I still wasn’t anywhere near the tallest but at least I had most of the girls beat now.

“Are you going to be okay transferring in the middle of a semester like this?” mom asked me. “We can wait until the winter term if that would be easier.”

“No, we are only like a month and a half in, I’ll be fine,” I replied honestly.

 The problem with having not many, or really any, friends was that there was no one to tell when you had good news.  I sat in my room and thumbed through my textbooks, wondering if I was caught up to where I should be. I read an extra chapter in most of my studies for good measure before I realized how late it became.

While most kids my age were out partying or jumping off cliffs, which I was banned to do, punishable by death, they ironically threatened, I was at home reading or studying. I knew I probably should have made more of an effort but I was hoping that I would meet some more like-minded people when I started at Forks; people who I could actually be friends with. My life was about to change and I hoped it would bring about some excitement.

\--------------------------------------------------------- 

“Hey Grandpa Charlie,” I said as he came in, still dressed in uniform.

“Hey kid,” he replied tousling my hair.

One of the best parts of being in a small town is that there is nothing to do, so people have kids early.  That meant not only were my parents young but also my grandparents. Grandpa Charlie had been the Chief of Police in Forks since before I was born. He was a man of few words but he had great affection for his family.  He loved my dad like he was his own son and, of course, my mother was the apple of his eye.

Every week both Grandpa Charlie and Grandpa Billy would come over for Sunday dinner. The way the two of them devoured their food while they were there made me wonder if they ate anything at all during the week.  I knew mom would sneak some leftovers into Grandpa Charlie’s fridge sometimes, so I figured he didn’t cook much.

“What smells so good?” he asked, giving my mom a quick nod. She rolled her eyes at his inability to emote and gave him a hug.

“Just a pot roast,” she replied before stirring something in one of the bubbling pots.

I heard the gravel crunch under the tires of the truck, signaling that dad was back with Grandpa Billy. Mom turned to talk to me but I was already in motion.

“I got it,” I said, heading out to help dad with the wheelchair.

Grandpa Billy was in a wheelchair and had been for most of his life. Dad had intended on building ramps for him at our house but hadn’t gotten around to it. The list of things for him to do was growing every day and there were things that had to get done before the ramps could make priority. It wasn’t a big deal, between the two of us we could get Grandpa up the three stairs and into the house.

“Hey Gramps,” I said, teasing Grandpa Billy. He had a vicious sense of humor that he always delivered with a deadpan face.

“Hey champ. What are they feeding you? Did you grow again?”

“Well you know us fifteen year olds, always growing.”

“Sometimes I wonder how I can afford to feed my family when I see how much Quil packs away,” dad chirped in. I gave him a playful glare and then grabbed the left side of the wheel chair, helping to hoist it up the stairs.  The truth was that my dad packed away twice the amount of food that I did and it was beginning to show a little.

Rebecca and mom were setting the table when we arrive in the kitchen. Our tiny table meant to seat four was packed with six table settings.  The countertops were in reaching distance so we usually just kept the food off the table and it worked all right.

“Hi, Billy,” Bella said, bending down and hugging him.

“Hi beautiful, are you ready to leave my son for me yet?” he joked. It was a running gag he had with her.  I thought it was funny until I turned thirteen and then I just thought, _ew, that’s my mom._

“Did you bring me a ring?” she sparred back.

“Alas, I didn’t,” he replied sighing for dramatic effect.

“Then I guess I’ll keep this one for now.” She grabbed my father around the waist and kissed his neck.  The worst thing about being in a small town is that there is nothing to do, so people have kids early. This means that they are still young enough to have embarrassing PDA in front of their children.

We sat down to dinner, and as usual, there was enough noise that you would think there were sixteen of us dinning instead of six. That was the way my family worked. Dad, Charlie, and Billy would talk passionately, as my mom called it, about some sporting event.  Rebecca would try and talk over them, telling all about her dance class or soccer game while my mom and I would share a quiet smile over the table.  Neither of us participated in the ruckus but both enjoyed the show.

“So Quil, your mom tells me you’re starting at Forks High tomorrow,” Grandpa Charlie said, trying to break me out of my silence.

“Yeah.”

“Well if you need someone there right away for any reason, you can call me.”

“Sure, sure.”  Mom raised her eyebrow at me so I replied, “Thanks.”

Grandpa Charlie was big on being there for us. My mom spent most of her childhood living with my grandma in Phoenix and I think he still carried some guilt that he wasn’t there for her.  I don’t know why he was so worried; she had evidently turned out fine. I mean, come on; she raised a near-perfect son.

Dinner ended after a rousing round of my mother’s semi-famous apple pie.  There wasn’t a school bake sale that didn’t profit heavily from stocking her heaven filled pastries.  It was the one thing that could almost silence the entire table. I say almost because there were always lots of moans that accompanied the dessert.  Dad had once appreciated so loudly that he nearly choked on the crust.

“Well I have the early shift tomorrow, so I should get going,” Grandpa Charlie said, grabbing his jacket.  He rarely stayed long after dinner unless there was a game or something on.  Small talk was not his specialty.

“Okay, see you next week, dad,” mom called out.

“Bye, Charlie,” both dad and Grandpa Billy said, the words running over each other. 

I helped with the dishes before heading up to my room. I plugged my iPod into my laptop and hit random on the screen. The laptop was older but it still did everything I needed it to do. The speakers weren’t the best but they were the only ones that I had unless I wanted to wear headphones.

I gathered my things for the next day. I just had my binders and notepads as I would be getting new textbooks at school.  I quickly changed and lay down on the bed, letting the music lull me to sleep.

The frantic beeping of the alarm clock woke me in the morning and I hopped out of bed. It was the most excited I had been to go to school in a long time.  Forks High was going to put me on my path for the future. I could feel it.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3

BPOV

I stared at the object in my hand, pink, so it was undoubtedly mine. It was not the first time I noticed this infraction. It had caused arguments before. It made me wonder if he wanted to fight. Why else would he do it? How could something so small ignite such a fury in me? The tip glistened with bits of saliva and an unidentified food bit.  I suppressed the urge to gag.

“Jake did you use my toothbrush again?” I called through the closed door.

“Yeah,” he replied like it was perfectly okay to use someone else’s toothbrush. Like we hadn’t had this fight before. Like he didn’t know how much it irritated me.

“That’s disgusting,” I growled under my breath.  The part of me that wanted to fight was beat down by the natural peacemaker in me. I hated that bitch.

I will never understand people who say that sharing a toothbrush is no different than kissing.  I’m pretty sure that when I put my tongue in someone’s mouth I am not using it as a pick to clean out all the grime between their teeth.  The thought of the bacteria that Jake had transferred to my helpless bristles was enough to make my stomach turn.  It’s not like he didn’t have a perfectly good one sitting right beside mine.

I placed the brush back in the holder and grabbed the toothpaste. I squirted some on my forefinger and then rubbed my teeth until they felt clean. I would have to pick up a new toothbrush when I went into town.

I threw my hair up into a pony tail, the standard for teaching my class.  I stared at myself in the mirror. I was lucky as genes went; I had actually aged fairly well. At thirty-five I was just starting to see lines form at the creases of my eyes and around my mouth.  I wish that I could say that I thought they made me look distinguished but the truth was they made me feel old. 

I splashed some water on my face and then proceeded to put my eye cream and moisturizer on my face. I, like all women my age, was looking for the fountain of youth in a tiny, expensive bottle.  At least I hadn’t had to start dying my hair yet.  I had started cutting it shorter though. I noticed split ends making their way in more frequently, so I styled it just below shoulder length to combat those tricky hairs.

I left my room and knocked on Quil’s door as I walked down the hall.  “Twenty minutes,” I called.

I heard a muffled response that sounded affirmative. I stopped at Rebecca’s door and knocked gently. She opened the door almost immediately, her bright, wide eyes filled with annoyance at being disturbed.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m ready mom,” she said, sounding a lot older than her ten years. It looked like ten was the new sixteen.

Sometimes I looked at my life and wondered how I got to where I was. Jake and I had dated for a year and a half before I had gotten pregnant with Quil. After dating for six months, Jake had started pressuring me to have sex but I held off on him, wanting to wait until we were a bit older.  I never really felt right about it. I wasn’t consciously waiting for marriage, but at the same time, I felt like I was waiting for something. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. When it never came, I gave into Jake.

He was as sweet as any sixteen year-old can be when having sex for the first time.  Of course, whenever you mix teenagers and sex in a small town, you are likely to have accidents. It’s not like we had an all night convenience store to go to when we ran out of condoms.  I was actually planning on going on the pill the next month and found out at my appointment that I was pregnant.

Jake never freaked, never said a bad word about the situation. He just told me he loved me over and over again, even when Charlie showed up at his door with a shotgun.  When he asked me to marry him, I was unsure. I didn’t want him to be asking because of the situation but he was very convincing in his affection, and it didn’t take me long to give in. It helped that Charlie hadn’t shot him, which meant he must have liked him all right. The truth was that Charlie and Jake were close before it happened and it didn’t take long for the relationship to repair itself.

“Morning babe,” Jake said, kissing me with his minty fresh breath. I scowled a little.

“Was there something wrong with your toothbrush?”  I asked petulantly.

“Naw, I just grabbed the first one I saw.” He looked at my pouting face and then laughed. “What? It’s not like you haven’t had my tongue in your mouth. What’s the difference?”

I counted to ten in my head and practiced taking deep breaths. Yoga hadn’t just been good for my body, it was good for my temper.  I had a sudden urge to grab his breakfast and lick it but I held myself back, not really wanting to fight.  And definitely not wanting to start a fight with a trick I learned from Rebecca.

“Okay, everyone in the car,” I hollered when I saw the time.

I gave Jake a quick kiss and said, “Goodbye,” before following the kids out of the house.

I dropped Rebecca off at school first, hoping that it wasn’t going to be too early for her. Now that I had to get Quil to school in Forks by eight, I had to drop off her earlier.  I noticed that there were a few people milling around the grounds so I wasn’t too worried about it.

Quil and I sat in comfortable silence as we passed the La Push boundary sign. I never understood why they made it so big. It’s like they wanted to make sure everyone knew exactly where the territory started. I joked often that the sign was nearly bigger than the area it announced.  

I glanced over at my son and I noticed that he looked uneasy. “Are you nervous?” I asked him.

“No, I’m just feeling a little off this morning. I felt fine when I woke up but now, not so much.”

I lifted a hand up and felt his forehead. It was a little warm but not too much that I needed to be worried about. I considered briefly if I should take him home but I knew that he would be upset with that choice.  He was excited to start at his new school and I didn’t want to take that from him.

I pulled up to the familiar school. The memories of when I attended there came rushing back.  Jessica Stanley, and her instant jealousy that turned into an awkward friendship…after she finally won Mike Newton.  Ben and Angela who were easily my best friends throughout high school but then moved away to go to school and never came back. We e-mailed every once in a while but the connection was lost. Students and mothers tend not to have a lot in common, and by the time they started their family, they had friends in the same stages of life as themselves.

“See you later mom,” Quil called, breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Have a good day,” I said as the truck door slammed shut.

As I watched him walk towards the school, I caught a glimpse of a small group of five, three boys and two girls, standing off to the side. It looked like they were trying to lie low, away from the crowd, but that would be nearly impossible. Three of them looked way too old to be attending high school while the other two looked younger but the way they held themselves made it seem like they were much older.  They looked nothing alike and yet all the same, pale skin with dark bruises under their eyes and a grace in their movements that would put dancers to shame. 

“No one looked like that when I went here,” I mumbled and two of them looked over like they had heard me. It was impossible; they were at least fifty yards away.  The blonde girl looked like she wore a scowl on her face, it was too far for me to pick out small details,  and the dark haired girl that looked so small compared to the rest looked excited but then turned quickly away, pulling the arm of another. The group of them walked off without looking back and I drove off feeling strange.

I arrived at the gym early, using the time to read and relax. I loved raising my kids but I really enjoyed my down time. Reading had always been a release for me and it had been put on the back burner for a while.  I held my tattered copy of Wuthering Heights with a gentle hand and sat on the bench in the ladies change room.

The gym wasn’t huge but it was an upgrade to the accommodations they had before. With Forks growing, the city council had decided to build a proper workout facility. Before that, we used a hall that had no changing facilities and only one toilet.  Sally Aniston put together all the programs that were offered to the community and also taught the aerobics classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays.  She was a petite woman with graying blonde hair and too much makeup, but she was sweet and didn’t fuss much with anyone’s classes but her own.

I was lost in my book when I heard the door open.  I looked up and saw Sally enter. I smiled at her and she greeted me.  I threw my things in my locker, closed the door, and clicked the padlock shut. There wasn’t much theft in Forks but I wasn’t about to leave my purse out in the open.

My class consisted of about twenty women of varying ages and sizes. Mrs. Cope, who worked for the high school when I went there, pulled her large frame into yoga pants each week. She had been coming to my class for over a year and the poor thing still couldn’t touch her toes.

I started with a few breathing exercises and then went into sun salutes.  I kept everything fairly simple, only offering moderately hard poses every now and again.  Not many people actually got into shape at my class but I don’t think that was the point for them. Most of them would separate into small cliques when our time was up and go for coffee.  I was never invited; I had another class to teach. I taught two beginners yoga classes, with a thirty-minute break in between, not nearly enough time to go for a visit.  Of course no one in the second class invited me out either.  It was as if the Forks inhabitants stuck together and I was now a resident of La Push.

After my classes were done for the day, I went home. I spent the afternoon tidying up the house and doing my dusting. When I noticed that the back of the television had about an inch, I made a mental note to dust more often.

When the phone rang, I knew who it was instantly. She called once a month and her timing was like clockwork, which surprised me because her life was the anti-plan.

“Hi mom,” I answered.

“Hello baby, how are you?” My mom still called me her baby even though I was in my mid thirties. It would have been endearing if I hadn’t known it was because thinking of me as grown made her feel old.

“Same old,” I replied.

“You sound just like your father,” she half teased, half chided.

Our relationship wasn’t as strong as it used to be, when I was a child. Things had fallen apart for us when I had married Jacob. Getting pregnant and marrying in a small town was my mother’s worst nightmare for me. It didn’t matter that I was happy. She hadn’t been, in my situation, so how could I? She never said a bad word about Jake but her tone was always clipped when she talked of him, like he was my jailor, holding me captive on the beaches of La Push.

She loved Rebecca though. My daughter was everything Renee had always wanted me to be. Free spirited and outgoing. Renee knew how to deal with that, it was familiar. 

“So how is the family?” she inquired like she was asking about a rat infestation. I think it was a good choice for Renee to only have had one child.

“Great, mom.”  I didn’t vent about the toothbrush thing that I was still miffed over. But that thought made me remember that I had forgotten to pick up a new one when I was in town. I would have to do that when I went to pick up Quil. My train of thought ran on before I realized that Renee was still talking.

“…and then he went to the principal and said, ‘I played professional ball…’” I tuned her out again. She was always telling me how Phil was such a big shot. He played two years on a minor league team before going to coach baseball at a local high school. They both thought that he was doing a great servitude by allowing him to coach their little team. It pissed me off, so I regularly tuned it out.

“That’s great,” I said cutting her off, “but I have to get going to pick up Quil from school.”

“Okay honey. Talk to you again soon,” she whined, sounding disappointed. She was a much better actress than me.

“Bye mom,” I replied promptly hanging up the phone.

My day seemed to be filled with small annoyances; the toothbrush, the non-invites, and then the call from my mother.  It was days like those that made me wish that I could just take a book and hide for a few hours or maybe wield a small machete into a crowded place.

 

 


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

QPOV

The school buildings that made up the Forks High School campus were each bigger than the small school in La Push. I attempted to look cool as I stumbled around, trying to find the main office, but I had been cursed with my mother’s sense of balance.  It felt like it had been getting better lately, but then today when I stumbled three times on the way to my first class, I knew it was the product of wishful thinking.

I don’t know what I expected the classrooms to look like. While I knew that they wouldn’t be state of the art, filled with computers or anything like that, I was at the same time disappointed with their general lack of grandness.  I reminded myself it wasn’t the accommodations that I had switched schools for.

I entered my second class and was assigned a seat by the teacher. I sat down next to a boy with blonde hair and glasses. He was kind of goofy looking but he was very friendly.  He stared at me for a moment before speaking.

“Hi, I’m Sheldon Newton,” he said.

“Quil, Quil Black,” I answered.

“How come you’re just starting now? Did you just move here?” He took a look at me but seemed confused. It was obvious that I came from the rez, my Quileute features giving me away.

“Naw, I just transferred.”

“Cool, well if you want to join me and my friends for lunch, that’s…cool.” I bit back the laugh at his use of the word cool twice in one sentence.

“Sure, sure,” I replied. “Thanks.”

The first time I saw the Cullens, I was seated in the cafeteria.  I had joined Sheldon and his friends at his table. I learned that his uncle had gone to school with my mom. I thought it was weird that he would know that, but he said that his uncle always talked about my mom like she was the one that got away. I was convinced that he must have been mistaken, I was pretty sure I had never heard her mention the name Mike Newton in my life. 

They entered the cafeteria confident and yet not arrogant. Each of them exuded a carefulness in their movements that made me wonder if they had complete control over everything their bodies did. The blonde girl was the first to pass my gaze, but it was the short, dark-haired one that caught my attention. Her large eyes and pointy face reminded me of an ethereal creature from the Lord of the Rings or something.  She was stunning.

“That’s Rosalie,” Sheldon said, looking at the blonde and possibly drooling a bit.

“Uhm, who are the others?” I asked, not wanting him to know which one I was focused on.

“The big-ass one is Emmett, he is dating Rosalie. The blonde guy is Jasper and he is totally banging Alice, who is the brunette,” I flinched at his comment and I couldn’t help but think Jasper did too, even thought he was too far away to hear Sheldon, “and the tall, freaky one is Edward. But get this; they are all adopted by the same family.” He raised his eyebrows at me and I shrugged. “Come on Black, it’s like a house of sex!” He then started singing some sort of porn-type music while making lewd gestures. I really should have held out for better friends.

I glanced over to the table and noticed that they were having what looked like a frantic conversation. Alice, the petite beauty, looked the most upset and I couldn’t help but wonder what the matter was. Maybe she was breaking up with her boyfriend. Unlikely, I know, seeing as how they were all involved in the conversation, but a guy could hope.

My luck changed when I went to my next class. The only seat left in biology was right next to Alice Cullen.  I suddenly wished that I took after my dad more. He would have had no problem putting on a cock-sure smile and saying hello. As it was, I just hoped that I was able to make it to my seat without falling.

I sat down next to the slight girl, causing her to look up at me from her books. Her eyes didn’t register any shock over having a new lab partner but there was something in them that put me on edge immediately, like she was studying me…or hunting me. She was hot, and maybe the smallest girl I’d seen in my life, but something in me was telling me to stay clear.

By the end of the class, I was sick, my body felt like it was being stretched out. I contributed it to growing pains, even though this felt a lot more intense than the ones I had experienced a month ago.

When the bell rang, I dragged myself out of my seat.  I was thankful that we worked alone during the class because I was sure I wouldn’t have made a good impression with the way I was feeling.  My body complained as I made my way to my next class. I hoped the feeling would go away if I ‘walked it off’ but it stayed with me for the rest of the day.

I waited on the curb and was never so happy to see my mom in my life. I yanked the door open and jumped in the truck, not without great effort.  I pulled the door shut, willing myself not to wince with the pain that the simple act caused.

“Hey honey, how was your first day?” mom asked.

“Okay,” I replied, my voice sounding labored.

“Are you still not feeling well?” She put her hand on my forehead and frowned.

“Yeah, no, I think I’m growing again,” I said, rolling my neck side to side to release the tension built up in it.

“Well, have a warm bath tonight and get a good night’s sleep. “

That was exactly what I was planning on doing.

The alarm clock beeped at me and I was less happy to see it as I was the day before.  I didn’t sleep well, my body aching had kept me up almost the entire night. I rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans. I looked down to realize that they were short. I had worn them the day before and they had been long. Surely I couldn’t have grown that much over night. I pulled on my favorite t-shirt only to realize that a sliver of my skin was showing where it didn’t quite reach my pants.

“Aw, come _on!_ ” I said incredulously.

I strode into the bathroom and could tell immediately that I was taller. The vanity seemed lower, and as I scanned my reflection, I noticed there was more to my appearance change than just my height. My once stringy arms had become firm. It’s not like I woke up looking like an action hero but there was definitely tone-age that wasn’t there yesterday. I propped my leg on the counter and pulled up the bottom of my jeans. I inspected the indentation; my calf was unmistakably more defined.

 “What the hell?”

Lastly, I pulled up my t-shirt, taking in my abs. The ‘just worked out’ feeling that I’d had the day before suddenly made sense because in front of me was the beginning of a six pack. I had never done a sit up in my life and I was pretty sure you had to do some to get one.  What the hell was in that cafeteria food?

A little worried about how my parents would react; I snuck myself into their room and grabbed some of my dad’s clothes. They fit perfectly which meant I was standing at five feet ten inches when I was pretty sure that yesterday I was five foot seven…almost.

I slouched my body down before walking into the kitchen. I had grabbed a fairly non-descript t-shirt and jeans from dad’s closet so I was hoping they didn’t notice. The last thing I needed was for them to think I was on some sort of steroids or something.

“How are you feeling this morning?” mom asked as she grabbed a carton of milk out of the fridge.

“Better,” I said, somewhat lying. While I was tired from the lack of sleep, my body had seemed to settle for now.

“Good. Can you grab your sister, we need to leave in five,” she said, throwing her dish in the sink.

“Sure, sure,” I replied, grabbing a pop tart and heading off to find Rebecca. Neither of them had really even looked at me.

I knew I was going to need to tell my parents that I needed some new clothes, and soon, but I hoped I had enough time to figure out what was going on with my body first. They never covered random muscle growth in health class.

I called out to Rebecca to be in the car in five minutes and then headed outside. I wanted to see if these new definitions were just for show. One of the blessings of living in an older house is being surrounded by mature trees. A large tree in our front yard stared at me. It’s thick branch hanging about six feet off the ground. I jumped up and grabbed it. Slowly, I made the effort to pull myself up. It worked. I had never done a chin up in my life and I was kind of feeling like I could do a bunch more.

I let go of the branch when I heard the front door slam. I expected to fall on my ass when I hit the ground but instead I landed firmly on my feet in a move more graceful than I could have expected.

It seemed there were a lot of differences from yesterday.

 


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 

BPOV

 

Over the next couple of weeks it was hard not to notice my son sprouting up right before my eyes. In just a small amount of time he had surpassed Jake’s height and was well above six feet. Like any concerned mother, I did internet research. Apparently the average teenage boy would grow eleven inches in the course of their puberty. Said puberty takes anywhere from two to four and a half years. So why had Quil grown eight inches in two weeks? My findings were inconclusive so I decided that the best course of action was to take Quil to the doctor.

 

Jake seemed to be just as worried as I was. Quil had been in a fair amount of pain over his accelerated growth. He usually didn’t say much about it but I could see him stretching his body out, working the kinks. The thing was, it wasn’t just height he had been building; his muscles seemed to be developing as well. I knew my son well enough to know that he spent most of his time reading and not pumping iron. If there was such a gene that could get you into shape without exercising he sure didn’t get it from me. 

 

I made an appointment with the family physician in La Push. We had been there a few times when Quil was younger but once Rebecca was born we had taken to bringing them to Forks mostly. Unfortunately, our regular doctor was on vacation so I had to resort to Dr. Hobson. The man must have been a hundred years old and I was pretty sure he still used leeches in his practice but I hoped that he would be able to at least identify what might be wrong with Quil.  

 

“Mom, I’m okay really. I don’t need to miss school for this,” Quil whined.  I was pretty sure that his new physique had garnered some attention from the girls at school because we had been having a lot of hang ups lately.

 

“Quil, we have already talked about this. I just want you to see the doctor. If he says that everything is normal then I’ll drop it.”

 

“Whatever.” He rolled his eyes and I wished for the days when he was my sweet boy and not this ball of developing testosterone.

 

The small office smelled of formaldehyde and dust.  The waiting area was brighter than I expected from the state of the outside. The magazines on the stand in the corner had seen more action than they should have. One appeared to have a green mucus-like substance on it.  The chairs were the same ones I remembered from the last time we had come. Old looking, with hideous fabric and had possibly been thrown up in a few times. At least I hoped that was puke, I didn’t want to consider the other option.  I checked us in at the reception desk but decided to stand.  Quil made a move to sit down but I grabbed his arm and shook my head. The last thing we need was for him to come in about growth spurts and leave with a growth.

 

I learned that a half hour is a long time to stand but luckily the elderly woman working the front desk called us in. “Dr. Hobson will see you now.” Quil knew better than to try and stop me from following.

 

“How are you doing today, Quil?” the doctor asked pulling his clipboard out of the slot on the door.

 

“Fine,” Quil said curtly. I glared at him; he had better manners than that. I knew, I raised him.

 

“So what seems to be the matter?” he inquired, shuffling over to the examination table that Quil had perched himself on.  He seemed rather uninterested in us as he kept his eyes on his chart.

 

“I’ve just have a big growth spurt…”

 

“He has grown eight inches in two weeks,” I finished.

 

“Eight inches?” The doctor said shocked. He looked up and I nodded.

 

“And are there any other symptoms?” He was most definitely interested in us now.

 

“Well, I’ve never done any sit-ups,” Quil said lifting his shirt to show off a six pack.

 

“Oh my,” Dr. Hobson replied gawking at my son.  He looked back down to his clipboard and scribbled something furiously.

 

“So do you know what’s wrong? What would cause that? It’s not like some kind of exotic exercising tape worm is it?” I asked.

 

“Mom!” Quil said, clearly embarrassed by me.

 

“No, nothing like that,” he reassured, still writing. “I don’t think there is anything to worry about. Sometimes these types of things happen.”

 

“That’s it?” I asked incredulously. He didn’t seem to think it was nothing to worry about. That was a lot of writing over nothing.

 

“Afraid so,” he replied, closing the file and attaching it back to the clipboard. His tone made it clear that this conversation was over.

 

I huffed, feeling like maybe I should have taken Quil into Forks to see a doctor, there had to have been another option.  The doctor left the room and Quil hopped down from the table.

 

“Are you happy now?” he asked smugly.

 

“Don’t be rude,” I replied and he had the good sense to looked bashful.  His attitude had taken a bit of a turn with the growth spurts. It was something I expected, how can you have a teenage boy without at least one rebellion?

 

I opened the door and Quil walked out. I could hear the doctor talking in the hall on his cell phone. It wouldn’t have normally caught my attention but his voice sounded hurried, or maybe panicked.

 

“It’s happening. You need to get a hold of the council…..Yes I’m sure, I….” He looked up and seen me looking at him. The doctor cleared his throat and stepped into an adjacent room and closed the door. I turned and followed Quil out.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------- 

I had all but put the doctor’s words out of my head. I convinced myself that there was no way that he had been talking about Quil. I mean what on earth could the Council have to do with Quil’s growth spurt, nothing. So why did I have the feeling that I wasn’t being a mother with an overactive imagination?

 

“Hi honey,” he said kissing my cheek. His face was hot and dirty but the affection felt nice.

 

“Hi.” I answered. “So, I took Quil to the doctors today.”

 

“Mmhmm,” he said kissing my neck. It had been too long since I’d had this kind of attention from him and it was very distracting. I couldn’t figure him out, this morning he was as concerned for Quil as I was and now he was acting like he didn’t care.

 

“The doctor said everything is fine.” His hands grabbed my hips.

 

“Good,” he replied running his nose down my neck. “Where are the kids?”

 

“Uhm, Quil went over to John’s and….ahhhh…Rebecca’s at Gail’s.” His hands assaulted me in all of the good ways.

 

I didn’t care that he was smelly and sweaty; I was going to take what I could get. I spun around in his arms and thrust my hips into his. He pulled back briefly before bending down and throwing me over his shoulder. He laughed as he carried me to our room.

 

As my body hit the bed, I bounced, causing Jake to grin. I thought briefly of asking where this feistiness came from but I didn’t want to break the spell. He pulled his shirt over his head, proudly displaying his chest. His pants came off quickly and I decided to do the same. I lay naked on the bed waiting for him.  He climbed up on top of me and pushed his way in. No foreplay, but I was horny enough that I barely cared. This was the first time in sixteen days that I’d had anything but silicone thrusting inside of me and I was going to enjoy every minute of it. 

 

Jake’s grunting quickly became erratic so I reached between us and played with myself, attempting to finish before he did. Unfortunately about two circles in, he shook and spilled into me. He rolled off and immediately out of bed.

 

“I love you Bells,” he said before heading into the shower.

 

I lifted my head and watched him walk away. When he closed the door it dropped back on the bed. My body had been built up but not released. Whimpering to myself I reached over and opened my side table drawer, pulled out my trusty Rabbit and got to work.

 

I jumped into the shower once Jake was done. I had built up a sweat of my own, too bad it was after he had left. The warm water felt good on my skin and I noticed that it turned dark as it ran off me. Jake’s grime grossed me out now that I was satisfied. I groaned internally at the fact that didn’t even think of having a shower before he attacked me.

 

The smell of pizza hit me as I walked into the room.  I hadn’t even noticed that Jake had brought one home.  I opened the box and grabbed a slice. Hearing Jake’s voice in the other room I went to see what he was saying. It was only when I stood in the doorway that I realized that he wasn’t talking to me but he was on his phone.

 

He paced back and forth but his energy was more excited than worried. He seemed quite pleased with himself and I was pretty sure that it was about  something other than the quickie we just had.

 

“As you said earlier, you’re sure?...... Why now, after all this time?..... You gotta admit, it’s kind of cool….Okay, we’ll talk later, I’ll bring him over….bye.” He turned and jumped slightly when he saw me standing there.

 

“Who was that?” I asked.

 

“Just dad,” he replied. I chose to believe him, after all what else could I do?

 

\------------------------------------------------ 

 

Quil came home that night and was grumpy, again. When I tried to ask him about it he blew me off and stormed up to his room. I sat flustered, wondering what to do. This was not something I knew how to deal with. When I was a teenager I kept to myself mostly. I certainly never back-talked to Charlie, maybe I needed to get myself a gun.

 

“He’s not acting like himself,” I said.

 

“He’s a teenager, Bells. He has more responsibility at the new school, maybe it’s stressing him,” Jake suggested.

 

“I think it’s more than that.  With the growth spurts and the muscles exploding all over his body and now this new attitude, I think something is up. Maybe I should take him in to see a specialist.”

 

“No!” Jake said adamantly before softening his voice, “The last thing a kid needs is to be smothered while he is trying to figure himself out. Just let me monitor it, okay. He might be more receptive if it comes from his dad. Besides, I’m sure everything will work out fine.”

 

It was an unspoken rule in our house that I handled Quil and Jake handled Rebecca. Our personalities were just better suited for it. The strangeness of Jake’s request made me more suspicious that something was going on and maybe I was the only one out of the loop.

 

I really wanted in that friggen loop.

 

 


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

QPOV

The day started out with me sleeping through my alarm clock. Before I even rolled out of bed, I could tell that I had grown again. With my head touching the headboard, I was sure that my feet had not been hanging off the bed last night, and yet here they were, dangling like a booger in a kid’s nose.   
  
I stretched; my fingers grazed the ceiling and put me in a foul mood. While the girls at school had taken notice that I had passed six feet, I knew they were going to start running from me if I reached seven. I shed my boxers and pulled on a clean pair. I then grabbed my sweat pants – the only thing that still fit in the length – and pulled them on. My sock drawer was empty so I took the cleanest looking pair off the floor, giving them a quick sniff. They passed my elaborate detection system and then soon adorned my feet. I grabbed one of the new t-shirts that my mom had gotten me and pulled it over my head. My muscles strained the fabric, and I briefly thought that I looked like one of those dudes on the covers of romance novels. Not that I read them myself, but as an avid reader, I had most definitely seen them in passing.    
  
“Quil?” My dad’s head popped into the room as he spoke.  His normal cock-sure attitude seemed to be clouded with something else. When the door swung open a bit more, I could see him standing in a wobbly stance.   
  
“Yeah?” I asked, my limbs immediately mimicking his body language.  
  
“Hey, I want to have a talk with you tonight. There are some things about our family that I need you to know.”   
  
“Well that’s very ominous sounding,” I said smirking. By the look on my dad’s face, he had no idea what the word meant.   
  
“Its tribal council stuff, nothing to worry about, just ah…don’t tell your mom, okay?”  
  
I knew what it was about, instantly. My Grandpa Billy had sat as head of the council until a couple years back when it was handed over to my dad. They all had high hopes that I would lead when dad wanted to step down but I had bigger aspirations. I had no time in my life for small town politics and college.   
  
“Yeah, okay,” I conceded, knowing at least I had the day to figure out a way to break it to him gently that there was no way I was ever going to be the tribal leader.   
  
With a nod of satisfaction, he left the room. I looked at the clock and quickly grabbed my things. With a Listerine strip in my mouth and a few runs of my hand through my hair, I followed my mom out to her car.  I was glad I kept my hair short; I liked how it felt like soft fur.   
  
We arrived just as the bell rang. I ran across the parking lot from my mom’s car towards the door. The rain had started just a few moments before arriving and it was now coming down in buckets. By the time I reached the main entrance, I was soaked.  You would think after living in this area my whole life, I would have an umbrella on me at all times.  
  
“Just great,” I mumbled to myself as I scurried to my locker.   
  
It took me three tries to get the combination to work. I peeled off my wet jacket and threw it in. It was then I noticed that it was dripping over the notebook that sat in the bottom of my locker. I rescued the damp workbook and pulled out my textbook. Wiping it with the sleeve of my wet shirt seemed to do little good so I just headed to class.   
  
By the time the first class had finished, I was shivering, my damp clothes causing my body to shake.  When the second class was over, the cold had been replaced with a fever. I considered calling Grandpa Charlie to pick me up, but after all of the overreacting from my mom, I decided to tough it out.   
  
I made it to lunch, barely. My body was sweating and my head pounding. I grabbed some soup from the cafeteria and hid in the corner to eat it. I just wanted to be alone and wallow in my ill health.   
  
“Hey man, what’s up? Why are you sitting over here?” he asked and I felt my anger boil. I wanted some time alone, why else would I have been sitting away from my regular table.   
  
“Because I want to. You got a problem with that, Newton?” I asked standing up and towering over him. I don’t know why I reacted so strongly. Sheldon had been annoying lately but not enough to warrant my attack.   
  
“Okay, okay,” he said backing away with his hands in the air.  My body nearly crumbled beneath me after he left, each muscle felt a slow burn building.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------   
  
When I sat down in biology class, Alice was already seated. I internally cursed myself for not going home; she would never be attracted to me after seeing me as a sweaty ball of sick. When I looked over at her, she had her nose wrinkled in disgust…yup, just screwed the pooch on that one.   
  
Her eyes met mine briefly before they grew large. She looked almost scared for a moment; it was a look that was rare on her face. None of the Cullen’s ever looked anything but composed, well except for Jasper; I had no idea what was that guy’s problem.  She grabbed her books and darted up to the front of the class. In a quiet but alarmed sounding voice she explained something to the teacher and then left. Maybe she was a hypochondriac and was scared to sit next to the noticeably sick boy.   
  
I laid my head down on the desk, the action causing my heartbeat to pound in my ear. It was a lot faster than I expected it to be. The sound was so loud and fierce it was almost a separate entity. My body shook with the fever and I cursed myself for not bringing an umbrella. My clothes had dried but they felt crusty, caused no doubt by the water combining with my sweat.  
  
When the bell finally rang, I was done. I shuffled my feet towards my locker, grabbing my things and heading towards the office to call my mom.  A sharp pain running through my body brought me to me knees. A gurgled whimper came out of me that sounded almost other worldly.   
  
“Quil?” a familiar voice called out to me. I felt sturdy hands help pick my body up from the floor.   
  
“Dad? What are you doing here?” I asked my voice cracking.   
  
“One of the Cullen kids called and said you were sick,” he said shortly.  My body in too much pain to inquire, I followed my dad from the building.   
  
“Oh kid, you’ve got some timing,” he chuckled and I sort of wanted to hit him.   
  
My eyes closed the moment I sat down in the truck. I vaguely remembered my dad mumbling about waiting until we get home and how he couldn't afford a new truck, but his ramblings didn’t make any sense to me. The world around me seemed foggy and my body screamed for release. I don't remember much after that until we got home. Or at least that was where I assumed I was just after the truck pulled to a stop. When I looked around, it took me a minute to focus. The building looked foreign to me at first; it was only after I took a long look that I remembered it as an old tribal council building. I had assumed it was abandoned as it was quite a trek from the town site but there was a new coat of paint on the door and the windows that had been boarded up were now open.   
  
"Dad, why are we here? I feel rotten; I just want to go home."  
  
"Sorry, son there is just too much damage you could do there." His cryptic words were kind of pissing me off.  When my anger spiked, so did the pain. I shuddered and dropped down on my knees again. "Easy there, Quil."  
  
"Bring him inside," an elderly voice said through my haze.   
  
My dad helped me up once again and led me to the door. When we were inside, I noticed that they had lined the floor with several blankets. They almost looked inviting. Dad laid me down, and confused and pained, I allowed him to.   
  
"Quil, how are you feeling?" _That_ voice was more familiar to me.   
  
"Grandpa Billy?" I asked unable to lift my head. I groaned at the contractions in my body, each one worse than the last.   
  
"Maybe we should just start explaining, before he transforms and it’s too late," the first elderly voice said.   
  
"Quil," Grandpa Billy started and I noticed that they were all standing quite far away from me. I guess they were worried I was contagious. "Through your lineage, you have been chosen. You are a protector, and although your kind has been dormant for two generations, I believe there is a reason that the gene has returned. I did some research and it makes sense, you started growing shortly after they moved back to town..."  
  
His voice grated at me; I was in so much pain and he was taking the long way to the point. Suddenly, my bones shattered, tearing through my skin. I stood there panting, though it was not out of pain anymore, but out of thirst.  I growled, feeling out what was a new set of lungs. The sound shocked me, it was feral, it was animalistic, it was the new me. 

 _What the hell had just happened?_  
  
"Careful, stay back," dad said.  
  
"Don't worry; he will get his composure in a moment."  
  
I looked up and my eyes focused in on the room. My eyesight was so much clearer than it had been before, my sense of smell too. The sweat forming on my father's brow tasted salty in my mouth and yet I stood several feet from him.   
  
"Don't panic," said the elderly man. That has got to be the stupidest sentence in the English language. The only thing you feel like doing after you hear it is panic. I held myself together though and swung my head around. Grandpa Billy coughed and I realized that I had heard it come up his lungs.

 _Seriously, what the hell was going on?_  
  
I looked down and noticed the paws below me. My head snapped up and my eyes were filled with fear.   
  
"Quil, you are a werewolf."  
  
"Dad, do you really think you should just spit that out when he is in that....uhm...like he is?" dad replied.   
  
I felt out the word in my head.

Werewolf?

How could I be, and yet...it felt right. A sense of power ran through me. I was no longer this geeky kid; they had called me a protector. And yet, I wondered of what? What needed protecting so badly that I would have to turn into a monster to protect it? Or maybe I should wonder what it needed protection from.   
  
"Hush, Jake," Grandpa snapped. "I know things are strange for you right now Quil, but once you calm down, you will be able to transform back and we can explain better. What you need to know is that there are things out there that are beyond our imaginations or control. You are the first of your generation but I doubt you will be the last."  
  
There would be more like me? And how was I supposed to change back. I felt calm enough but part of me was itching. I wanted...no, needed, to run. I looked towards the doorway.   
  
"Quil, no," I heard my dad's voice say but it was too late. I bounded out the door and headed into the woods. The feel of the wind through my fur was euphoric. I leapt and charged, and discovered that wolves couldn't climb trees. From my perspective, I could tell that I was at least as big as a horse. No wonder my bones had all felt like they were breaking.  I would have preferred to have been a bit more like Wolverine than Lassie, but the realization of finding out who I was and what I was meant to be made me complete, so I couldn't really complain.  
  
The sun set, and although I was aware of it, my eyes adjusted without pause. However, I was starting to feel mildly guilty for taking off without an explanation, but it wasn't like I could have said anything anyway. My new mouth and tongue made it impossible to communicate. I had tried to speak once I had gotten into the woods, and the most I could muster was a howl that sounded like ‘you.’  
  
I kept clear of the main roads on my way back to my house. Just because there were a few people that knew about this possibility didn't mean I was going to take any chances being seen. It wasn't until I was almost home that I realized that I had tracked my way there using my sense of smell. I didn't know whether to be proud or grossed out.  I stood in the woods looking at my house. I was seeing it with new eyes. I breathed in and out slowly, willing myself to change back. It was easier than I expected it to be, and when I stood there in my human form, I felt different. Not the same that I was before. Something bigger than me had control and I was just here to see it through.   
  
Naked but still warm, I jogged up the path and into the house. Both of my parents were sitting on the couch waiting for me. My mom had her head down, she looked upset but I couldn't tell if she had been crying. My dad's arm was around her shoulders but she seemed detached from him. She looked up slowly and diverted her eyes once she saw my nakedness.   
  
"Uh...I'll be right back," I said, going off to change for a long conversation.

 


	8. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in approximately the same time block as the last chapter.

Chapter 7

 

**BPOV**

Jake surprised me by walking through the door shortly after three. I was just getting ready to go pick up the kids at school. I pushed my arms through the sleeves of my jacket.

“Why are you home so soon?” I inquired, digging my keys out of my purse. 

It was then that I took a good look at him. He looked scared, and really guilty. My motherly instincts kicked into high gear and I immediately thought something had happened to the kids.

“What’s wrong?” Even as the words came out, I felt a lump in the pit of my stomach. Jake’s eyes flickered up to mine before glancing away again.  “Jake?”

“I can’t tell you,” he said quietly.

“Excuse me?” I said harshly. His body slumped at the shoulders and he kept his eyes from mine.

“I really want to Bella, it’s just – I’m not allowed to.”

Anger flooded my system but I didn’t have time to fight. I had to get the kids. Hastily, I buttoned up the front of my jacket, only to notice I missed one. I huffed and glared at it.  I raised my glare up to my husband, where it was warranted.

“There are no secrets in marriage, Jacob. You better think about that while I go pick up the kids.”

He hung his head even lower, and just as I reached the door, he grabbed my arm. “Don’t worry about picking up Quil. He’ll be home later.” His voice was rough and the last part sounded almost like a question.

“Is he okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” he answered noncommittally. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to ease me into going. 

I spun around and headed out the door. I stumbled slightly on the steps leading off the porch. My anger rose at my clumsiness.  The gravel of the driveway crunched under my feet as I walked to the car. I tore open the door and slammed it shut behind me. 

I sped off down the road, furious. Jake had always been my best friend. We told each other everything; at least I thought we had. The look on his face of pure guilt made me angry. It was like he wanted to tell me but couldn’t trust me. It took me about two minutes before the anger turned into hurt. I had always given him my total trust and thought that I received his in return.  I could see from his face that whatever it was, it was big. That spark that you read about in romance novels was never there for us but what we had was a beautiful companionship built out of honesty and trust. If he shattered that, what would we have left?

I never really missed having the butterflies and the breathless moments. What Jake and I had was more real than that. Those things fade but a true friendship lasts forever.  But what was there to fall back on if the friendship was breeched?

I pulled into the school parking lot and waited for the bell. Rebecca was usually one of the first out the door as she knew that we had to drive into Forks to pick up Quil after.

So where was Quil? I couldn’t figure out why would he have called Jake saying that he would be home later? The thought of Jake’s guilty secret having something to do with my son brought angry tears to my eyes. What were they keeping from me? I was sure it was more than just a couple Playboys under the mattress. I reached up with my hand and brushed away two that had started to fall. I took some deep breaths and stared up at the ceiling in the car.

When I heard the shrill sound of the bell, I looked up. I put on my smiling mother face and waited for Rebecca to come out. Sure enough, she was the first one out the door. She spotted me immediately and rushed over, jumping in the car.

“Hey honey, how was your day?” I asked.

“Good. Erica and Julia told Heather that they were going to meet her at lunch at our secret spot but when Heather got there, Rob was waiting for her. Deb said she was so embarrassed that she…” I tuned my daughter out. The thought of ten year olds having romance problems was not good for my already high stress level.  When we rounded into our driveway, Rebecca took a second to breathe. “Uhm, aren’t we going for Quil?”

“Nope, he’ll be back later,” I said, repeating Jake’s words through my teeth.

We entered the house to find Jake sitting on the couch. He sat up straight when he heard us.

“Daddy!” Rebecca cried and jumped into his lap.  He was the only thing in her world that still made her act like a little girl. Other times she would try to act all grown up, but at home with Jake, she was always daddy’s little girl.

“Hey princess, how was your day?” His smile was enough to fool her but I could see the worry behind it.

“Good.” Sure, he got the short version.

“Why don’t you go get started on your homework and maybe we can watch a movie or something later, okay?” he asked.

“Okay,” she replied, dragging out the two syllables.

Jake and I kept our eyes locked on each other as she left the room. Seconds ticked by as I refused to back down. A simple eyebrow arch did him in.

“I’m sorry,” he started. “There are just some things that aren’t for me to tell.”

“I see,” I said. My eyes fell to the ground as I tried to stop the tears.

Jake could never stand the sight of me crying and I usually hid it so that he wouldn’t feel guilty.  This, however, was not one of those times. I forced my eyes to look back up at him, the glistening orbs begging to be let in. It scared me how one secret could shatter my constitution, but I could just feel it in my gut that this was major. This could change everything.

His eyes softened as he stared at me. “Come here,” he whispered. I went to him and he pulled me into his arms. I allowed myself his comfort only because I knew he would let me in. He had to. He kissed me on the head before speaking. “I never could deny you anything. Sit down, this may take a while.”

Jake’s long, dark hair was pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck but it didn’t stop him from fisting his hands in it. He began with a story. In it, an ancient warrior had transformed into an animal, a wolf, in order to protect his tribe. It was told with stunning imagery and precise detail, the problem was I couldn’t be bothered with stories. I wanted to know what the heck was going on.

“So the gene has been passed down from generation to generation. But with no one transforming in the last two generations, we figured it died out.”

“Wait, what?” I asked. The change in topic happened too quickly for me to follow. “What do you mean? What gene?”

“Bella, I am a descendant of that first warrior chief.  And so is Quil.”

 “Well if I went back far enough, I would probably be related to royalty somewhere along the line too. What is your point?” There were lots of stories out there that had been exaggerated but stemmed from real people.

“The gene, the wolf gene….it’s been activated.” Jake looked at me with deadly serious eyes. I couldn’t help it, I laughed.

“Can you show me? Do it, turn into a wolf. You know I like it when you are an animal.” The words came spurting out in between annoyed laughter.  When he didn’t join me, I sputtered out, “You’re not kidding.”

“No Bella. I’m too old for the gene to activate but Quil isn’t. He made his first transformation today.”

“But….you’re not kidding, are you?” My voice shook.

“No, I’m not.”

“Well where is he?” My hands sat wringing in my lap. I could feel the panic rising in my body as all I could think of was my baby boy alone somewhere.

“Uhm, he kind of took off.”

“What do you mean he took off?” I practically yelled.

Jake stood up and started pacing in front of me. He explained then about what happened, him picking Quil up from school and meeting with Billy and the tribal leader. They had barely told him anything by the time he had transformed and then he explained to me about how Quil had run off.

“How could you not tell me about this before? Didn’t you think this might be something you tell a woman before she started having your offspring?” I was angry. If you came from a long line of genetic diseases, you would tell your spouse. Was this any different?

I put my head down and cradled it in my hands. The tears were falling now. I didn’t know how much of this to believe but I knew Jake wasn’t lying. I just knew it. So I had to believe it all. Somewhere out there was my son, disguised as a giant wolf. I said a brief prayer, hoping it wasn’t hunting season. I felt the couch sink as Jake sat back down. He put his arm around me as I sobbed, but his attention just aggravated me. This was not some simple lie he had told.

I heard the door open and looked up. Quil was standing there naked so I quickly looked down.

"Uh...I'll be right back," he said before jogging up the stairs.

A few moments of heated silence ensued before being broken by Quil coming back into the room.  He looked between Jake and me. I tried to see if there was any fear or hurt in his face but he seemed really relaxed.

“Sit down son, there’s a lot we have to talk about,” Jake said, motioning to the large, lazy boy chair. He sat down and then looked up sheepishly.

“Sorry I took off earlier. I just, I didn’t know how long it was going to last and I just needed to try it out.” Jake nodded at Quil’s apology but left it at that.

“Are you okay?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

“I’m fine mom; it’s just a little surreal at this point. I can’t believe you guys never told me about this.”

“I didn’t know,” I replied, my voice unable to hide the hurt I felt.  Quil looked genuinely surprised at this confession and gave Jake a rather harsh look. I was glad to see that he didn’t approve of me being left out of the loop as well.

“I’m sorry…to both of you, for not telling you earlier, we just never thought that it would happen.” This excuse didn’t placate me the second time either. “Dad thinks that he has figured out the reason. You see, you’re great Grandpa was like you. He transformed along with a few others. One day, when they were out patrolling, they came across a group that was hunting. Immediately they knew them as the natural enemy of the wolves.

“The leader of the enemies convinced the wolves that they were different from others of their kind, that they would not hurt humans. A treaty was created, allowing the enemy coven to live nearby as long as they did not hurt humans or cross into our land.”

“Coven, what…like witches?” Quil asked.

My brain couldn’t even process questions. The whole thing still felt like a dream to me. It felt like I was watching the conversation but not a participant.

Jake laughed at Quil’s question and I shot him a glare. There was nothing funny about this situation. He didn’t meet my eye; his face was focused on his son.

“No, not witches. But you see their presence is what may have caused the transformations. The gene activated when it felt the area was in danger.”

“So are we in danger now? Is that why this has happened?” Quil’s expression was hard to read. He looked so grown up, like a man.

“We don’t believe we are in danger, yet. The coven, they have returned.”

“I think I can handle a bunch of ninety year olds,” Quil chuckled.

“They may be old in years but not physically. They are unchanging.”

“What are they?” We both sat forward on our seats, waiting for the answer.

“Vampires.”

 I gasped. They both looked at me like they were just remembering that I was in the room.

“So what am I supposed to do?” Quil asked, suddenly looking like a little boy again.

“You are designed to kill them,” Jake said softly.

The tears started falling again. My son was meant to kill vampires. I had never read many stories on them, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t an easy thing to do.  Or a very safe one.

“Cool,” Quil said, his expression filled with awe, “but not these ones that are part of the treaty.”

“No, you are to leave them alone unless provoked.”

“Who are they?”

“The family is called the Cullens.” It was Quil’s turn to gasp. His body started shaking as he repeated the word “no” over and over again.

“Bella get out of here,” Jake cried. My instincts left me and I stood there frozen.  “Quil, out of the house!”

Quil shot up and ran out the front door, a large popping noise echoed through the air just before the blackness overtook me.

 


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

QPOV

I found out pretty quickly that the wolf thing wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Apparently, I was now as moody as a woman on the worst rag of her life, and every grumpy moment quickly turned into a full blown rage. And each rage had me shredding through my clothes and running for cover.

I hadn’t been allowed to go back to school. My dad had said that I was too volatile. It pissed me off to know that he was right. After a week of my crazy, fur-inducing mood swings, I hoped that things would go back to normal.  But they didn’t.

“I want to go back to school,” I said forcefully. I had already missed so much and I didn’t want to fall anymore behind.

“It’s too soon. And there is no way you can go back to Forks, that is where they are,” dad replied.

“But I can control myself. I’m ready,” I whined.

“The answer is no,” he stated firmly.

It was a good thing that we were having this conversation on the porch because I could feel my anger start to rise. I jumped off the porch in just enough time before the shudder ripped through me and my body gave way to another. Damn it, I had just proven him right.

Whining for real, I headed out into the forest. There was nothing like a good run to blow off steam. Also, I didn’t want to be around when dad had to explain to mom that I wrecked another pair of clothes. It wasn’t the clothes that were so bad though, it was the shoes. There were no more brand name shoes in my foreseeable future.

Days turned to weeks and I learned to control myself better. I practiced not only stopping myself but initializing the transformation on my own terms.  I spent more time naked than I had my entire life. It was a good thing I was now naturally buff, if I had to have stared at my old body for hours on end, I would’ve become very self conscious.

When I broached the subject of school again with my father, I was no less angry of the results, only this time, I was able to keep my form.

“I’m sorry son, but you have just missed too much. Maybe it’s best if you put this on hold for a while. You aren’t getting any older, physically that is, so you might as well enjoy your time off.”

He didn’t get it. I didn’t want time off. I enjoyed school; I was looking forward to getting out of La Push in a few years and going off to college. I didn’t want to put anything on hold.

“But what about college, won’t they see the absence as a bad thing?” I asked.

“Quil, you are needed here. You are chosen to protect your people. That is your job.”

 “What, like forever?”

“No, not forever, but for a while. Maybe you can do some correspondence stuff.” His voice was quiet but I knew what it meant. I was trapped. La Push was now officially my prison.

I felt the tremors start. I willed them down. I had gone so long without a forced change that I didn’t want it to end now. I was trapped but I did still have some say, didn’t I? The animal in me wasn’t all of who I was. I controlled it, not the other way around. I was the hunter, it was merely my weapon.

“I’m going out,” I said through my teeth. I heard my father’s sigh as the door closed behind me.

I tucked my clothes at the edge of the bushes by my house. I kept a rainproof sack there so that they would always be dry when I returned. I was determined not to have my mom see me naked again. Once was awkward enough.

I felt the power surge through me and I took off in a jog. I leapt over a large, fallen tree, human legs lifting off the ground and four paws landing on the other side.  The winter snow had come a few days earlier and the blanket of white gave everything a clean look.

I had tried to avoid a certain train of thought but it suddenly came at me…hard. This was their fault; the Cullen’s.  Each of their faces rammed through my mind, all except for Alice’s. While I knew it was just a silly crush, I wasn’t ready to have her as my mortal enemy quite yet.  I vaguely wondered if I would have a desire to kill her next time I saw her. Did the treaty have some sort of mystical effect that made me tolerant of the local ‘good’ vampires? Part of me hoped so.

My dreams, my future, were all on hold indefinitely while I played the monster next door to the people of La Push. I was like Robin Hood, only less well known. Hiding out in the woods, protecting those who didn’t have a clue where the danger was from. Waiting ten or twenty years to start my life sounded like torture. Was I supposed to wait until the next batch of wolves came? And what of that? Weren’t there going to be more than just me? Shouldn’t have we all transformed together.

I had learned more about my new life over the past few weeks. The council met with me and I found out many interesting things. The first was that I was the Alpha. As the direct descendant to the last Chief-wolf, I was evidently the new Chief. The politics that I had no desire to be a part of was now a major part of my responsibilities.

If and when another in the line transformed, I would be able to hear their thoughts. Not all the time, but while in wolf form, we would be able to communicate. Also, my word would be law. Whatever I said would have to be followed out. I went through the list of stupid things I could make my followers do, not that I would ever do that, but it was fun to think about.  Like the stupid _Jingle Bells_ version done by dogs.

Then there were some other things that weren’t so cool. A phenomenon that is supposedly rare in our kind could cause me to lose another of my choices. Imprinting. The thought of seeing someone someday and falling in love without choice seemed worse than putting off school. At least _that_ was temporary. Imprinting was forever. It made me wonder if my dad had changed if he would have imprinted on my mom. I’d like to have thought so, that she was meant to be his mate no matter what, but I couldn’t be sure.

\----------------------------------------------- 

It was late by the time I returned home. I could hear the soft sounds of my parent’s and sister’s breathing as I neared the house. I realized then that I was still in wolf form. I made a noise that sounded almost like a snort and trotted back towards the trees. I morphed back into my human form and pulled my clothes on.  It wasn’t five minutes after entering the house that I was sound asleep in my bed.

I was told firmly to keep Rebecca in the dark. Technically, my mom wasn’t even supposed to know about my wolfy status. Rebecca was curious as to why I didn’t go to school anymore so we told her that I was doing home schooling. In her mind, that made me a giant freak. She was right, just not about the right thing.  I had considered doing some correspondence schooling but the wound was too fresh.

My days were pretty boring; I would sleep late, eat, and then head out late afternoon to patrol. There was never a peep, or a growl, or whatever sound it is that vampires make. I was doing my usual loop; it was surprising how good my sense of direction had become, when I heard a noise. At first it sounded like the cry of an animal in distress but then I realized that it was a person. The words sprung my body into action

_Help. Help me._

I took off in the direction of the sound, only to realize I had no idea what direction that was. I paused, listening for it again.

_This is not happening, this is not happening._

**_Arrrgh_ , **I thought unable to pinpoint the sound.

_Hello?_

The voice was very clearly _in_ my head. It was clear to me then that another wolf had transformed. I expected the Alpha gene to kick in and that I would know what to do. It didn’t. Instead, I just answered back lamely.

**_Hello._ **

_Where are you? Why can’t I see you?_

**_I need you to tell me where you are._ **

The words had a firm tone to them and almost seemed to echo once. I had just given my first command.

_I’m just past the school grounds in La Push. I wasn’t feeling well so I went for a walk and something happened to me._

**_It’s okay, stay where you are. I’m coming._ **

I broke off into a sprint. It would be easier to nail down where exactly he was once I got close. I hoped his scent would seem familiar to me. His scared voice echoed through my head as I ran. He didn’t understand what was happening to him. Why hadn’t anyone prepared him? Surely after my transformation, all the likely suspects would have been told. This was something I was definitely bringing up at the next council meeting.

It took me about ten minutes to reach the frightened boy. I tried to be as comforting as I could in my thoughts but his fear seeped into me. I could see and hear everything that went through his mind while at the same time running clearly through the forest. It should have been disorientating but instead it was just off-putting because I was completely focused.

His thoughts of fleeing were clear when he saw me emerge through the trees. I expected him to look just like me but instead he was more of a muddy brown color. He was smaller than me but not by much.

**_Everything will be okay._ **

_What is happening to me?_

**_That’s a long story._ **

But as I thought it, he responded to it. The stories, my transformation, all the information I had been given was transferred over like an e-mail straight to his brain.

_Holy shit. Who are you?_

**_Quil Black. What’s your name?_ **

_Christopher Howe._

The name was familiar; his parents were Jared and Kim Howe, old acquaintances of my dad’s.  He was a quiet kid that usually stayed out of everyone’s way. I remember him being tall and lanky but I assumed that was not the case when he was in his human form now. I did my best to calm him down. First, I led him deeper into the woods. The last thing I needed was to have someone stumble on two giant wolves a stone’s throw away from the high school.

I decided quickly, the best thing to do was to take him home. He would undoubtedly have no clothing as he would have shredded his in his first change and it would be a long walk back if we had to do it in human form. Once we reached the edge of the forest by my house, I talked him through the transformation back. The first one was the toughest as you had no muscle memory built up for it yet.

Naked and shivering, I left him and ran to the house to get some extra clothes. I was right in my guess of his physique. He was tall like me, maybe six five and easily two hundred and fifty pounds of muscle. His body was hard but his eyes were soft, scared.  Both of us were still kids but we looked closer to our mid-twenties than our mid-teens.

“It’ll be okay,” I told him, bringing him into my house.

No one was home and I was grateful for that. Dad was at work, Rebecca at school, and mom was off grocery shopping as per a note she left. I sat Christopher down on the couch and he hunched over on himself.  He asked me a few more questions and I answered them the best I could.

“This just doesn’t make any sense. This isn’t who I am,” he said. “I stay out of people’s way, I like the nerdy girls. Do you think a geeky girl is going to look twice at me know?” I chuckled as I had yet to tell him about imprinting. He didn’t get to have a type anymore but I wasn’t about to tell him that yet.

\------------------------------------------------------------- 

A couple of weeks later, we had another join our pack. John had been informed before the change, as had any other potential member. The council tried to fight me on that but as the Chief and the Alpha, I did what I thought was best. What happened to Christopher was not happening again.  John was excited about it, the idea of killing vampires seemed sexy to him.

So with three strong, we patrolled and the boundaries every night. We were three very different people and yet we had bonded over a common struggle. We all had to make sacrifices in our new life and we had each other for company and comfort.

I was the first one to smell it. The icy cold smell was like having a menthol candy shoved up your nose and then going outside in the dead of winter.  It burned like a bugger. My whole body stood at alert, instinctively knowing what it meant.  A vampire.

**_Fall in._ **

My alpha voice commanded and my brothers aligned themselves on either side of me. A simple twig snapping set us in motion. We ran swiftly through the trees, our instincts taking over. There was no pause, no observing the enemy before attacking. We caught up, we attacked, and we conquered.

We ripped through the flesh as if it was butter and yet I knew for humans it would have felt like stone. We carried the pieces of the body back to an area that I had set up for such occasions. I was doubting that we would ever use it but now we had a reason. As we watched the black smoke rise from the large barbecue pit, I thought about what we had just done. I would like to have thought that I would have been able to stop if it was a Cullen, but I wasn’t so sure anymore.  The need to destroy the villain took precedent over everything else. I knew that Alice wouldn’t be safe around me and it made me sad.

My pack’s minds tried to stay clear of my thoughts but I knew they heard. It was something that had slipped in from time to time. They didn’t understand my crush on the tiny vampire girl anymore than I did.

Once the body was nothing more than ash, we headed home. The strange high from killing both worried and excited me. I was the protector my tribe needed me to be. And while it didn’t make putting my life on hold any easier, at least now I felt it was for a purpose.

 

 


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

BPOV

The last few weeks of my life had been like somewhat of a dream or a nightmare depending on how you looked at it. My son, who I had yet to see in his wolf form, spent his nights patrolling the woods. If you would have told me that I would have let my fifteen year-old son alone in the woods all night three months ago, I would have told you that you were crazy.

So, it went without saying that I didn’t sleep well myself. I would sit in my bed each night worrying for his safety. I was a walking zombie, unable to recall much of my yoga lessons. I would nap in the afternoons when I got home.  Knowing that Quil was in his bed during this time helped me to sleep. It got both better and worse when the pack grew. I knew then at least he wasn’t alone but then I started to care for these other boys and my worry ended up being tripled.  John, who I had always liked, was now even more like a son to me, and Christopher was just about the sweetest kid I had ever met. My heart bled for these boys and the weight of the responsibility that was thrust on them.

\------------------------------------------------------------ 

The truck veered a little too close to the line and I corrected it while yawning loudly. Another night of no sleep had left me feeling useless. The trip to Forks seemed to take forever, each minute feeling more like ten, but eventually I pulled up in front of the gym.

Sally practically pounced on me the moment I walked through the door.  “Bella, oh I am so glad you are here.” Her comment made me grumpy, it’s not like I wasn’t always there at this time. My lack of sleep made me more irritable, and even though I could recognize its cause, it didn’t help me to curb it.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“I have a doctor’s appointment over lunch today but I am supposed to interview a kid for the afternoon clean up job. I was hoping you could do that for me.” Her expression was earnest, she was asking not demanding.

“I’ve never really interviewed anyone before,” I said not sure that I could even do it.

“Oh it’s easy. He’s fifteen years old. All I need to know is if he is reliable. You just need to feel him out for me. I’ll worry about the hiring after. Please Bella; it would really help me out.” And there it was, the guilt that always seemed to lure me in.

“Yeah, okay. What time will he be here?”

“He’ll be here at noon, thank you, thank you, thank you. I owe you one.” And with that, she marched herself out of the front entrance. I was finally able to enter the gym.

I spent very little time on breathing exercises in class. I was too worried that if I relaxed that much, I may fall asleep. I needed to find a new way to get things sorted in my life. I had to find a way to either get more sleep or figure out how I could live off none.

\----------------------------------------------------- 

I grabbed a coffee from the break room before heading to Sally’s office to grab the info I needed for the interview. I had never really drunk the stuff much before Quil’s transformation but now I needed it like I needed air.  I had a feeling that this werewolf thing was going to put me in an early grave.

Sally’s office was a mess, so she had asked me to conduct the interview in one of the studio spaces. I felt more comfortable in that setting anyway. I grabbed the folder that said ‘Resumes’ on it and headed into my studio area. I grabbed a yoga mat and rolled it out on the floor.  I had a couple of minutes before the interview so I took a sip of coffee and opened the file. The name jumped out at me immediately.

Edward Cullen.

The air rushed out of me. The thought of being alone with a vampire scared me half to death. There was another class going on in the next room but I’m sure he could be quick enough to never get caught if he wanted to be. But everything that I had heard about the Cullens had told me that they didn’t kill humans.  So then why couldn’t I get my heart to stop trying to escape through my chest?

It wasn’t everyday that you willingly meet up with a vampire and I was unsure of what to do. And what on earth was a vampire doing wanting a job at a gym cleaning? Maybe he liked the smell of sweat or the dried blood left on the floors sometimes after a kick-boxing class? The thought of that made my stomach turn. Blood and I had never been friends; I had even fainted once during a blood-typing test at school. Poor Mike Newton carried me to the nurse’s office and then spent three weeks in a back brace because he pulled a disc or something.

I tried to take my mind off the thought of blood but I couldn’t. The more I tried not to think of it, the more I did. I got lightheaded thinking about someone drinking my blood.

I felt warm liquid drip onto my knee and I realized that my coffee cup was shaking so badly that I had spilled it on my lap. I put the cup down faster than I should have and a few more drops shot out at me. I couldn’t do this. Sally would just have to understand. I stood up, intending to make my exit, when I heard the door click.

My eyes darted up. There he was, in all his vampire glory, looking a lot like a young, Hollywood star. His hair was a strange color, the closest I could say would be bronze or copper. He was tall, over six feet for sure, and had fine features. His golden eyes stood out even though my sight rested there for just a millisecond.  I stood frozen, unable to look away at the beautiful face before me. He looked older than his resume stated but I assumed that the age was low, so as to give them a longer grace time in town.  But even though he stood there looking like a boy, the way he carried himself was that of a man.

He raised an eyebrow at me as I stood there gaping at him. I cleared my throat and looked down, just as the slowly oscillating fan blew a breeze across my back. I looked up in time to see a blur coming at me. My body was pushed up against the mirrors behind me in a painful thud.  I cried out in surprise as his hand closed around my throat.

The once beautiful face was twisted and fierce. I whimpered when I realized that his grip on me was true. No amount of struggling was going to cause him to let go, I didn’t even think he noticed me trying.  I was not getting out of here alive.

His nose trailed along my cheek and down my throat, the coolness of his skin against mine made me shiver in terror.  He inhaled like you would for a fine bottle of wine. It would have almost been flattering if it hadn’t have meant my life.

“You smell like heaven and wet dog,” he stated. His breath washed over me and it felt like an anesthetic.  The scent was almost lovely but my fear overruled the effect I think it was intended to have.

“Please,” I pleaded.

“I’m sorry, I really am. I will make it quick, you won’t feel much.” His voice was smooth and yet held a tinge of desperation. His one hand stayed at my neck while the other one brushed a piece of my hair back off my face.

“I thought you didn’t kill humans? I th-thought you were a different kind of va-vampire,” I stuttered.

At the word vampire, he released me and stepped back. A horrified look crossed his face as he stood there staring at me. I could tell he was no longer breathing, his body was held rigid still. He appraised me, curiously cocking his head to one side like a bird, or maybe vulture is a more accurate term.  His eyes lit up with realization before they returned to a neutral state.

Without any preamble, he vanished. If I had not still had the sweet smell of him floating around me, I would have thought that I had imagined the whole thing. My body still leaned against the mirror and my legs took only seconds before they began to give out. I slid to the floor and hugged my legs. Too scared to stay and much too frightened to move.

I lay there shaking for an undetermined amount of time. My body closed in on itself, my brain going into shock. Finally I found enough composure to lift myself off the floor. My joints felt weak from the tense shaking they had just been through.  I scrawled a quick note letting Sally know that I went home and left it in her office, along with a quick sentence that told her to keep looking for a new employee. Although I somehow doubted he would be back.

I drove home in a daze. Quil was still asleep when I arrived and I was thankful for that. The sweet smell that came from Edward still floated around me so I went to the laundry room and stripped, throwing the clothes into the washer and starting it. I walked briskly up the stairs and headed into the bathroom.

Once in the shower, I scrubbed my body, trying to rid myself of the horror of the day. In one quick moment, I had almost lost everything; Jake, the kids, my life. I wondered if the Cullens had been snacking on the side and Quil had not been aware of it. Was it because I knew what he was that he figured that I was attached to the wolves? Had he only stopped because he didn’t want to get caught? Why else would he have attacked me if it wasn’t a regular occurrence?

Knowing now what my son was up against only made me more anxious. How could my sweet Quil stand a chance against a rock hard predator like that? And there were seven of them and only three wolves.  I would have to tell him what happened, and it could start a war. If I didn’t tell him, more innocent lives could be in danger. But as a mother, how was I supposed to put my son up for slaughter to save faceless people?

Tears mixed with the water that ran down my face. I felt my legs getting weak but I was not ready to leave the sanctuary of my shower. I sat down on the bottom of the tub and wrapped my arms around my legs. My body shook long past the tears stopping and the water turning cold. When I finally shut the water off, my body was ice cold and covered in goose bumps. 

Quil had left by the time I had gotten out of the shower, and when I looked at the clock, I was panicked to realize that I was late to pick Rebecca up. I threw on my sweats and a t-shirt, pulling my wet hair up into a messy bun and then headed out the door.

When we returned, Jake was home. I had never been so happy to see him in all my life. Rebecca brushed past me and headed up to her room, and as soon as she was out of sight, I launched myself at him. My arms held tight around his neck, I never wanted to let go.

 “What’s the matter, Bella?” he asked, always knowing my moods so well.

“I just need to touch you,” I said, holding him tighter.

He swept me up into his arms and carried me up the stairs. He knew what I needed, even if he didn’t understand why. He lay me down on the bed and pulled off my shoes and socks. While he was doing that, I tossed my shirt aside. Quickly, yet calmly, our clothing was discarded and he joined me on the bed. Side by side, partners always, Jake and I kissed and made love. Never quite as tender as I would have liked, Jake’s overzealousness that night reminded me that I was alive and safe.

He brought up some cold pizza after we were through and we snuggled in and ate it quietly. My body nuzzled into his side and he fell into slumber. I had a harder time; I couldn’t think of anything but the look on Edward’s face as he smelled me, angry and hard, and full of bloodlust.

If I never saw another vampire, it would be too soon.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

QPOV

I couldn’t help but notice the strange way my mother had been acting. She was more jumpy than usual, and that’s saying something.  Anytime I would enter the room, she would startle. More than once the sound of my father flipping the pages of the newspaper made her breath hitch. The more I watched her, the more I knew that something was up.  She was scared of something.

I was sure that she was just getting overwhelmed, going into her mothering mode. It didn’t take a genius to know that she worried about me, about all the pack, really. She loved us all and had been fearful of our safety, but it was when I noticed her starting to look over her shoulder when we went out or double checking the locked doors at night that I knew it was something more than it had been.

I had kept a strict gag order on the pack. None of our families needed to know about the vampire we had found and killed. Both John and Christopher’s fathers had known about their change as they sat on the counsel but their mothers had been kept in the dark. That decision had ended up making my mom kind of the den mother for all of us. Keeping the secret from Leah was hard for her but she knew that more people knowing could cause panic, or worse, danger for the pack. So mom had become the nurturing force for the three of us, the only one that knew all our secrets. Except the secret of our first kill, but it occurred to me that maybe she had found out.

Maybe she had just guessed? I knew that my pack hadn’t betrayed me, it was literally impossible for them to do so. John, however, had worn the kill on his chest like a badge of honor. He strutted around like the prize rooster at a cock fest. Christopher had taken it harder. It wasn’t in his nature to kill, heck he had been a vegetarian before the change. Now his body needed the iron too much for him to abstain.  The thought of taking a life, so to speak, was hard for him. My mom knew them both well enough to see the change in them. I was sure that this is what led her to the conclusion that we had killed a vampire and therein igniting ‘super nervous mom’ mode.

I had no idea how to handle it. I wanted to comfort her, but at the same time, there wasn’t much I could say. I was sure that we didn’t kill the last vampire in the world so it was possible that more would come through town. It was also just as likely that it was a fluke and there may not be another one for decades. With so many unknowns, how do you assure anyone of anything? So I did what any fifteen year old boy would do, I tried to avoid her. She seemed just as anxious to talk to me, and purposefully or not, gave me my space. We maneuvered around our house like it was a labyrinth, each trying to avoid the dead end of running in to each other.  I knew it couldn’t last forever, we would have to deal with it sooner or later but I didn’t want to tell her about the vampire unless I had a way to make her feel better about it.  I also knew I wouldn’t be able to lie about it if it came up. 

It took about three days before I couldn’t stand it any longer. When I entered the kitchen, her body tensed up and she looked surprised to see me there. I could see a resolve form in her eyes. She knew that it was time as well. We had put off this conversation long enough.

“I don’t want you to be worried,” I started, “I’m fine.”

At the same time she said, “There is something I need to tell you….wait what?”

“I’m okay mom, I’m fine. Nothing bad happened.” She looked at me confused.

“Did something happen? What was it?” she replied.

“We killed a vampire. I thought you knew. What did you think I was talking about?” I asked.

“What vampire? Was it a Cullen?” Her voice was panicked and it told me that she had been hiding something completely different than I originally thought.

“No, why would I kill a Cullen? They are protected under the treaty…unless they did something. Mom, did a Cullen do something?” I searched her face for the information I desired.  I couldn’t help the anger that shot through me when her face reeked of guilt.  I took some deep breaths, no answers would come if I phased now.

“Well that is what I wanted to talk to you about.”

I sat down, knowing that I needed to. When she explained to me about the interview, I was shocked. I knew they went to school but I had yet to see them since I knew what they were and the idea of vampire job hunting seemed ludicrous to me. I guess they needed to make a living as much as the next humanoid being.  When she slowly explained about how he attacked her and pushed her against the mirrors, my blood boiled. It was the most difficulty I’d had since that first week, not phasing.  The treaty had not officially been broken and yet the spirit in which it was designed was definitely damaged.  The Cullens were a threat.

 “What are you going to do?” she asked in a small voice.

“What I have to,” I replied.

“Quil, please be safe,” she pleaded.

“Always am.”

I called a tribal meeting at once. There were nine of us in total and most seemed uncertain with how to proceed.  Grandpa Billy had wanted us to declare war immediately. He didn’t trust the vampires and thought that ridding the area of them could only be a good thing. I was a bit more practical. We had only taken down one vampire and there were three of us. Sure, it had been easy, but seven experienced vampires against three new wolves. I didn’t like our odds.  I would not lead my brothers to a slaughter, not without cause.

But what I did suggest was a confrontation. We could meet somewhere in public, somewhere that both sides would have to stay in check. I thought it would be better to have the element of surprise. That way, they couldn’t plan an ambush. The most logical place to do this was Forks High. After my suggestion, I was met with mumbles of agreement. The decision was made quickly and the next day we would go.

\--------------------------------------------------------- 

Christopher had ‘borrowed’ his mother’s car while she was out. The last thing we needed was our mommies to drop us off for the school yard standoff. Of course, if my mom found out that we stole a car and her son that was technically still too young to have a license was driving, we could have bigger problems on our hands than the Cullens. I kept close to the speed limit, the last thing I needed was Grandpa Charlie pulling me over.

 There was almost a somber mood in the car. We all knew we were heading into a mismatched situation and if things escalated, we would be lucky to come out of it alive.

The best time seemed to be lunch, that way there would be the most witnesses. Witnesses and not victims, I hoped. I was surprised when I saw the five of them standing in front of the school as if waiting for us. Alice looked almost sick, and I was surprised because I was sure that vampires couldn’t get headaches or colds.

The boys led the pack, keeping the girls in between and slightly behind them.  I was happy to see that they thought of us as a threat. I was very familiar with all their names now. Having read all there was about them in the counsel files. Emmett and Jasper kept their eyes on us while Edward looked down. He was ashamed. He better be, I thought.

When they stopped in front of us, the wind continued their scent towards us. It was hard to be in human form around them. The danger was felt through my very pores. The wolf inside itched to get out, it wanted at these creatures. It wanted to do its duty. My brothers and I shook but were able to keep from phasing. It was hard when Jasper growled but Edward put his hand up to stop him and he stopped.

“I know why you are here,” Edward spoke.

“What are you some kind of mind reader?” I snapped. I caught the smirk that displayed for just a moment on Emmett’s face.

“I want to apologize,” he continues, his voice was calm and diplomatic.

“You tried to eat my mom!” I said, suddenly furious at his stoic approach.

“I know, Alice!” he snarled. The sound of her name made my eyes snap to hers and I could no longer find what I had seen in her before. Sure she was still pretty, but everything about her screamed ‘killer’ to me. My instincts told me to run the other way. I guess my Alice Cullen crush was officially over. It was the one choice taken away from me that I was glad about, best not to fall in love with a vampire. “I am very aggrieved at what took place. I assure you that it was the first and last time anything like that will happen. I wish to convey my sincerest apologies and to assure you that the treaty has not been breached.”

“How do we know that you aren’t snacking on the side?” John piped up. I shot him a look and he shrank back, chastised.

“I assure you that there was only a momentary lapse in judgment. One that won’t happen again,” he stated firmly. My brain told me not to trust him but my gut said that he could be trusted, on this.

“Any more lapses and there may be trouble,” I stated firmly. I wanted them to know that I meant business. I held my stance even while Rosalie snickered at me from the back.  I could feel John itching at my side. Rosalie’s reaction was riling him up.

“Of course, we understand,” Edward said tactfully.

We stood our ground, letting the Cullens turn and walk away from us. We were the ones in the disadvantage, not being in our fighting forms. Once they had made their way into the school, we headed back to La Push.

The vibe in the car was much different than the one on the way down.  John pulsated with excitement. I drove while Christopher sat in the back writing in his journal, stretched out and relaxed. It was something that he had taken to doing a lot. He had always had a touch of the macabre in him, and at first I thought this was feeding in that, but he said the journal was in case something happened to him. He wanted his loved ones to know his thoughts and feelings if anything happened to him.

I would never ask to read it but with our shared mind in wolf form, I knew everything that was in that book. I hoped that no one would ever have to read it. The world would miss Christopher, whether they knew it or not.

We all had our own ways of coping, Christopher wrote, while John compartmentalized.  He kept the thought of his own mortality far away from our existence as wolves.  His enthusiasm was contagious and helped balance out the more cautious side of Christopher. I did what I had to do. Some days the lack of choices in my life got me down while other days I reveled in the certainty of my purpose.

I listened to the song on the radio while errant thoughts tripped through my head. I hoped that the Cullen drama could be put to bed. There was no need for them to come anywhere near my family again, and if they did, it would mean war.

 

 


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

BPOV

Seeing my son come home unscathed from the confrontation was a huge weight off my mind.  I didn’t know what happened and I didn’t want to. All I needed to know was that my son was home safe and there would be no fight with the Cullens. I would rather have been lunch than have my son die to defend me. It may have been his job to protect La Push but it would always be my job to protect him.

That Saturday, Jake decided to take Rebecca into Port Angeles to a movie that she had wanted to see, so I headed over to Charlie’s for a visit.  The old house looked exactly the same from when I had lived there. If it had not been for the minor changes made when I moved in, I’m sure it would have been exactly the same since Renee had lived there.  Charlie had never been good with change. He was a simple man with simple ideals and I loved him for it.

“Dad, do you want me to come over and dust for you again?” I asked blowing a layer of filth off the mantle.  The particles flew up in my face and I stepped back sneezing.

“Do you think it needs it?” he called from the kitchen. I shook my head at his blindness to the state of his house.

“Unless you want to start hunting dust bunnies with that rifle of yours,” I teased.

“Very funny, Bells.”

I joined him in the kitchen. As usual, I was cooking for him and the boiling pot on the stove told me that things were just about ready. I made stew as I knew it would be easy for him to deal with the leftovers. Heating stew up in the microwave was easy enough, even for Charlie.  I had precut all the ingredients prior to going over; I didn’t like using his kitchen space.  The only thing that Charlie ever made for himself was steaks on the barbeque in the summer. He seasoned the meat right on the countertops and the buildup of scum on them was revolting.

In addition to supper, I had also stocked his fridge with fresh fruit. I liked to pretend he would eat it. Charlie was one of those men that just needed a woman in his life; unfortunately, he was also extremely loyal so any chance that he would get over my mom leaving was pretty low.

We chatted as we ate. It felt weird having a conversation with my dad. It seemed like the most important things happening in my life right now were secrets. While our relationship had never been full of talk, I found myself feeling distanced from him.

\----------------------------------------------- 

“You take care of yourself,” I told him as I gave him a quick hug.

“Sure, sure,” he replied.

“Stop it, you sound like Jake,” I scolded but he just laughed.

The screen door closed behind me and I made my way towards my car.  I heard deliberate steps on the ground and I looked up, my breath catching in my throat.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he said quickly, holding up his hands in surrender.

My heart thudded uncomfortably in my chest as my mind searched for any sign of this being a trick.  Edward stood there and assessed me as I worked to get my breathing under control. I didn’t want to scream, I wanted Charlie to stay safe and sound inside his home.  There was no need to take out the last of the Swan lineage in one go.

“What are you doing here?” I asked once I composed myself.

“I wanted to apologize,” he said.

“Okay…you did it. Can I leave now?” My voice tried to sound brave but I heard it crack.

“I would like very much if you could let me explain.” His voice was smooth, and if it were any other fifteen year-old, I would say his tone was condescending, but I think it was more that he had an air about him. It was obvious to me he was from a different time.

I glanced back at the house, looking for any sign that Charlie may come out. “Sure, but can we go somewhere else?” I asked.

“Of course. You choose, please, I would like you to be comfortable,” he replied.

A sound of disbelief escaped my mouth as I muttered, “I think it’s a little late for that.”

His mouth curled up in a small smile and I could appreciate what a good looking kid he was, when he wasn’t trying to kill me. I told him to meet me at the coffee shop, I didn’t know how he would get there but I was certainly not about to offer him a ride in my car.

“I think it might be better if we kept this outdoors,” he replied to my suggestion.

I searched my brain for a crowded, outdoor place and the best I could come up with was a bench that sat opposite the main street. It wouldn’t be packed and it wasn’t the safest place but at least it was away from Charlie.  I had to try and believe that if he was going to kill me, he would have done it by now.

He was already seated with two Styrofoam cups of steaming liquid in his hands when I arrived. I wondered how he had gotten there so fast and in time to buy drinks but then I remembered how he came at me at the gym. My body trembled at the memory. The shiver didn’t go unnoticed.

“I got you a tea; I hope that is all right…. If you want something else I can…” If I didn’t know better, I would say that he was nervous. He sat as far over on the bench as he could, as if not wanting to get too close to me. The feeling was mutual. He did, however, have his legs turned towards me. I kept mine facing forward, just turning my head to see him. It was a silly gesture; body language would not protect me from this creature. He placed my cup on the bench between us.

“No, its fine,” I answered, picking up the drink to prove my point.  He cocked his head to the side, studying me again. “Why do you keep looking at me like that?” I asked. He didn’t look like someone enjoying the sight of his next meal but more like a psychiatrist trying to crack into my head.

“I’m sorry, I just find you very hard to read.”

“And why do you want to read me?”

“Because I can’t,” he said simply.

“So you wanted to explain something,” I pressed. His gaze was causing my body to tense, I wanted to do this and be done with it. My mind was hoping that this wasn’t an elaborate game. Surely he wasn’t just playing with his food.

“Yes, of course. It is a bit tricky to explain…there is a very rare occurrence that can happen. You see, for each of us, there are very few who are different. The call of them is louder, if you will. It makes us want them very badly.” The unspoken words _‘to eat’_ rang out in my head.  “My family and I abstain, as you know, but there are cases when it is harder than others.” He paused and ran his hands through his bronze locks. His golden eyes looked pained in the moonlight. 

“So I am a rare occurrence?” I asked trying to get things straightened out.

“In more ways than one.”

It may have been the delirium of the situation getting to me as I could not stop the next words out of my mouth. “So you’re saying I’m like a steak amongst the salad bar?” His boisterous laughter caused me to jump before it became contagious.  He laughed like an angel, and I assumed that was part of their lure, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying the sound.

“Yes, when you put it like that, you are most definitely my steak.” The way he put the possessive on it made my sense come back. This was not some young boy across from me, he was a vampire and he wanted to kill me.

“Why are you here?” I asked in a small voice.

“I told you, I wanted to apologize.”

“But why?”

“I’ve lived a very long life Mrs. Black and few things have surprised me. You surprised me.” He ran his long fingers through his strange, copper hair. There was more to him than he put forward.

I decided to be bold. I may never have a chance like this again. There was so much to learn from someone like him.

“How old are you?” I asked.

“Fifteen,” he replied automatically.

“How old are you really?”

“My body is seventeen; I have existed for one hundred and twenty three years.” I let that sink in.

“Can I ask you something?”

“I will answer if I can,” he stated politely.

“Have you travelled the world?”

He chuckled softly. “You continue to surprise me, Mrs. Black.”

“Bella,” I said, “call me Bella, Edward. I mean maybe I should be calling you Mr. Cullen, after all, you are _my_ elder.”

“That is most certainly not required,” he replied with humor. “To answer your question, I have travelled through most of Europe and North America, as well as a good chunk of Asia. We tend to stay away from the sunny destinations.”

“Yeah, I guess you would stand out on the beach,” I giggled, “even more than me, that is.”

“It’s a little more than that. I will show you sometime.” The comment hung in the air. He intended to see me again.

Even though I was still frightened of him, I was also curious to hear his tales. Someone who had lived through the last century would have many tales to tell. I had lost my grandma Swan when I was eleven and I was always happy to hear her stories but she didn’t have a perfect memory. Edward would not have forgotten a moment. It was fascinating to me.

“I think I should be going,” I said, placing my cup in the trash bin beside the bench. I had been so enraptured by our conversation that I had not even taken a sip of my drink. Without realizing it, I had pointed my knees towards him at some point during our talk.  Edward’s cup was just as full as mine when he threw it out but I was sure it was for a completely different reason. I wondered why he bothered to get himself one at all.

“Let me walk you to your car,” he said standing. I nodded and he followed me down the street.  “I really enjoyed talking with you Bella. I would like to do it again, that is, if you would be okay with that.”

“I don’t really understand why you would want to,” I replied.

“Maybe next time I can explain it to you,” he said with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at his persistence and I realized that I was actually more comfortable being with him than I expected to be. He opened my door for me and I climbed in behind the wheel.

“Maybe next time you can,” I said as he closed the door.

I started the car and pulled off. I looked in the rear view mirror but he was already gone. I reveled at what a strange day I had. I had made my first new friend in years and it was a vampire.

 


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

QPOV

The moon shone through my window, bright and white, taunting me; a tangible presence to remind me of what I had become, and what I had lost.  I had always been a night person, but I found myself becoming resentful of the dark. It was when all the bad things happened.

I lay in bed, and my eyes refused to close. With a pack of three, we took turns patrolling through the nights in groups of two. It was my night off but sleep would not take me. It had a lot to do with the muffled sounds coming through the wall.

No, not those ones…fighting. Although I was unable to decipher what was being said, the tone of the muffled voices was clear. This had been going on for a while. Actually, this was the third time that my night off had been dampened with the sounds of harsh words coming through the thin drywall. With my dad spending so much time away from the home, it was only a matter of time before my mom felt abandoned.

It was just something else in the long list of things that made me angry these days. Not only had _my_ choices been ripped from me but now it was affecting the rest of my family. Even Rebecca had cornered me the other day and asked why everything was changing. A ten year-old could see the turmoil that revolved around our house.  I wasn’t even sure how to comfort her; instead I just took her out for ice cream to distract her.

Sleep finally took me, or maybe the better word would be attacked. My body tossed and turned as my brain spiraled through unimaginable night terrors. When I awoke in the morning I couldn’t remember what I had dreamt, but I chased the images, my eyes clenching shut trying to force the pictures back into place.  They stayed just out of reach until consciousness consumed me wholly and I knew they were lost. However, the horror stayed with me even if the dream didn’t.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Things were back to normal pretty quick after the showdown at the school, well, as normal as they could be when you could change into a giant wolf.  There were no more vampires found in the woods and the days seemed to drag on and on. What good was a protector when there were no dangers?

The couch had a permanent imprint of my ass. I both coveted and loathed my days off from patrolling. I would head outside and transform every thirty minutes to check in with the pack. Their voices in my head always alerted me that there was no danger. So, I sat on the couch with a comically big sandwich and watched television.  Soap operas are lame and cheesy and completely addictive.

“Are you watching _The Young and the Restless_ again?” my mom asked as she entered the room.

“Yeah,” I replied.

“Listen Quil, I want to talk to you about something.” I sat up in reaction to her voice. She had on her mother tone.

“What about?” I asked.

“I think maybe you should consider taking correspondence classes. I know it was tough at the start but now you have a pack and I think you have more time for things like school.”

I had just about forgotten about school. It had been so forcefully removed from my choices that once things settled, I just never thought about it. Mom handed me a few brochures, some dealing with online classes and others through the mail.

“Really?” My voice sounded hopeful. I wanted to learn again. I wanted to have a piece of the future I lost back.

“I talked to your father and we think that there is no reason that you can’t do both.”

“Dad said that?” I asked skeptically. He had been less than supportive of me having a life outside of my wolf duties. He had made it crystal clear that my biggest and more important responsibility was to protect the people of La Push. He had been as unbending as a rock.

“Well, let’s just say, I convinced him.” She smiled.

  1. The latest muffled argument seemed to work in my favor so I pushed all my anxious feelings regarding said argument away. If my mom was championing for me then who was I to complain?   



“Thanks, mom.”

\------------------------------------------- 

John and Christopher were sitting opposite from each other, tossing popcorn kernels in each other’s mouths.  Their new reflexes gave them an advantage and they never missed a catch.

It was one of the rare times that we all hung out together, in human form. I had been avoiding interaction with just about everyone. I never realized how depressed I had been until I signed up for online classes. With a small piece of my future back in place, I felt normal again. Who knew all I needed in my life for balance was a little algebra?

It was in this new state of bliss that I realized how out of character Christopher was acting. Laughing and playing around with John was not part of his usual, quiet self.

“What’s up with you?” I asked him, not moving from my reclined position on top of a large pillow on the floor.

He straightened himself up immediately and dropped the smile from his face. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, where is the emo shit we all know and love? This goofy Christopher is freaking me out,” I laughed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Bullshit,” I said, calling him out.

He had the good sense to look sheepish. I waited and stared him down. I knew I would be able to demand it from him but there was no fun in that. I could see John watching out of the corner of my eye. He seemed to have taken quite an interest in where this was going as well.

“Okay, okay,” Christopher said, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. “I met someone.”

“Someone, like a girl?” I asked.

“Holy shit, did you imprint?” John piped up.

“No, no I didn’t imprint,” he said to John in a tone usually reserved for a five year old. “And yes, it’s a girl. I met her last week at a barbeque for my dad’s work. She was hanging out under a big tree writing in a journal. She is perfect for me, guys. A Goth girl with a good sense of humor and she really seems to like me too. And get this, she has viperbites! At first I thought she would want nothing to do with me. I don’t really fit into the physical type for an emo girl anymore but she was totally cool. There is just one problem.”

“What?” asked John.

“She is a bit older. Nineteen. I didn’t tell her how old I was but I know that I no longer look like my fifteen year-old self.”

“Don’t worry man, we won’t say anything,” John answered.  I nodded in agreement.

I had to admit, she did sound perfect for Christopher. I looked forward to meeting this girl, Christopher needed someone in his life to give it balance.  A fleeting thought went through my mind that I would like someone to bring me balance too but I quickly shook it off. It wasn’t fair to get involved with a girl when at any moment I could imprint on someone else. Things were too tricky for me to try and add a relationship to the mix.

“So, what’s her name?” I asked.

Christopher got a big smile and then replied, “Claire.”


	14. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

BPOV

Edward and I had met a couple of times. Each meeting had an awkwardness to it and yet also felt comfortable in a strange way. He told me that there were things about him that were designed to put me at ease and yet sometimes I felt like it was more than that. I supposed that was the way it worked; you didn’t know you were being seduced until it was too late.

Jake had been spending more and more time with the council, and Quil was busy with his school work. Ever since he decided to start correspondence, he had been much happier. He was still angry at losing the right to go to school, and to be honest, I was angry for him too, but his outlook had improved.

Jake, however, had become angry and distant. Everything revolved around the vampires inhabiting the area. Billy had made his opinion on the Cullens very clear and Jake was beginning to see things his way. Billy didn’t like the idea of a treaty and wanted the vampires extinguished. Quil stood up for the treaty, insisting that there was no reason to kill the Cullens if they weren’t harming anyone. 

The passion that Jake was throwing into this project just reminded me of the passion he used to have for me. I had been missing my husband for a while but now I was missing my best friend too. He was far too tired to devote any time to his family. Between work and the council, all he had time left for was sleep.

It didn’t help that I was still kept largely out of the information that they discussed at their meetings. With Rebecca in the dark still, it was hard to talk about anything in our home.  But with my husband always away, I craved another adult to talk to. It was this reason that I found myself meeting up with Edward.

Edward didn’t look much like an adult but his thoughts and opinions were deep and complex. He asked about me and was interested in the answers; it had been so long since anyone cared about what I thought that I was almost giddy.

I found myself one Friday night sitting in the coffee shop in Forks. It was my evening out and yet I didn’t feel like calling the girls. Even though Sam had been attending council, he was just as attentive to Leah as he had been before. The thought of her prattling on all night about their perfect love was not what I needed.  I was trying very hard to ignore the problem until it went away. I knew it wouldn’t work but sometimes I just needed to try.

I cradled my tea cup in both hands and was all but curled up on the oversized chair with only the sound of the coffee grinder ringing through the café.  I closed my eyes and inhaled the warm steam that rose off my cup.  The tangy mint of my tea seeped through my senses and relaxed my body.

“You look comfortable.” The warm honey voice caused me to jump and dump a small amount of tea on my chest.

“Ow,” I said sitting up and grabbing for some napkins.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I didn’t mean to startle you.” Just as I brought a napkin to my chest, so did Edward. He paused once he realized where he was headed.

It was the first time he had been so close to me since the day at the gym, and the proximity of his hand to my throat made me gasp in fear. He immediately snatched his hand away.  I looked down and worked hard to get my heart rate under control. I was sure he could hear it which made the task even harder.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated.

“It’s okay,” I said unsteadily.

He stood there awkwardly as I dabbed myself, trying to dry my shirt. When I looked up at him, I noticed his eyes were trained on the wet spot. When he realized that I was looking at him, his eyes shot up to mine and then he looked away bashfully.

“You can sit, Edward,” I said motioning to the chair across from mine.

“Thank you,” he replied, sitting swiftly.

“I’m just going to go try and clean this,” I said standing up and heading for the washrooms.

The spot was small but it sat squarely over one of my breasts, making my light t-shirt nearly invisible. I groaned as I arched my body under the blow dryer and attempted to dry my shirt. It worked, leaving me with a slight stain on my shirt but at least it wasn’t see-through anymore.

Edward had his head hung low while his hands molested his hair when I came back to the table. I sat down heavily and he looked up at me.

“I’m really sorry,” he said yet again.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just a little jumpy, someone tried to kill me a couple weeks ago,” I teased, trying to lighten the mood. Edward sat there and looked horrified. “Too soon?”

“How can you joke about that?”

“What else am I going to do? I know now I can’t run from you and you seem to be set on being friendly with me, so all I can do is joke.”

“You don’t want to be my friend?” he asked, hurt.

“Of course I want to be your friend, that’s not what I meant.  I really enjoy talking to you,” I said earnestly.  I was hardly afraid of him at all anymore. I didn’t know if the fear would ever totally leave but I was at a point where it was manageable.

“Me too.”

We fell into easy conversation after that. And it led to where it always did, me asking questions about his life. He was beyond fascinating.

“What was it like living through so many decades?”

“Some better than others, I could have done without the sixties.” While I had thought about it in abstract, I hadn’t begun to actually imagine the Edward I knew living in those times until he said that.

The most ridiculous visual popped into my head. “Did you wear tie-dye?” I asked laughing. The idea of the straight-laced boy in front of me dressed in multi colored clothing seemed ludicrous.  The look he shot me told me that there was no way in hell he wore tie-dye. “What? Are vampires too cool for tie-dye?”

Edward laughed at me, the sound was no less stunning than the first time I heard it.  “No, Emmett wore tie-dye. But when Alice found out about it, she burned his whole wardrobe.”

I was unsure about what to say. Edward hadn’t said much about his family to me. I had kind of wanted it that way. While I could handle one vampire, I wasn’t sure I wanted to get mixed up with seven. I had thought it was a silent understanding, but I realized that it would be nearly impossible for him to never mention his family while regaling stories about himself.

“She burned his clothes?” I finally asked.

“Yeah, Alice is…well Alice is Alice. Emmett had made a decision to wear Armani all week just to throw her off.”

“Why would he do that?”

“Oh, I guess I haven’t told you much about my family.  Alice can see the future.” He spoke slowly, unsure of how his admission would be received. 

“You mean with tarot cards or something?”

“No, I mean, like visions.” He sat there and let me take in the information. Any time he had told me about himself he was always good at giving me time to adjust.

“So can everyone in your family see the future?” I asked.

“No, just Alice.”

“So did she not see that you were going to attack me?” I suddenly feared this female vampire who had the power to stop my attack and yet did nothing. Did she think it was funny to see her brother fail?

“She did, but by the time she did, it was too late.”

“Oh,” I replied, “so how come it’s just her?”

“Well, Carlisle thinks that we bring something of ourselves when we change.”

“So what did you bring?”

“I’ve always been very good at reading people.”  His cryptic answers no longer flew with me. I knew he was trying to avoid me again. He did this sometimes when he didn’t want to give me a response. My younger self may have had let him get away with it but she was gone.

“What does that mean, Edward?”

“I…I can read minds,” he replied sheepishly. I felt betrayed; he had seen into my head and not told me. He had been digging around there without my permission. I suddenly felt no fear towards the man before me, I was way too livid for that.

“How dare you keep something like that from me?”

“Bella, I apologize.”

“Not good enough,” I said making an effort to stand.

“I can’t read yours,” he said quietly.

“What?” I replied, pausing.

“I told you before that you were hard to read. Well the truth is you are the one person that I can’t hear.”

I studied his face, looking for one morsel of untruth. Unable to find it, I sat back down.

“Why?” How could I be the one person that was both immune to his talent and yet tantalizing to his taste buds? What kind of armor would allow me to keep him out of my head only to be eaten instead?

“I don’t know, but to be honest, I like it. I can have a conversation with you and not know what you are going to say.  If we sit and just enjoy each other’s company, I am able to relax with my own thoughts. You are a fascinating woman who is a joy to be with, but not just because I can’t read your mind. That is a bonus on top of just being able to know you.”

It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me. Jake loved me but he was never eloquent. Edward’s words coupled with the honest expression on his face made me do something I hadn’t done in years. I blushed.  Edward’s eyes flashed with hunger and instead of scaring me, it excited me.

“I really need to go,” I said standing and grabbing my coat.

“Yes, I think I should as well,” he replied.

The car ride home left me thinking about Edward. He was intellectual, that was a given, but it was his kindness that sparked the first seeds of attraction. I tried to push them away but I couldn’t help feel myself flush at the remembrance of his words.

I didn’t remember the last time I had a real conversation with someone, and the attraction I felt because of it terrified me. I wanted nothing more than to forget Edward Cullen and anything to do with the supernatural but I had a feeling that it wouldn’t be that easy.

 

 


	15. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

QPOV

Patrolling was quickly becoming a huge chore for me. Night after night of running around looking for something that wasn’t there was wearing me down. It wasn’t just the running either, sometimes it was the company.  John was grating on me with his incessant questioning. I don’t know why he thought I had any more information about our condition than he did.  Just because I was the Alpha didn’t mean that I was coded with all the wolfy information. The worst part is he knew exactly how much he was annoying me and yet he kept going.

_So imprinting, huh? Do you think it will happen to us?_

**_I hope not._ **

_Why? Takes the guess work out of dating, I think it sounds great._

**_So you don’t want to choose the woman you want? Fall in love?_ **

_No way, imprinting is so the way to go. Plus, you know she will stay with you forever, because you are like…fated and shit._

**_What if she’s a dog?_ **

_Well that would make two of us._  

His laughter ran through my head and I rolled my eyes, knowing that even though he was a mile away from me, he would feel my intent.  My exasperation seemed to fuel him though and his spirits drove higher.

Not bothering to stay out until the sun rose as we usually did; I arrived home earlier than normal and yet still tired.  Although I was in human form long before I reached the house, I could smell the vampire’s scent.  I picked up speed and ran into the house, I needed to get my family somewhere safe so that I could transform and take care of the problem.

The scent was even stronger in my home, but I could tell instantly that it was already an old scent. Whatever left it was gone. I dashed up the stairs, hoping to find everyone safe, but my heart beat wildly, sure that something was wrong. I followed the sickly sweet smell and it led me to my parent’s door. I quietly turned the knob, unsure of what was waiting for me on the other side. I couldn’t hear much, but I did hear breathing. It allowed me the courage to open the door.

My mom was laying there on her bed, still fully clothed. It looked like my dad had spent another evening out with the council, or more specifically, Grandpa Billy. They had been looking over the treaty again and again, trying to find a loophole. Their goal was to make sure that the people of La Push were safe. It was noble but misguided. They needed to leave the vampires to the werewolves. I was momentarily distracted from my mission as I watched my mother breathe peacefully. A small smile played on her face as she mumbled incoherently in her sleep.  I was drawn into her quietness but then the gentle waft of icy menthol reawakened me.

I took a step towards the bed, zoning in on the smell. It became clear when I arrived at the bed that it was coming from my mother. I looked around the room, deftly checking to see if the scent lingered on anything else. When I could find no more traces of it I became confused. It would be nearly impossible for a vampire to have been in here with her and not touched anything else, even the carpet.  At first I had been sure that a vampire was in the house, but now it seemed that was not the case.

So if the vampire was never here, then how did my mother get the smell on her? She must have come in contact with one while she was out. The bloodsucker must have been close enough to leave his scent on her shirt. The realization hit me like an anvil, the anger flushed through me. I recognized the scent. It was him; he had come after my mother again.  The stained t-shirt she wore was dripping with his smell. He was close enough to her to have left his scent. She was obviously fine but he had crossed the line…again. I fought back the signs of the change.  I needed confirmation. I needed her to tell me that the treaty had been broken, so that I could get my revenge.

I leaned over her and placed my hand on her shoulder. She looked so tiny under my giant mitt and it made my fury rise even more. Edward Cullen was going to have someone his own size to pick on soon enough.

“Mom, wake up,” I whispered gently rocking her shoulder.

“Hmmm?” Her eyes opened briefly and then flittered back closed.

“Mom,” I said again, this time with a little more force.

Her eyes opened again but this time I could see that she registered my presence. Once she focused, she shot up into a sitting position. “Quil? What are you doing home? What time is it?”

“It’s a little after four,” I replied. The moonlight crept in the window, confirming my reply.

She looked over at the empty space on the bed next to her and then asked, “Where is your father?”

“I don’t know,” I replied curtly. “Did something happen tonight?”

“No,” she replied with a confused tone but then she looked down and saw her clothes. Realization came to her face and her eyes flashed with fear.

“Did he do something to you?”

“No, no.  I just ran into him and… we talked.”

“Talked?” My body was shaking. How could she be so naïve? This was the same monster that tried to kill her and now she sits and has conversations with him?

“Calm down, sweetie. It’s okay,” she said softly. The rage in me was easy to read as my body was convulsing. I was tired and it was getting harder to hold the beast at bay.

“He tried to kill you,” I spat.

“He said he was sorry,” she answered apologetically.

“Get back,” I said feeling my will dissolving.

“What?”

“Get…”

My body wrenched up and then the wolf burst through, quick and clean like always. The problem was that I was indoors. The problem was that she was too close.

My body flailed as I tried to control its landing. I smelt the blood before I felt the flesh under my paws. With the sheer force of my weight landing on her I thought it unlikely that she would survive. When my eyes focused down on the bed, she was lying there with her arms folded across her face.

Her left arm had a huge gash in it but it seemed as though that was all that was hit.  I let out a sigh and the sound filled the room. Mom sniffled and I realized that she was whimpering. A small whine came out of my body, I didn’t have the control yet to change back but I needed to convey my apology. Unfortunately, the sound only scared her more.  Angry at myself for losing control, Edward for contacting my mom, and my mom for letting him, I turned and ran out the bedroom door.

My large body barely fit in the hallway, my tail knocking pictures off the wall as I ran by. The stairs groaned under my weight as I trotted down them. I came to the door and huffed, needing hands to open it.  I gave the front door a good shove with my snout and broke it off. Growling, I jumped off the porch and headed into the woods.

_Hey man, what’s up?_

Great, John was still out in wolf form. There was no hiding now. He would be able to see all that had happened. His inner voice was quiet as he watched the scene of me mauling my mother in his head. I relived the horror again with the soundtrack of my feet pounding the ground.

_Shit man, you need to get back there. She needs to go to the hospital._

His comment, although very accurate, made me angry. Not only had I inadvertently maimed my mother, but I had left her alone and bleeding. I turned on a dime and started running back to the house. I stopped once I reached the edge of the forest. I focused all my energy into calming down so that I could transform back.  Once I was able to, I grabbed my extra clothes that I kept in the trees and dressed quickly.

I entered the house; the smell of vampire was now mixed with the smell of blood. Blood I had shed. My transgression filled my nostrils with copper and my soul with guilt.

“Mom,” I called out, running up the stairs. “Mom!”

Her bedroom door was open when I got there and I could see that it was empty. Blood stained the carpet and the amount caused me to waver on my feet.  The cut had not looked so deep when I was in wolf form but perhaps I had misjudged. My eyes unfocused for a moment as I retreated into my head to think.

“Rebecca,” I whispered as I turned and ran to her room.

Her door was also opened and her bedding was rumpled. Mom had obviously taken Rebecca and headed to the hospital. I hoped. I grabbed the phone and dialed my dad. The service immediately picked up, telling me that he had his phone off. He likely fell asleep at Grandpa Billy’s again.

I dialed Grandpa Billy’s number but there was no answer there as well. They could have fallen asleep in one of the council’s buildings but I didn’t have the numbers there. I never called them; they had always called me for meetings.

“Shit,” I muttered to myself.  With no car and no way to get to the hospital, I laid down on the couch. I would just close my eyes for a few hours. Long enough until I could call someone in the morning to drive me.

My mind worked overtime. I still hadn’t received an answer as to why Edward was contacting my mom. She didn’t seem upset about it. In fact, the look she had almost reeked of guilt. Why would she be guilty?  But no matter what she perceived her guilt as, she didn’t deserve to be attacked by her son.

The Cullens were to blame for this. If it hadn’t been for them, I would still be normal and my mom would be fine. She had to be fine.

Sleep overtook me and the nightmare began.

 


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

BPOV

The moment, although so short in the span of my life, seemed to move so slowly. One moment my son stood next to me yelling to get back, and the next a giant wolf body was descending on me.  I don’t know what I expected him to look like but it was certainly not the brilliant white wolf whose size would dwarf a Clydesdale. 

The loud snapping sound that I had only ever heard at a distance shot through my ears and caused me momentarily deafness. I wish I could say that I barely felt his razor sharp claws rake through my skin but that would be a lie. The sheer weight of his giant form coming down on me would have been enough to break ribs if he had landed differently.

My arms had flown up to protect my head but never made it that far. The giant white paws connected with my skin as Quil’s body adjusted to four legs instead of two. He pushed my arm to the ground as he landed and pinned it there for a moment.  I was not frightened at first, but when I looked up at the massive wolf standing over my bed, I panicked.  I had no idea what kind of control he had in this form, and from the look in his eye, he didn’t either.

His departure was quick, and the moment I heard the front door crack open, pain beyond belief flooded through me. It’s true, I had felt the strike, but the agony of the wound was full force after he had left. Four parallel lines ran across my forearm, shining with crimson liquid. In one of the gashes I could see my bone, I looked away after that. While never a fan of blood, my own especially, my survival instincts took over and I pushed the queasy feelings away.

I jumped off the bed and my legs wobbled, it was then I noticed how much blood was around me. I walked efficiently to the washroom where I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my injured limb. Heading back to the bedroom, I grabbed the phone off the nightstand. I dialed Jake’s cell phone and let out a small curse when he didn’t pick up.

I tried the next number, Charlie’s. When he didn’t pick up either, I dialed the station.  The phone rang twice before a familiar voice answered.

“Officer Harvey.”

“Hey Matt, is Charlie there?” I asked.

“Oh, hey Bella. No, he is out on a call. You’re up late,” he answered.

I was friendly with all the guys down at the station and I liked most of them, but I wasn’t exactly in the position to be chatting.  I cursed my father’s refusal to get a cell phone. He claimed that if he wasn’t at home then he was at work, and could be reached on the radios. The only time he was elsewhere was when he went fishing and he didn’t want to be disturbed by ‘stinking technology.’

“Listen, can you radio Charlie and tell him to meet me at the hospital? I had an accident and I have Rebecca with me.”

“Of course,” he replied.

I hung up and went to Rebecca’s room. I opened the door gently and saw her tiny form fast asleep on the bed. My daughter could sleep through the end of the world. I walked over to the bed and shook her, my head spun from the movement so I sat down on her bed. When she didn’t budge, I called out her name and shook some more. After a couple minutes, her body began to stir.  I was grateful that she hadn’t awoken to Quil’s transformation but I was frustrated that I couldn’t get her going now.

“Mom?” she asked confused.

“Hey baby, I need you to get up, okay. We need to go to the hospital.”

“Arrgh, can’t dad stay here with me?”

“Your dad’s not here, out of bed, now. We need to go,” I said more forcefully.

She groaned some more but got out of bed. She shuffled along behind me and I grabbed my purse and keys on the way out the door. The doorframe was completely torn off and the sight of it seemed to wake Rebecca out of her stupor.

“Woah, what happened?” she asked.  “Did someone break in? Hey, why are we going to the hospital?” Her eyes had finally landed on my towel covered arm. The red of the blood seeped through and the towel was more wet than dry. Her face went white. My body felt heavy as I stumbled from the lack of blood.

“Come on, honey. Just get in the car.”

I started the car and put it in gear. I kept my injured arm tucked into my body while the other arm held the wheel. Rebecca sat quietly, scared to ask any more questions, and I was happy for that.  I had no way to describe what had happened without telling her the truth. Something I wasn’t allowed to do.

As I approached the boundary line between La Push and Forks, I noticed a pair of headlights flashing at me. Hoping it was Charlie coming to take over driving, I pulled over to the side of the road. My head swayed back and forth as I put the car into park.

When the figure got out of the car, I could see instantly that it was not Charlie. He was much too tall and much too trim to be my father. By the time I realized it was Edward, I couldn’t get the car in gear fast enough. He opened the driver’s door and flinched back like I had hit him.

“Bella?” he asked like a lifeguard shouting out to a drowning victim.

“Edward, get back. I’m bleeding all over the place.”

“I know, you are too weak to drive, I’m going to take you to the hospital.”

“No, it’s too dangerous,” I countered with my words but my body betrayed me. My eyes fluttered back into my head and I nearly fell out of the car. Edward’s arms encompassed me, hoisting me up and into the back seat beside Rebecca.

“Mom, who is that?” she asked in a whispered voice, scared that we were being abducted.

“A friend, it’s okay.” I hoped that I spoke the truth. The problem was that I was bleeding like crazy in a confined space with a vampire who wanted nothing more than to taste my blood.

I was too weary to be panicked at the speed Edward was driving.  I couldn’t see the speedometer from where I was sitting but I was sure that it was a speed that my truck had never seen.

“How did you know?” I asked my voice weak.

“Alice.” He glanced back at Rebecca, who was now watching out the window, eyes wide with fear from the speed. It was obvious she wasn’t listening.  “She saw you leave your house bleeding. She didn’t see the accident though. What happened?”

“Quil,” I replied, hoping to leave it at that.

“And we are the ones who need the treaty?” he said, disgusted.

“It wasn’t his fault; I was too close when it happened.” Edward growled, causing me to sit back in my seat. Rebecca’s eyes shot forward, looking for the beast that could make that noise. “Are you okay?”

 “You’re asking me how I am?” he chuckled humorlessly, his tone incredulous.

Before either of us could say anymore, Edward pulled into the emergency loading area of the hospital.  My door was thrown open and two men grabbed a hold of me, transferring me to a wheelchair. Edward and Rebecca were out of the car and following behind me just as quickly.

“Bella! Bella, what happened?” Charlie’s voice cut through the air as he saw me getting pushed through the door.

“Long story,” I replied. “Can you take Rebecca home with you? I should just need some stitches and then I’ll be okay.” Edward huffed, bringing Charlie’s attention to him. Charlie’s eyes looked him over, probably curious why a kid so young was up so late, and with his daughter nonetheless. If he only knew the truth, he would be pulling out the gun and not the glare.

“Okay, Bells. Call me when you know anything.”

Charlie wrapped his arm around Rebecca’s shoulder and led her out to the police cruiser. I knew it was killing him to leave but it was late and there was no need for Rebecca to be there. It would only scare her more.

When I looked back, Edward was gone. I felt disappointed until I realized that he was at the nurse’s station.  Moments later, a stunning blonde doctor appeared. Though he looked not much more than twenty five, his eyes showed a great intelligence.  He looked briefly at Edward and spoke to him, too low for me to hear.

Edward pushed me into a small white room and helped me onto the bed. I laid back, my body shaking from shock. I could see Edward’s pained expression; it was the only thing my eyes could focus clearly on.

“Just leave Edward,” I said.

“No.”

“Go, I know it’s hard…just go.”

“I’m not leaving you, Bella,” he said firmly but backed away to stand against the far wall.

The doctor took that moment to enter the room. I had noticed before that he was attractive but now I could see that there were certain features that I recognized. The pale skin, the dark circles under his honey colored eyes, all told me that I was not looking at a regular doctor.

A nurse followed in behind him but my pulse was already racing. Bleeding in a room with two vampires didn’t seem like a very good way to stay alive.

“I want another doctor,” I said with as much force as I could.

“Bella, Carlisle is the best,” Edward replied, defending his fellow creature of the night.

“I’m not having a doctor who is a…” Edward shot me a look and I remembered myself. The nurse raised her eyebrows as I lamely finished my sentence “…blonde.”

Carlisle’s lip twitched and I could tell he was having a hard time keeping a laugh in.  The thing was, he didn’t smile with his lips but his eyes lit up and when I searched them, I could find only kindness there.  However, when I looked over at the nurse, she was not amused. Her tawny hair was pulled up in a bun and she let out a huff before exiting the room.

Her reaction, coupled with the loss of blood, caused me to laugh. Edward and Carlisle joined in and the sound was a complex harmony. The levity quickly left as I lost feeling in my upper body, causing me to slump back on the bed.

I drifted in and out of consciousness as a team of doctors and nurses tended to me. At one point, I was sure that they had given me more blood.  When my fuzzy head resurfaced, I heard Carlisle and Edward talking or at least Edward was talking.

“No, I don’t want to go...I won’t leave her...I’m fine, she doesn’t even smell like herself right now...do not pull the fifteen year old card, I’m...fine.” I heard no sounds of movement but then Edward’s voice came from farther away, if I had to guess I would have said he was by the door. “You better take good care of her.”

Edward’s voice was soft and full of emotion. I appreciated his concern but I had no idea where it came from. I would call us friends but it was still a new friendship.  But when I thought about it, if it were him lying in the bed instead of me, I would feel concern for him as well.

I waited a few moments before opening my eyes. Carlisle was standing next to the monitor beside me, jotting something down on my chart.  He noticed me almost immediately.  His golden eyes appraised me quickly before speaking.

“If you would like me to, I can get you another doctor,” his voice was polite with an edge of concern.

“No, it’s okay. I suppose you won’t eat me at your place of work or anything.” Apparently the drugs in my system had affected my verbal filter.

He chuckled. “No, and besides, I don’t have a lunch break for a few hours so you’re safe,” he whispered conspiringly. His face became serious as he continued talking, “How are you feeling?”

“A little weak, but okay.”

“That’s normal. Everything went okay, we had to give you a transfusion and stitch up that arm of yours but luckily there was no real damage. You will have a nasty set of scars there.”

“That’s okay, it’ll make me look tough,” I joked, “What are you going to put in my file?” I wondered how we could explain the situation and not raise red flags.

“Animal attack. I wrote that a wild dog somehow got in your house, got startled, and you got attacked.”

“I guess that works.” The whole thing was surreal and the lie felt like the truth just as much as the actual truth did.

“There are some visitors in the waiting room for you. Are you up to see them?”

“In a few minutes. I just want to rest,” I replied.

“Of course.”

“You are very remarkable; I can see why Edward is so enamored with you.”

“I wouldn’t say he’s enamored?” I replied uncomfortably.

“Edward hasn’t taken an interest in a woman his whole existence. You are very special to him. Surely he must have told you.” Carlisle’s voice seemed less sure as he finished his sentence, like he may have said too much.

“Don’t be silly, I’m twice his age,” I countered. Why would a seventeen year old with a brilliant mind have any real interest in me?

“Physically yes, but he is one hundred and twenty three, I think it would be him that would be considered the one robbing the cradle.” My discomfort grew as I thought about the time I had spent with Edward. He had always been polite and attentive but I thought that was a product of when he was born, not attraction. I started grasping at straws; I needed it not to be true. I loved my husband. I had a family. What would I do with a vampire courter?

“Yeah but physically he is seventeen, what would he want with a thirty-five year-old woman? Besides, I’m married.”

Carlisle’s steady eyes showed a flash of surprise.  “I didn’t realize. Perhaps I am mistaken. Please forget I said anything.”

Yeah, like that was going to happen.

Carlisle excused himself from the room, leaving me to deal with the aftermath of the bomb he dropped. Maybe he had misread Edward. It didn’t make any sense for a beautiful and smart man like Edward to be interested in me. But then I remembered his voice when he told Carlisle to take care of me. There was concern and something else there.

It may have been the drugs coursing through my system but my mind could not stop thinking about Edward. Thoughts about his smile and his eyes quickly became thoughts about his body hovering over mine. Cool kisses that would heat my body. I stifled a moan thinking about the power in his movements and how that would translate to sex. My thoughts ran wild right up until the knock on the door brought me back to reality.

“Mom?” Quil’s voice called out as he opened the door gently. 

 

 


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

QPOV

I’d left my dad in the waiting room. We were only allowed to have one visitor at a time. He made no fuss about me going first; he knew I needed to see her.  To atone for what I had done. His eyes had held no blame when I told him what happened. It made me upset that he was okay with me mauling his wife. There is such a thing as too understanding to my condition.

I knocked lightly on the door and called out, “Mom?”

Her eyes met mine as I walked into the room. She looked tiny, her frame dwarfed even in the small hospital bed. Her groggy smile dug the knife of guilt in deeper.  Even in her damaged state, she was comforting me. Just like she had always done, only this time I didn’t deserve it. 

The smell of vampire was heavy in the room and I didn’t like the idea of Dr. Cullen working on my mom, but I had no reason to distrust him. After what his bloodsucking son had done to my mom, it was likely that she would be getting extra special treatment.

“Hi honey,” she replied looking up at me with sad eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed, unable to hold the little composure I had come in with. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I hate this. I don’t want to be a wolf anymore.”

Being fifteen and depended on had just become too much. I wanted to be a little boy again. I wanted my biggest concern to be a math test. I wanted to play video games. I wanted my mommy.  I pulled the lone chair in the room over to the bed and sat down. I rested my forehead on the edge of the bed and continued sobbing.  Her good hand reached across her body so that she could run her fingers gently through my hair.

“Shh.” Her gentle voice soothed me. “Sometimes we can’t help hurting others. I don’t blame you, and I’m going to be okay so there is nothing to worry about. We can’t always choose our fate but we can choose what we do with it.”

I sniffled, her words calmed me, and the tears abated. I spent a few more minutes sitting with my head on her bed, enjoying the comfort she provided. I was too selfish to give it up even though I was wrong to take it from her. 

When I finally felt able to stand, I did so, and then gently leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead. I told her that I was going to go out and let dad come back in and visit for a while. Making a quick stop in her private bathroom, I wiped my nose and splashed some water on my face. Luckily my dark skin didn’t show the flush from my crying.

I gave her a small smile as I headed out into the hall. I still couldn’t believe that she was in here because of me. The thought made me ashamed and angry, luckily not angry enough for a repeat. It seemed like life was so uncertain, at any moment I could lose someone I loved. The worst case scenario was that I’d be the one responsible. The thought made me shiver.

I felt the sudden urge to tell my mother that I loved her. I did a one-eighty, my sneakers squeaking against the clean hospital floors. As I approached her door, I heard voices talking.

“You need to go, Jake is coming.”

“I just needed to make sure you were okay.”

“You have got to be kidding me?” I asked incredulously as I took in the scene in front of me.

The vampire was sitting in the chair I had just vacated, his hands cupped around my mother’s. His body was leaning forward in the chair, only using the edge of the seat which put him very close to my mother and her still opened wound. I found myself growling.

When the words left my mouth, my mom’s eyes shot up to meet mine. Edward didn’t turn around; it was likely he heard me coming down the hall. I just wondered how he knew it was me and not my father about to enter the room. Maybe he wanted to be found by my dad in his intimate position with my mother.

I immediately turned to walk away. I didn’t feel in control enough to stay.

“Honey, wait,” mom’s voice called.

“I can’t believe you are doing this? You know what he is! You, more than anyone, know what he is capable of.” That seemed to get the bloodsucker’s attention. He had the good sense to look ashamed but it was too little too late in my mind. 

“We’re just friends, Quil,” she replied, her voice quiet and unconvincing.

“I’m getting dad,” I said petulantly.

“You attacked your mother once tonight, is that not enough?” Edward’s voice rang clearly through the room.

My hands started to shake and more than anything I wanted to rip him apart and maybe play soccer with his detached head.

“How dare you! This is your fault,” I countered.

“I am positive I was not in La Push when it happened, I can’t see how it could possibly be my fault, dog.”

“Your scent was all over her,” I replied. I needed to leave soon or we were about to have a repeat of what happened earlier.

“Stop it,” the tiny voice called out into the room. “Please, just stop it. Edward, can you just go?”

“But…”

“You’re just making it worse. Please,” she pleaded.

I smirked at him as he made his way past me to the door. When I looked back at my mother’s face, my smile dropped.  She looked so hurt and lost. My anger quickly left me and I went to sit by her side again.

“Mom, I don’t understand.”

“Quil, I don’t expect you to, but can you do something for me?”

“Anything,” I answered.

“Don’t tell your father. You know how he is about all of this. It will just make things worse.”

I was about to tell her no way, there was no reason to keep this a secret from my father if they were just friends, but then I saw her face and I gave my word. I owed her, but under one condition.

\-------------------------------------------------  

Mom had promised to stop seeing Edward, under my request, and things went back to normal quickly. Even dad had taken a break from all the council stuff to spend more time with the family. I guess I wasn’t the only one who got a wakeup call.

We even spent the next weekend building the ramp for Grandpa Billy. I realized that I wasn’t such a lost cause when it came to home improvements and I vowed to do more to help out in my time off. Fixing a leaky faucet or re-grouting the tub was a good way for me to contribute to the family; much better than watching _Days of our Lives._

Rebecca even seemed to be more relaxed, well as relaxed as a ten year-old girl gets. But she did spend less time wandering around the house with that pained look on her face.

I made an effort to spend more time with the pack on a social level as well. I trusted my boys with my life and they were quickly becoming my second family. Christopher had been spending a lot of time with Claire. The Goth/emo chick seemed to be perfect for my friend. He still couldn’t believe that he had captured her attention.  I was truly happy for him.

“So have you told her that she is committing statutory rape yet?” I teased. I may have been happy for him but this was how I showed it. Claire was nineteen and Christopher had conveniently left out his age, knowing that she would assume he was older by his physique. His small deception had spurned many conversations on whether or not we would get carded at the bars. That was if everyone in La Push didn’t already know who we were.

“It’s not like that, dickwad,” he replied, throwing a bowl at me. My quick reflexes caught it before it smashed into my face. I laughed and placed the dish down on the coffee table.

“So she hangs out with you for your rousing conversation?” John added laughing.

“You both suck. You’re just jealous cause you fuckers don’t have anyone of your own.”

John looked down and I could see that Christopher had hit a nerve with him. As for me, I still was under the impression that it was better not to date if the chance of imprinting was still there. Seemed unfair to everyone involved if I dated.

Christopher cleared his throat. “So how is your mom doing?”

Both of my boys had to relive the moment through my memories when we were in wolf form. It hurt them almost as much as it did me. John who had thought of my mom as family most of his life had even felt guilt like it was him who did it.

“She’s doing good. She’ll have a wicked scar though.”

My mother, for the rest of her life, will be branded with what I had done. She had forgiven me but I had yet to forgive myself.

I heard the back door close and I heard Rebecca’s voice chattering.  “Heather, Rob is totally into you. You just have to talk to him…”

Rebecca and her friend stopped when they saw us in the room. She groaned out something that sounded like “arghhh” and then turned to leave. It was only after she left that I noticed that John was standing up.  I looked at him funny but he didn’t notice me, he was too busy watching the door my sister just left through.

It took me a minute to piece together what was happening, but the look on John’s face made it crystal clear. The dopey eyes, the small smile playing on his lips, he had just imprinted on one of the girls. I stared hard at him, thinking that it damn well better not have been my sister.

When he finally turned and looked back at me, I knew.

John had imprinted on Rebecca.

_Hell to the no!_

 


	18. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

 

BPOV

The problem with gravity is when you remove an object from the source, the farther you take it, the quicker and harder it will return. I knew I should have stayed away from Edward. He was not good for my health or my marriage and yet the more I tried to stay away, the harder it was.

Quil had agreed to keep my secret about Edward, as long as I stopped seeing him. I had made the promise easily, but like most promises, it was easier to make than keep. And although I kept my body in line, my thoughts would always rush back to him like the waves to the shore.

Jake and I have barely touched in the month after the accident. At first I told him I was too sore but the truth was that I was feeling guilty. My arm still had giant scabs all over it but the pain was mostly gone.  Even though Jake had been around more, I still felt distant from him and I knew Edward was a big part of that. My rabbit definitely knew Edward was a big part of that.

I loved Jake and I needed to do something to save my marriage and hopefully get Edward out of my mind.  I spent the morning prepping Jake’s favorite dinner. When I had everything set and ready to go, I headed up to our room. I opened my lingerie drawer and noticed the pathetic showing inside. Most of the pieces had an innocent vibe to them which may have been sexy when I was twenty, but as an experienced woman, I needed something with a little more oomph. 

I grabbed my keys and made my way into town. I had the day off from work but I figured I would do a little bit of yoga when I got home to calm myself. Somehow, my mind had decided that this day was the saving grace to my marriage. I knew that it couldn’t be that simple. Maybe my anxiety was from the fact that this was the first step in getting over Edward, and as much as I knew I had to, I really didn’t want to.

I pulled up to the small shop and got out of the car. It was the only place around that wasn’t a K-mart store. Hanes was not what I was after.

The store was almost entirely windows and I felt self conscious poking through their naughty section. I held up a dark and light blue lace baby doll nightgown. It was La Perla and would cost me nearly two weeks wages, but it was beautiful.  I looked through a few other things but couldn’t find anything else that called out to me.

I held up the delicate fabric and looked at it again. Through the lace I could see a figure on the other side of the glass. I dropped the garment down and met the eyes of a very embarrassed and excited looking Edward.  Feeling brazen, I held up one finger to tell him I would be a moment. I then took the nightgown and went to pay for it. I could feel his eyes on me while the sales lady rang up the purchase. I told myself that I was buying this for my husband and I couldn’t help if Edward had seen it.

I tucked the bag under my arm and headed out to meet him. By the time I hit the door, I became nervous. Maybe that look on his face had been disgust; I searched my memory for a clear picture of what he had looked like but came up blank.

He was leaning against my truck as I approached him. His hair shone in the natural light, and although it wasn’t sunny, there was enough brightness to bring out his highlights. Every time I saw him, I was taken aback by how beautiful he was, this time was no exception. As I got closer to him, the reason I was here rushed back to me.

“I can’t see you, Edward.”

“I’m sorry, I needed to see you,” he replied. I had only had a quick phone conversation with him before letting him know of Quil’s stipulation. We had agreed it was safer for his family not to make trouble. “I thought it would be okay, that through Alice I could make sure you were okay but it seems as if Alice’s visions are affected by the wolves. It’s hard for her to see you when you are alone as she has never met you but when you are with them, she can’t see you at all. It’s killing me, not knowing if you are safe or not.”

“What does it matter?”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Why do you care, Edward?”

“You’re my friend,” he replied, hurt.  His expression caused pain in me and I went and stood next to him, my shoulder resting against his arm. I could feel him tense up as he usually did when I was near to him.

“I cause you a lot of pain, don’t I?”

“Yes.”

“Would it help if I gave you my pillow to sleep on, you know, to desensitize you from my scent?” I teased.

“I don’t sleep,” he replied.

“Never?” Learning something new about Edward was like a drug to me. This fascinating tidbit only helped fuel the attraction I was feeling for him. He was beautiful but who he was outshone even that.

“No, besides, it wouldn’t help. Your body’s scent is on the pillow, not your blood. Don’t get me wrong, you smell very good but it’s your blood that is appetizing. Think of it like McDonalds, you may smell the food outside and think it smells good but it’s not until you see the fries sitting under that warming lamp that you really get hungry. Or so I’m told. Your scent, your blood’s scent, stays with you.”

“So you need _me_?” I clarified, trying to ignore the fact he had just likened me to a French fry.

“Irrevocably.” The word hung between us.  

“Carlisle said that you’ve never been interested in anyone before.”  He blanched and I scolded myself for blurting it out. “Is that true?”

“Yes, there’s no one else who held my attention before.”

“Before?” I asked both wanting the answer and terrified of it at the same time.

“Before you, Bella. Look, I know you’re married and I respect that. You have no idea how much I respect that. I just want to be your friend.” It was the answer I both wanted and hope desperately that he would not give me. I wasn’t sure I could even be his friend. Every time I saw him, I felt more. Putting myself in temptation like that wasn’t fair to me or him.

“How? If we do we could start a war between our families.”

“I know. If you would maybe just text me and let me know you are okay at the end of every day? That way at least I won’t worry as much.” His eyes pleaded with me to give him this one small concession.

“Okay,” I said my voice hesitant. When a large grin spread across Edward’s face I couldn’t help but reciprocate.

“So Alice can see me when Quil isn’t home?” I asked suddenly nervous.

“Yeah…”

“And you can see what she sees right?”

“Yes.”

“Could you maybe ask her not to look tonight?” I begged.

Edward looked confused, but when I looked down at the bag I was holding, his body straightened right up.

“Of course,” he replied uncomfortably. “I do not wish to invade your privacy.”

“Well, I better go.”

He shifted his body off the truck and walked away. There wasn’t much to say to each other after that. I watched him walk into the woods. It could have been the last time I was going to see him. Once he was completely engulfed in the trees, I climbed into my truck and headed for home.

\----------------------------------------------- 

“Here, let me help you with that,” John’s voice greeted me as I came through the door.

“Yeah, okay,” Rebecca replied like he had lost all his marbles.

I walked into the living room to find John making pom-poms with my daughter. Would the wonders of this world ever cease?

“Is Quil not home?” I asked, wondering why John was in my home. Not that is was unusual for the guys to wait around here for Quil to return but usually that happened at night.

“He’s sleeping,” John replied, his brows creasing as his giant hands tried to tie the intricate knots.

“Okay,” I said and wandered off into the kitchen.

“Don’t forget your Grandpa Charlie is coming to pick you up soon,” I yelled. I had set up babysitting so that Jake and I would have the house to ourselves that night. Even Quil was going to be crashing at Charlie’s.

I opened the fridge and grabbed a water when a throat cleared behind me. I turned to see John standing in my kitchen doorway looking very nervous.

“Mrs. Black, there is something that I need to tell you.”

“Well that is ominous,” I replied.

“It seems that I’ve imprinted on your daughter, ma’am.” I’m pretty sure he had just called me ma’am in attempts to divert my attention from the fact that he had just told me that he wanted my daughter.

“She’s ten,” I said logically.

“Yes,” he replied shakily.

“And you are fourteen.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m not out to date her or anything…” The ‘yet’ was left unsaid.

“So what is it that you want from her exactly?”

“Just her happiness and her safety,” he replied a little more confidently.

“I’ll tell you what, John. When that mission statement of yours changes, you come back and we will have this talk then. Okay?” I was starting to sound more and more like Charlie every day.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“And John?” I said, “Don’t call me ma’am next time.” He smiled at me and then nodded before heading out of the room.

There were a lot of implications to what he had just told me but I’d had enough stress for one day and I needed to concentrate on my evening. The one that was supposed to be relaxing and full of love.

John left a few minutes before Charlie showed up. Once Rebecca was gone, I went upstairs to change. I had selected a simple green dress to wear. I wanted to look nice but felt silly dressing too much for just dinner at home.

\---------------------------------------------------- 

“Hey honey,” Jake said as he came in the door, “you look nice.”  He kissed me on the cheek and then the room caught his attention.

I had lit candles around the room and dimmed the lighting. Even the most unobservant of men would have known what this was set up for.

“Where are the kids?” he asked.

“Gone.” I smiled.

“Really?” he went to wrap his arms around me but then seemed to remember the grease that still covered him. “I’m going to go have a quick shower.”

“Okay, dinner will be ready by the time you get back,” I said.

“I can’t wait.”

My cooking skills appeared to have won over my man. He was enjoying the food so much our conversation consisted of moans of approval. I tried to force myself not to compare but it was staring at me in the face. Edward and I could sit and talk for hours, never running out of things to say to each other. It wasn’t even a fair comparison to make. Jake and I had known each other forever and it wasn’t like Jake had a hundred years of experiences on me.

By the time we finished desert, we were both stuffed. We headed up to our bedroom and lay down on the bed. Both on our backs, I reached out and held his hand. It was familiar to me, with its calloused grip. After a few moments of relaxing, I got up and went to the bathroom. I had tucked my negligee in the cupboard so that I would be able to surprise him with it, but when I opened up the doors and saw it there, I couldn’t bring myself to put it on.

The thought that, even though I asked him not to, Edward may see me in this and know it’s for Jake, broke my heart. I closed the doors and picked up my pajamas from the previous night and put them on.

Jake had changed into his sleep pants and was tucked in the bed when I came back. I crawled in beside him and snuggled my body in. It was nice, his arms held me and I felt secure.

“I love you,” I whispered.

“Love you too, babe.”

This was a moment I needed. Small steps were good, small steps would work.


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

QPOV

There really aren’t enough ways to say you’re sorry when you’ve turned into a giant wolf and mauled your mother.  Although the doctor said she had been healing just fine, I had a hard time being okay with my actions.  Some days were fine and some were harder than others. It wasn’t something that you could just get over. The whole thing was wreaking havoc on my mind.

I’d had a dream about the incident and I was really feeling the remorse so it seemed out of place when I walked into the kitchen and my mother was whistling, albeit off tune, as she wiped the countertops.  Her movements were choppy and uncoordinated but her whole self was soft and feminine. I hoped someday to find a woman like my mother.  The reminder of how perfect she was and what I had done to her made me annoyed.

“Good morning,” she said when she noticed me standing there.

“Ugh,” was my response.

“I’m glad you are here, there was something I wanted to talk to you about,” she said ignoring my pissy response.

“What is it?” I asked.

“John…and Rebecca. There are a few things I want to know about this imprinting thing.” Her eyebrows were raised in a way that said I couldn’t use a ‘get out of jail free’ card on this conversation.

“Oh!” I said, surprised that we were doing this. While we had mentioned it briefly once, I had hoped that we were still ignoring it.

“So from what I understand, she can now be told…about everything.”

“Yes.”

“Do we have to? Tell her, that is.”

“No, I guess not. I mean, I don’t know.” I didn’t know what she wanted from me, I didn’t have a handbook. There wasn’t anything carved in stone about protocol when a wolf imprinted.  It was supposed to be rare, so while I had read our records about it, I didn’t really comb through it.

“I mean, of course some day she will find out. But, I’d just like her to have a normal childhood.” I knew she was feeling bad for me; the look she was giving me was very familiar to me now.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll tell John about it. I know he hasn’t really said anything to her yet. But she is noticing him hanging around a lot more.”

“Yes, so am I,” she said sharply.

“Don’t be so hard on him, he can’t help it,” I defended.

“I know. I’m trying. This is new to me too.” I walked over and gave her a hug because while I know it really didn’t help anything, I didn’t know what else I could do.

Once she had left for yoga class, I was unsure of what to do. I was up a lot earlier than normal because of my nightmare but it seemed too early to patrol. I decided to head out anyway; running in wolf form always helped me clear my head. Something about the feel of the wind in my fur was relaxing. Part of me wished for another vampire. I wanted that kind of focus back, I had never felt anything like it before. 

Tucking my clothes into my bag at the edge of the woods, I started off in a sprint. I loved the quick change, my body knowing and willing to bend into something impossible. I wasn’t running for more than five minutes when Christopher’s voice popped into my head. So much for relaxation.

**_Quil, you gotta come quick._ **

_What is it?_

**_More wolves are coming._ **

The thing that repeated in my mind as I changed course was the plural. Wolves. As in, more than one was changing at the same time. Rushing towards the same council building I had made my first change in, I thought about the alterations we had made.  The first being a barn-sized door for the new wolves to get out of, as well as a new coat of paint. It was an attempt to make the room more serene.

When I had made my first transformation, I had no idea what was going on. These new recruits had been warned ahead of time and I’d hoped that would make this easier on them.

John was in human form when I reached the building and Christopher changed as soon as he saw me approach. He threw on a pair of cut off shorts and I was immediately reminded that I didn’t have any of my own. It was okay because wanted one of us in wolf form while the transitions happened, that way they wouldn’t be alone once they changed. Their lines of communication were still open, so to speak.

As we made to enter the building, a loud pop met us at the door.  I could see everything inside the barn through the new wolf’s eyes. John and Christopher were standing in front of him in human form, talking to him like he was an idiot.

“Hey, everything is going to be o-kay,” John said. I shook my head but then realized that the new wolf wasn’t really paying any attention to them.

**_Whoooooo, this is awesome!_ **

I recognized his voice right away. Rhett was older than us, eighteen, and when we approached him, he had worried that because the three of us had already transformed that he had missed his time. He was very enthusiastic about the whole werewolf thing and reminded me a bit of John in the way he put the idea of it on a pedestal.

_Rhett, how’re you doing, man?_

 He had no time to answer before another pop sounded and a third voice joined. Bobby was seventeen and a really nice guy. He was raised by his mother; his father had passed when he was just a kid. I could feel his trepidation and his shifting eyes made me dizzy when I looked through them.

**_Quil, can you hear me?_ **

_Yeah, Bobby, you cool?_

**_Yeah, uh…_ **

_What is it?_

**_How do I change back?_ **

I laughed and Rhett joined me. It didn’t take long for John and Christopher to change and jump in as well. We communicated back and forth, telling the new recruits with words and pictures just what their new lives would be like. I knew Bobby was a little hesitant when we started to show him the vampire that we had killed but seemed more relaxed when he realized the ease we took him down with.

Patrolling was a piece of cake with two more wolves on board. Sometimes I did miss the small group we had but Rhett and Bobby were fitting in just nicely. We started paying attention to the other potential wolves. I had no idea if the gene just waited until we had a good number of troops or if it would just keep claiming us while the Cullens lived nearby. There was only a handful more that could have the gene. Would we all turn? How many lives would the Cullens take away? I wasn’t sure if the hate for them was built in at this point or if it was an accumulation of all that had happened.

A couple weeks after the transformations, I decided to take a day off at my dad’s request. After mom had left to go to her class, he started pacing.  I had never seen him so on edge.

“Quil, I need your help with something.”

“What is it, dad?” I asked. He was giving off a nervous energy and I was not enjoying his emotional climate.  I was jumpy enough on my own these days.

“I want to do something nice for your mother. I know I haven’t been home as much as I should have been in the last few months. Your mother, she means everything to me and I was hoping you could help me with a project.”  His eyes shone when he spoke of my mother and I truly appreciated the love he had for her.

“We have most of the day as she is planning on meeting up with Leah after her classes for lunch and we are going to need it.” He paced as he talked, and when his words stopped, his body didn’t.

Opening a door on the cabinet in the living room, he reached inside and pulled out a large paper. When he unrolled it, I could see that it was a plan. We were going to build my mom a gazebo. She had wanted one ever since I could remember and it had been on the bottom of a very large list of things to do around the house. I was ecstatic to be helping to build it for her.

I called over John and Rhett to help as they weren’t heading out until later to patrol. They were both happy to come by and help. The wood was delivered shortly after the guys showed up and it took us just a couple of hours to erect it.  We stood back and admired our handy work. It was just a nice size, big enough to put a bench or a two person swing chair in. I knew that my parents would get good use out of it. Maybe I would be so lucky as to bring a girl to sit in it with me someday.

“It looks great,” John said.

“Yeah, I’m glad we could finish it before my mom got home.”

“Well I should get going, I told my mom I’d be home to help with lunch,” John replied.

“I thought your mom was meeting my mom in town?”

“No, I don’t think so,” he said slowly, “she is having Emily over.”

“Oh, I must have misunderstood,” I answered. I could tell he didn’t believe me. It wasn’t like I could keep my suspicions about my mother and that bloodsucker private. The boys knew everything that went on in my mind when we were in wolf form. They knew what caused me to change in front of her and therefore attack her.

Once the guys left, I sat on the deck and watched my dad paint the new structure that he had lovingly crafted with his hands. I wondered what he would think if he knew she lied to him. Would his eyes still shine when he talked about her? Would he destroy what he had built today like she destroyed his trust? 

One thing that I noticed when I became a werewolf was how strong my emotions became. Things that made me sad suddenly left me bereft, things that made me upset suddenly made me irate. That was how I was feeling. Convinced that my mother had lied to me and my father left me fuming. I wanted to believe that she was off planning a surprise for her husband but somewhere inside me I knew. She was with him.

She had broken our agreement, and although I wanted to give up my side, I knew better than to fly off the handle with accusations. I was going to find out. I needed to go find her.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and walked around the house and into the front yard. I needed some privacy for my call.

“Hey man,” I said when Christopher picked up his phone.

“Hey, what’s up?” he answered.

“I need a favor.”

“Uh, I’m with Claire in Forks.” I heard a soft voice ask who it was and Christopher whispered back my name. I then heard the entire conversation that followed.

“He is always calling and you are always running off, like you’re his bitch.” I almost snickered at the comment. I wondered what the guys would say if I started calling them my bitches. I liked this girl already.

“That’s not true,” he pouted.

“Seriously, does he tie you up and do kinky shit or something, cause it’s like you get a hard on every time you talk to him?”I was past snickering and was feeling uncomfortable. I already knew about Claire but Christopher had been very good at keeping some of his private things private. I really wanted it to stay that way.

“Come on, Claire.”

“Cause if it’s kinky stuff you want…”

“I’m still here!” I yelled, hoping my voice would be enough to break them out of their conversation.

“So what did you need?” Christopher said, coming back on the phone.

“You know what? Never mind.”

“Hey, I saw your mom,” Christopher said.

“What? When?” I asked quickly.

“Just like an hour ago or something.”

“Who was she with?”

“No one, she was sitting at the coffee shop. It looked like she was texting, why?”

I knew better than to ask if he was sure. If there had been any vampire scent around her, he would know. I thanked him and hung up the phone. I felt marginally better, but if she was texting someone, then who was it?

I walked back into the yard and saw that my dad was still painting the gazebo. I went into the house and headed for the filing cabinet. Rifling through the phone bills seemed like a drastic thing to do but I wanted to see. No, I needed to see.

There was one number I didn’t recognize. She had sent texts to it at least once a day. I took out my cell phone and carefully dialed the number.

“Hello?” The voice was familiar to me. I hung up the phone and immediately dialed her number.

“Hi honey,” she said answering the phone.

“You lied.”

 


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

This chapter takes place over the same time as the previous one.

 

BPOV

I’d told a fib, and fibs are harmless. No one would get hurt when I said that I was meeting someone for lunch and didn’t, just so I could have some time to myself. That, of course, is hypothetically speaking, and as usual, my theory never worked in practice.

Jake took the day off work, and while we had really been reconnecting in the last little while, I was just having a day where I needed ‘me’ time. I felt myself falling back in love with my husband as we both made the effort necessary to repair our marriage. Even our life in the bedroom had been picking up. I felt confident enough in our relationship again to let my thoughts drift back to Edward. I missed him as a friend. He was truly a fascinating being to speak with and the things that I could learn from him and his experiences were endless.

I was sitting in the coffee shop, nursing an iced latte and my favorite book when I felt my phone buzz.  I knew it was just a text as I had my ringer on for calls, so I finished my page before digging it out.  I had to stand to get it out of my pocket and cursed the fact that skinny jeans had made yet another return to the fashion world. It’s not that I followed the trends, but with jeans, these were all I could find.

**_Hello Bella, I know that I shouldn’t contact you like this. You told me very clear rules that you would contact me to let me know that you are alright. And I…_ **

My phone buzzed again.

**_…know that you are fine right now because Alice just had a very rare vision of you and so you see, I saw you and well I wanted to talk to you. Because seeing you…_ **

My phone buzzed again and I stifled a giggle.

**_…made me want to see you. --Edward_ **

I waited for a moment before responding, soaking in each word he wrote and to make sure he was really done. The truth was I loved that he didn’t use text speak. Whenever Quil texted me, I could only ever understand half of what he was trying to tell me. The phones all had auto-complete now, so I didn’t see why people couldn’t just use that instead. 

When I was sure that Edward had ceased, I wrote him back. I was clumsy with the keys, not having texted much before.

_I miss you too._

Less than a minute later, his response came.

**_Alice told me that if I ask to see you, you will say no. So I will ask this instead. Can we talk?_ **

I sat for a moment thinking about it. The truth was that I really did want to talk to Edward. But I was worried that the combination of engaging in conversation and his honey voice would confuse me again when I had just gotten back on track.  I typed in my response and hoped that he would understand what I meant.

_Sure, so tell me, what really happened with JFK?_

I could almost see his smile when I read his reply.

**_One shooter. Sorry, no conspiracy on that._ **

Ever since Edward had told me that Elvis didn’t die of an overdose but rather found out about vampires and was killed for the secret, I would always ask him about any other conspiracy theories I had heard of. Of course, I was still pretty skeptical of the Elvis thing, he kept a poker face but there was a glint in his eye that told me he might have been playing with me.  I liked that side of Edward and it didn’t come out nearly as often as I liked.

My next message came quicker as I was getting the hang of typing on the tiny keyboard.

_So what are you and your family up to today?_

**_It’s sunny, so we are staying indoors._ **

_You still haven’t told me why that is. Are you sure you don’t burn up in the sun?_

**_Yes, Bella, we have been over this before. I will just have to show you sometime. I have to warn you, it’s not pretty._ **

Now that made me laugh. To think of Edward looking anything but pretty seemed impossible to me. Even when he attacked me the first day we met, I had seen the monster, and even it was beautiful.  I couldn’t think of anything to write back that didn’t sound flirtatious so I changed the subject.

_What is one thing you can’t live without?_

**_Blood._ **

_Ha ha, very nice. Now really, what is one thing that you can’t live without?_

**_I assume you mean thing and not person, so I will answer your question as such: music or maybe more specifically, my piano. No matter where we live it is the…_ **

I smiled at his broken text and waited for the buzz.

**_…one thing that makes me feel like I am home. What about you?_ **

I thought about this. What _was_ one thing I couldn’t live without? I thought about my home and the things in it. I didn’t need the trappings of wealth and things to be happy. What did I need to be happy?

_Love. I think I could go through the worst torture or the hardest things if I knew at the other side I would be with the ones I loved…_

_…But I suppose any mother feels that way._

Edward and I texted back and forth for a while. We could always switch from simple topics to deeper ones and back again with ease. To get lost in words with him was something I could imagine doing forever. Well, my forever, anyway; his forever was much longer than mine. I had nearly forgotten about my surroundings until I heard a familiar voice.

“Hi, Mrs. Black.”

I looked up and saw Christopher standing there with a tall girl beside him. At first glance, she looked a little scary. With piercings on her bottom lip and her hair dyed jet black, she gave off an aura of ‘fuck off,’ but as I looked closer, I could actually see that she was quite pretty. Her face was thin and her large, round eyes shone with kindness. It was the type of girl I could tell immediately I would like to see my son bring home and the type of girl that Jake would flip over if he ever did.  But Jake always did have a problem looking past the surface.

 I then realized that I had brought my feet up on the chair and was curled into a comfortable little Bella ball.  I felt slightly embarrassed at being caught lounging about in public.  I dropped my feet to the floor and wiggled my shoes back on.

“Hi Christopher, how are you?” I said pulling out my mother voice.

“Fine. This is Claire,” he replied booming with pride. She looked at him and smirked, obviously smitten with his attraction for her.

“Nice to meet you Claire.”  I watched her closely; there was something about her that I just couldn’t put my finger on. Maybe it was because I was looking for the supernatural in my everyday life. I chastised myself. The poor girl was already in this world and she didn’t even know it, she didn’t need me thinking she was a witch on top of that.

“You too, Mrs. Black.”

“What are you kids up to today?”

“Uhm, just hanging out,” Christopher said but with the pink that tinged his cheeks I had a feeling that they were up to a little more than that.

“Okay, have fun. But not too much okay?” I finished pointedly. 

They walked away and I glanced down at my phone which had been buzzing while I was talking. I opened the message and then was confused.

**_I’m sorry._ **

_What for?_

**_We’ve been caught. Your future disappeared. I’m assuming that Quil is there._ **

_No, Christopher was here. He was out with his friend and saw me. Nothing to worry about._

The irony of that statement hit me when not a moment after sending it, my phone rang. Quil’s number popped up on my phone and I pressed the green talk button, bringing it up to my ear.

“Hi Honey,” I said.

“You lied.”

“Excuse me?” I replied, not liking the tone he was taking with me.

“You are not with Mrs. Uley.”

I was relieved that this was what this was about. I had a momentary panic about getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar so to speak, but really I hadn’t seen Edward, and that was our deal.

“No, I’m not. She was busy, so I stopped for a latte. I don’t like your tone, young man. You’d do well to remember that I’m your mother.”

“So you’re not sitting there texting him?” he accused, his voice getting louder. I rolled my eyes; Christopher, of course.  Part of me wanted to know how he knew, but asking would only confirm his suspicions.

“I don’t see how it is any of your business what I am doing. You are my child, I don’t answer to you,” I answered firmly.

“Hey, what’s going on in here?” I heard Jake’s voice in the distance.

“Why don’t you ask your wife?” he snapped.

“Quil, that is enough!” I said firmly.

“Bella?” Jake asked, confused. Quil had handed him the phone and I was furious.

“It’s nothing. Quil is upset because I’m not with Leah. I just stopped to get a latte before coming home.” I hoped my words would placate him. I was angry at having to justify myself in the first place.

“She’s been seeing that bloodsucker,” I heard Quil say in the background. I let out a frustrated sigh.

“What?” Jacob said angrily.

“I can explain,” I stared lamely. “He came to apologize and we talked. It was no big deal.”

“So why didn’t you tell me about it? Are you cheating on me?” His voice was heartbroken and it caused my anger to flee. I felt broken. I loved my husband and to hear those words of distrust come from him nearly killed me.

“No,” I denied but there was a quiver in my voice, I prayed he didn’t hear it. The more I thought about it, I wasn’t sure that I hadn’t cheated. I had become emotionally invested in Edward. I couldn’t say I hadn’t cheated in my mind, but did that count? Was emotional cheating really cheating?

My heart answered, yes. 

His silence told me that he had heard my unsure tone. I could hear him breathing on the other end of the phone and then a small sniff.

“How could you, Bella? I love you,” he said softly.

“Nothing happened,” I said trying to convince myself as much as him.

The next few moments were the most terrifying in my life. Quil’s voice shot out, “I can’t believe this! This is sh…” followed by a loud pop. I had no idea how close Quil was to Jacob when he transformed but by the sound, it was close. I heard a scream come from Jake and then a crash. The phone went dead.

“Jake?” I said into the phone, not wanting to accept the lost connection. “JAKE!”

The other patrons of the coffee shop were staring at me now but I didn’t care. I grabbed my purse and ran out the door. Stumbling towards my truck, I felt half drunk and half dead. They had to be all right. Quil just knocked out the phone when he changed. I kept repeating those words over and over, willing them to be true.

I grabbed my keys out of my purse, and with shaking hands, tried to get my door open. It took three tries just to get the key into the lock.  When I finally got into the truck and put it into gear, I pulled out my cell phone. Dialing the number to my house and hitting enter was a task while speeding down the road. Each attempt at calling gave me the same result, a busy signal.

Tears streamed down my face as the truck was pushed to its limits on the road between Forks and La Push.   
  
“He’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay,” I repeated over and over to myself. My body rocked back and forth, trying to comfort itself.

When I pulled up to the house, everything was quiet. Too quiet. I jumped out of the truck, not bothering to grab the keys or shut the door behind me. The front door was closed, and as I approached it, I slowed down.

I swallowed and opened the door. The scene before me was heartbreaking. Quil was naked and hunched over Jake, crying. I couldn’t see his face but there was blood, so much blood. The sound of the door shutting caused Quil’s head to snap around, meeting my gaze.

He stood up and came at me with fire in his eyes. His huge form filled with tension and I felt real fear for my life. I stepped to the side and he continued past me, punching the door open and running out into the yard. I heard the snapping sound just as I returned my focus to Jake.

Jake’s face was turned towards me but his eyes were closed. Had I not known that it was my husband on the floor, I might not have recognized him. His face had literally been cut to shreds. The large claw marks started at his eyebrows and travelled all down the front of his body. There was no loss, no screaming, no pain; only peace for Jake. No, he was done with those things, but I had just started with them.

I held onto Jake’s body, unable to do anything but sob. When my muscles started to ache and stiffen, I stood up briefly to stretch. Out the back window I could see it. Jake had built me a gazebo. A new round of hysterics broke out and I collapsed to the floor.

I drifted in and out of consciousness but I never left his side. I held his hand; mine was now covered in his blood as well.

“Jake, I’m so sorry. Baby, I love you so much,” I whimpered, my throat dry and aching.

“Mom?” A horrified voice called out.

I turned and saw Rebecca standing in the doorway, her face was pale and her eyes were wide. When I moved from Jake’s body towards her, she saw him for the first time.

“Daddy?” she cried out and drooped into my arms.

 

 


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

QPOV

I burst out of the house; the air was crisp but I wouldn’t have felt the bite even if I didn’t run a few degrees higher than the normal person. I barely remember shifting back into wolf form after leaving the house but I do remember looking back and not recognizing my home. Gone was the sweet comfort that I usually had looking at the small house, instead it looked cold, foreign. The familiarity now lost in the horror of the evening. A large growl ripped through my body.

**_Quil?_ **

John’s voice was hesitant in my head. Rhett’s presence was also there but he stayed quiet. I answered back in my Alpha voice so as to not have any misunderstandings.

_Change back, gather everyone, and tell them to go to the meeting hall._

Unable to disobey me, I felt them quickly leave my consciousness.  I knew I had a small amount of time before they would have everyone gathered. I needed that time to myself to think.  I hadn’t thought things could get any worse after mauling my mother, but how wrong I was.

_The feel of the transformation had always been smooth, nothing in my way. I knew immediately that this was not the case; my father’s body a flimsy obstacle in the way of nature.  He could have no sooner escaped from a tornado than tried to stop my lightening quick transformation._

_The smell of his blood hit my nose instantly and I knew that it was a worse injury than it had been with my mother. I looked down and his body laid bleeding and gurgling below me. It took me several minutes to calm down enough to change back._

_“Dad?” I cried out, dropping to his side._

_It was too late, he was gone. I didn’t even get a moment to say how sorry I was or to tell him I loved him one more time. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had given him a hug. I cried for a few minutes and then the fury set in._

_The words my father had said on the phone: “Are you cheating on me?”_

_Those words ate at me. He had sounded so lost, so broken. How could she do that to him? How could she choose that bloodsucker over her loving husband? How could her choices lead to his death?_

_I knew that it was my fault but I refused to bear it alone. She knew what seeing him would do to me and she had promised. She broke her promise, and in turn, broke our home.  When I’d seen her come into the house, I knew I had to get out. Just the sight of her made me angry and I didn’t want a repeat of the tragedy that had already occurred._

My paws dug into the ground as I ran. The dirt sifting between my claws gave me something to distract myself with, unfortunately it didn’t last long.  I needed to hunt.

I prayed that I would find a vampire; something in me needed to get out. I had to vent with my body and not with my emotions. Lifting my muzzle up in the air, I sniffed. I wanted that icy sting in my nose; I wanted to take my anger out on someone else.

The wind in the trees sounded like laughing as I ran. The very earth was mocking my pain. Resolved to the fact that I would not find what I needed, I turned my attention to another prey.

The deer were not far from me and I could smell their woodsy aroma. I put my head down low, my shoulders pointed up to the sky. I picked out the largest one, and without any hesitation, I sprinted towards the herd.

A deer is much easier to catch than a vampire, and even simpler to kill, but the feeling was there. As I tore through the flesh of the animal, I released my grief. Instinct taking over, I fed from the beast, its meat sustaining me. It wasn’t something I ever thought I would do and I had an errant thought, hoping that I wouldn’t get sick from it later.  I hoped my transformed body would be enough to digest the raw meat.

Once the animal was no longer of use to me, I stepped away. The feeling of guilt and remorse returned quickly by the immense anger I had at myself and my mother. I had no idea how to channel it and there were many things that needed my attention right away.

The question was; what to do?  We would need to come up with a story to provide everyone with. It was going to be hard to sell a wild animal in the house when we had already used that for mom’s injuries. Grandpa Billy would know what to do.

This couldn’t keep happening. I couldn’t have myself in the situation to hurt the ones I love again. I needed to surround myself with the people who understood my situation and it was becoming clear that my mother was not one of those.

If she wanted to side with the Cullens, she needed to do it outside of La Push. I still loved my mother but she was proving herself a liability. Things would have to change.

I found myself at the council building before I intended on heading there. My body took me without my knowing, just one more thing I seemed to have lost control of. I shifted back into my human form, noticing that I was without clothes. I walked towards the door, not caring. I was numb.

Grandpa Billy stepped out of the shadows and met me with a small knapsack. His sad eyes met mine and I wondered just how much he knew. I gave him a small nod and pulled out the cut-off shorts he had provided for me. There was no shirt but there was a pair of sneakers and I slipped them on to my bare feet.

He looked like he wanted to say something to me, but I couldn’t handle that conversation right now, I had work to do. I walked past him and into the building; I heard him sigh before he followed me in.

My pack was lined up, in human form, on one side, and the rest of the tribal members on the other. The empty spot of my father’s was glaring at me. I looked away, unable to make eye contact with anyone.

“I have called you here to discuss a very important issue,” I started.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Jake?” someone asked.

“He won’t be coming,” I said with an air of finality.  “As some of you know, Bella Black has been meeting with a certain member of the Cullen clan.” I’d hoped by using her name it would help quell some of the raging emotions I had inside me. It didn’t work. “I think we need to make sure that those who hold our secrets are keeping them safe.”

 “Wait a minute,” Billy replied, “your mother is a good woman.”

“My father is dead.” A collective gasp resonated through the air. “I will not go into details but it is partly because of me and partly due to her choices.”

“Quil,” Grandpa started but I cut him off.

“Am I or am I not the tribal leader?”

“Of course,” he responded stoically.

“Well then I think it is time that we secure our allegiances. The people that hold our secret hold our safety. We need to know whether we can count them with us or against us.” I wouldn’t let my mother put me in this position again. It was time to make her choose.

The room was silent as they pondered what I had said. I took a brief glance towards Grandpa Billy and he had his face hung low. The dimly lit room provided shadows that made it hard to gage his expression but his body language was that of a man grieving.

“What are you suggesting?” Christopher asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah man, I don’t get it,” Rhett said. “What happened to your dad?”

I took a moment to compose myself before answering. There could be no weakness in my speech. I needed them to understand that what I was doing was for the best of the tribe and the pack.

I explained to them the occurrences of the night, even the part where I heard my father ask my mother if she was cheating on him. Several faces went from shock, to anger or disbelief.  I immediately dismissed the meeting, not wanting any questions to come at me yet.

The elder council members left quickly and the wolves converged outside.  I noticed Bobby and John having a heated argument with lowered voices and I headed over to see what it was about.

“Jake Black was a good man, he didn’t deserve that,” Bobby spouted. I tried not to flinch at his words.

“Well I think there has to be a mistake because Mrs. Black would never cheat on him. She is a good woman,” John snapped back.

Before I could get too close, I noticed that Bobby was shaking. In a split second, it went from two boys arguing in front of me to two wolves ripping at each other.

I promptly shifted so that I could continue to eavesdrop even though it was painful.

_It’s the Cullens that are to blame, not Bella._

**_Bella is part of the problem, John._ **

They threw their bodies into each others, snarling and biting at exposed flesh. I watched them for a moment before I put an end to it, using my Alpha voice.

**_Stop. John is right, the Cullens are to blame and I think we need to have another look at our treaty. Our bodies want to kill them and innocent people are getting in the way because we decided to play nice. But my mom is also to blame; she put herself and her family at risk by associating with them._ **

**_A war may be coming and we are going to need to know whose side she is on._ **

I sent everyone home. Tonight was not the night to patrol; with emotions running high, I couldn’t take the chance of anyone going off half cocked and starting the war. It may have been coming but that didn’t mean that we should go into things unwisely. We were animals but that didn’t mean that we couldn’t strategize like people.

I headed home, unsure of what I was going to find. I was sure that my mom had called an ambulance by now and maybe even Charlie. I felt bad for leaving her with the clean up but the feeling quickly passed. She was every bit as responsible. I was the child; I shouldn’t have to pick up the pieces of our broken life.

Sure enough, all that greeted me when I entered my house was the blood stain left from my father’s body.  I walked around the mess on the floor and headed up the stairs. I lay down on my bed, unable to sleep but needing the rest. When I closed my eyes, the images of my father’s death would flicker through my mind’s eye and I would open them again. Sleep never did come to me that night, and when the sun peeked through my window, I groaned.

I picked out some new clothes, the ones I had worn the night before were shredded when I stepped in to break up the fight. My closet was thinning out quickly and I wondered when I would be able to get some new things. I was back to wearing clothes that didn’t quite fit right since my last growth spurt.

The phone rang before I could quite decide on what I should do.  My body was tired but it still moved fluently, as it had ever since I first transformed.

“Hello,” I answered.

“Quil, it’s Charlie.  Your mom asked me to call you and let you know that they’ve taken your dad to the hospital morgue for now.” He was using his official police voice but I could hear it waver at the end.

 “Okay, thanks,” I replied hanging up the phone. I couldn’t take the pity that was sure to come if I continued the call. 

I cursed to myself when I realized that I had no way to get to the hospital. I called up Christopher, hoping that he could ‘borrow’ his mother’s car again. I was in luck and he showed up fifteen minutes later to drive me.

The ride to the hospital was quiet. Christopher always seemed to know when to leave people alone and this was one of those times. Pulling up to the large building, I shook my head. It hadn’t been that long ago that I pulled up here because of me hurting my mom. Now, I was here, and somewhere in the building was my father’s dead body.  Christopher offered to wait in the car while I went in.

She was sitting there in the waiting room, undoubtedly watching out for me. When she looked up and saw me, there was a fear in her eyes that I had only seen briefly when I had stormed out of the house the previous night. It made me angry, but it seemed a lot did that to me these days. I didn’t want her to fear me but at the same time I had an agenda and maybe it was for the best she did.

The hospital was a mix of smells, and knowing that the eldest Cullen worked there, I expected to smell vampire. What I didn’t expect was for Edward to walk out from a door and head straight for my mother. She glanced at him and then back at me. It was only then he looked over and regarded me with what looked like pity. A growl rumbled in my chest.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I nearly screamed. The attention of the few who waited in the room was on me now.

“Let’s just stay calm,” the bloodsucker said in a patronizing tone.

“You need to choose,” I said, ignoring him and speaking to my mother. “This has got to stop.”

“I don’t understand why this upsets you Quil,” she said pleading.

I felt my heart harden. She was defending him, again. I made my choice. “If you choose to keep seeing him, you are not welcome back in La Push. So mother, are you for us or against us?”

My eyes burned as I stared her down, every second she didn’t answer infuriated me. How could this even be a consideration? She looked back at Edward who gave her a reassuring look and held out his hand. In desperation, I held out my hand, pleading her to choose me.

To choose her family.

She slipped her hand into his, a tear running down her cheek before she disappeared.

I was empty; the Cullens had taken away everything from me. This meant war.

 


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

BPOV

I didn’t choose one over the other out of love. I loved them both in different ways. Edward was my friend and had been a lifeline to me in my dull existence while Quil was my blood. I went with Edward because I was scared of Quil and what he had become. The look in his eyes was filled with hate and anger, and I didn’t want him to poison me with it.

 It was in the hospital with Edward that I had fully realized my feelings for him and his for me. The guilt of it all was crushing, the timing, utterly ridiculous. Carlisle had told me before that Edward was interested in me but it was so very clear when I saw him standing there as they pushed Jake’s body in on a stretcher. His eyes were filled with sadness for me, even with his feelings for me there was no hint of pleasure for my situation.

“Bella,” he said, his tone dripping with understanding. He knew. He had lost people as well.

“Edward,” I cried, launching myself at him. His cool arms embraced me as I sobbed. He held me and asked me for nothing as I broke down.

Charlie had stayed home with Rebecca, she had been in shock. I had no time to hide Jake from her view when she came into the room. She had seen the utter destruction of his face and body. Not only was my husband dead but I watched a little piece of my daughter die as well.

I had gathered her in my arms as quickly as I could but it was too late. There was no erasing the sight of her dead father from her mind. I cradled her as she cried, and when we could cry no more, I called the ambulance.  Then I called Charlie. He was working so I had them radio him to come pick up Rebecca. I barely remember the conversation. The whole thing felt like drowning. Everything moved slowly as life was sucked out of me.

I had spoken to Charlie just before arriving at the hospital and Rebecca had finally fallen asleep. I felt relief flush through me as it was now my time to grieve. Being wrapped in Edward’s arms was the most comforting place I could think of being.

Carlisle had managed to clear a room out for Edward and me to sit in while I waited for the paperwork. Words would have been useless and Edward seemed to know that. Whispering, “It’ll be okay,” would have just been a lie. Things were not okay.

When my tears stopped is when Edward finally spoke, “I’ve read fifty-six thousand, seven hundred and twenty-one books.”

“Do you have a favorite?” I asked, sniffling.

“No, I’ve always thought with so many words out there and so many ways to put them together, that each work is beautiful in its own right.” I looked at him incredulously. “Okay, so maybe some are more beautiful than others, but it would be impossible to pick a favorite.”

“I get it, I can’t say how many books I’ve read but it would be considerably less and I don’t have one favorite either.”

“I used to feel that way about everything, that no one thing’s beauty outshone the rest enough to be my favorite; until I met you.”  I looked up at him, unable to form words but willing him to say more.  “I know that this may be entirely the wrong time to say this, Bella, but I was wrong, there is something that outshines the rest, and it’s you. You are my favorite thing in the whole world. It kills me that you are hurting right now, and I know that there is nothing in the world that I can do to make it better, but if there is anything that I can do to ease your suffering even a little bit, please tell me and I will do whatever it is.”

“Thank you,” I said. It was all I could manage but the truth was he had just done what he had wanted. He had distracted me and taken away just a fragment of the pain for a moment and I was eternally grateful.

Hours passed, and although the paperwork was done, I couldn’t bring myself to leave the hospital. I would think of the dreams and plans Jacob and I had together and that would start a fresh round of hysterics. Finally, at about six in the morning, I called Charlie and asked him to contact Quil. I figured it would be better that way. I had no idea how he would act hearing from me.

It was clear that he was upset with me the previous night and I had no idea how much blame he placed on me. The truth was that Quil had really scared me and I wasn’t comfortable being alone with him anymore.  It wasn’t just the changing at a moment’s notice, but the way he had looked at me before he left the house. I had never seen so much hatred in my son’s eyes and I could hardly recognize him.

When Quil had come and told me that I was no longer welcome in my own home, I was too numb to be furious, but I knew that emotion was coming later.  Edward held my hand and stood firm as Quil left. I had no more tears to cry so I stood there trying to void myself of any feeling.

“Come on, let’s get you home,” Edward said. “I’ll go into town to get a bed later today but I am sure that Alice will let you use hers.”

“Edward, I can’t go home with you.”

“I thought,” he said looking down at our joined hands. It was times like these that made me wonder just how much of Edward was frozen. I don’t know if he thought that we would go riding off into the sunset, but that wasn’t how the real world worked.

“I’m going to stay at my dad’s house. Rebecca is there and I really need to get to her. See how she is doing.”

“Of course,” he replied. “I just wanted to make sure that you had a place to stay.”

“Thank you,” I answered simply. Now was not the time to reassure him. I didn’t even know if I could.

“Can I give you a lift home? You have been up all night and I don’t want you to drive tired.”

“I have my truck here,” I said not wanting to leave it.

“That’s okay, I can drive it.”

“Then how will you get home?”

“I’m really fast, remember?” A small smile crept onto his face and I tried to return it but my body and mind were just done.

“Come on,” he said slipping his arm around my back. I leaned into him, welcoming the support that I so desperately needed.

The moment I sat down in the car, I fell asleep. I was awoken by a gentle caress on my cheek.

“Bella, we’re here.”

I sat up, disoriented, and yawned. In a flash, Edward was by my door, opening it for me. I stepped out of the car and Edward slipped his arm around me again.

“I should just go in,” I said. I didn’t want to explain to Charlie why I let a supposedly fifteen year old kid drive me home.

“Call me if you need anything, Bella. I mean it; you are my number one priority, okay?”

“I will, Edward.” And I meant it. He was the only person strictly on my side besides Charlie that I had to talk to and Charlie didn’t know enough about what happened to be very effective support.

I left him and walked into the house.  Charlie was asleep in his recliner but stirred shortly after I entered the room.  His sad eyes were filled with love and concern for me and it nearly cause the waterworks to start over.

“I’m so sorry,” he said.  “The boys down at the station are going to get a hunting party together. This animal is a menace and we are going to get him.”

“No!” I nearly shouted.

“Bella?”

“I mean, it’s too dangerous. I don’t want anyone else getting hurt.”

“Don’t worry about that Bells, we’ll get him.”

I felt sick at the idea of my father hunting down my son. I needed to change the course of this conversation before I spilled all the tribe secrets to Charlie.

“How is Rebecca?”

“Still sleeping, she keeps waking up screaming, though. I put her in my bed so that you could have your old room.”

“Where will you sleep, dad?”

“My chair is comfortable,” he said patting the lumpy and very decrepit piece of furniture. I raised my eyebrows at him but his face begged me to just drop it, so I did.

“Well I am going to go try and get a little bit of sleep before Rebecca gets up.”

“Okay, I’ll be taking off to the station in a few hours but I’ll only be gone for a bit.”

“Sure, sure,” I replied. A small sob caught in my throat as I realized that I would never hear Jacob say those words to me again. So many times they had annoyed me and now all I wanted is to hear him say that silly phrase one more time.

My room looked both familiar and foreign to me. The whole world had changed for me and my eyes were having a hard time adjusting. I threw my purse down on the small desk and reached into it. I pulled out the small baggie that they had given me at the hospital. Jake would be cremated, it was the only option with how badly his body had been torn up, so the only personal effect he had on him was his wedding ring.

The small band of gold stared back at me from inside its plastic prison. I remember fighting with Jake over the rings. I had wanted a platinum band, as silver looked much better against my skin than yellow gold, but Jake had been a traditionalist, and in the end had won. He had told me that I could have whatever band I wanted, but it was more important to me to match than have my own way. I pulled apart the top and grabbed the band out.

I lay down on my bed; the purple comforter had always been my favorite. My dad had bought it for me before I moved to Forks, and the thought behind Charlie shopping was enough for me to see the love in the action. He had wanted me to feel at home and I always did.

I swirled the ring around in between two fingers until my eyes were too blurry to see anymore. The tears started pouring out as I thought about Jake and how I would never hold him again, how my broken family would never be the same.

“Oh God, Jake,” I sobbed. “No, no, no.”

I hit the bed in frustration before I curled my body in a ball and cried out some more for the husband who would never answer me.  I heard a noise but I was crying too hard to decipher what it was. 

I felt a cool hand stroke my head and I knew immediately it wasn’t Charlie.  His touch soothed me slightly. To be honest, I just wanted to grab his chilled hands and lay them over my puffy eyes.

“How did you get in?” I asked, my voice hoarse and hardly recognizable to me.

“I came through the window. I just couldn’t listen to you any longer without doing something. But I will go if you want me to.”

“No,” I said, “Stay. Just until I fall asleep…please.”

“Of course,” he replied.

I felt the bed dip as Edward sat down on it. He continued to caress my head and down my back. His kindness caused me to sob again. But then Edward started to hum and the sound was so angelic that I could concentrate on nothing else.

Soon, I felt the world fall away and dreams of better times came.

When I awoke later that day, it was to the sound of Charlie knocking on my door.

“Bells?” he called out.

I sat up panicked and looked around but Edward was gone. I looked at the clock and I had been sleeping for five hours and it was now late afternoon.

“Yeah, I’m up,” I called back.

I looked around the room one more time, just in case I had missed him, but he was indeed gone. I might have thought I had dreamed the whole thing if it wasn’t for the wonderful smell he left behind.  I was so used to washing any trace of him off as soon as I left him that it was nice to be able to enjoy the serenity it gave me while he was away.

I stepped out into the hall but Charlie had already gone. I slid into the tiny bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. No wonder Edward left, I looked way scarier than he ever had. My hair was a rat’s nest and my eyes were so red and puffy that they were mere slits. I opened the medicine cabinet and found an old bottle of concealer. It was almost all dried up, but with a Q-tip, I managed to get enough out to hide some of the red.

Rebecca was sitting watching television when I entered the room. Her head wobbled and I could tell that she had not gotten much sleep.

“Hi honey,” I said sitting next to her and putting my arm around her.  She didn’t answer but she leaned her body into mine. “Are you doing all right?”

“Yeah,” she replied weakly.

“You know you can talk to me if you need to. You don’t have to be strong for me, okay?”

“I know,” she said as if she was annoyed but the relief that was also in her voice told me that she was grateful for the offer.

“Is there anything I can get you?”

“Heather and her mom are going shopping in Port Angeles today. Is it okay if I go with them?”

“Sure baby, but if things get too tough, you call me and I’ll come get you right away.” I knew that a distraction would feel good to her as I’d had mine earlier with Edward.

“Yeah, yeah.”

After Rebecca left, I convinced Charlie to go into work again. I really wanted to be alone, and with my emotions being how they were, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to keep the wolves secret from Charlie.

Not two minutes after hearing Charlie’s car leave, there was a knock on the door. The sound made me jump but then I caught myself, and went to answer it.

Edward was standing there, looking as beautiful as ever, and I looked every bit my thirty-five years. I invited him in and then giggled at the cliché. I knew that he didn’t have to be invited in as he was already in the house earlier but the thought made me smile anyway.

“Get changed, I want to take you somewhere,” he said.  I looked down, ready to make a joke about my attire but when I saw the state I was in, I couldn’t even joke.

“Okay, just have a seat, I’ll be right back.”

I went up into my room and realized that I didn’t have any clothes here. I opened my old dresser and pulled out a Forks High t-shirt. I pulled it over my head and I was grateful for all the yoga because it was a bit snug as it was. I found an old pair of cord pants and they seemed to fit okay, they rode a little lower than I would have liked at my age but they worked.

I threw my hair up into a pony tail, unable to get all the knots out, and went back downstairs to join Edward.  He was standing at the bottom of the stairs with a strange look in his eyes. His gaze made me nervous and I instinctively looked down to make sure I didn’t have a stain on my shirt.  Of course, looking down caused me to stumble and Edward was there in a flash to catch me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Shall we?”

A glorious and expensive looking car was parked in my driveway. The sleek black automobile was finished off with tinted windows.

“Are you old enough to drive?” I asked.

“Bella, I have been driving over twice as long as you’ve been alive.”

“I know that, I mean, legally. Aren’t you fifteen?”

“Nope, I just turned sixteen, says right here on my license,” he chuckled waiving the laminated card in the air.

I squinted my eyes at him, just to let him know that I was on to him.  He held open the door for me and I climbed in. By the time I had my seat belt on, Edward was in the car and we were backing up.

“You could at least act human, we have neighbors here,” I chided but he just smiled. “Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“I think I’ve had enough of those lately,” I said quietly, but of course, Edward heard me.

“I’m taking you to my favorite place in Forks. I thought maybe it would help you take a breather from all the stuff you are going through right now,” he said and then added nervously, “Is that okay?”

“Yes, I am sorry. I really do appreciate the gesture.”

“Don’t be sorry Bella; I just want to do something for you that you will like. If that means no surprise, then no surprise it is. I am taking you to a meadow. We will have to walk a bit to get to it, but I can carry you, if you like.”

I was a little nervous myself at the idea of being carried by Edward. He had a strange effect on me that caused me to feel both calm and extremely guilty at the same time. Add that to the amount of physical contact it would require for him to carry me and I wasn’t sure what would happen.

He pulled off the main road and I briefly wondered if taking off with a vampire and not telling anyone was a wise idea. Edward turned to me and raised an eyebrow, almost like he knew what I was thinking. I smiled at the thought of Edward waiting until now to eat me. Okay, maybe grief _was_ making me delirious.

I opted to walk a bit on my own, but after fifteen minutes, I could tell that we still had a ways to go, so I told Edward that he could carry me.  I stood there awkwardly, awaiting instruction. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to just climb on his back or if he was going to carry me on his front. The thought caused me to look down and turn beat red.

The back it was.

With Edward’s speed, we reached the clearing in less than ten minutes. I had to close my eyes halfway through because the sight of the trees going by made me dizzy.

“We’re here,” he said, setting me down.

I opened my eyes and wobbled a bit on my feet. Edward slipped his arm around my waist and kept it there, even after I had gained my balance.

“It’s beautiful,” I said.

The meadow was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers. I had lived in this place my entire life and never seen such beauty. I walked forward, the long, soft grass shifting in the wind. I turned around to see Edward staring at me the same way as he had at the bottom of my stairs.

“How did you find this place?” I asked, trying to break the tension of his gaze.

“Well, we spend a lot of time in the woods,” he said.

“Oh, right,” I replied. I walked forward a little more and took a look at all the colors before me. “This would be a perfect place for a picnic.”

“I’m sorry, I should have brought you something to eat,” Edward said hastily.

“No, no. I’m not hungry. I’m just saying…it would be a nice spot for lunch.”

“I’ve always liked it here, but my lunch rarely comes here.” I laughed at his strange sense of humor. It matched mine perfectly.

I sat down in the middle of the meadow; the grass tickled the skin that was exposed on my back from sitting. Edward followed me and was seated right in front of me.

“So, tell me about your family.” I wanted a complete distraction and I knew that Edward would give it to me.

“Well, you have met Carlisle. Esme, his wife, is really an amazing woman. She is caring and nurturing and a complete fit for him. Alice is a ball of energy and she wants to meet you. It drives her crazy that she can’t see you most of the time.” He stopped because he could feel me tense up at the topic. But ever the gentleman, he continued on. “Jasper, who is Alice’s mate, is our newest vegetarian. I have also told you about his abilities before. With Jasper’s mood control in the house sometimes you never know what you are going to get.”

“I could have used him for the last little while,” I breathed.

“It’s only temporary. Things that are important need to be worked through on their own.”

“I know, sometimes I just wish I had a quick fix to the pain.” I realized while saying it that I did have one. Edward was my quick fix. “So what about the others?”

“Emmett also wants to meet you quite badly. He is a bit of a prankster and is always interested in new blood.” I looked up at Edward shocked. “Not literally,” he clarified.

“I really wish you would let me take you to meet them. I promise it is safe.”

“Okay,” I said.

“What?” Edward replied, clearly shocked. I had always wanted to keep myself clear from the other vampires but I trusted Edward, and if he said it was safe, then I believed him.

“Okay,” I repeated. “Since your whole family wants to meet me, I’ll do it.”

Edward had a good poker face and I think he would be able to hide most anything from someone. But I wasn’t someone, and the look in his eyes when I said “whole family” was enough to get me worried.

“Who doesn’t want to meet me?” I asked.

He looked up at me in wonder and then smiled.

“No surprises?” he asked.

“I’d rather not,” I replied.

“Rosalie is a little worried about you.”

“Why?” I wondered aloud.

“Mostly from jealousy.”

 _Of me?_ “Wait, you said mostly. Why else?”

“Well because you are a danger to all of us, just by knowing what you do.”

 

 


	23. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

QPOV

No longer did I have the emotions that I once enjoyed. Feelings like love and comfort had been replaced with hurt, anger, and hate. It felt like eons since I had enjoyed the tranquility of a loving embrace. My pack was there for me but even the relationship that I shared with them had changed since the accident.  I was more of the alpha than a friend. They supported me, but I was sure most days it was because they had to. Not that I forced them, but I did call the shots. John and Christopher did a better job than the others at tolerating me; perhaps it was because we had bonded first.

I was on the phone with Grandpa Billy; after kicking my mom out of La Push, we had taken on the task of dad’s funeral. I would not be so careless as to deny her to come to the funeral, but the day pass that I was to extend her into La Push would also be to clear her things out of the house. The hate I felt for her had subsided a little, but even if it left, it would not change anything. She wasn’t safe here.

I felt bad that Rebecca was caught in the middle of it all but John had been heading into town to check on her every day. She had been happy to have someone to talk to about her tragedy and I could tell that she was starting to see John as a friend. It made me grateful to know that if something happened to me, there would be another guardian for the only family I had left.

“I think that you should call your mother with the details,” Billy said to me.

“I don’t think that is a good idea. I am not sure that I can control myself around her right now. I will send John in to do it.” My comment was met with a heavy sigh on the phone. Billy seemed to be stuck in between, not wanting to defend or chastise anyone with the involvement of dad’s death. He was like fucking Switzerland and it was starting to piss me off.

“I called the flower shop and they will deliver to the funeral home. Sam and Leah have offered to get together a committee to prepare a small lunch for after.”

“Okay,” I said in a small voice. I was trying to be strong but every so often moments, would come and break me down. This was one of them. I took a deep breath and tried to reign myself in.

Leah and Sam had all but taken me in after mom had left. They knew a little about the situation, well Sam did, and he was as understanding as he could be. I had killed his best friend and all.  I found myself heading to their house after I got off the phone with my grandpa. John heard me coming and was waiting for me outside the front door.  He stood there with a hand in his jean pocket, leaning against the side of the house.

“Hey man,” he said giving me a half smile. It was the pity smile that all my comrades gave to me and I loathed it. It was usually followed by an obvious lack of eye contact.

“Hi,” I answered back.

I followed him into the house and heard Christopher’s voice immediately. He was chatting with Leah in the kitchen. She had just baked enormous muffins and little bits were flying out of his mouth as he spoke.

“That is disgusting man, swallow before you speak,” I said smacking his arm.

“Sorry,” he replied, little bits of spittle flew out but I dodged them, thankful for my fast reflexes.

I grabbed a muffin off the tray and bit into it. “You better run,” I said, my mouth full, my own bits of food flying everywhere. Christopher took off and John followed behind me. I tackled Christopher to the couch and opened my mouth, revealing my masticated muffin.

“Watch the furniture!” Leah shouted from the kitchen but I could hear her laugh shortly after.

“That’s sick, man,” Christopher said, swatting me away.

I taunted him one last time before pushing off and standing up. The air in the room was much lighter and it was the first time we had all had real smiles on our faces for the last few days. It felt good to be silly, to relax. I was going to enjoy it because the next afternoon I was going to be burying my father.

I spent the night at Sam and Leah’s at their request, grateful not be alone and I briefly regretted my actions against my mother. However I knew that what I had done was for her safety as much as the towns.  In the morning I was the first one up, the truth was I couldn’t sleep the night before and had just lain on the air mattress, trying not to think.

Arriving back at my house, I jumped in the shower. I scrubbed my body until it was sore and the hot water had all run out. Opening the bathroom door; the cool air that entered in to defog the mirror didn’t bother me. I took the towel and rubbed it against my head, clearing away the water droplets left on my fuzzy hair.

I pulled out a razor and shaved the little hair growth that I had on my face. Ironically, as a werewolf, I had still not developed the ability to grow a mustache. I had always wanted one because I thought my grandpa Charlie’s was cool.  I dropped my towel on the floor and walked through the hallway naked, I was alone so there was no need for modesty. 

I felt tense and stressed and thought briefly about masturbating but then decided against it. It seemed inappropriate even though I knew it was a common way to deal with grief.

I pulled out the one suit I owned and frowned at the size. I was going to look ridiculous with my ankles and forearms showing. I called Christopher, hoping that he may have a spare. He was the closest to my size. 

“Yeah, I think I have one you can use,” he replied.

“Thanks man, I’ll be right over.”

I left the house and shifted, thinking that it would be better for any neighbors to see the giant wolf running through the area rather than my naked ass. It was nice to have the quiet in my head that I hadn’t been used to. It was uncommon for me to be in wolf form by myself. Part of me missed the days when I was the only one.

I stood and examined myself in the mirror. The suit fit better than mine would have but it was still a little snug in the shoulders. If I left it open it would be fine.

“Is Claire coming today?” I asked. I was hoping that I would finally get a chance to meet her.

“Yes, but she may be late, she had a couple errands she had to run in town today,” Christopher replied.

“Oh,” I said. It seemed odd that on this grief-filled day anyone would have other things to do. I supposed not everyone’s worlds had stopped but it was so major to me that I almost expected it to.

Christopher’s family dropped me off at Billy’s house and I drove him to the funeral home. I had a feeling no one would bother me today about my underage driving. I had driven by the building a million times before but never had I noticed it with such clear eyes. It was a small home that had been converted, the front was painted an off white and it had a small wraparound porch with a sign declaring it, ‘La Push Funeral Home.’

The inside of the building was decorated with flowers as well, mostly orange and yellow in color. It reminded me of the flowers that my father brought to my mother on her birthday last year. She was always happier receiving flowers than any other gift. I wondered why the simplicity that she always seemed to love wasn’t enough for her. The pews were a dark wood color but were worn in places. The room was clean but aged.

There were a few people already there, speaking quietly, giving the room a tension. I took a deep breath and Grandpa Billy squeezed my hand.  I looked down at him in his wheelchair unable to say anything, so I just squeezed back.

“Hey kid,” Grandpa Charlie said as I turned and saw him approach.

“Hi,” I replied embracing him.

I felt anxious because I knew that if he was there, then my mom was as well. I glanced around, using only my peripheral view. I didn’t see her but Rebecca came running at me from my left. Her gangly arms wrapped around my waist as she sobbed.

“Quil, I want to come home,” she cried. “I miss dad and I miss you.”

A lump caught in my throat and I held her tighter as I tried to comfort her. “I know, sis, but it’s best if you stay with mom and Grandpa Charlie for now.”  Her arms tightened around me as if to argue by keeping me in place.

“Why?” she whined.

“I think you should tell her.” Her voice was kind and held no anger. It made me feel even worse.

“Hi, mom,” I said letting go of Rebecca and enveloping her into an awkward hug. I felt comfort only for a moment before I smelled _him_ on her and I pulled back. I huffed and looked away from her. She seemed sad but not ashamed. I knew it was best to try and ignore my mother and our situation on this day so I turned my attention back to Rebecca.

“Come on squirt,” I said to Rebecca, “we gotta talk.”

I led her out of the building and around the back. They had a small lawn with a gazebo and a picnic table. Seeing the gazebo nearly caused me to break down, remembering the last day that I had spent with my father.  I motioned for her to sit down on the bench and she did. She looked so small and lost. Her black dress was slightly big on her and I wondered if it was a hand me down. It made her look ten as opposed to the clothing she normally wore that made her appear older.

“There are a lot of things I need to tell you and I’m not really sure where to start.” I heard a small noise behind us and I turned around to see John standing outside of the back door. “Go back in, we’re fine,” I called out to him.  He hesitated but then walked back into the home.  I knew he wanted to be there when we finally told Rebecca, but it just wasn’t possible.

“So I guess the first thing to tell you is that neither mom nor dad was attacked by a wild animal.”

“What?” she said shocked.

I told her everything. I told her about my transformation and about the history of the wolves. I talked to her briefly about the responsibilities I had and about the idea of imprinting.  I told her who else was a wolf and her eyes grew wide when I mentioned John’s name. 

The next part was harder, but I told her about my lack of control and how it was normal among new wolves. I also told her that our mom had a vampire friend and that was why they couldn’t come home.

“It’s for your own safety. Just their scent can trigger me,” I said, “and I can’t have anything happen to you, okay?”

“Why didn’t I get to know before?” she asked.

“To keep the secret safe, only possible gene carriers get to know, and of course, their imprints.”

“So how come I get to know now?” she sniffled.

“Well I suppose that is the other thing you need to know. You are an imprint.”

“I am? To who?” she said with a disgusted look on her face. I was actually very happy to see that she didn’t find this romantic either.

“John.”

“So do I like have to marry him or something?”

I laughed. “No, you don’t. You don’t have to even see him if you don’t want.  The imprint just means that he cares about you and needs to protect you. If you want to be his friend, you can. It’s your choice Rebecca, always remember that.”

We sat outside for a little while longer before heading back inside.  She never made one attempt to blame me or mom for the situation. Accepting what I told her, she was sad, but I could tell that she processed it in a better way than I had. Of course she _was_ completely blameless. The funeral started on time and the small home was packed. The whole town loved my dad; he had been friendly and accepting to them all. There would truly be a hole in La Push. It had lost its own personal sun.

I sat in my spot, next to Rebecca, who sat next to mom, but was gone. I felt numb and the words of the pastor bounced off me. The large, dark casket in front of me seemed foreign, unreal. I knew my dad was in there but my heart wouldn’t believe it. Of course my father’s body was not in there as such. Just an urn with his ashes. The damages had been do vast.  

The gravesite was no better, the long train of cars that drove slowly from the home to the cemetery made me ill. I helped unload the coffin and place it on the lowering device, after which a few more words were said as well as a small prayer before they lowered the body into the ground. My mother’s sobs came through the loudest, and when I turned to her, I was glad to see that Charlie was holding her.  I knew that I didn’t have the strength to do it myself. Especially when she smelled like she did.

It was only when people started to wander off that I looked around. I saw Christopher and Rhett standing off to the side talking.  Their big frames were easy to pick out. It was only when Christopher shifted to the side that I noticed the slim girl next to him. She turned to face me, like I had called out to her, and the moment she did, the world changed.

The sadness in me floated away and was replaced by intrigue and joy. Her black hair was pressed straight and the two small pieces of metal in her mouth shimmered from the sunlight. She wore a long, fitted black skirt that flared out at the bottom and a black blouse with a corset over top. Her eyes were heavily lined with black liner, and to me, she was perfect. I smiled at her and made to move towards her.

It was then Christopher turned around and waved. I looked over at him as he slipped his arm around my girl, and that is when I recognized her. She wasn’t mine, she was his.

That was Claire.

 


	24. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

BPOV

I had never felt more lost and alone than I did after leaving the funeral. Quil had barely spoken two words to me. Charlie had taken Rebecca home because she was feeling a little bit shell shocked after finding out the truth about Quil. I was really proud of how she was handling it, though. She even wanted to know who my ‘vampire friend’ was. I hoped that she would be mature enough to keep the secret.

I went to my old home and distanced myself before even stepping foot inside. It didn’t work, because as soon as I saw that spot where Jake lay bleeding, my heart broke again. The tears poured down my face but I didn’t allow myself to stop. I went into the storage closet and pulled out my luggage. It was an old set that Charlie had given to me, and I think I had only used it once.  I had slipped Jake’s wedding ring in my pocket and I took it out and slid it onto my thumb. It was loose but I didn’t think it would fall off.

I grabbed the CD binder of our family pictures. I would burn them and make sure that Quil had his own copies. There were a few photo albums around from when Jake and I first got married and I took those as well. It would be a while before I would be able to look at them, but I knew that I would need them.

The hardest thing to go through was the closet. My clothes hung neatly beside Jake’s. I threw them into the suitcase as quickly as I could. I also took Jake’s t-shirt that he had worn the last night before he died. I inhaled and regretted it immediately. His scent filled my nostrils and my body shook with grief. I sat down on the edge of the bed and hugged the garment to my body.  My phone rang the moment my head hit the mattress and I debated letting it ring, but I didn’t know if it would be Charlie or if Rebecca needed me.

“Hello,” I sniffed into the phone.

“Hi,” Edward’s voice greeted me with concern. Of course, Alice had seen me and therefore he had as well. I felt guilty and exposed that he had seen me at my weakest.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Only you would apologize for grieving, Bella.” I could hear the smile in his tone.

“I know, I’m sorry,” I said and then chuckled at having done it again.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.

“Just distract me, while I finish packing,” I said. I felt so grateful for Edward in that moment. He knew what I needed and thanks to Alice, he knew when I needed it as well.

Edward stayed on the phone with me, telling me random facts about his life. I did notice that he skipped a few years in the late twenties, early thirties, but I didn’t question him on it, as I figured that neither of us was in the place to have any type of deep conversation.  There was a reason he wasn’t telling me and I respected that.

Once I had everything that I thought I would need to take from my house and packed into my car, I said goodbye to Edward. He didn’t sound like he wanted to get off the phone but there was one more thing that I needed to do.

I went back into the kitchen and grabbed the notepad out of the junk drawer. I scribbled a note for Quil; there were things I had to tell him. When it was finished, I went back out to my car. The picture I had grabbed of Jake and I on our wedding day sat on my passenger seat. I picked it up and kissed it.

“I love you,” I whispered, “I wish I could have been stronger.”

The truth was that I still harbored a lot of guilt. My friendship with Edward was part of the reason Jake was dead and yet I couldn’t find it in myself to regret it. Edward was my best friend. I never thought I would find someone that would be able to comfort me and just be there for me the way he did. I couldn’t have let go of him if I tried.

 I pulled up outside of Charlie’s and noticed that his car was gone. There was a note taped to the door, ‘went for ice cream’. I sighed and let myself in. The last thing I wanted to do was be alone but I figured I better get used to it. I only brought a small box in from the car. I would wait until later to deal with the rest. When I arrived up in my room, I was shocked to see all of my things sitting on the floor and Edward was standing there with a guilty smile on his face.

“I hope this is…I mean I didn’t want to presume but…” he stumbled, it was very endearing.

“Thank you,” I said honestly. I wondered idly if he would unpack it all for me too but then I remembered some of the personal things in the luggage and was glad that he was unable to read my mind. He stood uncomfortably in my room.  There was a nervous tension between us and I couldn’t help but wonder if it was the location. I played with the ring on my thumb and the action brought Edward’s gaze to my hands.

“Look Bella, if I’m ever pushing or doing anything I shouldn’t, I would really like you to tell me. I don’t really know what I am doing here.”

“You are doing great, Edward. You have been more of a friend than I could have asked for. Really, thank you.”

I walked up to him and put my arms around his neck, I had to stand on my tip toes to reach. Edward’s arms linked behind me and he returned the embrace. He placed his nose into my hair and I heard him sniff and then tense. I immediately pulled away and he dropped his hands.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,” I said. “Is it too hard for you?”

Edward gave me a strange look before realization dawned on his face. “I’m fine, I am in control,” he said. I couldn’t help but wonder what made him stiffen; it was obvious it wasn’t the bloodlust from his reaction.  Then it hit me and I blushed, causing Edward even more pain. It was a viscous cycle.

“I should probably go,” he said suddenly.

“Why?”

“Charlie’s home,” he replied just as I heard the car in the driveway.

“Will you be back?” I asked hurriedly. I didn’t want him to go. He lowered his face and a small smirk came on it.

“If you want me to.”

“I do,” I answered.

Edward disappeared out the window in a flash. I was still not used to the speed in which he could move. I shook my head and went down to greet Charlie and Rebecca.

“Look who we found,” Charlie said, motioning to John. I narrowed my eyes at the young boy. He looked at me apologetically and gave a shrug. If Charlie had any inkling of the fact that John would eventually want to marry Rebecca, I don’t think he would have been as happy.

“Well it’s getting late, John, so I think you better be getting home.” I respected the imprint, but this day needed family.

He looked like he was going to argue with me for a minute but then resigned himself. “Yes, Mrs. Black.”

Once he was gone, I wrapped my arms around my daughter. She hugged me back and I felt her yawn. Her body was so tiny and my instinct to protect her made me feel like I had already failed.

“I put your stuff upstairs in my old room. I’ll make up the couch tonight and we can go tomorrow and find a more permanent bed for you.”

“Sure mom,” she replied.

She slowly made her way up the stairs and I knew that meant she was tired. It had been a long day and I’m sure she was just as ready as I was for some sleep.

“How are you doing kiddo?” Charlie asked.

“I’m holding up.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“What is it, dad?”

“How come you are staying here and Quil is at home?”

“We had a disagreement,” I stated, “I’m hoping it will blow over in time.”

“Bells, you’re the mom. You shouldn’t be kicked out of your home.”

“If it’s a problem that we are staying here, we can go somewhere else,” I said. I didn’t know where we would go, but we could find somewhere if need be.

“No, that’s not what I meant. You are welcome here anytime. I just worry about you. It’s a bad time in a boy’s life when he loses his father. I don’t think he should be alone.”

“He won’t be,” I clarified, “he has Billy and his friends. I can’t really tell you about it, dad, but trust me. I am doing everything I can for him right now.”

“Okay then.”

Rebecca came back downstairs at that moment, and I used the time to get away from my dad. I grabbed the extra linens out of the closet and made up the couch.  I kissed her goodnight and headed upstairs. Rebecca had left the lamp in my room on and the furniture was casting shadows on the wall.

I opened up my suitcase and pulled out some of my clothes, throwing them into the dresser. After a few items, I found what I was looking for. I reached behind me and struggled with the zipper on my dress. I never could get them undone without help, but I was going to have to learn to. When I finally got it down, the dress slid effortlessly to the floor. I looked up, only to notice that the blinds on the window were open. I wondered if Edward was still out there, the thought of that beautiful man watching me in my underwear both thrilled and frightened me.

I quickly pulled on my flannel pajama pants and a white tank top. After the top was on, I removed my bra. If he was out there, he wasn’t getting that much of a show. I went to the window and looked out, searching for him in the trees. When I couldn’t find anything, I sighed and crawled into bed.

I reached over and turned the lamp out, my eyes I kept open, allowing them to adjust to the dark. I lay in the quiet and missed the sound of Jake’s heavy breathing. I used to tease him that I could record the sound for prank phone calls. For the first time since Jake’s death, I smiled at a memory of him instead of letting it break me.  I said goodbye to my husband today but that didn’t mean that I had to forget him.

I stared at the ceiling, unable to sleep and partly hoping that Edward would show up again. The clock ticked by and I finally felt my body drifting into slumber. Disappointment flowed through me when I realized that he hadn’t come.

The window sliding against the sill woke me and my eyes shot open to see Edward crawling out.

“Edward?” I called out.

“Bella,” he replied turning back around. “I thought you were asleep, I was just leaving.”

“Please don’t,” I all but begged.  He smiled and shut the window before taking a step towards the bed. “I didn’t think you were coming.” I felt silly by my admission.

“I told you I would,” he answered, his voice low and sweet.

“What took you so long?” I inquired. When I asked him to come back, I assumed that it would be much sooner.

“I had to hunt.”

I was quiet as I wondered what he’d eaten. I imagined him pouncing on a deer, gracefully taking the creature down. His lithe body bent over the beast, muscles contracting and releasing as he drained it of its life. It was a lot less disturbing an image than I would have hoped for. When he spoke again, I realized that I was staring at his chest.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” he said, his eyes sad.

“Oh no, you didn’t,” I replied, blushing. I hoped that Edward wouldn’t be able to tell why.

I scooted back in my bed, pushing my pillow up behind me and against the headboard. “You want to sit down?” I asked.

He looked wearisome but took a seat at the end of my bed, mirroring my by sitting with his legs crossed. Not knowing where to start now that I had Edward in my bed, I blurted out the first thing that came into my mind.

“So what did you eat?” He chuckled but ran his hand through his hair, a sign I had picked up that showed his unease with something.

“Deer,” he said bluntly. The image of him hunting only became clearer once I had his confirmation. Part of me acknowledged that I must have been tired, because I was suddenly envying that deer.

We began speaking and before long, I had Edward lying beside me, each of us on our sides, facing each other on my tiny bed. I could smell his breath and it was heavenly. I wondered why he was fascinated with me. I knew why any woman would be drawn to him but I couldn’t see what he saw in me.

I was tired and not thinking clearly when the following words fell out of my mouth, “I think if I was seventeen again, I could just see you coming in my window and we would curl up like this all night.”

“Undoubtedly,” he replied, showing off his trademark crooked smile.  He grabbed my hand in his and absently played with the ring on my thumb.

“Do you wish you came earlier, to Forks?” I asked, yawning. Edward may have thought I was half asleep because his answer was far more honest than I was expecting.

“The woman before me is the one I love. If I met you earlier, I would have loved you, I’m sure. But why wish for what we can’t have? You are perfect to me the way you are. I only hope that you won’t find me wanting.”

“I’m old enough to be your mother,” I said. I knew it wasn’t true in the literal sense, but I wasn’t ready to bare my heart to another man on the same day I buried my husband.

“Technically, but unlikely in today’s society for a woman your age to have a son of 17,” he answered.

“Quil is 15, that’s not much different,” I replied pulling my hand out of his. A look of hurt flashed across his face.

“Don’t worry; I can look older if I want to. I’ve been known to pass for twenty-three.”

“But I would still look like a cougar,” I said, laying my fear out there.

A devious smile came across Edward’s face and he looked feral. “I like cougars,” he purred. It was a playful side that didn’t come out much but I loved it. I yawned again, exhausted from the day.

“Sleep now, Bella,” he whispered, returning to the gentle man I was used to.

 


	25. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

QPOV

I was in love with Claire and that made me scared out of my mind to transform. As soon as one in my pack found out, they would all know. I was doing my best to put it off but it couldn’t be for long. I told the pack to give me a few days off after the funeral and they had been patrolling. During that time, I had avoided Claire like the plague even though every fiber of my being was trying to get to her.

When I had seen her at the funeral, everything had changed. She was my reason for living now and all I wanted was to make her happy. She seemed happy with Christopher, so I had to stay away. I sat back in my chair and remembered everything I could about that day.

_I walked up to where they were standing. Christopher gave me a warm smile and patted me on the back._

_“Hey man, I want you to meet Claire,” he said.  I turned to her and was hooked. It was like the whole world floated away and all that was left was Claire and I. I wanted to say something wonderful and charming. However, I lost the brain to mouth connection and was unable to say anything._

_“So you’re the one that keeps stealing him away from me, huh?”  Her snarky voice came across to me like angels singing. She was also the only person at the whole funeral who didn’t start off with a pity comment. If I wasn’t already imprinted, I would have fell in love._

_“I’m sorry, I’ll try to keep it to a minimum,” I replied hastily. Christopher looked at me strangely and I pulled back my intense gaze._

_“Whatever. Sorry about your dad and all that.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_I had to tear myself away from her; I couldn’t do anything to betray my brother, the one that had been there for me. The one whose suit I was wearing._

_I walked away, forcing myself to not look back. I didn’t need to; her face was forever branded on my soul._

The idea of imprinting had always repulsed me, but now I found it romantic. I wished that I hadn’t imprinted on my friend’s girl, but there was no way I could regret it was Claire. I wondered what it would feel like to kiss her, her viperbites cold as they pressed into my skin.

I found myself overly aroused as I pictured Claire in my perfect memory. Her body was feminine, thin, but perfectly rounded. Thinking about her made me want to run to her. But what would I say? Would she think I was gross for hitting on her when she was dating my friend? I needed to talk to Christopher first. I just wasn’t sure how to have the conversation.

Maybe I wouldn’t like her sexually once I got to know her. I figured if an imprinter was supposed to be whatever his imprintee needed, then I should only want to be friends because she was otherwise spoken for. After mulling this idea around in my head, I decided to seek Claire out and get to know her better.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I flew off my couch and was running towards where she lived. I may have looked up this information as well as committed every bit of her online website about Goth culture to memory.

I found myself standing at the end of her street, not really even remembering getting there. I looked at her little blue house and smiled. I could imagine her in there, writing poetry, reading, masturbating.  I shook my head, I knew better than to be there but I couldn’t walk away.

Soft arms wrapped themselves around my waist and had I not know instinctively that they were hers, I would have jumped. Instead I just enjoyed the feeling of us being connected. Unfortunately, they were pulled from me much too quickly.

“Shit, you’re not Christopher,” she spouted.

“Sorry,” I replied, turning to face her. She was just as glorious as she had been before. Still dressed entirely in black, the sun glimmered off her piercings, giving her an aura of light.

“Why are you sorry? I accosted you,” she said smirking.  I shifted uncomfortably but stayed quiet. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Uhm,” I started but really had no idea of what to say.

“Man of few words, huh?” she said still smiling. “Well, are you going somewhere or would you like to come in for a bit?”

“Sure,” I replied, thrilled that she would invite me in.

I had just assumed that Claire would live with her parents, I was wrong. The small house was obviously inhabited by several very messy people.  I doubted that there was a parent of any kind that lived here.

“Here, let me give you a tour,” she said, her voice was low but sexy, like you would imagine a phone sex operator to sound. I nodded and followed her.

  
She led me through the living room and I stepped gingerly over the pizza boxes and shoes. I felt fortunate to have my new reflexes or I would have tripped for sure. The kitchen was slightly better. I had expected to see food lying around decaying but there were just a few dishes in the sink and several un-wiped counters. She gave a small wave but didn’t say anything before turning and leading me down a tiny hallway.

“These are my roommate’s rooms,” she said, motioning to the doors on the right.

“Bathroom….and bedroom,” she continued, motioning to the left. I thought we would return to the living room but instead she opened her door and allowed me into her domain.  Walking into Claire’s room, it became abundantly clear that she was not the culprit of the mess. Her room was neat and clean. A small bed was made with a black, tie-dye comforter. Too much of my imagination was put to use by looking at it so I apprised the rest of the room. Her curtains were the only accessory that wasn’t black, they were a light blue. I looked at them and then her, raising my eyebrow to ask.

“I don’t like to block all the natural light. I like the heat from the sun. I prefer to be warm than cool,” she explained.

“Me too,” I said and she looked up at me with her large, round eyes and smiled the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.

I got lost her eyes, and though I thought she might consider it creepy of me to stare at her so intensely, I couldn’t break our gaze. She looked back at me with something almost like fascination in her eyes, but it was her that broke the contact as she spun around and sat on her bed. I took a step back and leaned against her dresser.

 “So how long have you and Christopher been friends?” she asked.

The question took me off guard but I assumed it was her way of reminding me that she was taken.

“Not that long really,” I said. “Are you guys very serious?” I was scared of the answer but I felt like I needed to know things about her. She was my universe and I needed to know everything about how she functioned.

“I don’t really know how to answer that question, I mean we haven’t really been dating that long but he’s an alright guy.” Her lackluster answer made my insides happy and I fought to keep the joy off my face.

She stood up from the bed and walked towards me. I froze, unsure of what to do.  “You should totally get a tattoo,” she said, staring at my arm.

“Yeah?” I asked with a little more enthusiasm than I probably should have.

“Yeah, you totally have the physique to pull off an arm band.”  My muscles flexed of their own accord at her compliment.

“I’d love to get one, actually, but I’ll have to wait until I’m eighteen, what with my mom not being around right now.” The moment the words left my mouth, I was angry at my mistake. While I knew that Christopher hadn’t exactly lied about his age to Claire, I knew that he never told her he was only sixteen.

“And how old are you?” she asked.

As much as I wanted to lie, I knew that I could never tell an untruth to my imprint. “I’m fifteen, but I’ll be sixteen soon.”

I could see the wheels turning in her head. Why would a nineteen year-old boy be hanging out with a fifteen year-old? I could see the upset in her eyes when she realized that one wouldn’t.

“How old is Christopher?”

“I think maybe you should ask him.”

“How _old_ is Christopher?” she asked again with a firm tone.

“Sixteen, and a half really,” I said, not knowing why I was trying to make it better.  “Don’t worry; if you had sex, he is above the age of consent.” I wasn’t sure who looked more mortified after the words came out of my mouth, her or me.

We stood quietly for a moment, she was close enough that I could have reached out and touched her but I knew that I couldn’t, not yet. I could tell by the way she looked down that I had insulted her, just assumed that she would be the type of girl to put out. With her appearance, she would get that a lot and I felt horrible for doing it as well.

“Why don’t you tell me about yourself?” I asked.

“Oh,” she said surprised, “ah, not much to tell, really. I have a website.”

“Actually, I knew that, I looked at it. It’s really cool,” I told her, hoping that she wouldn’t think I was a stalker.

“You are sweet. But now I am embarrassed, I feel like I have all these great ideas but don’t know how to write them out. I just don’t have the words, you know? I look at the site sometimes and think that it looks like it’s written by a twelve year old.”

“I’m really great with words, maybe I can help you,” I said, jumping at the chance to have a reason to spend time with her.

“You’d do that?” she asked softly.

I wanted to tell her that I’d do anything for her but instead I answered with, “Of course.”

A small smile settled over her face. “I had you all wrong, Quil Black. I can see now why Christopher thinks so highly of you. You are good to other people, I can tell. You’re the type of guy to go out of his way just to help out someone you barely know.”

I wanted to feel pride in her words, she was pleased with me, but instead I felt shame. She described who I used to be, but ever since, I had become a wolf I had been selfish. My emotions ruled me and all I seemed to do was take the easy route. I wondered what Claire would think of me if she knew I kicked my mother out of her home.  I gave her a half smile which I am sure came across like a grimace. She saw it immediately and placed her hand on my arm, the connection was heavenly.

“You are a good person, Quil. Why would I lie to you about that?” she said bringing out a bit of the wit I loved so much.

“You are too, Claire,” I said, staring into her eyes. “Christopher is very lucky.” She looked away after that.

Shortly after, I excused myself. I shouldn’t have been there in the first place and I knew that Christopher would find out I was there the moment he came in the room. I had to find my friend and talk to him because it was very clear to me that I didn’t want to be Claire’s friend. My heart told me that she needed me as much as I needed her. At least I hoped so.

I ran back to my house, I wanted to avoid Christopher for just a bit longer. I had been avoiding my house as well. Really, I only had been in my bedroom and bathroom since the funeral. I went into the kitchen, intent on grabbing a bottled water, when I saw a piece of paper on the table. I walked over to it and saw my name.

_Quil,_

_I don’t blame you for anything. You are my son and a leader. You must do what is right for everyone. I love you. And when you are ready, I will be there for you._

_Love, Mom._

Tears filled my eyes. I had wronged my mom over and over again, and she still loved me. I felt even less worthy of Claire. I had to make it right. I had so many things to make right. First I would go to Christopher and then I would go to my mom and see if I could repair some of the damage that had been done.

I grabbed my water and drained it in one motion, the liquid bringing strength to my body that matched my resolve. I grabbed my phone and dialed Christopher’s number, telling him to meet me in the woods. If he got upset and morphed, then I didn’t want it to happen in the middle of town. I gave a location not far from my house, so that I didn’t change until after I had a chance to talk to him. 

He showed up not long after I did as he had come in wolf form. When he saw me standing there still human, he changed back. I tossed a pair of sweats at him; this was not a conversation to have in the buff.

“What’s up, man? You sounded kind of urgent,” he started.

“Christopher, I wanted you to be the first person to know…” I trailed off, losing my nerve.

“Know what?”

“I’ve imprinted,” I said quickly.

“Wow. Uh, sorry?” he replied, clearly unsure of how I felt about it.

“Oh no, it’s wonderful, she’s wonderful. It’s just, she’s taken.”

“What, like married?” he asked.

“No, she’s dating someone.”

“Well that’s not a big deal, right? Cause you two are fated, I’m sure that she’ll dump the guy as soon as you express interest.” I felt like the biggest shit alive. Christopher was always on my side, even when he was attacking himself. Not that he knew it.

“It’s Claire,” I said finally.

“Claire who?” he asked.

“It’s _Claire,_ ” I repeated like an apology.

“Claire, Claire? My Claire?” he asked, hurt.

“I’m sorry man, you know I couldn’t help it,” I pleaded.

“But she’s perfect for _me!_ You even said it yourself,” he reasoned.

“Well it turned out I was wrong. Apparently she’s perfect for me,” I replied in a gentle tone.

“No!” he stated firmly and started pacing.

“No?”

“You can’t have her,” he replied petulantly.

“Christopher, you said it yourself, we are fated.”

He continued pacing, I could see his body shaking and wondered if I should start undressing but I thought that might be in bad taste. I tried to discreetly take off my shoes; I really didn’t want to have to buy new ones.

On one step, Christopher was a person, and then on the next, he was a wolf. My body’s defense kicked in and I was changing before he turned his head back to me. He didn’t speak to me in our minds, instead he lunged at me, and I took the blow with dignity.

I fought back, but just enough to let him know that I wasn’t letting him win. He needed to have this out and I was going to let him. He bit at my back and my neck. He was mad but he wasn’t trying to kill me. His giant body tumbled us over and we rolled into a small tree, knocking it down.

His snarling stopped almost as quickly as it started and he backed away from me. In the middle of fighting, I showed him. I played over the moment I met her, my guilt over it, me in her bedroom. He knew; there was nothing he could do.

_You can take some time if you need to be alone. I can cover your patrols this week._

He nodded his head but there was too much hurt to respond to me. He turned and ran farther in the woods. I changed back quickly, giving him his privacy.

The next afternoon, I found myself in the woods. Besides the day before, I hadn’t been in wolf form for over a week and I found that I had missed it; the speed and the clarity of my purpose. I was stalking a deer when I heard Christopher’s presence in my mind. I was surprised; I hadn’t expected to hear from him so soon. He didn’t say anything per say but he was showing me a vision.

_He stood on the steps in front of Claire’s house. She opened the door and let him in. They walked back into her bedroom._

I flinched a bit and hoped that he wasn’t going to show me something to hurt me. But I had trust in him so I didn’t interrupt.

_Claire sat down on the edge of her desk, like I had done when I was there. They both looked nervous, avoiding eye contact._

_“We need to talk,” they said at the same time and then chuckled. It didn’t appear to break the tension._

_Claire spoke next, “Christopher, you are a really great guy. I just…I don’t think that you are the right one for me.”_

_“Yeah, I think you’re right,” Christopher responded but I could tell his heart wasn’t in it. “It’s Quil, isn’t it?” She looked shocked for a moment and then embarrassed. “It’s okay. He’ll treat you right, I know he will.”_

_“You’re…you’d be okay with that?” she asked._

_“I will be,” he replied before walking up to her and giving her a gentle kiss. He then turned and left the room._

I wanted to say ‘thank you,’ but Christopher changed back so quickly. He had opened up the path to my imprint and I would be forever grateful.

Wasting no time, I ran straight to Claire’s place. I knew that she had just broken up with her boyfriend but I wanted to see her. I just hoped she wanted to see me too.

I knocked on her door and it was opened a minute later. She looked at me with amusement and confusion in her eyes.

“Quil?”

“I know this is crappy timing, but I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime?” I asked, my voice starting strong and then tapering off.

“Okay, but we aren’t doing anything illegal. No getting feisty until you’re sixteen,” she said with her mock confidence.

“Claire, you don’t have to do anything with me until I’m thirty if you don’t want. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what. You don’t have to kiss me or touch me; I just want to be around you.”

Her false bravado crumbled for a minute and I relished in the sight of her true self. Her eyes glassed over, and I made to say something else, but it didn’t come out because she had connected her lips with mine. It was not a kiss of seduction; it was a kiss of gratitude.

It was the best friggen moment of my life.

 

 


	26. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

BPOV

I sat on my bed waiting for Edward to arrive. Once I had fallen asleep to the sound of Edward’s humming, it seemed that I couldn’t find rest without it again. Like clockwork, he slipped through my window at five past eleven, and right on cue, I felt guilty for using him as a crutch.

“Hi,” I said but he only frowned back at me.

“Bella, we have been over this. It is really my pleasure to come and sing you to sleep,” he replied.

“I thought you couldn’t read my mind.”

“No, but I can read your face.”

I harrumphed but scooted over in the bed, allowing him room. Just like in the nights that preceded it, Edward climbed gracefully into the small bed. He was careful not to touch me but his body lay close enough to make me dizzy with his aroma.

“I’m not tired yet,” I said.

It had been a month since the funeral, and my and Edward’s friendship was becoming one of the most important things in my life. He was there for me to talk to when Rebecca had finally had her meltdown. She hit her breaking point when John transformed in front of her for the first time. I wasn’t much help to her as the thought of him hurting my baby had me panicked into silence. Later, Edward had talked me through my fears, and while it was clear that he wasn’t a fan of the wolves, he leant me a great deal of emotional support.

Truly, Edward was a gift. He never pushed and I was beginning to think I had read the situation wrong. Maybe when Carlisle had told me that Edward never took notice of a woman before, he meant in any way, for if Edward was attracted to me physically, it never showed. He remained a gentleman always, and even though it made a small part of me disappointed, I was grateful for the space. I was, after all, still mourning my husband.

“I’m glad, there is something that I would like to talk to you about,” he said, his voice never ceasing to soothe me.

“What’s that?”

“Well I had mentioned before about you meeting my family. I was hoping maybe I could take you home tomorrow.”

“Oh,” I said. I knew I had agreed to meet them but there were moments that Edward seemed to dazzle me, leaving me agreeing to things that I normally wouldn’t. I was still leery of meeting the vampire coven even though Edward had assured my safety.

“I mean you don’t have to. I never want you to feel uncomfortable, Bella,” he said, but even with his unwavering voice, I could hear the uncertainty in it. He wanted me to meet them, and I had promised.

“Okay,” I said before thinking too much.

“Really?” he asked smiling.

“Really.” I reached out and touched his hand with mine. The hard, icy sensation felt good against my always warm hand. He looked surprised for a moment but didn’t move away.

I kept my hand on his as he hummed me to sleep that night.

I bustled nervously through Charlie’s kitchen the next morning. Edward was gone by the time I got up and I was grateful because Rebecca came charging into my room and jumped in my bed.

“John wants to take me surfing,” she said, putting on a huge smile.

“That’s nice, not going to happen though,” I replied.

“Mom,” she whined, making my name several syllables longer than it should have been.  “John won’t let anything happen to me…he couldn’t even if he wanted to.”

“John is not Superman, Rebecca. There are things he might not be able to foresee.”

“Come on, dad would’ve let me go,” she said, low and sad. I knew that she was using this as a tactic to get me to cave. The problem was that it worked. I felt horrible, and even though I shouldn’t have let her play me against her dead father, she was right. He would have let her go.

“Okay, but I want you home by supper,” I said and then regretted it. I had no idea when Edward was coming to take me to his family’s or how long we would be.

 “But Leah and Sam are barbequing.”

“Let me call them and make sure,” I said breathing a sigh of relief.

Of course, they were happy to have Rebecca. They had been hosting Quil a lot as well and I was eternally grateful for the updates they provided me.  Leah told me that Quil had been happier lately, lighter almost. I hoped that meant that I would be able to talk to him soon. I needed to fix things with my son.

Rebecca left not long after that, Sam came and picked her up. He was driving the kids back down to La Push and I wondered if I would ever be allowed back.

“Morning, Bells,” Charlie said as he came into the kitchen.

“Hey dad,” I replied, pouring him a glass of orange juice.

“What’s your plans for today?”

 “Uhm, I’m going out with a friend. Rebecca won’t be back until after supper so I will probably be out until then as well.”

“Sure,” he replied picking up the paper.

Charlie didn’t know about Edward. It wasn’t something that I could really explain. I was thirty-five and Edward was claiming to be fifteen. Telling anyone would raise huge red flags.

I wondered if Edward would call or just come and pick me up. I wondered what I should wear, if there was a dress code to meeting your friend’s vampire family. The problem was, with everyday that passed, I was beginning to think of Edward less and less as a friend and more like a potential suitor.

Charlie left for work around eleven and I was left pacing the floor. When a knock came on the front door at quarter after, I had nearly worn a path in the carpet with my feet.

“Hi,” he said casually smiling on the other side of the screen door.

“Hi,” I replied. My heart was pounding, but for once, it wasn’t at the thought of meeting Edward’s family. It was because of Edward. He was dressed in light tans and white and he looked nearly angelic.

“Don’t be nervous, I promise they won’t bite,” he chuckled. I stood paralyzed, still basking in his beauty. “Sorry, was that in bad taste?”

I had to laugh at that. “Bad taste, Edward? I thought I was delicious.”

He scowled and stepped towards me, stalking me, not unlike he had the first time we had met. Only this time, I wasn’t scared. I was excited.

“You,” he started, “are the most delicious creature I’ve ever met.” For a moment, I thought he might kiss me, but instead he composed himself and offered me his arm. “Shall we?”

“We shall,” I replied unwilling to show him how much he affected me.

He held his car door open as I climbed in. In a flash, he was sitting in the driver’s seat next to me, causing me to jump.

“I think you like scaring me,” I said with my hand over my heart.

Edward looked at me with a serious face. I felt studied as he stared without speaking. His gaze only caused my heart rate to climb. He let out a sigh before talking, “I’m sorry, Bella. I don’t want you to be afraid of me. But the truth is I’m terrified of you, so I guess sometimes I like to even the playing field a little.”

 “You’re frightened of me?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes,” he replied simply.

“What on earth for?”

“Don’t you know, Bella? You are the only one who could hurt me.” With that, he turned and put the car in drive.

I took in Edward’s words as he drove. Every time he would say something like that, my brain would try to make sense of it. What on earth would he want me for? I mean, it was easy to want him. I wanted him. It was the first time I had acknowledged it. I had a small feeling of guilt that came over me about Jake. But I know that Jake loved me and he would want me to be happy.

What if it was Edward who could make me happy? Would he want that? I had to think, yes.

“So you are sure this is safe?” I asked one more time.

“Yes Bella, I promise.”

“But what if I’m like _everyone’s_ singer? You won’t be able to fight them all off. You’ll be lucky if you get a taste,” I said jokingly but my fear slipped through.

 “Bella, do you know how rare it is for us to find our singers? And then to have the same one as another of your coven, I’m not sure it’s even possible.”

“Well if it’s possible, it would be me,” I said alluding to my monstrously bad luck.

Edward looked at me nervously for a moment as if considering what I had just said very somberly. He then shook his head and gave me a smile.

We pulled up to a beautiful house nestled in the woods. I looked at it with wonder. It had to have been no less that a five-bedroom home. I immediately chastised myself for not taking up Edward’s offer to stay with him.

“With my mind reading, I think I’d still be able to get you out. You’ll be safe.”

“Very reassuring, Edward,” I said squishing my face up. He laughed before pulling off down a dirt road.

My door opened before I even knew Edward had gotten out of the car. He held his hand out for me and I took it, sliding my legs out as gracefully as I could. He placed his hand on the small of my back and whispered the word, “breathe,” into my ear.

I did my best to follow his instructions, but with the chill of Edward’s hand and the foreboding feeling of walking into a house full of vampires, my basic functions were not working well.

The house on the inside was as stunning as the outside. White furniture littered the main room, as well as a piano and a glass coffee table that looked like it cost more than my yearly salary, which wasn’t much, but still.

The back of the house was made up entirely of windows; I raised my eyebrows as I appraised them.

“It’s the one place we don’t have to hide,” Edward said, explaining.

“It’s beautiful,” I replied.

A soft clearing of the throat brought my attention to the archway on the East side of the room. Carlisle was standing there with his arm around a ravishing woman with caramel colored hair. She had a small smile on her face and I knew her right away.

“Hello Bella,” Carlisle said.

“Carlisle,” I greeted, “and you must be Esme, I’ve heard so much about you.” I walked up to her and extended my hand. Edward said I would be safe and I trusted him.

Esme quirked her perfect eyebrow at Edward, earning a shrug from him, but then returned her gaze to me. “It is very nice to meet you too, Bella.”

Once Esme released my hand, Carlisle took it and shook it as well. Edward came up behind me and I reveled in his closeness. His scent had a way of giving me tranquility. If I could bottle it, I would make a fortune with it at my yoga classes.

“Have you eaten?” Esme asked.

“Uhm no, have you?” I squeaked wondering how I could be so dumb as to not eat lunch before coming to a house with no food.

Carlisle let out a boisterous laugh and Edward just shook his head.  It was the second time I had made a joke like that with Carlisle around. I worried that Edward’s father might think me a bit strange but then I remembered that they were all vampires: they were the strange ones.

“It’s ready,” a loud voice boomed through the house.

“They made you lunch,” Edward said.

“Oh, thank you,” I said, stunned. “You really didn’t have to.”

“We wanted to,” a new voice came at me as a small pixie-like girl with black, spiky hair entered the room. She didn’t even pause as she walked towards me and encased me in a hug. Edward hissed beside me, causing her to let me go. I was sure that this was Alice.

She slapped his arm before spouting, “Don’t worry, Edward, Bella and I are going to be good friends.”

I was glad I knew about her abilities or her comment may have been a bit creepy to me.  Edward kept his hand on my back as he led me to the other room. Three other vampires were standing in the stainless steel kitchen with more food than eight people could eat and it was only me who would be partaking.

The biggest one, that I was sure was Emmett, came bounding up. I willed myself not to flinch from him but my body had other ideas. It was only a small movement but Edward noticed it and growled at his brother. This didn’t help my heart rate any. 

Emmett backed off quickly, looking like a dejected puppy.  I felt bad so I took a step forward but Edward still had a grip on my side and I bounced right back to him.

“Ow,” I said under my breath.

“Bella, I’m so sorry,” Edward said pleading.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m okay, really.”

Everyone stood quietly and the only sound in the room was my own breathing.  It took a few moments but Esme finally broke the ice, asking me to sit. I felt weird sitting to eat while everyone else watched me but it was not as bad as I originally thought.

Everyone engaged me in conversation except Rosalie. The beautiful blonde was intimidating, to say the least, but I tried to just ignore her as much as I could. At one point in the lunch, Edward had reached over and tucked my hair behind my ear. I was sure I heard her say, “disgusting,” and I decided I’d had enough.

“Do you have a problem with me, Rosalie?” The faces around me became paralyzed in a shocked and somber look; all except Emmett’s, who had his hand over his face, covering a smile.  I was acting brave but I knew my heartbeat was giving me away.

“As a matter of fact, I do,” Rosalie stated firmly.

“Rose,” Edward chastised.

“No, that’s okay,” I said placing my hand on Edward’s leg, “I want to hear what she has to say.”

“I think you are as dangerous to us as we are to you. I think it would be best if members of this family weren’t as close to you as they are.”

“I see,” I said. “So then, is Edward allowed to tell you who you can be friends with?”

“If I’m endangering the family, then yes.”

“So do you all feel that I am endangering you?” I asked scanning the table.

Carlisle was the first to speak, “No, of course not.”

“What if she gets mad at Edward for being, well Edward, and then decides to send the pack of mutts after us?”

I stood up from my chair quickly; it made a loud bang as it hit the floor. “First of all, Rosalie, don’t ever refer to my son that way again. Secondly, if I had that kind of control over the pack, I wouldn’t be banished from my home.”

“What?” she asked shocked.

I looked at Edward. He had told me that there were no secrets in his family so I assumed that they knew about my situation.

“I asked Alice to keep it a secret,” he said shrugging. I was oddly grateful for his discretion.

“I am not allowed in La Push and maybe I’m not welcome here either,” Edward made to say something but I stopped him, “I’m not sure I belong in the human world anymore either. Edward has been my only real friend through all of this and I’m sorry that you feel threatened by that, but the truth is, I love…spending time with him and it’s not going to stop unless he says it has to.”

“It doesn’t,” he answered.

“Okay then. Thank you for a lovely lunch but I think I ought to be going now.”

I turned and made my way quickly towards the door. Edward caught up with me before I took two steps. My legs were wobbling as what I had done sunk in. I had stood up for myself and my son to a vampire, one that admittedly hated me. I wondered if I had a hidden death wish inside of me somewhere.

“Wait Bella, don’t go,” he pleaded. I looked at him, and as much as I wanted to stay with _him_ , I knew it was best to cool off before talking with his family again.  “Please. Let me take you somewhere, get out for a while.”

“Okay,” I said softly.

A smile lit up his face and he guided me out of the house.

We didn’t talk much about his family in the following weeks, but we did talk a lot about us, and shortly after that meeting, we officially began dating…in secret. With the age difference, we couldn’t really be seen out and about holding hands. Our relationship consisted of long talks, sitting in our meadow.

Edward talked to me about his rebellious period. He had left his family for a few years, thinking that he could pick and choose his prey with his abilities, however, he couldn’t escape the shame and he returned home.  He carried a lot of guilt over it, but as much as it pained me to think of him that way, everyone has things in their past they aren’t proud of.

I told Edward about Jake. How we met, fell in love, and became married at a ridiculously young age. Edward didn’t seem jealous, he made comments about being happy that I had someone to take care of me and love me before he came along.

Our relationship was really not much different from when we were just friends, but there were small touches. It was perfect; I wasn’t ready to delve into a physical relationship so quickly after Jake, no matter how attracted I was to Edward. But I definitely wouldn’t have minded some kissing.

Kissing would have been nice.

 


	27. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

QPOV

My mom told me when I was younger that when you fall in love with someone, it is gradual. They do things each day that make you fall more and more in love with them. I didn’t think that applied to me, after all, wouldn’t imprinting mean loving at full capacity already? Apparently that wasn’t the case because everything Claire did made me love her a little more.

I took her to the movies for our first date, it was unoriginal to the casual observer but there was a scary movie marathon in Port Angeles and I knew that her tastes ran to the macabre. Our second date was a bonfire on First Beach. The gang thought it would be cool to all hang out together, John even brought Rebecca. I hadn’t expected Christopher to show up but I was disappointed when he didn’t. I understood that the wound was still fresh but it wouldn’t be long until he was back in wolf form and privy to it all anyway.

Each of those two dates had ended with a steamy kiss on her front porch, so on the third date when she invited me in, I was a little shocked. She looked nervous as she led me back towards her room.  Her roommate, Sara, was out. I had yet to meet her but I was very familiar with her messes already.

She sat down on the bed as soon as she entered the room but her nervous eyes gave away her casual posture. I knew that she expected me to want something from her, and while I did, I could wait.

“So does your roommate actually exist or do you live with a garbage fairy?” My joke had caused the appropriate reaction, she laughed and the tension was broken.

“Come here,” she said patting the bed. I sat against the headboard and pulled her to me so that she was sitting in between my legs. She leaned her head back against my chest. “You’re pretty great, you know that?”

“Yeah, I’ve been told that once or twice,” I chuckled. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How far did you and Christopher go?” He had kept his thoughts to himself as much as he could, and I was grateful, but if there was any hurt left when he changed again, I’m sure I would see everything.

“Not sure I’m comfortable talking about my physical relationship with your friend,” she said.

“I just want to be warned.” If I knew what was coming, it would be easier to keep my temper about it later when I was slammed with the visions of whatever acts they participated in.

“You think he’ll tell you?” Her voice was hesitant as she spoke.

“He won’t be able to help it,” I said truthfully.

The next few minutes were weird as Claire told me the basics of what she had done with Christopher. And while they hadn’t had sex, they had done plenty of intimate things. I didn’t like the fact that Christopher had seen so much of my girl naked but there wasn’t much I could do about it.

She had turned while she had been talking and now was facing me. After seeing my reaction to what she said, she looked nervous.

“Maybe we should keep our relationship from him for a little bit.” She played with her necklace when she was nervous, a trait that I had already noticed in our short time together.

“He already knows,” I said as gently as I could.

“Oh…how is he with it?” The little charm on the end of her chain made clicking noises against her fingernail as she fiddled.

“I’m not going to lie, he really likes you Claire, but he and I have an understanding about it.”

“An understanding?” she said, sounding pissed.

“Just that he understands that you made your choice. We didn’t play rock-paper-scissors for you or anything.”  She laughed at my comment and I sighed in relief.

“So you haven’t really talked much about your family. Is it just your mom and your sister that you live with?”

“Well actually I am kind of on my own right now. I stay at a friend’s place most of the time,” I answered.

“Wow…that is really sad.” She looked at me with such pity; pity I didn’t deserve.

I wondered if now was the right time to tell her about me. As my imprint, she was allowed to know everything, but I wasn’t sure if it was better to get in a more secure relationship before doing that.  Before I could decide what I wanted to do, Claire leaned in and brought her face close to mine.

“You can stay here sometimes, if you like,” she said casually but the nearness of her was in direct contrast to her tone.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I replied in a full octave higher than my normal voice.

My unease only seemed to spurn her on and she closed the distance, her full lips soft on mine. I returned her kiss, placing my hand on the back of her head and pulling her closer. She came willingly, but to avoid losing her balance, she ended up straddling me.  My hand lowered onto her back and the other one joined it before they both decided to go AWOL and continue their journey straight to her ass.

The sound she made when my large hands cupped her tiny behind was better than baseball, it was better than angels singing. It was better than angels singing at a baseball game. After she made the glorious modulation, my hands continued their rogue mission and began to knead and caress.

Claire’s hands went on a mission of their own; they started on my neck, gently clawing on their way down my chest. They took their turn on each section of my toned abs and my ego couldn’t help but inflate when her eyes went wide with lust when they kept going after six.

Things were going great, right up until she decided to sit down on my throbbing dick. I hissed as I pushed her away and she sat back quickly, looking rejected.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied quickly.

“It’s just…you’re so sexy and I want to respect you and take things slow but I can’t when you’re doing… what you were doing. You understand?”

“God, I’m such an idiot, I always forget that you’re so young,” she laughed.

“I’m not that young,” I pouted.

“Okay, not young, inexperienced.” That did not make me feel any better.

“Can we talk about something else, please?”

“Okay, why did your mom leave you?” I wondered if I should have stuck to the conversation about my virginity.

“We had a fight. She did something that put my family in danger and my dad died as a result of it, well and me, so I told her it would be better if she left.”

“So you are saying that you and your mom are responsible for your dad’s death?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes.”

“What happened?” she asked.

“I promise I will tell you, just not today, okay?”

 “Fair enough, but it seems like you pushed away the only person who could be harboring the same guilt as you. Is what she did so bad?”

“She made a friend with someone she shouldn’t have,” I said not knowing what else to say.

 “What made them such a bad friend?”

“Let’s just say that he is dangerous.”

“So you are judging her based on her friends? That’s not cool.” I could tell that she had been in the same situation, but without telling her the specifics, there was no way to let her know that this was a bit bigger than some guy with tattoos that rode a Harley.

“It’s hard to explain,” I said mad at myself for not telling her the truth. It just didn’t feel like the right time and I assumed that was the imprint in me taking care of her.

“Wait,” she said, her eyes going wide, “did your mom cheat on your dad?”

“Yeah…no…I don’t know.”

“Well I think that you should talk to her about it. I think it’s important that you make amends or get closure.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I acquiesced.

It took me almost a month to make good on talking with my mom. Whenever I thought of it, I got upset, and I wanted to make sure my control was perfect before attempting a conversation with her.  Part of me wanted to ignore the situation for as long as I could, however, I knew that avoidance would only last so long.  I’d had lots of occasions to talk to her. She called once a day at John’s house asking to speak to me but I had never been ready.

I finally called her and asked her to meet me at the coffee shop in Forks. I wanted a public place where I would be forced to be in better control.

“You’re doing the right thing,” Claire said. She was wearing a deep orange top and it was the first time I had seen her in anything but black. She looked beautiful.

“I know, but that doesn’t make it any easier,” I replied.

“Hmmm, maybe this will,” she stated before pulling me in for a kiss. The feel of her viperbites pressing into my skin was delectable.  I had to bend down to reach her but her platform boots made up a lot of the height difference. When she pulled away, she had a proud smirk on her face.

“Nope, that made it harder,” I purred, my reply thick with innuendo.

“Oh you are a naughty boy,” she laughed, “I think I’ve corrupted you.”

“You can corrupt me anytime you like,” I teased back. We smiled at each other for a moment before the reality of what I was doing came back.  Being with Claire definitely helped and I wanted her to know how grateful I was for her. “Thank you.”

“Don’t get soft on me now kid,” she said jokingly but I could see the feeling in her eyes.

The drive to Forks was a quiet one, well for talking, anyway. Claire blasted loud music through the car and the thump-thump of the bass was doing a great job distracting me from my thoughts.  I knew there was only one question that I needed to ask and my mother’s answer to it could change everything.

“I’ll be right here waiting, okay? You take as little or as long as you’d like,” Claire said, proving once again that she was the most wonderful woman in the world.

“I adore you,” I said. I had started saying it when it was getting hard to keep my feelings hidden. It was a nice compromise from not saying anything or scaring her off with an “I love you” too soon.

“Good luck, sweet boy,” she replied with her nickname for me. I didn’t care if it made me a pussy, I loved it.

I stepped out of the car and headed across the road to the small shop. I could see her brown hair through the window, her body looked stiff. I guessed I wasn’t the only one who was nervous.  I walked in the door and she turned with the sound of the bell. Her eyes gave away her eagerness but she stayed in her seat. I walked over and sat down across from her.

“Can I get you something?” she asked.

“No, I’m good,” I replied and she nodded.

“Thanks for coming to talk to me.” Her voice was quiet and sad.

I was lost, I didn’t know what to do or say. Not knowing how to make things right was the hardest part. While I was still thinking, mom began talking.

“How have you been?”

“Good. I’m dating someone,” I replied. If she was surprised, she hid it well.

“Do I know her?”

“Yeah, her name is Claire,” I replied.

“Wasn’t Christopher dating a girl named Claire?”

“Not anymore,” I replied matter-of-factly.  She gave me a stern look but said nothing. “I imprinted.” I could never withstand that mother look.

There was no way she was poker-facing that bombshell. Her mouth dropped open and her eyes nearly exited her forehead.

“How do you feel about that?” she asked hesitantly. She knew that I had not been a fan of the idea.

“Really great, I love her,” I responded. It felt good to say it out loud. My mom smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back.

The table fell silent again for a moment; my mom stirred her tea and kept her eyes down. I was wishing that I had accepted the drink offer after all, so that I too had something to play with in the awkward moments.

“How are you?” I asked, somewhat scared of the answer.

“I’m coping. Edward’s been a really great friend during this time,” she said, answering what she knew I wanted to know.

“Mom, this is a really hard question to ask, but I need to know. Did you cheat on dad?”

“No,” she said, looking directly into my eyes. “I loved your father.”

I held back the tears as I realized that I believed her. My anger over my assumption had been what killed dad, and now that I knew that it was false, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

I put my head down and my breaths came out short. Before I knew it, she was crouched down by my chair, rubbing my back like she used to when I was a kid.

“Shh, Quil, it’s not your fault,” she whispered to me, “I should have never kept my friendship hidden. I am the mom; I should have told you that it was too important for me to give up.”

“But he’s a…” I stopped as I had no clue who might now be listening after my emotional display.

“Quil, there is something I have to tell you, and it’s not going to be easy for you to hear. I want you to know that I love you and your sister more than anything and I never wanted to do anything to hurt you. But you have to know…I am dating Edward.”

“What?!” I exclaimed my head flying up. She took a step back and I calmed myself.

“How can you even do that? He’s so young?”

“Well it’s not like we can walk around town together, but he makes me happy.”

“Don’t you think you could pick a safer rebound guy? Shit mom, dad’s only been in the ground a couple of months!”

“Edward’s not a rebound. I don’t expect you to understand.”

“Do you want to explain it to me? You already are physically eighteen years older than him. How long could it work out for?”

“I don’t know, maybe forever,” she replied, once again looking down at her tea.

“No!” I all but screamed. “You can’t become one of them, I won’t let you.”

“It’s not your choice, Quil. Besides, it’s not something that we’ve even talked about yet.”

I was furious. How could she even be considering such a thing? For her to _want_ to be a filthy bloodsucker. How would she care for Rebecca? Did she just think she could pawn her off to the pack and no one would care? And what about Grandpa Charlie? He would be devastated if she died. No, I couldn’t allow this. I had to do whatever I could to protect her, until my dying breath.

“If he bites you, it breaks the treaty. And if that happens, it means war.”

And this time, I meant it.

 


	28. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

BPOV

“Okay, open your eyes,” Edward said his smooth voice rushing over me. I almost wanted to keep my eyes closed. My other senses were heightened without my sight and I could almost feel him…taste him.

I opened my eyes and looked at Edward. He was standing in the middle of the meadow, directly in the sun. The light bounced off his skin like a prism; he literally sparkled. He stood perfectly still, like a statue.  I could see the hesitation in his eyes as I studied him. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t, I was completely speechless.

The sight of Edward with his skin aglow was literally the most beautiful thing I had seen in my entire life. I could’ve sat and watched the sun reflect off his perfect, ivory skin all day.  He broke my trance by taking a single step towards me before stopping.

“Bella? Say something,” he pleaded.

“You’re dazzling,” I replied. The word wasn’t important enough for the splendor that stood before me but it was all I could come up with.

His expression turned from desperate to shocked. “You never react the way I expect you to,” he said.  I could tell he was becoming sullen. It was something that I’d seen happen a few times since we started hanging out. Edward, though worldly and my elder, still had the self-esteem of a seventeen year-old. It caused him to retreat into himself and convince himself he didn’t deserve love or companionship. I could usually snap him out with humor.

“Well what did you expect me to say when you brought me out here to show me that diamonds really are a girl’s best friend?”

I walked over to him and placed my arms around his waist. He stood there unmoving for a moment before he placed his arms around me.  We had been officially together as a couple for just a week. Things had been moving along in that direction and I’d decided that we needed to talk about it. After an evening of weighing the pros and the cons, we decided that there was no way we could stay away from each other, and if we admitted that now, then it wouldn’t get muddled later.

The truth was that Edward was everything I needed in a man. He was caring and considerate. The only thing that was lacking at this point was physicality. I was still not ready to jump into bed with him but I also needed to know if we were compatible. Unfortunately, when a seventeen year-old falls for a thirty five year-old, it’s apparently easy to resist the physical stuff. Edward hadn’t so much as kissed me yet.

I looked up at him and he stared back with unwavering devotion. I willed him to kiss me, I snuggled into his chest and batted my eyes, and all I got in return was a sexy smile. At seventeen, I might have waited for Edward to decide he was ready but I knew too much about life, and if you don’t ask for what you want, you may never get it.

“Kiss me,” I whispered.

The smile fell from Edward’s face and a pained one took its place. He looked off to the side and I couldn’t help but think he was looking for an escape. I decided to take a different turn.

“Don’t you want to?” I asked with no judgment in my voice. We needed to be honest with each other if we wanted us to work.

“Bella, of course I want to,” he replied his frown lines deepening.

“Then why won’t you?”

“I’m scared. If I lost control, even for a second…” his voice trailed off.

“So is it my scent that is the problem?”

“Yes,” he said ashamed.

“Don’t,” I replied touching his cheek. “I need to understand so we can figure out a way to work this. Can you hold your breath for a moment? I would like to try something.”

“Okay,” he said looking at me with amusement in his eyes.

When I noticed that his chest stopped moving, I rose up on my tip toes. I placed a small kiss on his chin, then his cheek. I hesitated but kept my face close to his, and when he seemed to be all right, I placed a small and chaste kiss on his lips.  It was a tiny moment but Edward’s eyes closed. I took a step back and gave him his space, even though after nearly drowning in the sweet smell of his venom, it was the last thing that I wanted to do.

“Was that okay?” I asked.

“Bella, that was magical,” he said reverently.

“It wasn’t too hard for you?”

“It was manageable, holding my breath helped.”

“Maybe you can try to kiss me now. Just hold your breath again and I’ll stay completely still. Well as still as a human can,” I joked, hoping to ease some of the tension.  “If you think you’re ready.”

“I’d like that,” he replied.

His chest stopped moving again as he took a step towards me. My breathing increased as I waited for him to close the distance. I hoped that I had not pushed him too far but you have to take chances in any relationship. I figured with the amount of times I had been in near death situations that if God had wanted me dead, I would already be pushing up daisies.

It felt like eons from the time Edward stopped in front of me to the time he placed his lips on mine but having him as an active partner in the kiss was worth the wait times ten. Cool and hard, his lips in theory should have been painful against mine, but instead they complimented my soft, warm ones completely.

The kiss lasted only a few seconds but it was successful. Edward hadn’t killed me and that meant we could try again. Repeatedly, if necessary.

When Edward dropped me off that night, Rebecca was already sound asleep on the couch. I hated seeing her living on a couch. I wished that we could get our own place but the life insurance money from Jake wasn’t enough to buy a place and there wasn’t much to rent in Forks. The cheaper housing was in La Push.  Plus, I was still paying for heat and water on our house there. It was the only way I was still allowed to take care of my son.

I bent down and gave Rebecca a kiss on the forehead. She was a good kid and I was grateful for the time she was getting to spend with Charlie. The two of them had started having Saturday night movie dates in Port Angeles, and when it got warm enough, Charlie told me that he was going to take her fishing.

John had been over more and more lately, and while I appreciated the fact that he was imprinted, I didn’t like the fact that he would be able to smell Edward all over the house. The last thing I needed him to do was run back to Quil and fuel the fire. 

I went up to my room. My body was still buzzing from the two tender kisses Edward and I had shared in the meadow hours earlier. I changed into my pajamas and headed to the bathroom; I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I was beginning to wish that I told Edward to give me an hour before coming up as I thought about my Rabbit sitting in its case under my bed. 

When I returned to my room, he was sitting there on the bed. I noticed that his eyes were darker than they had been in the daytime, his usual golden honey transforming closer to black. I knew that meant he was hungry. Maybe I would be able to buy myself some time.

“Edward, if you need to hunt…”

“No, it’s okay, I’ll wait until you are asleep,” he replied.

 “Well I was thinking of reading. Maybe you can go and come back,” I suggested.

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“Yes Edward, I will be okay on my own for a couple hours.” I knew I sounded like a mother there but I really wanted to use my Rabbit.

Edward agreed reluctantly and then hopped out the window. I waited a good fifteen minutes before getting the case out. I had no idea how good Edward’s hearing was, but that was not something I that I thought he was ready to hear.

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Four days after the kisses we shared in the meadow, Edward sat me down. He seemed overly nervous as I watched him from my chair. He would pace a few steps, stop, pinch the bridge of his nose, turn around, and pace some more. Every once in a while he would throw in a hair pull.

“What is it already, Edward?” He was starting to make me anxious.

He had been standing on my doorstep when I arrived home from my yoga class. I was sweaty and smelly and the last thing I wanted was my boyfriend with the super senses anywhere near my funk. But he had asked to come in and I was quickly becoming a willing slave to anything he asked.

“I was wondering if I could ask you a favor,” he started.

“Sure,” I replied, thinking about how I would like to continue this after a shower, but I knew it was important, so I stayed in my chair with my arms pressed firmly to my sides so the stench didn’t get out.

“I’ve started this investment and I was hoping that I could have your help with it.”

I looked at him with wide eyes. Was he seriously asking me for money? Surely he must know that I didn’t have any. I was living with my father, after all.

“I don’t think I could be much help,” I said awkwardly. “What is it?”

“Well, I was hoping to show you,” he replied, smirking.

“Right now?” I asked.  He nodded.

I told him that there was no way that I was going out until I got cleaned up. Edward sat in my room while I took my shower. I scrubbed the morning off my body, enjoying the feel of my shower puff. I shampooed and conditioned my hair and gave a quick run over my legs with my razor.

I tied my hair back in a braid so I wouldn’t keep Edward waiting too long and brushed my teeth. I wasn’t sure if there would be more kissing but I wanted minty fresh breath if that was the case. Edward’s kisses excited me like nothing else. I felt a pang of guilt remembering Jake but vowed to not compare the two.

I walked into my room to find Edward standing near the window; he turned when he heard me enter.  A cloud moved and a small amount of sunlight came through the window and hit the side of his face, it lit up for a moment before he stepped out of the way. I wanted to ask him to stay there but I knew it was for the best. It would be hard to explain if the neighbors saw a sparkling man in my window.

Edward refused to tell me where we were going. I sat in the passenger’s seat trying not to let it show just how much I hated surprises. When he pulled down a residential street not far from Charlie’s, I was really confused.

He pulled into a driveway. The small stucco house looked like any other on the block. I wondered why he brought me here. The lawn was neatly manicured and there was a small flowerbed in the middle.  When Edward turned off the car, I shifted to look at him.

“What is this?” I asked.

“This is my house,” he said.

“You bought a house?”

“Yes, it is a great investment. Emmett, Rosalie and I have already fixed up the inside a bit and now we play the waiting game. When the market is good, we will sell it. Until then, I need someone to live here and take care of it. I was hoping that is where you would come in.”

I wasn’t stupid. I knew that Edward’s family had more money than anyone needed and buying a house in Forks was hardly an investment. He knew there would be no way I would accept a house from him so he packaged it in a way that he thought I would agree. I had to admit to myself, it was incredibly sweet. Also, there was the fact that living in Charlie’s tiny house was beginning to grate on my nerves.

“So you want me to live in this house until you sell it?” I clarified.

“You would be doing me a huge service,” he said. I had to admire his commitment, he delivered that line perfectly.

“I wonder if I can get Quil to deliver us our beds,” I thought aloud.

“Well, actually we had some furniture lying around that we weren’t using. It was sitting in storage, so I thought…” He looked at me but I could see the sheepishness there.

He offered to show me the house and I agreed. The furniture was brand new; there was no way that the Cullens had this immaculate stuff just hanging around. The house was furnished beautifully. The living room had been given new hardwood floors and a coat of paint to match the subtle undertones in the grainy couch.

The kitchen had a new sink and taps, the appliances were all brand new as was the tile floor.

“When did you say you bought this place?” I asked. They had done an extraordinary amount of work to it. It would have taken months.

“A week ago,” he replied.

I marveled at the attention to detail that had been put in, like the crown moldings in the dining room. The bedrooms were fantastic. What would be Rebecca’s room was painted her favorite shade of purple. The white sleigh bed was adorned with a purple comforter and the nightstand held a fuzzy purple lamp. She would love it.

“So you just had that lamp lying around?” I quirked an eyebrow at him as I inquired.

“It was Esme’s,” he replied. I shook my head and he smiled at me.

The master bedroom was fantastic. One wall was done entirely in bamboo and all the furniture matched. The bed looked heavenly, like a big fluffy pillow. It was a king size and had four posters made from bamboo.  There was a large dresser and a small chair by the window. I thought about how nice it would be to sit there and read at night.

“Edward, this is wonderful,” I said, tears coming to my eyes. He had not only given me my own place to live but he had done this wonderful thing for me, he made it mine. I don’t know how he knew what I would love but I couldn’t have decorated the room any more perfectly.

A couple hours later, we found ourselves curled up on the couch. I sat between his legs and he put a pillow between our bodies so that I wouldn’t get cold. He gently played with my hair and I couldn’t believe how cared for I felt with that simple action.

I had been falling for Edward for a while now but I think it was in this moment that I realized just how much I loved him. It both scared and excited me. I wasn’t a young, smitten girl, Edward was much younger than me, and if we had a real future together, there were a lot of hard choices ahead. The conversation needed to happen sooner rather than later.

“I know this may be a little bit fast, but I’m not as young as I used to be. We haven’t known each other that long but I want you to know that this feels right. I’m not finished grieving but I won’t stop that from celebrating what we have.”

“What is it you’re trying to say?” Edward asked with some amusement in his voice. I had started rambling but truth be told, I was still scared of him rejecting me.

“I lo…really care about you,” I said, chickening out at the last second.

He sat his body up and turned me to face him. His eyes alight with joy over my declaration. I sat on my knees between Edward’s leg and I couldn’t help the way my heartbeat took flight. It did that whenever I looked at him. He was almost blinding in his beauty.

When I noticed his chest stop moving, I knew that meant he would try to kiss me again. I waited for him to gain control of himself but the moment he started leaning in, I began my journey towards him too. Our lips met and this time we enjoyed moving them a little. It was still a closed mouth kiss but it was definitely not chaste.

With our mouths connected, my body screamed out for more. I knew I needed to take it slow, so I reached out tentatively and placed my hand on Edward’s knee. He stiffened, but when I didn’t move it, he relaxed again. I slid it slowly up his thigh but barely made it two inches before he was standing on the other side of the room.

“I’m sorry,” I said feeling frustrated.

“Don’t be, Bella, it’s just difficult sometimes,” he replied.

“I know,” I breathed out.

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Rebecca took a look around the room; it was something I was sure she was going to love so her lackluster reaction had me confused.

“This is going to be your new room,” I reiterated.

“I love living with Grandpa Charlie, I don’t want to move,” she responded.

“Don’t you want to have your own room, look at it? You love purple.”

“That bloodsucker gave you this house, didn’t he?” she spat, her tone cold.

“You watch your tone, young lady. It is no business of yours where we got the house.” Quil may’ve controlled our conversations but I was damned that my ten year old daughter would be doing the same. “Why would you even say something like that?”

“John says you are endangering us by being friends with him.”  I saw red, how dare he slander my friend when I allowed him access to my daughter.

“Be careful how you treat me and my friends or I will reexamine who you get to be friends with. I am the mother here, you don’t get a say in my life. We are moving and that is that!”

She stormed around the room before throwing herself on the bed, shouting, “That’s not fair! I hate you. I want to stay with Grandpa Charlie!”

I shook my head but left the room. She needed time to cool down. I wondered how my life had gotten so hard. I never realized how much Jake had kept Rebecca in line. Or maybe it was the grief that was making her act out. I decided to do something nice for her. Maybe I had been neglecting her a little too much lately.

I went downstairs and looked in the fridge, just as I expected, Edward had stocked it. In the freezer, I found what I was looking for. I scooped out two large bowls of ice cream and placed them on the counter when the phone rang.

I dug my cell phone out of my purse and answered it. I was surprised to hear Quil’s voice on the other end of the line.  We had a short conversation but I was thrilled he wanted to meet me. I took my peace offering up to Rebecca’s room with a happier outlook.

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Meeting with Quil was a bittersweet experience. A lot of things came out of my mouth that I hadn’t expected to. Saying out loud for the first time that I loved Edward felt wonderful, but the reaction I got was to be expected. Quil flew off the handle, and when I referred to possibly being changed, our meeting was over. I never should have said anything. It was a thought I had been having but I really had not done any research into it.  I should have spoken to Edward before I went to see Quil. I further tarnished my relationship with my son without testing the waters with Edward first. I knew I needed to talk to Edward and so I invited him over the next evening.

“Where do you think this is going?” I asked him as we sat curled up on the couch. Rebecca was sound asleep in her bed, having reluctantly agreeing that her room was “sort of awesome.”

“I don’t understand,” he replied. He shifted back on the couch so that he could look at me better.

“Us, Edward, where are we going?” I was feeling slightly panicked. The more I thought about it, the more I could see how much I had already sacrificed for him. “I’m breaking up my family for a man who can’t really even kiss me, Edward. I love you, I do. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted but I can’t be with another man who isn’t compatible with me.” It wasn’t the way I had envisioned telling him that I loved him for the first time but sometimes life doesn’t always go the way you plan.

“I think we are compatible, Bella,” he replied softly with his brow furrowed.

“I mean sexually, Edward.” His eyes widened briefly.

“I don’t know if I can do that with you…”

“If I’m human,” I finished.

“Well, yes.”

“What if I was like you?” I inquired. “You could be with me then, right?

“No.”

“What do you mean no? Why couldn’t you?”

“I mean that I won’t change you,” he replied. I felt hurt. Knowing that that option was off the table kind of made me wonder what the point was. “I won’t take away your soul. You don’t want to be like me, Bella. I’m no good.”

“Edward, I do want to be like you. You are selfless and caring. You see the good in everyone…but yourself. You are always there when I need a hand or a shoulder to cry on. If there is anyone in the world I would want to be like, it’s you.”

“Bella, I’m a monster,” he emphasized.

“So how do you see us working then?” I asked, completely interested in his response.

“I plan to love you until the day you die.”

“I won’t be a wrinkly old lady with you, Edward. I need to grow old with someone or stay young with you. It’s not even logical to try and pursue something different. How could we possibly be on the same page if you are still young and virile while I am using a walker? Neither of us could be happy that way.”

“Isn’t it enough to love and be loved?”

“Once upon a time, I might have said yes but now I know what I need. I know what makes me happy. I need more than a friend, I need a lover too. You are my best friend, Edward but I married my best friend once and I missed out on the fire.”

Edward looked completely pained as he sat forward on the couch and held his hair tightly in his hands. “I don’t know if I can do this for you.”

“Well I suggest you think it over.  I can’t be the only one making sacrifices.”

That was the first night Edward didn’t stay to hum me to sleep. I understood, though it hurt. He need time to think over what I had asked of him. I didn’t enter this decision lightly and I wanted to make sure he didn’t either. But in the end, I needed someone that would give his all to me, who would fight for me.

I needed to be worth it too.

 


	29. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

QPOV

Trying to get my mind off my mother and the thought of her wanting to be a vampire was difficult. It seemed that Claire was the only person who could make me forget, even if for a short while.  She reminded me of how it felt to be me again. I hadn’t realized how much I had been changed since I became a wolf until I felt the peace with her that I remembered feeling daily in my old life.

Spending my sixteenth birthday without my family was bizarre. My mom would always make me a pineapple upside down cake, and without it, it almost didn’t feel like a birthday at all. The guys surprised me with a small get together at John’s house.

“Happy birthday, man,” Bobby said, slapping me on the back as I came into the room.

“Thanks,” I replied looking around the room.

There was a sign saying ‘Happy Birthday Quil’ that someone must have printed out on a computer. Each letter was its own piece of paper and they were taped on a downward slant on the wall. There were some balloons that had been blown up to various sizes, and on closer inspection, I could see that they read, ‘it’s a boy!’ I shook my head but let out a little laugh. Rhett was sitting on the couch and John and Rebecca were chatting by the snack table.

“Happy birthday, sweet boy,” Claire said from behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist and kissing my shoulder.

I smiled and turned around, gathering her in to my arms, where she belonged. I looked down at her and her cute face was scrunched up.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“I’m just a little bit weirded out by the idea of seeing Christopher tonight,” she whispered, not knowing that most of the guests would be able to hear her anyway.

“He’s not coming,” I replied. He knew that Claire would be at the party, and though we had mended our friendship, the wonder was too fresh for him. Besides, we needed to have one person out patrolling and Christopher was more than happy to be that one.

“Is it because of me?” she asked.

“He had something that he had to do,” I replied.

The party was laid back. The guys pitched in and got me a gift certificate for my favorite store and Claire bought me a leather necklace with a wooden wolf on it, cementing the fact that she was perfect for me. The look on Bobby’s face when I opened it was freaking priceless, his eyes went wide and I think it took him a full minute before his mouth closed again.

John left at nine, he had promised to have Rebecca home to my mom before nine-thirty.  He had been thoroughly chastised by her for telling Rebecca the truth about vampires. They were dangerous but I told him to lay-off. He was my only way in, to see my family safe. I could see my mom through his memories and I didn’t want that to stop. It was both for me and for her safety. I figured if I saw her, then I would know when the decision was made and hopefully be able to stop it before it happened. There was no way that my mother would leave Rebecca without a proper goodbye.

Bobby and Rhett left about an hour after that. I couldn’t say I was sorry to see the night end so early. Really, all I wanted for my birthday was some alone time with Claire.

“Can I walk you home?” I asked her once the guys had gone.

“Sure. Why don’t you pack a bag?” I had stayed over a couple of times before, just to sleep, but any time she asked me it still sent waves of excitement over me. Even just to hold her while she slept was a gift.

I grabbed some of the things that I kept at the Uley’s. It seemed that I had a spattering of clothing at a few places. I left a note for Sam and Leah, they had gone to a late movie and I didn’t want them to wonder where I was when they got back.

“I am totally getting my license as soon as possible,” I said noticing Claire wobbling in her tall shoes.

“Do you got something to drive?” she asked.

“No,” I admitted.

“Then what is the rush?”

“I don’t know,” I replied feeling the wind drain out of my sails. I still wouldn’t be able to take her on a real date; I would have nothing to drive.

She slipped her arm into mine and brought our bodies closer together. It was a simple act but it was just what I needed.

Her invisible roommate was out again when we got there. I truly wondered why the girl paid rent. Also, I wondered how she could leave such big messes for someone who was never home. I stepped over a Chinese take-out box and followed Claire down the hall.

Claire didn’t turn around until we entered her room.  She had a determined look on her face but fear in her eyes. She didn’t look at me when she started to pull off her top.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” I asked.

“What does it look like?” she said with a smirk.

“It looks like you are taking off your shirt. What I want to know is why?”

“Cause it’ll be easier to get my bra off this way,” she taunted back. The problem was there was a quiver in her voice and I couldn’t figure out why.  She continued to pull the shirt up but I grabbed her arm, stopping her.

“Stop for a second, okay?” I knew that if that bra came off there would be no more thinking clearly.

“Why? Don’t you want to have sex with me?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

“More than anything Claire, but not before you want to have sex with me too,” I said softly.

“Well you are sixteen now, and it’s no longer illegal. Besides, isn’t this what guys want? ” She kept her eyes averted from mine. Her tone was filled with something akin to shame.

I started to shake but I calmed myself down, speaking through my teeth, “Did Christopher…”

“What? No!” she replied.

“Then who?”

“Never mind, I’m just stupid,” she said.  Claire’s self-esteem was obviously low even though she put forward a tough and sassy front. She had been hurt and I hated to see her blaming herself for it.

“You’re not stupid, you’re wonderful. But I told you before; we don’t have to do anything until you are ready.” I tried to get her to look at me but she still kept her head down. “You don’t believe me?”

“I want to. It’s just you’re a guy and a really hot one at that. If I don’t give you what you need then you’ll go get it elsewhere. I really like you Quil; I don’t want you to go anywhere.”

This time I forced her head up to me. Her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears and I wanted nothing more than to take all her pain away.

“Claire, there is something I have to tell you, and when I finish, you will have no doubts on whether or not I’m staying.”

She looked at me doubtfully and I hoped that what I had to tell her wouldn’t scare her away. I had to believe that she was mine just as much as I was hers. So I grabbed her shirt and put it back on her and I told her. I told her about my first change, about the legends. I told her about the pack. She was surprised when I told her Christopher was one of us and that we shared all our thoughts in wolf form.  I could see her piecing together our previous conversations, about their sexual past.

Then I told her about the imprint. I told her how I loved her from the first moment that I laid eyes on her and how she would be the only girl for me, ever.

“Claire, there is nothing that you can ask for that I won’t give you. You are what makes my world turn and I couldn’t have asked for a better girl for me.”

“So you have no choice in liking me?” she asked, slightly horrified.

“Claire, imprint or no imprint, I would have had no choice. You are the girl for me. I love you and I will wait for you forever if that is what it takes.”

Claire then leapt at me, tackling me to the bed. Her lips attacking mine with a fervor I had never felt from her before. I responded in kind, my tongue battling hers for erotic dominance. Her tiny hands tugged at my t-shirt and I sat up allowing her to pull it off.

“God, Quil, you are so sexy,” she purred, the sound shooting straight to my groin.

My hands roamed under her shirt, skirting along her hips before rising up and cupping her breasts in my hands. She let out a moan as I squeezed and caressed, each sound teaching me how she liked to be touched. It wasn’t until she was undoing my pants that I realized where she was going with this. Nerves began to overtake me as I thought about not being enough for her. In our conversations, it was obvious that she had more experience than me, I just didn’t know exactly how much.

She sensed my hesitation because she stopped her movements. “What’s wrong?” she asked, “I promise, I want to.”

“Don’t’ worry, it’s easy,” she said before leaning in and running her tongue up my abs. Her words cancelled out the effect her tongue had on me.

“Wait, you’ve done it?” I asked stupidly. Like this was the time to have _this_ conversation.

Instead of answering, she added her hands to her attack. Running her nails along my back as her mouth did wonderful things to my chest almost made me forget my question.

“Claire, stop for a sec, okay?”

“Seriously, Quil, you want to talk about this right now?”

“Uhm, yes?”

“Yes. I fucked another guy,” she spat out, her tone laced with hurt. “It was a mistake and I can’t take it back and it’s the last thing I want to think about before making love to you.” I couldn’t help but notice the difference in how she referred to the past sex and hopefully future sex.

I took her into my arms and whispered to her, “I’m sorry. It was lousy of me to ask right then. I let my jealousy get the better of me. I want this to be about us, not our pasts. Forgive me?”

She looked up into my eyes and smiled. I brought my lips down to hers and reverently kissed them. Before long, I found myself out of breath. I took a moment to breathe and pulled Claire’s shirt off. I reached behind her and tugged at the clasp on her bra. We kissed as I tugged and internally cursed at not being able to get it undone.

Finally, Claire pushed my hands away, undoing the clasp for me. I let out a grateful grunt before pushing the straps off her arms. Seeing Claire topless did strange things to me. I felt like I wanted to ravish her or fall down on my knees and worship her. She danced her fingers across the line of my jeans and all thoughts left my head.

This time I didn’t stop her as she went to undo my pants. I worked on the button of her pants to keep my mind off what she was doing in mine.  When her tiny hand found its way in, I nearly ruined the night. I thought of all the things that you hear about to keep your focus off coming too quickly. I will tell you right now, even picturing your Grandfather in a g-string wouldn’t help you if you were making out with Claire. Her hands did unreal things that I couldn’t begin to describe.

I pulled her hands out of my pants so that I could take them off. When I returned to the bed, she was lying there naked, like a beautiful sacrifice on an altar for me. My anxiety spiked again, not sure if I really knew what I was doing.

 “I have some condoms in that drawer, there,” she said pointing to her nightstand. I opened the drawer and tried to bite back my disappointment when I saw that it was a half-full box. I took one out, trying not to think about who used one before me.

I placed the package on the pillow beside her before laying my body on top of hers. I kissed and caressed, wanting to make sure she was warmed up before the main event. I sipped two fingers inside of her, earning me a moan. I worked my fingers for a while before I felt her convulse. I smiled as she groaned out my name, low and gritty. It was the sexiest fucking thing ever.

I reached for the package and tore it open. I looked at the thing closely, trying to figure out which way to roll it on. Claire sat patiently, allowing me to figure it out on my own and I appreciated that. I rolled it on and then brought my focus back to her.

She opened her legs for me and I pushed myself into her.

It was warm, wet, tight…heaven.

My eyes rolled back in my head as I started to move. I chanted in my head not to release. I wanted to make it last forever. Unfortunately, there was just no way. After about ten pumps, my body seized as I spilled my seed into the condom. I rolled off her and sat on the side of the bed. I was embarrassed. I knew my performance was lacking and it was humiliating.

I pulled off the condom and tossed it in the trash can by her bed. Small arms came around my neck and she kissed my cheek. When she saw my face, she pulled me back.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I wasn’t very good,” I replied honestly.

“Are you kidding?” she responded, “You were great. Quil, the way you felt inside of me…I’ve never felt anything so wonderful.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t last very long.”

“So? That will come, but trust me, that was a _very_ decent first attempt.”

“Really?” I asked unable to hide my smile.

“Really,” she replied tugging me down on to the pillow. She held me in her arms as we cuddled in for the night.

I woke the next morning with her snuggled into my arms. The feeling of her there felt more right than anything. I wanted to always wake up next to her, preferably naked. I let my fingers skim down her arms as I thought about my future with Claire. I wondered if she wanted children and what she wanted to do with her life. I would follow her anywhere; I need to protect her at all costs.

Then it hit me, the worst threat to her was a newborn vampire. Legends told us that these were the most volatile of the vampires. Unparalleled strength matched with a bloodlust unlike no other made them dangerous to everyone around them. My mom wanted to be one of those. I shuddered thinking about it and I felt Claire’s body stir under mine.

I leaned over and kissed her softly on her cheek before she settle back into her slumber.  I gently pulled myself away from her, getting out of bed. I needed to talk to my pack. We had some work to do to make sure not only Claire was safe but the citizens of Forks and La Push.

Still naked, I walked out of Claire’s room, intending on heading out to the bushes in back of her house and transforming to talk to the boys. Unfortunately, the invisible roommate chose this time to appear.

“Holy mother of muscles!” she squeaked as I grabbed my package in both hands.

“Shit. Uh hi, you must be Sara.”

“Yes, I am,” she said smiling, “and you must be Christopher.” I flinched at the mistake and she saw it immediately.  “Not Christopher?”

“No, I’m Quil,” I said extending a hand, and then remembering my nudity, I quickly returned it to shield myself.

“So Quil, why are you walking around my house naked?”

“I didn’t think you’d be home. You’re never home,” I explained.

“Well if this is the kind of homecoming I get, I think I’ll be home more often.”

I felt myself flush with embarrassment. I waited for her to leave so I could turn around, when it became obvious that she wasn’t going to, I backed up. She giggled at me as I made my way back into Claire’s room.

She had awoken and was staring at me with amusement in her eyes.

“Where did you go?” she asked.

“Uhm, I met your roommate.”

Her eyes widened. “Like that?” she asked. I nodded yes. I thought maybe she would be mad but instead she broke out laughing while I stood there horrified. When she saw me still somber she stopped. “Wait, she didn’t try to touch you or anything, did she?” Suddenly Claire looked fierce, and I’ll admit, it was really hot.

“No, but she took a good look.”

“Well I can’t blame her for that,” she replied checking out my naked body for herself. I felt myself arise for her inspection.

I knew there was something I wanted to do, but right at that moment, nothing was more important than being with my girl again.

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I brushed a piece of hair off Claire’s forehead. It was glued there with her sweat, it seemed as though I had learned a lot since the first time. I lasted quite a bit longer than the first time and she had most assuredly come.

“Tell me something about you,” she said quietly, enjoying the peace after our lovemaking.

“I think my mom wants to become a vampire,” I replied.

“Why would she want that? Aren’t they evil?” she asked confused.

“Yeah, but she is dating one. We have a treaty with them. They don’t drink from humans so we let them stay in Forks.”

“There are vampires living in Forks?” Her voice was appalled.

“Yeah.”

“Who?”

“It’s kind of part of the treaty that I don’t tell. Even you.”

“So if they don’t hurt people, what’s the big deal?”

“She’d be a vampire. It’s in my nature to want to kill them. I’d lose her forever.”

“But you don’t kill those other vampires. Surely you could control yourself from killing her. I mean if it makes her happy to be with him, can’t you just accept that?” she inquired, always trying to make things right.

I tried to explain to Claire the dangers that would arise if my mother became a vampire. It only solidified what I had to do. As soon as I could pry myself out of her arms, I called the guys.

In an hour, I had them all assembled as I laid out my plan. In addition to patrolling there was also going to be a watch kept on my mom. I needed surveillance on her; if she thought she could just make a decision like that without me finding out, she was wrong. I would do anything to stop it, even if it meant killing each and every one of the Cullens.

 


	30. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

BPOV

I watched the rain pour down through the window. After living with Charlie for a few months, I really appreciated the clean panes; an unobstructed view was wonderful. I cradled my hot cocoa in my hands as I stood looking out over the sink.

The beeping of the oven pulled my focus away from the torrential downpour happening in my yard. I grabbed my oven mitts and opened the door. The smell of warm pineapple hit me immediately but the comfort that I was hoping it would provide was lacking. Baking his birthday cake was not going to bring him home.

I placed the hot pan on the stove and then closed the door. I clicked the off button on the digital display. It had taken me days to figure out my new appliances; I had been used to knobs and dials, not buttons and displays.

I stared at the pineapple upside down cake and sighed. It was the first time that I had been absent from my son on his birthday and it hurt. I debated sending him a card in the mail but I didn’t know how he would react. Instead, I sent presents with Rebecca, under the guise that they were her gifts to him. I wanted to send the cake as well but Rebecca said that they were just having a small get together and she didn’t want to be bringing too much. I knew that the reason she was going was John and she didn’t want to stand out any further with his friends, after all, she was still only ten.

I left the kitchen and the cake to cool. I didn’t know if I would have a piece later but I was sure that Rebecca and John would when he brought her home.  John seemed pleased to use any excuse not to go home and I was sure cake fit into that nicely.

Adding to my misery was the fact that Edward had been distant. I had dropped a bit of a bomb on him but I had panicked. The truth was that I felt like I needed Edward too much. He was becoming too important in my already complicated life. I thought if I could scare him off, then I would be okay. But as he took his time, I felt empty. I could only imagine how much worse it would be if he actually left. I just didn’t know what to do to make it better. Although what I had said to him might have been harsh, it was what I needed. I wanted to be with Edward. I had no doubt that I could love him forever, but not like this. My human body was already too old for him even though it was in denial of that fact.

I sat down on my couch and flicked the television on. I couldn’t concentrate on the shows, I missed Edward too much. Then I felt guilt for missing him and not Jake and tears flowed down my cheeks. I pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and wrapped myself in it.  As soon as I was comfortable, a knock came at the door.

“Figures,” I mumbled getting up off the couch. I rubbed the tears off my cheeks and took a deep breath. I opened the door and Edward was standing on the other side, soaking wet. My eyes widened before I moved out of the way to let him in. 

“You’re soaked,” I stated stupidly.

“You’ve been crying,” he countered and then softly added, “what’s wrong?”

“Just a long day,” I replied. We stood awkwardly for a moment before I realized that he was dripping all over my floor, well, his floor.  “Here, let me get you a towel.”

“Thank you.”

I grabbed a couple of large towels out of the linen closet and hurried them back to him. He took them and I watched him shake the water out of his hair. The sight was nearly erotic and I was thankful that Edward couldn’t read my thoughts. Unfortunately, he could still hear my heartbeat so I excused myself from the room again.

He was much too wet to stay in the clothes he was in so I went up to my room and opened my dresser drawer. I stared at the only thing I had that would even come close to fitting him. I pulled out Jake’s t-shirt and his sweat pants. I had brought them along to sleep in when I left my house in La Push. They had been washed so they no longer held my late husband’s aroma but it still felt weird to have another man wear them.

I shrugged, telling myself there wasn’t much choice. Edward needed to take his wet clothes off and I couldn’t very well leave him naked in my living room. The thought made me flush and my heart race.

_Down girl._

Edward had dried his hair by the time I had returned and it was sticking up in all directions like it always did.  “Uhm, I brought you something to change into,” I said as I handed him the clothes.

His eyes met mine and I could see that he knew just whose clothes he would be wearing. He thanked me again with earnestness in his eyes.  I offered him my room to change in and he was gone and back in a flash. The sweats were too short on him and the shirt a bit tight across his chest.

“I put my clothes in the dryer, I hope you don’t mind,” he said.

“Not at all.”

This felt like a break-up. Edward shifted on his feet and ran his hand through his hair. I sat down, if this was it, I didn’t have the strength to stand up. I had given him an ultimatum, and men like him didn’t need to put up with that. They could have anyone they wanted.

“I wanted to come over here and talk. Alice didn’t tell me about the rain,” he said, putting extra emphasis, telling me that Alice was going to be in trouble.

He moved gracefully but with purpose as he paced in front of me. The longer we went without talking, the more frazzled my nerves became.

“Just spit it out, okay?” I said quietly but I knew he would hear me.

His head shot up and he looked at me. When he saw the worry in my eyes, he was down on his knees in front of me in a flash. He took my hands in his before he spoke.

“Bella, I’ve been thinking a lot about what you wanted from me. I was hoping that you would be willing to compromise.”

“Compromise?” I asked, a little giddy that he wasn’t rejecting me flat out.

“I know that you are worried that I won’t be able to satisfy you…in the bedroom.”

“Edward, I never said that!” I was horrified that was what he took from our conversation. I had no doubt that Edward could be a wonderful lover; it was just that he was unable to, while I was in my human form.  “I didn’t think _you_ would be satisfied, if you were to try with me like this; which you have made very clear that you won’t.”

“Please, just let me finish.” He paused and I nodded at him to continue. “I would like to try.”

My body flushed with excitement at his declaration. I suddenly worried that maybe I had pushed too soon. Was I ready to have more with Edward? I tried to turn off my body and listen to my heart. They were both saying, yes. Logic had no place when a man like him told you he wanted you.

“Oh Edward,” I said like a sappy daytime soap star before launching myself at him. Our lips connected and I felt him tense. I pulled myself back a little bit, allowing him to be comfortable with me again.  When I felt him relax, I brought my hand down to his. He allowed me to take it and guide it. I moved it up my side and stopped it on the side of my breast. I was hoping that was all the encouragement he needed but instead he left his hand there as he continued to kiss me senseless.

“Touch me,” I nearly begged as I tried to shift my body into his hand.

Edward pulled from our kiss but left his forehead against mine, both of us breathing like we had just sprinted a mile. I was awakened by the oxygen that rushed back into my body. My hands jutted out and I caressed the hard planes of Edward’s chest. He was perfectly lean and muscular, a stark contrast to the soft man that Jacob was. When my hands went lower and reached under his shirt, he grabbed them. He held them prisoner as he continued his labored breathing for a moment.

 “What’s the matter?” I asked.

“Too fast,” he said.

“You want me to go slower?” I asked.

“Yes, but not tonight,” he said, finally looking up at me.

“But I thought?” I started, feeling humiliated. Had I heard wrong or just misunderstood his message?

“There is more I want to talk about first, Bella.”

I tried to sit back, anxious to gain space from him, but he held my body where it was, close but not really touching. The part of me ruled by my pride wanted to struggle and gain my freedom. I felt vulnerable. But the part of me that loved Edward trusted that he wouldn’t hurt me so I sat still until he released his grip.

“I know you are worried that I won’t enjoy myself with you, Bella. But I assure you that that should be the least of your worries. I have made many mistakes in my life, if you can call it that. Bella, I have killed and lied, I have sinned in every way imaginable. I don’t know if I have a soul…”

“Edward, of course you do,” I interrupted.

“But there is one thing that I haven’t done, and it’s the one thing I have the chance to do right in this world.” He stopped and I leaned in closer, hoping he would continue.

“What is it, Edward?”

“You know there has been no other for me, Bella, but as much as I want you, I want to do it right. When I make love for the first time, I want it to be with my wife.”

“But I thought you said you wanted to try?” I said, confused.

“I do.” The words rang loud and clear. I was frozen in shock. Edward sat in front of me as still as a statue, and for once, I think I matched him. “Say something.”

“What exactly are you saying?” I asked, wanting to confirm my fear.

“I want you to marry me, Bella.”

“I just buried my husband, Edward,” I said on instinct. It wasn’t an excuse and I knew it. I loved him and I was contemplating forever, but it seemed like the easiest answer. There were too many things that made what he was asking impossible.

“I thought you wanted to be changed? That is forever, Bella. Marriage is a much shorter contract.”

“You want me to marry you?” I asked, voicing the unspoken idea.

“I’m doing this all wrong,” he replied and he sunk down on one knee. My body started to shake as he locked his eyes on mine. “Bella Swan, I love you with the words of a million poets, I love you more than there are stars in the sky; you are my life now. Will you marry me?”

I wanted to say yes so badly. When Jake had proposed, I remembered wanting to say no. We were young and even though I loved him, I was scared. This was nothing like that. My whole body screamed to say yes to Edward. But now that I wanted nothing more than to say yes, I was going to have to say no.

 “Edward, it’s just not possible,” I answered.

“Why?” he replied, hurt.

“You are fifteen.” He went to interrupt but I stopped him. “I know you aren’t really, but no one else does. We can’t just stroll into Forks and say you’re eighteen and we are getting married. It just couldn’t work.  I also have my kids to think about. How can we live together as man and wife? It’s impossible.”

“What if we just had a private ceremony? No one would have to know. I don’t need it to be legal Bella, but I would like us to pledge ourselves in a ceremony. I would like to be able to call you my own.”

The idea sounded wonderful. I could picture me and Edward standing in our meadow. I would wear a summer dress and he would wear white. I could picture the sun reflecting off his skin as we kissed for the first time as man and wife.

Then I pictured us returning to our home. Edward sneaking in and out so Rebecca didn’t see him; us not able to go out together in public, having to hide our love; me growing old while Edward stayed young.

“I can’t,” I replied. “I love you, Edward. But I can’t.”

“Why?”

“There is still the same problem. I don’t want to grow old alone.”

“You don’t want to marry me?” He moved closer to me and the sweet smell of his venom played havoc with my senses.

“More than anything,” I answered honestly, “but the only way it will work is if you change me.”

Then Edward did something wholly unexpected, he shifted and took my body into his arms and whispered a soft, “Please,” before kissing me. 

His lips lit a fire within me and my body reacted. Unlike before, his hands came to my sides on their own and traveled the length of my torso. They roamed around my back and rested just above my rear and I couldn’t help a moan when he whispered again in my ear, “Please.”

Spurred on by my reaction, his lips left mine and trailed down my neck, they were chastely kissing and yet I was excited beyond anything I had ever felt. His hands dipped lower and cupped my bottom in his hands before he cooed once more, “Please. Bella, marry me.”

I wanted him to continue but I knew I needed to make him stop. He was using all of his tricks to get me to say yes. I would have applauded his tenaciousness if it wasn’t for the fact that I was worried it might actually work.

“Edward, stop,” I said rather unconvincingly.

Instead of stopping, he pushed my body back on the couch and hitched my leg over his. “No Bella, I want to show you that I can make you feel good. I want you to see that you are perfect for me just the way you are.”  

There may have been more talking but when Edward’s long fingers started a path up my torso, I lost coherency. I knew that I needed to stop him but I couldn’t figure out why. He felt so good, so right…so sneaky.

“Edward, stop,” I said again, this time more firmly. He backed off immediately, just as I knew he would.

He sighed and looked at me with an appropriate amount of guilt; the problem was there was still a glint in his eyes that told me that he still thought he could win. I tried to gather what was left of my sanity after being muddled around by Edward’s charms. 

“Bella, I think there is something that you should be told.”

Edward decided that now was the time to tell me all of the horror stories about being a young vampire. A newborn, is what he called them, was unpredictable, bloodthirsty, and nearly unstoppable. He told me if I was changed that all I would want for the first few years was blood. I thought about how this would affect Rebecca. There would be no way I could be around her for at least a few years. Could I leave my daughter at ten?

But there was one thing I couldn’t understand.

“I can’t see me not wanting you.”

“Bella, it would be a while before those feelings came back.”

“But they would come back, right?” I asked.

“Yes, you’d still be you. But you would lose everything else. Your father, Rebecca, Quil.”

 “But I wouldn’t have to lose Rebecca. She knows. It would just be some time away.”

“Bella, please don’t make me do this. I’m too selfish to let you go,” he replied.

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Edward had given me a lot to think about. The thought of leaving Rebecca was devastating, but I knew that Charlie, Quil, and John would take care of her if I needed them to. I felt selfish for even thinking it but didn’t I deserve to be happy too? If a few years apart meant I could be there for her for the rest of her life, wouldn’t it be worth it? I would never have to wonder if I would see her graduation, her wedding, my grandchildren.

I didn’t like the thought of losing myself for a while but a couple years in the course of forever was really not that much time. I needed to lay some ground work, so I went to talk to Charlie.

“You want to work overseas? What about Quil and Rebecca? Are they okay with living who knows where?” Charlie asked in a panicked tone.

“Actually, that is what I wanted to talk to you about, dad,” I replied. “The pay is really good but they kind of expect me to stay at the school. It would just be a couple years until I could put away enough money to get restarted.” Charlie knew that it would be tough for me without Jake’s income so I knew that he would be the most accepting of that logic. “I was hoping that you would be able to watch over them, until I could come back.”

A smile broke out over Charlie’s face and I knew that I wouldn’t need the hard sell. He loved his grandkids and would do anything for them. “Whatever you need, Bells.”

If I had of known that John was sitting around the corner listening to my conversation, the future might have gone differently.

 

 


	31. Chapter 30

 

Chapter 30

QPOV

If I could have bottled Claire up to take everywhere with me, the world would have been a happier place. She centered me and brought things into prospective. All the stresses about leading and being the Alpha were gone when I was with her. Even patrolling seemed to be more peaceful when I knew that she would be waiting for me when I returned.

I was curled up next to her on the bed, her dark hair tickling my chin as I placed it on her shoulder. I breathed in deeply; the scent of her was always so fresh and light.

“Are you smelling me?” she asked and I knew I’d been caught.

“I thought you were still sleeping,” I replied.

“Okay, so you smell me when you think I’m sleeping, I’m not sure that’s much better, Quil.” I felt slightly mortified until I caught a glimpse of her profile, she was smiling.

I laughed as I grabbed tight to her sides and started tickling. She screamed out in mild protest as she wriggled under my strong hands. The blankets shifted off her as she kicked and the sight of her in just a tank top and boy shorts was enough to garnish a strong reaction from my lower half.  My hands slowed as I took in the beautiful sight in front of me. Her toned legs were impossibly long and she had a small freckle that peeked out at me from the sliver of skin she showed as her tank top rode up.

My eyes stalked her body with hunger before rising up to meet hers. She looked me over and smirked. Her gloriously soft leg lifted up and she wrapped it around my torso. I moved in to kiss her, and about half-way to my goal, I ended up flat on my back. She had applied just a small amount of pressure but it did the trick to throw me off-guard.

 “You’re so easy,” she said straddling me and sending me into a fit of laughter. Her small hands tickled my sides but her bottom bounced over my groin, causing me to groan in between my guffaws. She noticed my reaction and grinded her hips down harder.

Slowly, the tickling stopped and turned towards caresses. We had had sex a few times and each time was more amazing than the last. The way she looked as she rocked above me was so sexy, her confidence and spirit made her that much more beautiful.

She stopped her rocking and I noticed that I had been hypnotized by the way her breasts had been bouncing as I was still staring at them. She smiled down at me and her face took on a mischievous quality.

“Wanna do it doggy style?” she asked. I just laughed at her, assuming she was joking. Claire had taken to making dog jokes regularly, so this was not a surprise. “Seriously, don’t you think it would be kind of awesome to say we did it?”

“You’re serious?” I asked, slightly shocked and a hell of a lot turned on.

“Yeah, why not?”

I looked into her eyes. I wanted to make sure she was doing this because she wanted to and not because she thought she needed to keep things exciting. I knew things would never be boring with Claire, even if all we ever did was missionary. Not that I really wanted to test that theory.

Instead of answering, I sat up, our chests were now connected and I kissed her with all I had. When I felt her body loosen and she began to whimper, I spun her over onto her back. I licked my way down her neck and chest, stopping only to nip at her breasts through her top. I sat on my knees beside her and right after kissing her hip bone, I rolled her over to her front.

She let out a noise that I wanted to tape and make my ringtone, if it wasn’t disrespectful and all. I grabbed her hips and gently pulled them up until she was situated on her knees. Her round, perfect ass was presenting to me and I nearly lost control as I gazed upon it. Maybe there was more dog in me than I thought.

I reached around the front, playing with her body, stroking it until her arms started to wobble. Once I knew she was ready for me, I pulled her shorts down so that they sat around her knees. She parted her legs, spreading them and arching her back.

I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed a condom. I rolled it on while she pulsated and waited. It was glorious. When I was sheathed, I pushed myself into her. She grunted and I growled. In this position, she was almost unbearably tight. I thrust in to her before pulling back slowly and repeating. I felt myself moving through the motions a little too quickly so I pulled out and spun her over. She collapsed on her back and I covered her body with mine in an instant.

“Oh yes, sweet boy, yes!” she cried out as I resumed my ministrations.  While I loved her noises, there were sometimes when I could tell she was putting on a show. Not to say she wasn’t enjoying what I had to offer but she thought she had to be a certain way. This was one of those times.

I wanted her to be with me. It was Claire that I wanted in the bed, not some idea of what she thought I wanted. I locked gazes with her as I slowed down. I went painfully slow until every noise that came out of her mouth was genuine and unstoppable.

I came just before her as I stared into her eyes and whispered words of love.

An hour later, we found ourselves still sticky with the essence of our lovemaking. Claire had pulled the covers over our lower halves but our torsos were out in the air, enjoying the coolness. It was bad enough that I ran hot as it was but when I got worked up, I was worried Claire could get burned.

“Hey, Quil, you in there?” John’s voice came through the door along with a knock.

I groaned and threw the blanket up over Claire’s breasts. It was bad enough that the wolf pack had pretty much seen everything; they didn’t need to see it first-hand. I felt bad for thinking about it, but it was my first time, and the first time I went wolf, the images flooded back to me, and everyone else.

“Yeah man, just a second,” I yelled back.

Getting out of bed, I threw a pair of shorts on and went to the door.  “I’ll just be a minute,” I said to Claire. She looked at me with satisfied eyes and made an affirmative moan.

John was pacing outside the door when I got out.

“What is it man?” I asked, catching his nervousness.

“It’s your mom.”

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“We need to get her out of there,” I said.

The entire pack was before me as we met in the tribal council building. I had explained to them what John had told me. My mother had gone to my grandpa to ask him to watch over me and Rebecca for a few years. It was proof enough that she had made her choice.

I was panicked inside although my exterior held pride. My brothers knew that this was the right thing to do but they didn’t really know the real reason. I didn’t want to lose my mom. If she became a vampire, she would be lost to me forever. I kept putting off talking to her and fixing things, if this happened, it would never be better.

“First, what we are going to do is create an ultimatum.  We are going to tell her that the Cullens need to leave, without her, or there will be a war. I’m hoping that that will be the end of it. But if they stay we will need to act on it. We cannot have them biting our citizens, our families.”

“War?” Christopher spoke. “Can we stand a chance? There are seven of them and only five of us.”

“That’s the other reason I brought you all here. We are going to start training.”

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I left Christopher and John to patrol our lands. The best way to get better at killing vampires…was to kill vampires. I took Rhett and Bobby out farther. I hoped that if we patrolled right up towards Canada we would eventually find some target practice. Unfortunately, after three days, we had yet to come across even so much as a lingering scent.

I decided to do another loop before heading back in defeat. We had gone through the process in our minds, letting the newer wolves see what it had been like when we had killed that vampire. We could practice and talk strategy but nothing would beat hands on training.

I noticed the forest get calm as we skimmed the border near Canada. I stopped for a moment and my pack halted with me. My ear perked up listening for the typical sounds of the forest but there were none. There wasn’t a bird singing or a squirrel rustling in the trees, the landscape was barren. There was only one thing that could clean out wildlife quite so completely.

_This is it._

I could feel the hesitation and excitement from my pack. John was tapped in from back in La Push and I could feel his disappointment for missing out.  I gave my commands, telling my brothers to spread out but keep me in view. The last thing I wanted was to have one of my men ambushed. I sniffed the air and caught a faint trace of the menthol sweetness.

I walked low to the ground, stalking my prey. When I saw her, I was surprised. She was sitting against a tree, rummaging through a purse. I noticed that the yellow purse was smeared with blood. The raven haired vampire looked annoyed as she pulled out a wallet. She took a small amount of cash out and put it in her pocket. The next item she pulled out was a lighter. She looked at the thing with disgust and threw it into the woods. I mentally tracked it; I was hoping we would need it later.

 _Okay guys, this is it. On my word._ I waited for them to get into position before announcing. _GO._

The moment the bloodsucker heard us, her head flipped up. Her crimson eyes became large as she leapt to her feet. She didn’t flee and that made me think that she had no idea what she was dealing with. Rhett pounced at her first, coming at her while she looked to the noise on her left. She heard him just before he hit and she spun out of the way.

“What the…”

Bobby was in the air and on top of her before she could finish her thought. She dug a foot into his underbelly, throwing him off, but Rhett and I were there before she could escape.

We had the body dismantled in mere moments. I told them to guard the pieces as I ran off to get the lighter. I returned in human form. They had gathered branches and kindling, throwing the limbs on top. I flicked the lighter and started the blaze. It took little time for the pieces to burn.

“And that, boys, is how you kill a vampire,” I said, smirking.

In a wink, I was back in my wolf form and we were running off on adrenaline. While it had been an easy kill, it was still good experience for my team. The Cullens would be a more formidable foe. We had not needed three of us to take down that vampire, but I doubted one would have done it. The Cullens outnumbered us and that would make things even more difficult.

The buzz of the kill had worn off by the time we made it back to La Push. I knew that I had a phone call to make and I wasn’t looking forward to it. 

The phone rang three times before she picked up.

“Hello.” Her voice gave me the strength to continue. I needed to do this for her. She needed to be safe from the things she didn’t understand.

“Hi mom,” I replied.

“Quil? How are you?” She sounded nervous as she talked. I hated the distance between us. Once the Cullens were gone, we could be a family again.

“I’m calling for a reason,” I started.

“Of course,” she said with no judgment.

“I understand that you think that you love him.”

“Quil….”

“Please let me finish,” I said gripping the phone tightly. “We cannot stand by when we know that the treaty is going to be broken. As nothing has happened yet, we are allowing the Cullens to leave. If they don’t, then there will be a war.”

“You want us to leave?” she asked, hurt ricocheting through the phone line. 

“No, I want them to leave. If they take our citizens with them, we will come after them.”

“Quil, don’t be rash. Nothing has been decided yet. I was just thinking out loud when I said that stuff to you.”

“So you don’t want to be one of them?” I asked hopefully. When I was met with her silence, I closed my eyes. I was resolved. “They have until tomorrow night at midnight.”

I hung up the phone and sat down on the floor. Alone in my house, I had no one to pretend to. The pack would surely see this in my mind later if I didn’t hide it, but at that moment I didn’t care. Tears ran down my face as I feared for my future. I was so sure what I was doing was right and yet it seemed to be tearing my family further from me.

I wanted my dad. He always knew what to do to please everyone, but at the same time, he always told me that seldom is the right way the easy way. This was definitely not easy, and even though I knew it wouldn’t stop for one night, I was going to pretend like it could.

I wrapped myself up in a blanket on the couch and flipped on a movie. I stayed away from action and horror, opting for a stupid comedy. The rude gags and potty humor had never been my taste, but on that night, it was exactly what I needed.

I awoke the next morning to a knock on my door. I wrapped the blanket around my waist as I had stripped down to my boxers before falling asleep on the couch. I opened the door to see Claire standing on the other side with a worried expression.

Her black hair was in two tiny pigtails on either side of her head and it was the first time I had seen her out without makeup on. She looked beautiful.

“You didn’t call. I just….never mind,” she said before turning around to leave.

“Wait,” I called out and she turned. I dropped the blanket I was holding and went to her. “What’s wrong?”

She felt so tiny in my arms as I held her. Her body shook as she regained her composure.

“You went out hunting vampires…you were gone for three days.” Her eyes were watery and it hit me that she had been worried about me.

“Claire, I am so sorry,” I pulled her tighter to me and she released a sob. I scooped down and picked her up, carrying her back into the house. I didn’t stop until I was in my room. I put her on the bed and crawled in next to her. I held her as she released her pent up emotions.

I kept her body encompassed in mine for over an hour before she let go of me and pushed away. I looked at her eyes, so filled with relief and love; I just had to kiss her. Kissing led to petting and petting led to foreplay, and of course, foreplay led to sex. Connecting with her on a physical level was spiritual to me. I hoped that I could convey everything that I felt for her in it. I wasn’t sure how things would play out the next day but I knew that our time could be short.

I was certain that I never wanted Claire to feel that way again, which meant we had to win.


	32. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

BPOV

When you are young, you think that time flies, and as you get older, you realize that it goes faster and faster each year, and that is for people who aren’t thrust into the world of the supernatural. The world around me was frozen, so each day seemed like a second, I could almost feel myself aging in front of Edward’s eyes.

In an ideal world, Edward would be a thirty five-year old man and we would take things slowly before growing older together, but I didn’t live in an ideal world. My son was a werewolf, my daughter was an imprint, my husband was dead, and my boyfriend was a vampire. You couldn’t make this stuff up.

When Edward was away from me, I would think about all the reasons why I shouldn’t rush into things with him. He was too young, he wasn’t human, it was too soon…and yet the moment I would see him those doubts would rush away. I had never really believed in the idea of soul mates before. I thought that you could love a number of people in your lifetime, and while I still believed that you could love more than one person, I now believed that there was one person that you would love the most. The way my soul craved Edward was almost blasphemous, and yet, if there was a God, I knew that only he could create a love so powerful.

Edward was that person for me. When he was away from me, I wanted to see him; when I saw him, I wanted to touch him; when I touched him, I needed to get lost in him. The feeling would take over and it was like an avalanche that I could do nothing to control. So while I knew that I had responsibilities and children to raise, I knew that I could no longer do so without Edward by my side. It was the hardest realization of my life and yet the easiest; when I knew that I wasn’t just trying to see if Edward would change me, but that I knew that I actually wanted to be changed.

This also meant that if I wanted to be with Edward, we would have to disappear for a while and leave Rebecca with Charlie. I had laid the groundwork with my overseas job story but there was more to consider. Would Edward be okay with having Rebecca along with us? It was the only thing that I could see as a potential deal breaker and the thought broke my heart.

I was waiting in my room for Edward to arrive. I knew that if he refused to change me he would still have to leave Forks to keep his family safe. It could be our last night together and the idea of that made me sick. Edward was the only sanity in my crazy world. I needed him.

My window barely moved and Edward stood before me. I had gotten used to his speedy entrances and exits but his presence still caused my heartbeat to climb.

“Sorry,” Edward said, thinking that he had scared me. I shook my head and told him not to worry about it. It was better than admitting that his vicinity was what caused my blood to rage and not his abrupt arrival.

“Bella, I have thought a lot about what you have asked of me. I hope that you will give me some more time to think about it. I don’t want to lose you, but this is not easy for me. Bella…I don’t want to take your soul.”

“Edward, I’m not sure we have time,” I replied. I shook as the reality hit me. Edward was going to have to leave by tomorrow night with or without me.  I couldn’t even entertain the notion that I would be left behind.

“Bella, don’t say that. We can make time.” His face was pained and desperate as he whispered, “Please.”

“Edward this isn’t about me. It’s about Quil.” I sat down on my bed and Edward stayed standing. His face didn’t betray any of his thoughts as he waited for me to continue. “Quil has found out that you might change me and he is considering the treaty broken. He is giving your family until tomorrow night at midnight to leave Forks, or they will come after you.”

“I think perhaps if I explain it to him…that I’m not going to change you.”

I felt a flicker of rejection before it turned to anger. “What do you mean? I thought you were thinking about it.”

“That was before your son threatened to kill us over it.”

“Edward, Quil’s threat changes nothing. I can’t be with you like this. It wouldn’t work.”

“What do you want me to do?” he asked sounding hopeless.

“They’ll come after you if you take me either way. At least if I was a vampire then Quil may pause and think. I don’t think he’d kill me. I think in his own way he is trying to protect me. If I could just show him that I was happy, then maybe he would understand.”

“Bella, I can’t tear you away from your family. How can I take you with me?”

“You don’t want me with you?” I asked confused and a little hurt. I rested my elbows on my knees, feeling the weight of the conversation.

Edward lowered down to his knees in front of me. He pulled my hands into his and gazed into my eyes. “More than anything,” he vowed.

“Then we will find a way.”

Edward asked me a few more questions about my conversation with Quil. When he was satisfied he had everything he needed, he drew me into his arms. The kiss he gave me was passionate but urgent, I didn’t like it because it felt like he was kissing me goodbye.

He released me and walked at a human pace to the window. He turned and looked at me before I blurted out, “You’re taking me with you right? You won’t leave without me?” I was frantic and it was written all over my face.

“I promise Bella, I’ll be back for you.” And with that, he was gone out the window.

Now more than ever I needed reassurance that what I was fighting for was worth it. I needed to know if Edward would change me and there was only one person who could tell me that for sure.

“Alice?” I said into the quiet air. “If you see this…call me.”

I felt ridiculous for about thirty seconds and then my cell phone rang.

“Hello…Alice?” I answered the phone.

“Bella, you rang,” she giggled into the phone.

“I need you to tell me, will he do it? Do you see Edward changing me?”

“Bella, things could change. I can only see the future of what has been decided,” she hedged.

“Alice, please.”

“No Bella. He just won’t be able to do it. I’m sorry.”

“Oh,” I said sadly into the phone.

Then an idea came to me. Edward was worried about my soul. He didn’t want to change me because he didn’t want to damn me. But if someone else were to….

“Oh no! Bella, no way,” Alice snapped into the phone with her tinkling voice.

“Alice, that’s creepy. I didn’t even ask yet.”

“Bella, he would kill me. Besides, I don’t even know if I could do it. You should ask Carlisle,” she pleaded.

“No, Alice, he’ll tell Edward.”

“Bella….okay yeah, you’re right, he would, but I don’t know.” Her voice didn’t waver like I would’ve hoped.

“Alice, do you think he doesn’t want me forever?” I hoped that she would tell me straight. Then I hoped that she would lie to me.

“Of course he does. It’s just that he doesn’t want to take things away from you. He feels that his presence in your life detracts.”

“Well then he’s stupid,” I argued, “he adds so much. He makes me happy and excited for the first time in a long time. I just want to be equals with him, is that so much to ask?”

“It is for him,” she replied.

“Well I’m not asking him right now. Besides, if you agree, you’ll see if you are able to do it. Just agree and if you see yourself killing me, then we can talk to Carlisle.” I knew I had an iron clad argument against the future-seeing pixie.

“Okay, but you better protect me with your newborn strength if Edward comes after me.”

“It’s a deal,” I answered with a big smile on my face.

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I called Charlie the moment I was done with Alice; he had seemed surprised that the job would be starting so soon. Things were moving so fast that I just had to trust in my gut that I wouldn’t regret the decisions I made later.

“What do you mean you are leaving in the morning?” Charlie demanded.

“I’m sorry to spring this on you. It’s just they called me about an hour ago and I have to leave early in the morning or else the next flight isn’t for a week.” I really hoped that I would not be caught in my lie.

“Well what do you want me to do?” Charlie asked.

“I’m going to bring Rebecca by in about an hour. It will be too early to bring her tomorrow.”

“Are you sure about this, Bells? It’s hard to be away from your child,” he said and then added quietly, “I should know.”

I felt tears prick my eyes because I knew that it was going to be torture, but I was doing what was best for all of us in the long run. After this, I would be able to take care of Rebecca forever.

“I have to, dad; it’s the only way we will make it.”

“Okay, Bells,” he conceded.

When I hung up the phone, I made my way up to Rebecca’s room. This was going to be the hardest part. I hoped that she would understand.

I knocked on the door softly. “Baby? Are you awake?”

“Come in,” she answered.

I walked in to find her sitting on her bed. She was in a pair of pink pajama bottoms and a matching pink tank, I couldn’t get over how grown up she was. I thought of the things I might miss while I was gone, her first period, her first bra, maybe even her first kiss. I nearly backed down but then I remembered the future I was fighting for.

“What’s up?” she asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I need to tell you something,” I said uncertain of how to begin. “I’m going to have to go away for a while.”

“You’re going to be one of them, aren’t you?” she asked calmly.

“Yes,” I replied, believing that she deserved the truth.

“So you’re going to give me to Grandpa Charlie?” Another deadly calm question.

“No baby, it’s just for a couple years at the most, until I…” _get my bloodlust under control._

“Are you like Edward’s imprint or something?” she asked cocking her head to the side.

“What? Why would you say that?” I inquired, shocked at her question.

“It’s just…all the stories that John has told me about imprinting, it just seems like maybe there is a vampire equivalent. I mean why else would you forget about dad so quickly?” Her eyes welled up with tears as she finished her sentence. I sat down next to her and cradled her in my arms, just like I used to when she was little.

“No baby, I didn’t forget about your father. What Edward and I have is very strong, but I want you to know that it doesn’t mean that I didn’t love your dad. Your dad was my best friend and my first love; he will always be in my heart.”

“Will you still love me when you are a vampire?” she sobbed as she clung to me.

“Rebecca,” I said lifting her head to me, “I will love you forever, no matter what I am.”

She sniffled a little as she reigned her emotions in. “I love you too, mom.”

I held her tightly as we shared our last moments together for who knew how long. I had her collect all her things and we packed them in the car. I cried the whole way to Charlie’s house. We sat in the car quietly for a moment before my phone beeped.

**I’m almost there –Alice**

I hugged my daughter again and then Charlie. I would miss him and even though it was unlikely that I would ever get to see him again, I held hope that one day I would.

I headed back to Alice when I noticed my phone was flashing. There was a voicemail that I had missed from earlier in the evening. I dialed in, pressing the numbers to get me to my inbox. Why they had to make it so darn impossible to check my messages was beyond me.

“Hi Bella,” Leah’s recorded voice came through. “I haven’t talked to you in a while and I just wanted to know how things are?” She tried to mask the panic in her voice but was unable to. “Listen, Quil is acting really weird. It’s hard to explain but he just has all this nervous energy coming off him and John is starting to act the same way. He is spending most of his time at his girlfriends, which I tried to stop, but he doesn’t listen to me. Maybe you should talk to him Bella, he seems…” The message beeped, telling me it was over.

I thought about calling her back but there was really nothing that I would be able to say to make her feel better. She had no idea what was going on and telling her I was leaving town would just jump start the already impeding war.

I returned to the empty house and waited just minutes before Alice arrived. She looked more unsure of herself than I had ever seen her. I could tell she was nervous. That made two of us.

“Are you sure?” she asked giving me an out.

“You already know the answer to that,” I replied.

 “Are we ready?” I wondered who that question was for; her or me.

“Just one thing, Alice. If you have to fight, please don’t hurt the wolves. They are just boys.”

“We will do our best to make sure that no one gets hurt,” she vowed.

When I felt that she had been sincere with her words, I nodded to her, giving her permission to bite me.  Alice came towards me slowly, not like she was cornering prey but looking more human than monster. I tilted my head so that my neck was exposed. She closed her eyes at my gesture but when she reopened them her golden orbs had gone black.

I was momentarily frightened but not enough to stop. This is what I wanted, and I kept repeating that sentiment to myself. She looked at my neck but then shook her head; she grabbed a hold of my wrist, tightly. I knew that it would bruise but then realized it wouldn’t get the chance to.

I had never watched many vampire movies over the years, but the ones that I had seen worked differently than what happened next. Instead of erotic and sensual, the bite stung like a hundred jellyfish bites. Of course Edward had told me this as part of his ‘keep Bella human’ campaign, but I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought he was exaggerating. It seemed now that maybe he had sugar coated.

Alice murmured something that sounded like, “Spit,” but I couldn’t quite make it out.

As Alice’s venom flowed up my arm, my eyesight became blurry with the pain. I was still fully aware. However, when my living room window was broken, a giant, brown wolf replaced the empty space in my home.

I felt my body convulse as Alice scooped me into her arms and the world disappeared into a blur.  The pain stopped me from feeling the wind on my body but I knew that Alice was running. I just hoped she was fast enough.

“Paying too much attention…stupid…just get…” Alice’s words made no sense to me as the barely crossed over through my pain. It was like being underwater, if you were drowning and all your muscles in your body were exploding.

The last thing I remember before the pain became unbearable was Alice’s voice shouting.

“The wolves are coming!”

 


	33. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

QPOV

To be perfectly honest, I never expected to actually have to make good on my threat. I didn’t realize how attached that leech was to my mom. I thought when we threatened his family that they would leave. I never dreamed I would be the one to force his hand.

I fucking hated being wrong.

“Hey man,” Rhett said as he pulled on his shorts. We were doing a shift change and I was heading out.

“Anything?” I asked.

“Nope, pretty quiet. Bobby was watching your mom but I don’t think much was going on there. She took Rebecca over to spend the night at Charlie’s but she’s back at home now.”

“Okay, thanks,” I replied.

He left to give me my privacy as I stripped out of my clothes. The worn jean shorts and running shoes were tossed into the rain proof bag that I tucked into the bushes.

It took but a moment for me to change; it was something that I had done many times but this time was more life-altering than the past.  As my new body connected with the ground, I didn’t take off running as I usually did. I looked out over the white fur of my muzzle, but I wasn’t seeing the trees that lay in front of me. Instead, I was watching my mother being carried screaming through the woods by my former crush.

I penetrated into Bobby’s mind but he was too concentrated on the chase he was involved in to be thinking about anything else, like what the hell had led to him to chasing the tiny vampire through the trees. 

_What the hell is going on?_

**_She’s been bitten. The treaty’s been breached._ **

I let out a vicious snarl. I had no idea why Alice would be the one carrying my mother out, I didn’t know if that meant that Bobby had killed Edward or not. I growled thinking that I had missed my chance, I wanted to take that filthy bloodsucker down. I sprinted off into the woods, needing to get closer to the chase. I let out a long howl, alerting my brothers to the fact that they were needed. I knew at the very least that Rhett would hear me and make sure we were all assembled.

The view through Bobby’s eyes became clear as I saw a familiar tree just our side of the treaty line. It was a line that we had never been free to cross before, but we could now. As Bobby leapt beyond the invisible border, it became obvious that the war was on. We weren’t ready, and the bigger problem was that I had one man running towards seven vampires. And although I was angry and knew that this war was now inevitable, everything became very clear to me. We needed to regroup.

I had just about caught up to them when I heard Alice shout, “The wolves are coming!”

 ** _Stand down._** My command was sure and Bobby stopped. We were far too close to our enemy with no backup. **_Back to the council building._**

My second command was heard by Rhett and Christopher but John had yet to phase. I could feel Bobby’s relief as we ran to the building, he had been acting on instinct but now saw what he was about to do had been suicide. John joined our internal psyche moments later and was quickly filled in.

The five of us stood outside the building in the small clearing behind the building. Thankfully there was no one to witness us, our massive bodies standing in a circle, each of us full of fear. I didn’t want to risk any of us in human form. We had no idea if the vampires would attack.

_What happened?_

I watched as Bobby replayed the scene in his head. It had not been Edward who had changed my mom. I watched as the black haired leech sunk her teeth into my mom’s arm. But why would Alice have done it?

**_I’m so sorry, man. By the time I realized what they were doing, it was too late. I saw the vampire arrive so I headed farther out, trying to hide my scent from her._ **

I shook off his apology, it wasn’t what I needed right now. What was done was done, what was important was how we were going to handle it.

_We have to attack._

There was no way around it, they had broken the treaty and if they weren’t punished, who knew what else they would do. It was too late for my mom, but I could make sure she never had to wake up a monster, fighting for control over her hunger. I could do this one last thing for her before she ever had to live it.

But I wasn’t stupid. We wouldn’t attack tonight. We had to strategize, to come up with a plan that we had a chance of winning. We were outnumbered, but this is what we were made for. 

_Okay, here is the deal. John and I are going to change for an hour, the rest of you are to stick close together and patrol. If anything starts, I want to hear you howling._

I could feel the tension and I watched the uncertainty in my pack members’ eyes. I wouldn’t let them down, we would all survive this, but there was someone else I needed to see first.

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“Quil?” Claire asked her voice heavy with sleep.

“Hey baby,” I replied sliding into bed next to her. The tension in my body betrayed me and she gazed up into my face with wide eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m going to be gone for a couple of days.” I knew this news would not go over well.

“This isn’t like before, is it?” she asked her voice shaking.

“No,” I replied softly.

“Quil, you’re scaring me. What is going on?”

I pulled her trembling body to mine as I told her of the evening’s events. She didn’t let go of her grip on me when I stopped talking, but once again my perfect girl knew what I needed. She didn’t ask me questions; she didn’t try to talk me out of it, instead she kissed me and held me. We didn’t have much time but we made love slowly, savoring each other. With her by me, I felt like I could win. I needed to hold onto that feeling.

I had sent John off to be with Rebecca, I knew that he would need to be with his imprint as well. Although his meeting with my sister would have been drastically different from mine and Claire’s, I hoped that he had received the same comfort from it.

I made a quick call to Grandpa Billy; there were a few things that I needed to know. He didn’t have all the answers I needed but I hoped that the ones he did were accurate. When I finished my call, I left my house, watching for John to return. He came walking up the road as I sat on my front step. He wore an expression of quiet calm, one that I’m sure I mirrored.

“Thanks,” was all he said before we quietly slipped into the back woods.

It was just over an hour from the time we had phased back to the time we rejoined the pack. Luckily, things had been quiet.

 ** _Are you sure that they won’t run?_ **  Rhett asked.

_No, they won’t be able to move her right away. Probably not until she is changed._

**_How long does that take?_** Christopher’s voice echoed in my head.

_I don’t know for sure. But the council thinks days, two, maybe three at the most._

**_So what are we going to do?_ **

Well wasn’t that the million dollar question?

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It took two days to devise a plan, and in the end, it was painfully simple. We would draw the Cullen’s out into the forest. The hope was that we could kill or incapacitate enough of them to allow one of us to slip out and find my mother, whom we assumed they kept at their house.

We worked on a strategy and the quickest way to bring down our kills but there was only so much we could do. I knew we were running out of time. If we took too long and my mother was already one of them, it could mean that they were already gone. Dr. Cullen hadn’t been at the hospital as we had been watching there, hoping that we might be able to pick at least one off before the fight.

We gathered at my house, each of us quiet as we undressed. I trusted these guys with my life and I wanted to live up to that trust in them as well.  I gave a silent nod and one loud pop after another revealed each of us in our unique glory.

Our five, furry bodies slinked quickly through the trees. The silence in my head was deafening as my pack concentrated on our task.  The subtle wind was with us as it blew our scent away from our enemy’s house.  I knew we’d only be able to get so close; they had a mind reader and a psychic, after all.

Rhett and Bobby took to the east while John and Christopher flanked the west. I walked the middle line, giving me what would be the clearest view of the house.  Not that it ever came into my sights.

The first one I saw was Edward, my ears tucked back into my head as his pale figure came through the trees. It was gloaming and a light fog hung around us, not enough to impede our view, but enough to give the atmosphere of the epic battle to come.  The trees all seemed to bend away from us as if they knew the unnatural nature of this meeting.

 “We don’t want to fight,” Edward said his voice pained as his eyes darted around, taking stock of where the rest of the pack was. I could tell he knew were each one of them stood as his face reflected in turn through each of their eyes.

I hadn’t come to talk, they had killed my mother and the treaty was broken. Now was the time for action.  I sprinted forward, taking flight just a few feet in front of the motherfucking leech. I never reached my destination as a wisp of white and blonde hit my flank and sent me into the neighboring tree.

“Rose, don’t hurt him,” I heard Edward shout and it only made me more furious.

I heard snarls as I righted myself back onto my paws. The pack was closing in, and as they backed me up, more vampires came into view. I bared my teeth as I saw Alice come forward. She was the one who had bitten my mother; I wanted to kill her as much as I did Edward but I knew that claiming two would be reckless, so I would have to do with just killing Edward.

I kept my mind blank as I knew that any strategy I thought about would be instantly intercepted by the foe.  I felt my brothers’ anxiety at waiting and I used it to fuel me. It was time.

**_Go._ **

The command was simple but irrevocable. Christopher lunged at Carlisle and his wife, who stood side by side. The two vampires dodged his first attack but were separated briefly when Christopher pushed Carlisle down. The female bloodsucker shoved Christopher off her mate but didn’t attack further.

Bobby vaulted for the largest one. Flying through the air, Emmett grabbed a hold of his body and flipped him. Bobby landed on his back but rolled over and was back at the vampire instantly. The big leech had a smile spread wide across his face that never left as Bobby came after him again and again.

John had separated Alice and Jasper and was keeping the two blonde vampires busy. I thought that he had taken on too much but he seemed to be avoiding any attacks headed his way. Rosalie seemed more aggressive as Jasper kept looking over his shoulder, no doubt to keep tabs on Alice.

It seemed as though they were on the defensive, none of them making any real attacks towards the pack. But that wasn’t good enough, we weren’t there to teach them a lesson, we were there to kill them.

I met Edward’s eyes just before I took another lunge at him, moving purely on instinct, not letting him in on my attack plans. He was fast though, ducking out of my way at the last moment. I landed behind him and then turned back to face him. 

“Quil, please,” he pleaded as I stalked towards him.

**_You don’t use my name. You killed her. This is because of you._ **

“I know, I’m so sorry. This is not what I wanted.” His words were his attack, so I tuned them out. My mind said leap as my body charged. 

His body was hard as I hit him square in the chest. A vicious growl ripped through my body as I took a swipe at his face with my paw. He grabbed my foot before it could connect and twisted it in a way to roll me off him.  He only exerted enough energy to free himself. I knew he was stronger than his attack. I didn’t understand why he would be holding back, he must’ve known we were there to kill.

I mentally checked through the fights taking place around me and I was pleased to see that we had not sustained any injuries. But neither had they, and we had to break through their defense or we were just going to wear ourselves out. The wind picked up and whistled through the trees, protesting the clash.

My focus was drawn to Rhett, his mind speaking the loudest to me without saying a thing. It was like a bell rang to gain my attention.  As I stood back up, I could see Alice stop moving, her eyes glazing over. Rhett lunged at her as Edward screamed, “Noooo, Alice!”

The sickening sound ripped through the forest as Rhett’s teeth sunk into Alice’s shoulder and pulled her arm clean off. She screamed in pain but managed to put some space between her and the large wolf in front of her.

“She’s awake, Edward, go, she’ll need you,” Alice cried out as Rhett flung her limb into the trees.

 _We’ll need to burn that later._  

In the next moments, it became abundantly clear that the vampires had been trying to avoid fighting, sticking strictly to defensive maneuvers. Jasper, at seeing his mate’s arm detached, kicked John in the side and sent the wolf tumbling to the ground. He was at Alice’s side in an instant before charging towards Rhett.

“Jasper, no,” Alice cried out in vain.

The speed at which Jasper moved was impressive, and while we were just as fast, Rhett had not expected it. The look on the vampire’s face was frantic as he bared his teeth. They sunk in quickly to Rhett’s neck and I broke into a sprint to help out my brother. I could see a chunk of flesh rip off as Jasper pulled his head away, his mouth laced in blood. The howl that Rhett let out echoed the screams in his head.

I knew the exact moment that life ceased to be for Rhett, the connection of his voice was not the only thing to drop from my mind. It felt like a piece of me had been ripped out. I had lost one fifth of who I was. My pack’s voices echoed the devastation that ripped through me. Each cry was multiplying the pain inside of me.  One voice yelled out asking what to do, another had gone quiet in grief, but it was certain they all needed me to lead.  Each of my friends continued to fight with all they had, to avenge my mom, to avenge their brother.

The question was how many more people would have to die to protect someone that was already gone?

I was fighting for my mother but we were outnumbered and out classed, and she was beyond saving. The Cullens were better fighters than us and we were going to lose. I looked over to Edward to see that he was watching the carnage as well. He looked back at me with an apologetic look in his eyes.

It was clear to me then that they had meant us no harm but we had taken it too far. They knew they could take us but they were keeping time. My mother must still be changing.

**_Retreat._ **

_But man, they killed Rhett. We can’t just leave…_

**_I said retreat. That’s an order._ **

The wolves backed down as I asked, keeping our eyes on the enemy. Jasper was holding Alice and the rest of them were standing cautiously, waiting to see what our next move would be.

I let out one lone howl as I led my pack back into the woods.

 

 


	34. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

BPOV

The burning that ripped through my body felt like a thousand forest fires scorching me. There were moments when I believed that I was not alone, a slight cooling, but it wouldn’t last long before the vicious pain would start again. For the longest time I thought there was another woman nearby screaming, only when my lungs gave out did I realize that it was me.

Now while I was sure that Edward – or was it Alice – said the change could take up to three days, I was convinced that I had been burning for months. Surely there could be nothing left of my body after the fire had ravaged it.

As things started to feel a bit better, I realized that something was cooling me because when it was taken away, everything became impossibly worse. Words came at me then but my ears were too singed to understand them, the voice was lovely though.

My body wanted to flail but I had long worn it out. I prayed for the pain to end, I prayed for death. I regretted my selfishness to desire this, so while my body burned, my soul also burned for my children. The realization that I would not see Rebecca for at least two years, and Quil, maybe never again, made me want to weep.

It occurred to me that this was the first full thought I’d had in what felt like years. I surveyed my body, my toes and fingers felt warm but they were not aflame as they were moments ago.

“Shhh, Bella, I’m here,” the velvety voice said.

I realized then that I was whimpering, which was a far cry from the screaming I had been doing previously. The fire seemed to rush away from my extremities, quickly focusing its wrath on my heart. The pain became so much worse and I wished for my whole body to be burning again.

“It’s almost over,” I heard him say.

The pain left as quickly as it came, one second my heart felt like it could take no more and the next I felt perfect. The first sense I noticed was the smells. Inhaling brought forward a cornucopia of fragrances. I had never smelled wood like I did now. I could tell there was a small crack in the floor by the way the wood offered up a slightly fresher scent there.

There was another more familiar scent as well. The sweet scent was just as I remembered it, only more powerful. Fresher, cleaner, more alluring. But then on top of that scent was one that was more potent and horrid, like wet dog and vomit.

The next sense that came to me was the sense of touch, as a hand placed itself on my forearm. Before my eyes even had a chance of opening, I was across the room, crouched in defense. When I looked over to my would-be attacker and saw that it was Edward, I immediately straightened up.

“Bella, love, it’s me,” he said, holding his hands up in the air. I was confused, of course it was him, he looked different but I knew him right away.

I had thought I knew Edward’s beauty when I was human but I was sorely mistaken. His bronze hair flashed with hundreds of different colors that I could now see individually, his eyes held flecks of caramel and gold, and his skin was more perfect than marble.

“Bella?” Edward repeated my name, looking pained.

In a flash, I was pressed up against him, my arms circling his body. My no longer beating heart was trying to escape my chest to join his.

“Edward,” I cried.

“Love, oh love, you are crushing me,” he spoke through clenched teeth.

“Sorry,” I said dropping my arms back to my side. Edward saw my horrified look and smirked.

“It’s all right; you are just a bit stronger than me right now.”

“Really?” I said, feeling excited by that fact.

“I need to take you to hunt,” he said cautiously.

The moment he said that, the burn in my throat flared, I had noticed it when I awoke but now it raged. I lifted my hand and placed it over my clavicle, hoping to help the mild discomfort.

“Isn’t everyone coming to see me?” I asked, confused. I knew that the Cullen’s didn’t know me well, but I kind of thought they would be here, at least.

“They went out to give us some privacy,” he said rather unconvincingly.

Normally I would have pried but the thought of privacy with Edward now that I couldn’t be broken was sounding rather nice.

Unable to control my pace, I found myself nearly mounting Edward and knocking him to the floor. I landed on his chest with my legs on either side of him.  Edward looked up at me and smirked, and although I had been susceptible to it in my human form, I was downright defenseless to it now that I could really see it.

My hands fisted into his hair as I crashed my mouth to his. He remained still from shock for just a wink before responding to my kiss. To explain how it felt to kiss Edward, to _really_ kiss Edward, was nearly impossible. It was stiletto popping, body melting, fireworks exploding wonderful.

Too bad he stopped it.

“Bella,” he said pulling back and panting heavily.

“Edward,” I replied breathily, possibly on purpose.

“You need to hunt.”

I sighed but got up off him as his comment once again made my throat blaze for sustenance. Edward moved quickly by my side, but unlike before when I wouldn’t have been able to see him move, I saw everything clearly as if he were moving in slow motion.

“Can I ask you something first?” I inquired.

Edward let out a sigh that made me think he was impatient with me. I didn’t see what the rush was, if I was fine, then why hurry the hunt? “What is it?”

“Why do you stink?”

It was while straddling Edward that I realized that the horrid smell was coming off him. I truly hoped this wasn’t some kind of vampire B.O. that I would have to live with for eternity.

“I’ll explain later, first, we hunt,” he replied.

I pouted but then Edward released his own brand of warfare, staring down at me with hooded eyes and a small twitch of his lips.

“Not fair,” I whimpered but took his hand, following him out the door.

Once we were out in the woods, I headed towards our clearing. Edward was in front of me in a flash.

“No, love, this way. Not much prey over there.”

I turned and followed him around the back of the house. My ears picked up a howl from the destination that I was leaving.

“But I think I hear something back that way?” I said unsurely.

“Trust me, Bella. There are better things to eat this way.”

Not wanting to argue, I followed Edward farther into the forest. The speed at which I ran would have made me ill in my human life but then I couldn’t have counted the ants on the trees as I flew by them. It was amazing to be able to process so much without slowing down at all.

I jumped and spun, trying to get used to my new body only to realize that I didn’t need a manual. Each action and reaction was completely second nature to me.

I watched Edward run a little ahead of me, guiding the way. It was only when I saw him leap that I knew he had found prey. His body took the first deer down as mine leapt for the second. Another one scurried off into the trees as I sunk my teeth into my prey. Not once did it feel strange as the blood coated my mouth and slid down my throat. It was beautiful and majestic, and watching Edward’s back as he drank made it a bit sexy.

He finished with his before me and he walked slowly toward me, I wasn’t sure why he was moving so cautiously, until a growl ripped out from my chest. I guess vampires didn’t share. I gave a few more pulls on the wound before the blood stopped flowing. When I dropped the head of the beast, Edward smiled.

“Are you full, my love?” he asked.

I became confused, I had thought that Edward said I wouldn’t want him for a while, all I would want was the blood, but as he stood there, all I could think of was being with him. I wondered briefly if he hadn’t lied to me to scare me off the change but I didn’t think he would be that malicious.

Deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth, I pounced. While I am sure that he had sufficient time to move out of the way, Edward – always the gentleman – let me win. Our bodies rolled through the dirt and I couldn’t help but feel more connected to the earth as I heard each grain of dirt shift to accommodate our shapes.

I hovered over Edward’s torso, enjoying the faint scent of blood on his breath, as if he wasn’t already tasty enough to eat. I thought about licking his body, enjoying the taste of each inch of him.  My body shifted as the thought of being able to love him properly ran through my mind. His eyes opened wide as if they could read my mind.

“Bella, we should get back,” he said.

I pouted and ran my hands up his chest. “Why? What’s the rush, we have forever.”

“We actually don’t,” he replied. That got my attention and I sat up, pulling my hands off him. “We have to leave Forks tonight.”

“But maybe if I talked to Quil…”

“It’s too late, Bella, the wolves attacked.”

“What? Is Quil all right? Is your family all right? What happened?”

Edward filled me in on the last two days. I was surprised to hear that my transformation had taken less time than normal, seeing how it felt like eternities for me.  I was angry to hear that while we had taken the time to hunt, his family had been fighting for their lives.

“Bella, you are a newborn, I had to get you to eat before we left. A hungry newborn in a car is not a good idea.”

When we returned to the house, Edward’s family was already back. At first look, everyone seemed calm and collected, which I assumed to be a good thing. Alice was sitting on the couch and Jasper and Carlisle flanked her sides. It was only when I looked closer that I noticed the expression on her face. Pure anguish…something I didn’t even know vampires were capable of.

 “Alice, are you okay?” I asked and her head jumped up. I knew that the fact that she had not heard us enter was a bad thing in itself.

“Nothing a few bandages and a day won’t fix,” her comment was light but with the way she had to force her words out, I knew she was in pain.

Jasper stood up and looked at me coolly. “One of those dogs ripped her arm off.”

My eyes flew back to Alice. “Alice?” She replied with a sort of grimace and a shrug.

“It’s okay.” I knew by her tone that there was something she wasn’t telling me.

I looked up to Edward who had his brows furrowed; it didn’t make me feel any better. I tugged at his sleeve, wanting him to explain what was going on, but in my newborn strength, I ripped it right from the seam.

I stood there with my mouth agape as I held onto the cotton fabric. Edward’s eyes bore into mine as he raised his eyebrows. The moment was broken by the vivacious laughter of Emmett. Rosalie shot him a harsh look but it didn’t stop him.

“I’m sorry, but that was priceless,” he guffawed.

Carlisle finished wrapping the binding on Alice’s arm, holding it in place so that the venom could do its job and reattach it. The rest of us were told to pack any necessaries and load them into the cars.

“I don’t have any of my things here,” I said slightly panicked.

“That’s all right love; we will buy you whatever you need.”

“But my pictures, my memories…I have to get them,” I said, flying down the stairs.

“Bella wait!” Edward shouted but I was already out the door.

I knew Edward was fast but I hoped that my newborn strength would translate into my legs pumping faster than his. I didn’t hear him immediately follow on foot but I heard a car start up and peel out of the driveway. I wasn’t sure why he was trying to chase me in a car; he would never catch me that way.

My feet moved so quickly it was almost like I was running on air and yet I could feel everything that was going on beneath my shoes. When I reached my house, I tore up the stairs, pulling the door open and nearly off the hinges.

“Crap,” I muttered but propped the door against the wall and ran up to my room. There, inside, was a large bag that I had packed when we moved to Edward’s house. It contained my most valuable possessions, my photo albums and trinkets from my past.  I hadn’t unpacked it because part of me always wondered if I was going to need to grab it in a pinch.

I knew I should grab my bag and run, Edward couldn’t be far behind and I knew he would be angry with me, but these things were irreplaceable to me. I sat down on my bed and opened the bag, I tried extra hard to be gentle as I didn’t want to wreck any of my memorabilia. I pulled out a shoe box and opened it up, right on top was a picture of Jake, Quil, Rebecca, and I on first beach.  I ran my fingers over the faces of my children and, at last, my husband. I wondered if I made the right choice. My heart wanted my body to cry but it wasn’t possible anymore, which only made me want to cry harder.

I heard Edward enter the house and come up the stairs, he stayed in the doorway and I took a moment to reminisce with my picture before facing his wrath. The day the picture was taken, Quil and Rebecca had been playing beach volleyball with some of the rez kids and their knees were both stained with the dirt from the sand. Jake had his arm slung over me and I remembered how we played in the ocean like we were children. It was a great day.

When my eyes left the photograph and headed up to Edward’s, I was shocked to see not anger but worry in them.

“Do you have everything you need?” he asked kindly.

“Do you think I did the right thing?”

“No, but I’m glad you did it,” he replied with a small smirk on his face, and it was all I needed. I had made the right choice in asking Alice; Edward would not bear this on his conscience.

“Is this everything?” Edward inquired, loading the last of my luggage into the car. I had only taken a small bag of clothing along with my photo albums and such.

“So where is the Volvo?” I asked noticing that the car we were loading our things into was much sportier than his other vehicle.

“A Volvo is easy to replace, this is my Aston Martin,” he said, his voice full of pride.

“What’s that?” I asked coyly. Edward gaped at me with something akin to amusement and horror before I let him off the hook. “Just kidding, Edward. I was married to a mechanic; there isn’t a luxury vehicle that I don’t know.”

If I hadn’t seen it, I wouldn’t have believed it but Edward Cullen rolled his eyes at me.

“So why did you bring the car to chase me? Surely you are faster than this?” I said motioning to the car.

“Yes, I am, but I knew what you were coming from and bringing the car here gets us out of town faster.”

“Fair enough,” I said sliding into the vehicle. The interior was black leather and was filled to the brim with the latest technologies, GPS, satellite radio, and seat heaters. I briefly wondered if I turned mine on if my ass would be human temperature by the time we reached our destination. Which made me wonder, “Edward, where are we going?”

“We are driving up to Alaska. We have a house up there were we can stash our stuff, and then we are going to Europe. It is the safest thing to do right now. I don’t think after tonight the wolves will come after us, but it is best to be farther away than they can reach, at least for a couple years.”

“Europe is a big place Edward, where are we…what do you mean after tonight?” I asked, suddenly curious why the wolves would have backed off.

Edward looked from me to the road and then back to me. His behavior was shifty and not doing anything for my emotions.

“Come on, Edward, you said newborns are volatile, don’t leave me hanging here.”

“Well when one of the wolves hurt Alice, Jasper retaliated.”

“Oh God, is he okay? It wasn’t Quil was it?”

“No, it wasn’t Quil. But the wolf is dead.”

My heart sank as I thought about who it might be, all of those boys were like my sons and the thought of anything happening to them made me want to vomit, if that was even possible. 

“Who?” my new lyrical voice sounded strange as it came out so strained.

“Rhett.”

I felt bad for breathing out a sigh of relief that it wasn’t the sweet boy that I had watched grow from birth. I took a little comfort in the fact that Leah and Sam did not lose their child, and my daughter did not lose her friend. I needed them to be there for Rebecca in the next little while.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Not really,” I breathed out.

We drove in silence but Edward brought his hand to mine. I listened to the wind break as it hit the car and the gentle hum of the tires on the pavement. We were going almost twice the speed limit and yet nothing that passed outside was a blur. I could spot each leaf and birds nest, each spider in its web and each tiny road kill that thankfully was not in the least appetizing.

We had been driving for about ten hours and were well into Canada. I mused internally that my bum wasn’t numb, I didn’t feel fatigued and my previous motion sickness was completely gone. But even with all of that, I needed a break.

 “Look, I know we don’t need sleep, but can we stop somewhere for the night?”

“Sure, just let me call the others,” Edward said pulling out his phone.

“No….I mean, can it just be you and me?” He looked at me and narrowed his eyes. “It’s just been a long day and before we rush back into things with your family, I’d like to have a breather.”

“Of course,” he said, his face softening.

We drove for about another hour before we pulled into a small bed and breakfast, or at least that is what I thought it was, but when we entered the cabin, it was obviously deserted.

“Who lives here?” I asked.

“This is a family cabin,” he said, “we keep it up here for times when we hunt farther from Forks. It gives us a cover in case of a sunny day.”

I brushed past him and headed through the cabin. There was a small kitchen but it had everything you would need, if you were human, that is. The living room was immaculate and looked more like the insides of a celebrity mansion rather than a rustic cabin. The furniture was dark leather and the floor was hardwood, although a large grey throw rug covered most of the floor. There was a fireplace, and I almost expected a deer head to be hung above it, but instead there was a large painting of a bear.

Just the image of the grizzly was enough for me to grab my throat, it burned again. Edward noticed my discomfort straight away and was by my side.

“You should hunt, love,” he cooed.

“Okay, should I put my things in the bedroom?”

“Whatever for?” he asked, amused.

I looked at my bag and then back to him; I supposed it would be a while before I gave up my old habits. I would not need the bags in the bedroom as I would not be sleeping. Although now that he had stressed that there was no need for a bedroom, I wanted to see it even more.

“Is there a bed in there?” I asked.

He looked taken back by my question. “Yes,” he answered cautiously.

“Whatever for?” I teased.

Edward shook his head at me, his hair lightly swayed back and forth on the top of his head and I became mesmerized with each wave. My eyes were so locked on the bronze tresses that I barely noticed Edward laughing at me.

“Come on, Bella. We need to hunt.”

He extended his hand and I took it, mine fitted perfectly into his but it was odd not to have the cool comfort I had been used to. I followed him out into the woods. A quick smell of the air had my throat flaring for relief. Before Edward could say anything, I was off running towards the delicious scent. I knew I was after a carnivore.

The poor bear never even saw me coming. I snapped his neck quickly, not wanting the poor animal to deal with any of the pain from my venom. I took deep pulls from his jugular, the taste was so much better than deer.

Edward stayed back far enough that I knew he was there but didn’t feel threatened by his presence while I enjoyed my prey. When I finished, he came over and we disposed of the body together. The Cullens used this spot for hunting regularly and didn’t want any suspicious animal deaths found.

When we arrived back at the cabin, I felt both invigorated and exhausted – mentally, of course, my body could go forever now. The problem with my mind being able to process everything at once was that I could constantly worry about Rebecca and Quil. I missed my children so much and I just needed some support.

“What would you like to do?” Edward asked, running a hand through his mop of hair.

“Can we lie down? Like we used to when you came through my window.”

“Of course,” he replied, leading the way to the bedroom.

The bedroom carried the same masculine tone as the rest of the cabin. A dark wood bed was covered by a maroon duvet with gold threads throughout. There were more wildlife pictures on the wall, but luckily I felt sedated enough for them not to coax a reaction out of me.

“I’m just going to change,” I said.

When I took my things into the bathroom, I noticed that I had a bit of dirt on my arms and face so I decided to have a quick shower.  The shower didn’t feel as good as I remembered it feeling as a human, perhaps because I was washing surface dirt off but I wasn’t really unclean. I didn’t sweat or release odors, bad ones, anyway. But it did feel good to look clean.

I slipped on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top and I noticed for the first time myself in the mirror. I had changed. My skin pulled tight over my body like it had when I was a girl. My boobs were high and proud and my abs had toned. My arms which were slim before now held definition like they never had before. But the biggest difference was my face.

The girl in front of me had turned back the clock because there was no way I looked a day over twenty-five. My eyes were bright and my skin was like porcelain, I smiled and noticed the small lines that had once graced my eyes were gone. That made me a little sad, but I wasn’t going to be upset over this extreme makeover, because truth be told, I looked hot.

“Bella,” Edward whispered my name through the door with a gentle knock.

“Sorry, I’ll be right out,” I replied grabbing my bag and heading back to join Edward.

He was sitting on the side of the bed when I approached. He had changed as well but was still wearing a button up shirt and pants. I crawled into the bed and he joined me, gathering me in his strong arms.

“I love you,” I breathed out.

“And I, you,” he answered.

“I miss them already,” my voice was quiet but controlled.

“I know. If there is anything I can do…”

“I need to feel loved, Edward.” It was the truth and yet I felt guilty for pressuring him.

“You are loved, Bella,” he replied.

“But I need to _feel_ it.”

Edward was quiet for a beat before he answered, “Bella…”

“I know…you want to wait until we are married. But I will marry you, Edward. Isn’t it our vows that make us married?”

“Yes, I suppose.”

“Then let us pledge ourselves together here tonight as man and wife. Then we can do another one for your family.”

“I don’t know…”

“Please, Edward, I need this. I need you.” I accented my words by running my hand up his chest. He took a deep breath and his chest shuddered.

“Bella…”

“Edward…”

“Will you let me finish?” he asked with a hint of amusement. I nodded and he continued. “Bella, will you take me as your husband and mate for as long as we both shall live?”

“Edward, I will take you as my husband and my mate, you are my soul and joy wrapped up into one package. I will love you far longer than forever.” His answering grin made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. “Will you take me as your wife and mate, for as long as we both shall live?”

“Bella, I pledge to you to protect you and care for you, to love you and cherish you. I vow with all that I am that yours will be the only opinion that matters to me and I will strive to be worthy of your love.  I would be honored to take you as my wife.”

“I wish I had a ring to give you,” I stated.

“Well you may not have a ring, but I do.”

“What?” I asked, surprised.

“It was my mother’s. I would love for you to wear it. If you don’t like it, we can get something more modern.” He left the bed and was back in a flash, pushing the box over the comforter.

I opened the tiny container and gasped. The ring was stunning and exactly my taste. The setting held a circle of small diamonds that shone but wasn’t garish. I loved it.

“I love it,” I responded.

“Really?” he asked.

I stared down at my finger as he slid it on. It fit perfectly and I hoped that I wouldn’t do anything to break it while I was still getting used to my strength. I looked up at Edward and he was seemed nervous. I suddenly felt horrible to coerce him into having sex with me. The mini-wedding that we had just given ourselves had served the purpose I needed. I felt loved.

He leaned in and I put my hand on his chest to stop him.  “You don’t need to do this, we can wait.”

“But I would like to kiss my wife, if that’s okay.”

“That’s definitely okay,” I replied, smiling.

Edward’s lips met mine gently at first but then his tempo increased and suddenly I was on my back and Edward was hovering over me.  I could feel his arousal pressing into me.

“Are you sure?” I asked, my eyes connecting with his burning ones.

“Bella I have made my vows with words, now let me make my vows with my body.”

I knew why Edward wouldn’t make love to me when I was a human, if he would have said that to me then, my poor brain would have melted into mush.

I laced my fingers behind his neck and brought him in for another kiss. This one started as needy as the last one ended, our whole bodies writhing while we kissed. I was very thankful that I didn’t need to breathe as Edward didn’t relent for a second. His hand moved slowly up my side before resting on the side of my breast. I wriggled until I had placed it in his hand.

He pulled away from the kiss to look down at his hand on my bosom, it made me remember that no matter how sexy Edward appeared, this was all new territory for him.  The astonished look on his face made me giggle and it brought his eyes back up to mine. He looked a bit horrified at being caught enjoying a private moment, but what he needed to realize was that it was a private moment between us.

“You can give it a little squeeze if you want,” I said.

Edward rolled his palm over my breast and gently kneaded the mound. I was pleased to see that my new body reacted the same as my old one. My eyes rolled back and I let out a little moan.

“Like this?” he asked, still working my bust.

“Yes, just don’t forget about the other one,” I half-teased.

I expected him to move his hand over but I was pleasantly surprised when his mouth came in contact with the other side. It caused a wanton sound to escape my lips and I couldn’t find it in myself to care. Goaded by my response, Edward nipped playfully through my shirt but the sensation was too far away.  I pushed him back and he immediately sat up, looking slightly worried until he noticed I was taking my shirt off. I had never seen Edward’s eyes go so wide.

I had not put a bra on after my shower and my new chest didn’t seem to require one, so when the air hit my skin, I heard Edward gasp. The tank top was still over my eyes when I was slammed back onto the bed, Edward’s body hovering over mine again. I yanked softly at the shirt until it came off and noticed that Edward was no longer in possession of his shirt.

The planes of his chest were perfect. There was no other way to describe him. Perfectly toned without being bulky, Edward was an underwear model in the flesh and he was mine.

“You’re perfect,” we both said at the same time.

It was me that lunged at Edward that time. I rose up to my knees and wrapped my arms around his delicious flesh. I moaned as he ran his hands down my bare back and cupped my bottom. I repaid the favor by doing the same to him. His hips bucked forward and his arousal came into contact with my gut. I tried to stretch my body up so that it would hit me in the right place but I was just too much shorter than him.

I leaned back and pulled him on top of me, he came willingly, but after a few minutes of petting, he seemed to slow down.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

He looked as though he was collecting his thoughts but I knew better. He knew exactly what he wanted to say, he just wasn’t sure if he wanted to say it.

“You’ll tell me if I do something you don’t like, right?” he asked.

“It’s not likely that you will, Edward,” I replied honestly.

“I’ve never done this and I want it to be pleasurable for you.”

“Would it help if I went on top?” I knew that men basically just had to lay there if the women were on top, plus I thought it might help him last longer as it was his first time.

Edward nodded shyly and I smiled while I rolled him over. I took the opportunity to stand up and remove my pants, leaving me completely naked. I kneeled on the bed and worked at Edward’s button. The growing bulge in his pants caught my attention and I accidently exerted a little too much pressure causing the button to fly across the room and ricochet off the wall. When I looked, I noticed an imprint of the Levi’s brand in the wood.

 “Oh well, these are wrecked now,” I stated before grabbing and pulling, effectively tearing his pants right off him.

Edward was breathing heavily as I leaned down and kissed his chest. I licked and nipped at his muscles, coaxing wonderful reactions from his body. I never knew a man could be so sensitive. I kept my attentions away from his groin area as I didn’t want to over-excite him before we started.

He kept his hands gently in my hair as I explored his body, but I was done with foreplay. I had dreamed about this man for months and I needed him. I pulled off the last of the fabric that separated us. Edward's arousal twitched as it became free from its confines.

I didn’t want to make him self-conscious by staring at it, but it was worthy of a peek. I positioned myself over him and gazed into his eyes as I sank down. Now, whenever I had been in this position before, I did all the rocking, but with Edward, he met me thrust for thrust. His body moved with mine instead of against to help push our passion further.

I swiveled my hips and he grabbed my waist as I sat on top of him. In a quick flash, he had me on my back and he was over me again.

“You’re too far away like that,” he said as he crushed his chest to mine.

Worries about Edward’s stamina were long gone as he pushed in and out of me; I felt my orgasm building so I reached down and started to rub my clit. Edward paid close attention, and after a few seconds, he knocked my hand out of the way and went to work like a pro.

One thing I had always done since having kids was kegal exercises, so when I was human, I had fierce squeezing muscles. They had apparently transferred over because when I hit my orgasm, I could feel my insides gripping Edward. It was much more intense than I had ever felt. The love and the pleasure mixed gloriously as I rode the wave of ecstasy.

Edward seemed to show no signs of slowing down, but a few minutes later he cried out as he released into me. His face was contorted into a beautiful disaster; I had never loved him more. Edward kissed me softly once more before he rolled over, pulling me into his arms so that my back was to his chest.

He didn’t say anything at first and I began to worry. Maybe I hadn’t been what he was expecting, I had experience but I wouldn’t call myself experienced. I lay there listening for any signs to tell me whether or not he was sated or not.

“Was that…okay?” I asked quietly.

He rolled me over so that I was facing him. His face held so much love I forgot my worries instantly.

He leaned in and kissed me again before saying, “I don’t know, I think I need some practice.”

I scooted closer, only to find out that he was already hardening again. There were definitely some perks to marrying a seventeen year-old vampire.

I enjoyed my time in Edward’s arms that night, the next day brought many unknowns. I was headed off to a new life in a new country and I had no idea what was in store for me, I only knew that I had the person that I needed by my side.

I mourned the time that I would lose with my daughter and the fact that I might never see my son again, but I had made my choice and I would try to right things with them in the future. Once I could get my bloodlust under control, Rebecca would be able to return to me and hopefully Quil would be able to forgive me.

Only time would tell.

 


	35. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

QPOV

Three weeks after the fight and I still hurt with every breath I took. I couldn’t ignore the fact that my foolish actions had led to my friend dying. The last year of my life had gutted me and left me a shell of the person I had once been.

The day after the fight, I had lain in bed, staring at the wall. I was too numb to cry, or feel anything really. With my heart full of regret, I had trudged towards the Cullen house, knowing if they came out to kill me that there was nothing I could do about it. I ordered my pack to stay in La Push; there was no need for more bloodshed.  I wanted to apologize to my mother; I just hoped that she would forgive me.  All I wanted was my family back together. 

When I arrived at the house, I knew it was too quiet but I went up and rang the bell anyway. Of course, if they had actually been there, they would have heard me coming from a mile away, literally.

It was stupid to break into their home so I broke into the garage instead, all that was left was a silver Volvo in the giant building.  They had left and there was no way for me to know where they would have gone.  I sank to the ground and the tears poured out.

How would I ever see my mother again?

She was gone.

My body folded in on itself, leaving me in the fetal position on the vampire’s garage floor. The stench of them was sickening and yet I tried to find comfort in it, knowing that it was now my mother’s scent as well. I was racked with sobs as my world came crashing down. Both my parents had been stolen from me before their time, and both were because of me.

When I finally stood myself back up, my legs creaked with the stiffness. Leaving the garage, the sun had gone down, telling me that I had been in there for hours. I called directory assistance to get the number of the hospital before having them connect me.

“Forks Community Hospital, how may I direct your call?” a nasally voice answered.

“Dr. Cullen, please,” I responded, my voice sounding raspy.

“Uhm, Dr. Cullen no longer works here, can I transfer you to someone else?”

“No, thanks,” I said, hanging up.

No one seemed to question the fact that the town’s most prominent doctor just up and left overnight without any notice. The rumor was that he was headhunted by a hospital on the east coast. I wondered where they really went and how he would get a job without a reference, but then again, he probably could forge whatever he needed.

Charlie found it weird that the Cullen’s left the same time as mom but he dropped it when I told him the east coast rumor. The last thing I needed was Charlie following his gut and getting in the middle of this mess.

Rebecca had heard from mom once in the three weeks after the fight, I wasn’t home so I didn’t get to talk to her and it felt like a missed opportunity. When she didn’t call again in the next month, I went crazy.  Rebecca told me that they were headed to a remote area and wouldn’t have service but that didn’t ease my worries that my mother wanted nothing to do with me after the mess I created.

“Baby, what’s the matter?” Claire’s soft voice swept over me. I rolled over and took her in my arms. Her lips called out to me and I pressed mine against hers, enjoying the feel of her viperbites digging into my skin. I took one in my mouth and gently tugged on it before peppering her lips in kisses.  She groaned but pushed me away. “Oh no you don’t, Quil Black, you tell me what’s wrong.”

 “Sorry, I wasn’t avoiding, honestly. I just got a bit distracted,” I said with a devious smile. She pressed her mouth into a sharp line and I sighed. “I just don’t know how I can stay here. It hurts to look around and see the mess I’ve made. I just feel like I need a fresh start.”

“You want to leave?” she asked warily.

“Don’t you want to get out of here, Claire? Explore the world a bit?”

“You want me to come with you?”

I looked into her eyes and whispered with conviction, “Of course.”

A smile spread on her face and she closed the gap this time, kissing me with passion. I slid my hand down her hip and across her back. I held her as we kissed, enjoying the innocence of our love.  Her lips were red and puffy when I finally pulled back and I could feel an indent on my bottom lip from her piercings. 

“But don’t you have to stay here and lead?” she inquired softly.

“I have a plan for that as well.”

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Three shocked faces stared back at me from the living room at the Uley’s house. I sat on the recliner as John, Christopher, and Bobby jumped up from their various positions on the couch and floor. I didn’t look down; I wasn’t ashamed of my decision.

“Can you even do that?” Bobby asked angrily.

“Of course I can,” I responded. 

“But then what happens to us?” John’s voice quivered.

“You will have a new alpha,” I stated.

“Who?” Christopher’s voice was strong and he met my eyes. I looked back at him and gave him a nod.

John was actually the next in line if you went by our lineage but I knew that he had no desire to lead. Although only a year younger than I, he was still much too green to take charge. I could hear him take a sigh of relief when I alluded that it would be Christopher.

“So, you’re leaving forever?” Christopher asked.

“I don’t know. I just know I can’t be here right now.”

“We understand,” Christopher replied, surprising me by coming up and giving me a hug. The other two followed, pulling me into embraces and slapping me on the back.

“I’ll miss you man,” John said before he pulled away.

“Don’t get all soft on me, I’ll be in touch,” I replied rubbing the top of his head before pushing it away.

We spent the rest of the evening playing video games and eating junk food. No one mentioned my impending departure again and I was thankful for that.  When I left John’s house, it was close to one in the morning. I didn’t want to call Claire so I decided to walk, or run, as the case was. I stripped down in the woods out back, quickly changing into my wolf form. I picked up my clothes between my teeth and I trotted off before hearing another loud pop. I waited for the sound of my brother’s voice in my head but nothing came. I was no longer part of their pack, I was truly alone. --- : (

The idea of giving up the alpha status was easy; it was losing the pack that was hard. I ran faster through the forest, my four paws thumping lightly against the ground. I reached Claire’s in a matter of minutes. She was waiting for me on her bed. Her makeup was off and her hair was tied in short pig-tails near her ears, if it wasn’t for the metal in her face, she would have looked closer to fifteen than twenty.

She looked at me with such love in her eyes as I strode the three steps it took to get to her bed and crawled right up to her. She placed her hands on each of my cheeks and gave me a sad smile.

“How did it go?”

“Okay,” I replied, hoping to not talk about it anymore that night.

She kissed my lips chastely and then slid her body down underneath mine. She looked up at me from underneath her lashes and smiled. “So do you want to celebrate our new found freedom?”  She punctuated this sentence by putting the tip of her forefinger into her mouth.

“Yes, please,” I responded and lowered my body down on hers.

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**Six Months Later**

“Quil, that is so fucking hot!” Claire purred as she watched the needle prink my shoulder again and again. Hers was already bandage as she insisted since it was her gift that she got to go first.

The large, bald man finished his work before telling me the aftercare that I would need. I knew that I would be healed before I got home so I only paid attention so that I could help with Claire’s if she needed me.

It was her twentieth birthday and I wanted to get her something that she would love. She had been working in the tattoo parlor pretty much since we had moved to Chinook, Montana, but we had not been able to budget one in for her. I had taken three weeks worth of extra shifts down at the construction site so that I could pull off this surprise for her. We stayed close enough to Forks so that Charlie and Rebecca could come visit but far enough that we weren’t reminded of the past everywhere we looked.

I paid Bruce and took Claire’s hand. I could tell that we both wanted to take the bandages off and display the matching tattoos that we had just received. The wolf that was at the centre of each tattoo was stark white, and the stylized circle that encompassed it symbolized our union, unbreakable, forever.

I led her back to our apartment, it was small and the hot water rarely worked, but that only gave us incentive to shower together since I had enough heat to keep her warm while she bathed. The walls were paper thin and we would sometimes hear banging on the wall, alerting us to that fact that our lovemaking wasn’t always as private as we would have liked, but it was home.

Wherever Claire was, was home.

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**Seven Years Later**

We hadn’t been back to Forks but it was time. Rebecca would be turning eighteen in a few days and Claire and I were hoping to surprise her. After all this time, I still hadn’t talked to my mom. We had moved twice since we left Forks and were now just outside of Eugene in Oregon.

I know that when Rebecca finally had the chance to go and be with mom, she refused. Her and John had started dating and she could no more leave him than he her.  I knew that would have devastated my mother, but it wasn’t as if she could make Rebecca. The Cullens were no longer allowed in Forks, even if they were going by the name Masen now.

We pulled our VW rabbit into Grandpa Charlie’s driveway. He was waiting for us on the porch and a large smile lit up his face as we got out of the car. With the use of a cane, he still struggled to get out of his seat, but once he was up, he seemed steady on his legs.

“Look at you two,” he spoke, his voice jovial. “Quil, you haven’t changed a bit. But Claire, you look even lovelier than last time.”

Claire had changed her look a lot since the last time Charlie had seen her. Gone was the jet black hair, now it was brown filled with warm highlights, her viperbites were still there but her makeup was much more neutral.

“Thanks dad,” she said giving him a hug.

I smiled at the moment, Claire had no problem calling Charlie ‘dad’ and had done so since our nuptials over a year earlier. We hadn’t had the money to have a real wedding but a couple of friends and a courthouse was all we really needed. Our wedding bands were a gift from Lars, the owner of the tattoo parlor where Claire now worked. We each had an intricate circle that resembled the one on our wolf tattoos, around our left ring finger. When I transformed for the first time after we got the bands done, I noticed that the coloring stayed around the base of my left paw, my other tattoo didn’t transfer to my new form so I had no idea why my wedding band did but I was thrilled about it.

The house in La Push had been sold four years back and the money was split in two. Half of it went into a trust for Rebecca while the other half was put into savings for me and Claire. We were hoping to save a bit more so that we could use it as a down payment for a house, but that plan was moving slowly.

Charlie took us up to the small bedroom on the second floor, the one that used to be my mom’s. I felt the familiar regret run through me as I glanced over the pictures that she had left on the mirror, the worn copy of Wuthering Heights on the nightstand, and a pair of shoes at the closet door.

Claire came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me. Her lips placed a kiss in the centre of my back and I sighed at the comfort she provided. My rock.

I put our bags under the window before we headed back downstairs to visit with Grandpa Charlie. We reminisced about my childhood and Grandpa Billy, who had passed away the previous year from lung cancer. We had desperately wanted to come for the funeral but it was in the middle of construction season and there was no way I could take time off and still have a job when I came back.

I assumed that Rebecca was staying at John’s, I didn’t like it but I knew that he would take care of her. It wasn’t like there was a lot of extra room at Charlie’s anyway.

We went to bed early that night, tired from the trip. I was a bit nervous about the next day. I had talked to my old pack on the phone in the beginning but as is life, the calls became less and less frequent. It had been six months since I had heard from any of the guys.

I woke up the next morning with Claire’s tight body pressed against mine. Her proximity, the only thing needed to stir a reaction in my nether regions. I rocked my hips towards her, enjoying the friction it caused. Her ass returned the pressure, causing me to groan.

Claire always slept in the buff, I provided too much heat for her to wear anything in the nights and that was a side effect that was all right by me. I freed myself from my boxers and lifted her leg; she arched her back, allowing me access to where I so desperately wanted.

Every time I entered Claire was as beautiful and special as the first time. She always felt like heaven to me and this time was no exception. Her arm reached around and she placed her hand on the back of my head. I buried my head into the crook of her neck to growl as I didn’t want Charlie to hear. She snickered, knowing that I was holding it in, and that made me a little vengeful. I rocked into her with greater speed. I pressed my flat palm against her abdomen and applied a little pressure, causing her to feel even fuller. 

She took her hand off my head and ran it down her chest, ghosting over my hand and stopping lower. She let out the softest curse before clamping down around me. When her shaking had stopped, I pulled out and rolled her over, sliding myself between her legs. I reentered her with a skill that had taken me longer than I care to admit to master, but Claire had always been very patient with me.

I pulsed in her, enjoying the loving moment, but then both of Claire’s hands reached down to squeeze my ass, sending me over the edge. I rolled over, sliding off my wife’s slick body.  She stretched and made a sound not unlike the purring of a kitten.

“I’m gonna shower,” she said.

I watched her stand up and walk naked towards her suitcase. I admired the view as she bent down and pulled out her clothes for the day. She turned around and caught me staring.

“What?” she asked.

“I’m just picturing what you are going to look like when you start showing.”

“Fat,” she replied, making a face.

“Beautiful,” I countered. I was thrilled when we found out that she was expecting our first child and knew that she would be stunning carrying our young.

“Yeah, yeah,” she replied rolling her eyes, “but so help me, this better not be a litter. One non-hairy little baby is all I can handle.”

I laughed and threw a pillow at her. She dodged it and wrapped a towel around her body.

“I love you,” I said.

“You too, sweet boy, you too.”

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Christopher and Bobby looked no different from the day that I left, I hadn’t changed either but it was weird just the same.  Christopher had his arm slung around a beautiful Quileute woman. She was average height with long, dark hair. Her dark skin was flawless and her almond shaped eyes gave her an exotic look. I had left Claire at Charlie’s, but with the way that Christopher looked at this woman, I knew that things would have been okay. He was obviously in love.

Bobby greeted me with a huge smile and wrapped his arms around me.

“Hey man,” I said, returning the hug.

I gave Christopher a similar greeting although he kept one hand in his lady’s. “It’s good to see you,” he said smiling.

“You too.”

“I’d like you to meet Tiffany, my imprint,” Christopher said, gesturing to the lovely woman next to him.  She shot him a look that I didn’t understand but I shrugged it off.

I raised my eyes but then let out a laugh. “Congratulations, and it’s nice to meet you, Tiffany.” She gave me a genuine smile and shook my hand firmly. I liked her already.

“So what do you say we do a bit of hunting while you’re here?” Bobby asked excitedly.

I hadn’t really done much on my own since leaving the pack. I still transformed and patrolled but I hadn’t so much as taken a deer down after leaving. The idea of going running with my boys seemed like a good one.

“Uhm, sure,” I said and threw an apologetic glance at Tiffany.

“Oh no, I’m coming too,” she said firmly.

Before I knew it, the guys were running through the bushes throwing their clothes off and Tiffany was joining them. I adverted my eyes as she hopped, taking off her pants.

“If you look at my girl, Quil, I’m going to bite you!” Christopher called out from up ahead.

It wasn’t until the light brown wolf stood in front of me that I believed that Tiffany was a wolf. I had never heard of a female wolf before but there she was, standing in front of me.

I missed being able to talk to them all while we were in wolf form, but we soon realized that Christopher and I could talk and he could relay for the rest. Apparently, Tiffany had transformed about a year after I left and then they imprinted on each other. Christopher said he hadn’t mentioned her before because he was still harboring hurt feelings over my taking Claire. He knew that I wouldn’t take her from him but sometimes rational thought is absent in love.

We didn’t find any vampires to hunt that day but we did all enjoy a nice meal of venison. We wrestled and played in our wolf forms, enjoying the friendship that we had neglected. It wasn’t until we were headed back that I asked Christopher.

_Where is John?_

**_He’s gone._ **

_Gone where?_

Christopher didn’t answer me; I didn’t know what to think.  When we arrived back at Christopher’s place and we were all dressed, I asked again. “Where is John? And Rebecca?”

“They left,” Christopher said with sad eyes.

“Where did they go?” I inquired hastily.

“To find your mom.”

 


	36. Epilogue #1

Epilogue #1

BPOV

Two years after leaving Forks, I got careless. I had been going into town more frequently every day, and while I had always felt the burn, I was sure I was under control. The truth was, I just really wanted to be in control so that I could go home and get my baby girl.  I had talked to her on the phone a few times, but at the beginning, we didn’t have any service so we had to go into town to use the phone. That didn’t work so well with me being a newborn.

So when I rushed into town on my own, trying to prove to both Edward and Jasper that I was ready, I really thought I’d get to go home. Not even Alice saw what happened in time. I was fine, walking down the street whistling, when the scent overwhelmed me. I didn’t think, I just acted, and that was why Alice was blind to it.

The poor man that I dragged into the alley had no idea what happened to him. It was over in a matter of seconds for him even though it took me three minutes to finish every drop of blood in his body.

Tearless sobs wracked my body as I sat down next to that of the innocent man’s. I memorized his face, from the three tiny crow’s feet on each eye to the six-thousand, two-hundred and four facial hairs that made up his goatee.

Edward found me, still sobbing. He gathered me up in his arms and rocked me while chanting, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay. After two years, I had killed someone, and although it was painful for me to think about that man and what he had lost, I was more upset over what I had lost. There was no way I could be around Rebecca now. If I couldn’t control my bloodlust, then there was no way I could chance it.

Of course, that taste of human blood set me back another two years. It took over six months for me to be able to get anywhere near the edge of town. Each time that Emmett and Jasper had to hold me back only made me bitterer.

Of course, there was one good thing to have come out of my slip. Whereas most of the family had accepted me pretty readily, even Rosalie, Jasper had always held resentment towards me. I had no idea why that was until I killed that man. He became a lot more accepting of me after that.

It seemed that Jasper was tired of being the weak link in the Cullen chain and my mistake had given him new strength.  Although we were no longer going by the name Cullen, we had become the Masens, which I preferred once I learned that it was Edward’s human name.

Edward, of course, took it worse than me. He felt guilty for going out hunting that night without me, even though that is the reason I told him to leave. I thought if I could do it successfully on my own, then I would get the okay to head back to the states.

I married Edward a year later. It took me that long to be able to attempt to go into town again. We had a simple ceremony with our family present, I made him promise that we would have another one when we reunited with Rebecca and Edward’s answering smile was blinding.

He was a strange and wonderful man.

I tried to rush things again, getting antsy to see my daughter, which resulted in three more mistakes the following year. So I went back to basics, which included me gouging on arctic fox and reindeer before going into any situations where humans might be present.

After another year of that, I was truly ready to return. I had a good grip on my bloodlust and was actually starting to really enjoy the taste of animals. Edward may have helped provide me with a Pavlov’s response to eating game; he was no longer shy of affection. 

On Rebecca’s fifteenth birthday, I called to give her the good news. The conversation did not go as I’d planned.

“Hi honey, how are you doing?”

“Pretty good. Hey, guess what? Heather got knocked up,” she said.

“Was she still dating Rob?” I asked. My human memories of Rebecca’s friends were fuzzy but she had kept me in the loop while I had been gone, so while I didn’t remember what they looked like, I knew nearly everything about their lives.

“Yup, but I’m pretty sure her dad is going to shoot him now,” she laughed.

“So, I have some news of my own,” I replied, changing the subject.

“Oh yeah?”

“We’re coming back. We have drawn up your papers, with your new ID, we are thinking that we will go somewhere in Northern Canada, possibly Yellowknife. Oh, you’ll love it there, so much...”

“Wait, no!” she cut me off.

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to go anywhere. I mean, I can come visit you but my life is here.”

“Rebecca, this is not up for discussion. We can’t have the wolves knowing where we are, they will come for us. There is no way you can visit; you have to come live with us.” The panic that I felt was masked but Edward could feel it. He held me from behind as I cradled the phone, trying not to break it.

“I’m in love with John,” she said softly. “I can’t leave.”

“Rebecca, you’re fifteen years old…”

“So? We are soul mates. I’m his imprint. I don’t want to leave.”

I glanced at the phone as the dial tone kicked in. She had hung up on me. There was almost no way I could force her to come. I could have Charlie put her on a plane but she would just turn around as soon as she could and go back.

“Am I being selfish?” I asked Edward. “I’m not supposed to be able to have things from my human life now, but I just thought…”

“No, love,” he responded.

I worked hard to maintain my relationship with Rebecca over the next few years. Once I had conceded to let her stay in Forks, we resumed our regular phone calls. With no reason to head back to the states, we stayed one more year in Iceland before heading back.

We ended up getting a place in Banff, Alberta. The wildlife was plenty and the mountain views were astonishing. I was amazed at my eyesight, I could see right to the peaks without any aids.  We bought a little cabin that was at the edge of town.  Carlisle opened a small practice there while the rest of us pretty much stayed out of town. Edward didn’t want to go back to school and I just looked too old to pass for a high school student, so he worked part-time at the clinic. He didn’t want to at first, but I told him that I needed time by myself and not spending every second together didn’t make us any less in love.

“Come with me,” Edward was excited as he pulled my hand.

“Okay, okay,” I laughed, putting my book down and following him out of the house.

It was late and the weather had started getting cold, not that we needed protection from that. I ran quickly behind my beautiful husband, watching as his muscles flexed and released under his shirt. When he stopped suddenly, I nearly ran into the back of him.

### I giggled as he opened his arms and pulled me into them, dipping me so that I was facing the sky. The [Aurora Borealis](http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CC0QFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Ficeland.vefur.is%2Ficeland_nature%2FNorthern_Lights%2F&ei=Jr0NTNDNK5zonQelgtmJAg&usg=AFQjCNEgw0azXbWEnKKNIOt1puB-kXxKGw) was stunning. It was one of the main things I loved about living in Iceland, the northern lights shone in such luscious colors; blue, red, green, purple and another that had never been named. I had missed them since we moved and now they were glowing furiously overhead.

### “I love that smile,” Edward said before planting his lips against mine. I hadn’t even realized that I had been smiling.

### I looked back up at the sky and then to Edward, the lights didn’t stand a chance, he was still the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I pulled my lips to his again earning me a groan that I’d come to know as the ‘I’m pretending like I’m put out but really I love this’ groan.

### His hands moved along my body and we settled easily onto the ground. The weight of his body on mine was like a warm blanket. Although cold to a human, our temperatures were perfect between the two of us. A single touch from Edward still had the ability to send me into a frenzy of want.

### I let out a strangled moan as his long fingers squeezed my breast, Edward had been a quick study in that department and I think I had to credit all the lewd thoughts women had about my husband over the years. If they wanted it, he had seen it, and he put all those moves to practice on me. Women all over the world would’ve been crying tonight if they knew he was using their fantasies to please me.

His lips made purchase against my neck, sucking lightly, one of my favorite feelings. I almost wanted the ability to get hickeys again so that I would have a reminder of each time he did it. It was good I didn’t though or Edward would have left me as spotted as a cheetah.

I let my hand glide down his back and cup his firm bottom. Edward was beautiful all over but I had learned that I was truly an ass woman. One of my biggest fantasies included Edward in assless chaps but I had yet to have the courage to ask him, because although he was already an accomplished lover, he still had a bit of his old self in him.

As I groped his backside, Edward let out a long moan that turned quickly into a growl. We were both on our feet in less than a second. I didn’t hear what he had heard, but when the breeze picked up again, the scent was unmistakable.

Wolf.

I grabbed Edward’s arm, gaining me his attention.

“Is it…?” I asked with desperation. 

“It’s John,” he replied, straightening slightly but still in a defensive stance. He let go of the tension in his body before he spoke again, “And Rebecca.”

I was off before Edward could protest. My baby girl was close and I needed to see her. John was crouching in wolf form when I reached them, Edward arrived right behind me.

“Mom?” Rebecca called out when she saw me, “Mom!”

John growled but didn’t move as she ran past him and into my arms. I held back from the embrace, not wanting to crush her.

“Rebecca, honey….I’ve missed you so much,” I cried.  I could see Edward’s face in my peripheral and he was smiling.  “What are you doing here? How did you find us?” With being so close to Washington, we hadn’t wanted to let Rebecca know where we were, unsure if the wolves still held a grudge.

“Long story,” she said rolling her eyes.

I stood back and took her in. She was no longer the ten year old little girl that I left behind. Her skin had lightened up slightly and he form was that of a woman’s and yet her eyes still spoke of innocence and light. It had been eight years since I had seen her and that time had seemed short, I felt a pang of sadness to realize just how quickly her life would be over in my world. Suddenly eighty years seemed so diminutive.

“Come on, we can go back to the cabin and talk,” Edward said and then responded to something in John’s mind, “You are welcome, of course.”

It didn’t take long to get back to the cabin, Rebecca shocked me when she climbed up and rode on top of John. The intimacy of the moment reminded me that he was not just her friend anymore.

We waited inside the cabin, giving John the privacy he needed to change and then…change. When he walked into our home, he looked just as I remembered him, jean shorts and all.

The rest of the family left, giving us some privacy, which I was grateful for. I knew it was hard for John to be in his human form around the two of us, eight of us might have been a bit much.  We talked late into the night, about how they had tracked us down and what our lives had been like lately. I could see Edward taking mental notes, surely to tell Carlisle later about our security breech. He was always so serious but it made me smile.

The conversation avoided the topic of Quil. I had no idea how he would feel about John and Rebecca coming here but I figured that it was a good sign that he didn’t order them to stay. I figured that we could deal with talk of him later; all I wanted was to reconnect with my daughter.

We gave Rebecca our bed but put John on the couch. There was no way that my eighteen year old daughter was sharing a bed with her boyfriend in my house. Edward and I sat on the porch all night, me cuddled in his arms. I felt lighter and impossibly happier having my daughter so close. Edward hummed to me and I closed my eyes, pretending to sleep was almost as good as the real thing sometimes.

Edward’s hands rubbed up and down my arms in a soothing manner throughout the night and we only stirred from our position when we heard Rebecca stirring in the house. John was up as soon as Rebecca’s feet hit the floor and I looked at Edward and smiled.

“I’m going to run into town and get some food for the mortals,” Edward said with a smirk. I knew that they had to eat but he was giving me time alone, which I greatly wanted.

When I headed into the cabin, Rebecca and John were locked in an embrace. I cleared my throat even though it was unnecessary, John knew I was there. He broke apart from her, begrudgingly stepping away and allowing me to enter her field of sight.

“Morning,” I said smiling.

“Hey, mom,” Rebecca replied, blushing.  She looked at John and he gave her a quiet nod. Turning to me, she looked nervous. “Can we take a walk or something?”

“Sure,” I replied.

She slipped on her sneakers, heading out even though she was still in her pajama pants and a tee shirt. We headed into the woods, walking for several minutes before she said anything.

“Do you like being a vampire?” she asked.

“Mostly,” I replied.  I slowed my pace as I noticed it seemed hard for her to keep up.

“So you don’t regret it? Changing for Edward?”

“No, I don’t. I loved your father, Rebecca but I love Edward too. He is worth any sacrifice I could make,” I replied honestly.

“I feel that way about John. He’s just….he’s just it for me, you know?”

“He seems very taken with you,” I spoke, trying to hide my feelings. I knew that Rebecca was not me and she wouldn’t rush into something just cause she thought it was what she was supposed to do, but any mother would agree with me that it’s horrifying to hear those words from your eighteen year old.

“I just want to be with him forever. It hurts to think about being apart.”

“So is that why you came here? To tell me you’re getting married?” I asked.

“No. I mean, we will get married at some point but not right now.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. I stopped walking when I realized that she was no longer beside me. I turned and she was looking at the ground. One hand was furiously twisting a strand of her hair. The first thought that went through me was that she was pregnant. It only lasted a second because then she spoke.

“I want you to make me a vampire.”

In all the situations I had imagined, this was never one.  I wanted to think that it was a joke but her face was so serious. No wonder she had asked us all about our lives the previous night, she was doing research.

“Why?” I asked hesitantly.

“John is going to live forever or at least for as long as he wants. I don’t want to grow old and die while he stays young. It’s gross.”

I raised an eyebrow and looked at the sky. I was suddenly very sure there was a God and he was fucking with me. The irony of the situation was not lost on me and I had but one card to play.

“But werewolves and vampires are sworn enemies. Plus the fact that you’ll smell _really bad_ to him.”

“I don’t care. We think that the imprint will override his desire to kill me,” she said calmly. “Edward wanted to kill you while you were human, yet he was perfectly fine dating you.”

“That’s not…”

“It’s exactly the same thing. Please, mom. I never complained when you left me behind, I was a good kid and got good grades, this is the only thing I’ve ever asked you for. Please.”

“What about the pack?”

“Christopher has allowed it.”

“What about Quil?” I asked confused.

“Quil left mom, he and Claire moved away.”

“I’m going to have to think about it,” I said honestly.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

When you have children, you tend to have certain ideas about who they will be when they grow up. Rebecca had become a woman that I was proud to have raised. There were a lot of things that I had concerns with in her desire to become a vampire. There was the notion of children and the fact that she wouldn’t be able to have them. She assured me that it was not something that she wanted but she was still so young, I worried that she would change her mind.

Yet, I also knew what it felt like to be her. To burn for the man you loved. I understood the desire to be everything for him and to have a chance at forever. I couldn’t blame her for wanting it all.

I talked to the rest of the family in depth about the situation while Rebecca and John slept. There were many opinions that floated around that evening but the conversation always came back to the fact that she was my child, and ultimately, it was my choice.

Ironically, it took me three days to reach a decision.  I just hoped my daughter wouldn’t hate me forever.

 


	37. Epilogue #2

Quil Epi

After begging and pleading with Christopher to tell me where they had gone, he finally relented, pulling the information needed from the pack mind.  I was both slightly angry and incredibly shocked when I found out just how close my mother and the Cullens really were, but it’s not like I tracked them down either, so I could hardly blame them for not looking me up. I had tried to kill them the last time I saw them, after all.

Claire seemed to develop all her pregnancy symptoms at once starting the next day. I put off going; there was no way she could sit in the car for any length of time and there was absolutely no way I was going without her. She had made me promise when we left La Push that I would include her in all that I could. She never wanted to feel like the little woman sitting at home, waiting to see if her soldier was coming back. I couldn’t say I blamed her. She was tough but that didn’t mean I had to make her prove it.

Putting off the trip for a few days was manageable, but when a week later she was still performing the Technicolor yawn three times a day, I was starting to get worried. The doctors told us that it was normal and just to keep her hydrated. After two weeks, Claire spoke to me about going, well, actually she spoke to the inside of the toilet but it was directed at me.

“You should go, Quil,” she stated. “This could last for months and who knows how long they will be around.”

“I can’t leave you like this,” I said warring with myself. I couldn’t leave my wife in pain but who knew if this could be my last chance to see my mom and fix what I had broken.

“Sweet boy, just…” The loud heave made me feel slightly queasy. She spit into the toilet and flushed. “Just go. I’ll live…I think.”

“Not funny,” I said sharply.

“A little funny,” she replied turning her head to give me a small smirk.

I passed her the package of crackers and her water. We had a system down already and I worried whether or not she would be okay if I left. I stared at her and could only see love and support, well…and a little bit of vomit on the side of her lip. She was definitely going to have to clean her piercings later.

“Okay, but I’ll be back in a week, no matter what.”

She reached her hand over and gave mine a squeeze before her body tensed and she deposited another round of saltines into the porcelain bowl. I pulled her hair back and tied an elastic into the end; it would have to do my job while I was gone. It would hurt me to be away from my imprint, my wife, but I would return to her and hopefully be whole again.

I packed a small bag with my toothbrush and a change of shorts. I stood naked in the woods as I tied the bag around my leg. I had learned to do this after I moved, it allowed me to bring clothes with me since our house was not hugging the woods like it was in La Push, I couldn’t very well traipse through the backyard naked.

I took one more look around me before sprinting off. I always preferred to be running when I changed, to be honest; it was harder to do but that shit just seemed cooler. Since I wasn’t taking Claire, it seemed like a better idea to run, I knew it would be faster and it would give me time to think. I always thought clearer in wolf form, like I was more connected to the earth.

I smelled the blood…I mean vampires, almost as soon as I entered the park grounds. They had been hunting in the area that I came in through, their stench heavy on a bear carcass. My internal defense systems reared up but I pushed them down. I had spent a long time learning to control my emotions and I wasn’t about to let my old self along with his prejudices take over and ruin my hard work. I wondered briefly if the smell was my mother, or if it was a different member of their clan. I wondered if I would be able to tell her apart from the others, I hoped so.

I followed the trail, the menthol sting attacking my nose as it became stronger and stronger. I knew that they would see, hear or smell me coming long before I got there but what I didn’t expect was to be met alone.

By Edward.

I stopped as he emerged from the trees. I fought the instinct to crouch down in defense. I wanted to show him that I was here under peaceful terms. I missed my mother.  As soon as I thought this, his body unclenched and although he didn’t smile, his eyes were lighter.

“I needed to make sure,” he said to me. “I couldn’t have you coming here to break her heart again.”

_Ouch. Fair enough._

“But there is something that I need to tell you, before I can let you come. You may not like it, but what’s done is done and we will not have you threatening our family again, is that understood?” Edward asked his tone grave.

A million thoughts ran through my mind. Was she eating humans? Was my mother a killer? The thoughts of my mother ruthlessly attacking a school playground ran through my mind.

“It’s Rebecca,” he said, ending my internal torture.  “She came to us.”

I knew my sister had gone to meet them so it took a moment to register the intent behind his words. When it hit me, I had to choke back the immediate anger I felt, old habits die hard. Of course Rebecca would have wanted to be like them; to stay with John forever. Rebecca romanticized the vampires after mom had left, even though both John and I explained ruthlessly about the true nature of most of their kind.  This was something I feared from the start.

_She is one of you._

_“_ Yes,” he said wearily.

I stood there and took it in; my sister was now a vampire as well. I waited for the hurt and the anger to take over but was relieved to see that I was all out of it. Instead, I knew that the little being growing inside of my wife at home would have family forever, he or she would be well taken care of, if or when I decided to stop phasing.

Edward smiled at my thought and kinked his head to the side, indication that I should follow him.

“She’s missed you so much,” he said.

_I’ve missed her too._

“She’s beaten herself up a lot over her decision.” I could tell from his tone that she wasn’t the only one. Edward wore his heart on his sleeve even if he didn’t mean to.

_The one time she does something for herself and everyone abandons her. She probably thinks she is the selfish one, when it was me who was selfish all along._

“I see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Edward laughed. “No more dwelling in the past, the future is what is important.”

I followed the vampire back towards the house. I stopped, asking for a moment, and he disappeared. I shifted back into human form. Pulling the string on my leg, my bag was released. I pulled out the jean shorts and slipped them onto my legs. I breathed a heavy sigh and then continued my journey to the house.

I hoped that I would be received well but I had no idea if the damage my pack had done in the fight was permanent. There may have been a very pissed off tiny vampire with one arm ready to rip me to pieces.

Claire would so fucking kill me if I turned up dead.

Edward waited for me just out of the trees, which I thought at first was a clearing but then realized it was a house nestled in the forest. The cabin was smaller than I expected them to be living in, compared to their house in Forks, the Cullens were slumming it. Of course, compared to the house I grew up in, this was closer to a lodge than a cabin. It was quiet when I arrived and I wondered what was lying in wait for me.

“Edward, Alice took everyone away but said I had to…” my mom’s voice cut off when she saw me standing there next to Edward. “Quil?”

I shoved my hands in my pocket and looked down at the ground, I suddenly felt like a four year-old caught with my hand in the cookie jar. If I didn’t have such keen senses, I would have missed the look of relief on her face as she ran at vampire speed to my side.  Her arms encircled me and the pressure was slightly more than what was comfortable but I didn’t care. The pain meant that she was here, beside me. The pain meant that she still loved me.

“Mom,” I sobbed as I held onto her as tightly as I could, “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Shh, baby, shhh. It’s okay, it’s okay,” she replied placing one of her hands on my head, running her fingers through my hair.

I stayed against her as long as I could. When I pulled back, I saw Edward out of the corner of my eye, he was smiling.  Although no tears fell from her eyes, it was obvious she would have been crying if she was able to. I did my best to break the tension.

“Wow, you really stink, mom,” I said, the humor breaking through the words.

“Get inside the house, young man!” she chirped back giving me a light slap upside my head.

The night went quickly as we talked about all that we had missed. I really wished that Claire could have been there but I knew now there would be hope for that in the future. It was actually a good thing she was unable to come because Rebecca, being a newborn, wouldn’t have been able to stand it. It would be a while before I could bring the love of my life around my sister again, but I had hope that it would happen one day.

Rebecca seemed to be happy with the choice that she had made. John said he was used to the smell already but I had my doubts when he entered the cabin, his nose scrunched up briefly before he hid the reaction. Christopher had released John to come and live with the Cullens. Christopher had no desire to chain his pack to him. He didn’t want to force anyone to do anything, but that didn’t mean that John wasn’t still part of his team. John was still tapped into the pack mind and if there was an emergency, he could come back and help if needed.

Edward actually told me that they had a fight shortly after Carlisle had changed her. Apparently, newborn emotions run high and when John made a big fuss over her new form, she took it personally. She thought that all the fuss over her new form meant that he didn’t think she was beautiful before.

I would have paid to see her backhand him into the forest.

It was weird, but I really liked Edward. He seemed like a decent guy and the love he had for my mother was obvious. I would always miss my dad, but I was happy for my mother.

Mom was overly enthused that she was going to be a grandmother. She promised that she and Edward would visit when the baby came. I told them that was all right but Rebecca would have to stay behind. 

The week went so fast and I was sad when it was time to leave, but I also was missing Claire like crazy. I had two families now and I loved them equally. I said my goodbyes to the Cullens while my mom waited outside for me. Ironically, Alice was the one who seemed most taken with me. I think it’s because Edward learned of my old crush and told her. She spent the week mock flirting with me. She was cute, but she was no Claire.

Mom stood by the edge of the woods, looking uncertain.

“Why do I feel like I’ll never see you again?” she asked.

“You will mom, I promise.”

“You’ll come back?”

“Probably not for a few years. Rebecca needs to get control of herself before I’ll feel comfortable bringing Claire and the baby around.”

There was sadness in her eyes but I knew she understood. I would never willingly put anyone I loved in danger again.

“I love you,” she breathed, giving me one last hug.

“I love you too, mom.”

**7 months later**

Claire was sleeping soundly in the small bed. Her forehead was slick with sweat still but she looked glorious. She had done so well delivering our baby, no screams, just determined grunts as she pushed out our newest member of the family.

I smelt her arrival long before she entered the room but I was too busy holding my brand new baby girl to go out and bring her in. She had exceptional control now but being in a hospital still had to be tough for her.

I turned just as she knocked on the open door. Her face lit up with a smile as she took in the sight of her new granddaughter. She raised her eyebrows as if to ask to come in and I nodded. I knew she was saving her breath, trying to avoid breathing as much as possible.

“What took you so long?” I asked wondering what stopped her from coming in.

“I was visiting Charlie, down the hall,” she replied.

“The doctors think he’ll be okay, but his eyesight is almost completely shot,” I told her.

“What’s her name?” she asked quietly as she sat down.

“Marie Julie,” I replied, the name coming from both Claire and my mother’s middle names.

The sentiment was appreciated and the look my mother gave my daughter was one full of love. If I had ever doubted that vampires could feel, I disregarded that thought then. A small smile warmed her face as she cooed at my baby.

Claire started to stir and my mother looked up frantically at me. She handed me Marie and stepped back, I shot her a confused look.

“I’m pretty sure your wife doesn’t want to wake up to a vampire holding her newborn baby,” she clarified.

I laughed, “No, I suppose you’re right. It’s much better to have the werewolf father holding her.”

My mom couldn’t hold herself back as she joined me in christening the odd situation with laughter. Claire stirred a little more before opening her eyes. Her tired gaze met mine and while her lips were too tired to pull into a smile, her eyes held the sentiment.

 “What’s so funny?” she asked and then noticed my mom standing there. “Oh shit, I mean crap…what a way to meet your mother. Couldn’t you have warned me?”

“I think we’ve met before,” my mom said. “but I’m afraid my memory is not what it used to be for my past. I do, however, remember thinking that I hoped Quil would find a nice girl like you.”

Claire tried to sit up but winced in pain, I was at her side in a flash help her with one arm while cradling Marie in the other. She protested but used my limb to help her.

“Well I am glad he did,” she replied smiling.

I sat watching two of the most important women in my life talk and I wished that Rebecca could have been there as well. I didn’t let that bring me down, it would only be a matter of time until we could all be together.

**Three Years Later**

“I’m bored, are we there yet?” Marie piped up from the back of the car. She was so much like her mother and if we let her, she would already have a tattoo and piercings.

“Yup,” I said turning onto the gravel road that I had missed the first three times we drove past.

The directions I had were good but the road was nearly hidden from the highway. It took about ten minutes to get to the house and it was worth the drive. The house was three stories with a wraparound porch. It was painted white with dark green shutters accenting the windows. The trees made almost a perfect circle around it with a small break for the driveway. This was more like the Cullen style I remembered from Forks.

I turned and faced my wife. “Are you sure you are okay with this?”

Instead of answering, she leaned over and kissed me.

I had no idea if this situation would work. I didn’t know if it was dangerous to try and live together but John had been doing it and he was all right. I wouldn’t be around forever, I had stopped phasing and I knew that there was a chance that I might start involuntarily changing if I was around vampires but it was a chance I was willing to take.  I didn’t want Claire to grow old without me and if I did start phasing, then we would have to leave. I knew that we couldn’t change the past, but for now, I was going to try and live with my mother and my sister and hopefully rebuild some of the damage that was done along the way.

By the time we stepped out of the car, our new family was lined up on the porch waiting for us.

“We gonna live here, daddy?” Marie asked.

“Yeah, baby. We’re home.”

**_The End_ **

 


	38. Chapter 28.5 Edward POV outtake

Chapter 28.5

EPOV Outtake

After Bella met with Quil, she changed. I noticed it in the way that she held herself, strong and stiff, as if trying to stop herself from crumbling.

When she asked me, “Where do you think this is going?” I was confused. I thought that I had been nothing but clear in my intentions. After all, Bella was the one and only love of my life.

“I don’t understand,” I replied. I sat back on the couch so that I could see her better. The way her hair moved slightly against her shoulders could have been distracting if I wasn’t capable of holding onto various lines of thought at once.

Of course, other things took up those lines of thought as well, like how her pale skin always looked fresh and clean and the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled. Of course she wasn’t smiling now and that made me worry.

 “Us, Edward, where are we going? I’m breaking up my family for a man who can’t really even kiss me, Edward. I love you, I do. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted but I can’t be with another man who isn’t compatible with me.”

She said she loved me, and while I wanted to focus completely on that, I knew the other things she was saying were equally important to her. I couldn’t believe that she wouldn’t find us compatible. I’ve been able to be inside a lot of different people’s heads and I have never seen two people more in tuned to each other’s likes as we are. Bella and I could sit and talk for hours and never run out of things to say. She was constantly surprising me and I thought she had been enjoying my company just as much.

“I think we are compatible, Bella,” I replied, feeling uncomfortable but ready to defend my feelings.

“I mean sexually, Edward.”

Processing what she had said took me only a second, but that is not to say that one million things didn’t run through my head, and only about one of those things were polite enough to share in mixed company.

“I don’t know if I can do that with you…” I said honestly. The truth was, no matter how much I wanted Bella, her safety was far too important to me to risk. She was everything.

“If I’m human.”

“Well, yes.”

“What if I was like you?” she asked, “You could be with me then, right?

“No,” I said succinctly, trying to end that line of questioning.

Of course, it did nothing of the sort. Bella was very firm in her demands, if they weren’t so impossible, I would have thought she was cute. When I left that night, I wasn’t sure if Bella wanted me to come back. I decided to give her a little time on her own but I still hummed her lullaby as I ran home, so that I could feel close to her.

When I entered our large house, Esme and Alice were playing cards in the living room and Jasper was curled up with a book in the lounger. There was no sign of anything wrapping up for the evening, there were no humans here.

I listened for the voice that I was seeking and heard him in his study. In a moment, I was standing outside the door and I gave a small knock out of courtesy, of course he would already know I was there. 

“Come in,” Carlisle called.

I entered the study, my father’s place of refuge. Books and history, in the form of pictures of ages past, filled the walls. Carlisle was standing behind his desk, the furniture more for appearance than use. We didn’t sit much as we didn’t feel the need to. We never became tired like people.

_What is it, son?_

He didn’t need to speak aloud to me, so he rarely did in the comfort of our home. It afforded us a little more privacy than other members of my family would get trying to converse.

“It’s Bella,” I replied, unsure and embarrassed of how to discuss what we had spoken of.

He seemed to notice my unease and asked if I would like to hunt with him. I gratefully accepted his offer and we were in the woods a few moments later. Once we were far enough from the house so that we could not be overheard, I spoke. “Bella is worried that neither of us will be satisfied, if she stays human.”

“Edward, you and Bella seem to be very compatible, I can’t see how she would have those worries.”

“That is what I said,” I replied, “but she is not willing to be in a relationship that does not include coitus.” If I could have blushed, I would have then. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would have to engage in a conversation like this.

“And are you unwilling to try to have intercourse with her as a human?” he asked, clarifying. We had slowed our running down, casually scanning for prey as we talked.

“I can’t see how it would be possible.”

He looked at me with clinical eyes, he was not judging. I could hear him go through the possible situations in his head. Positions to try to minimize the likelihood of doing damage to my lady love. To say I was mortified would have been a gross understatement.

“Edward, I think you need to examine your options. You said she is concerned with staying human?” I nodded. “And you are unwilling to change her.”

“Carlisle, how can you even suggest…”

“I was just clarifying. Then I think you need to either try for her or else you may lose her. Bella is not a younger woman. She has experience and will be more confident in the things that she needs and wants in a relationship. You will have to compromise with her or you could lose her.”

The thought of losing Bella felt like a hole was punched through my chest. I didn’t know if I would be able to offer her what she needed. The thought of holding Bella in my arms and making love to her was truly the most wonderful thing. The problem was could I do it without hurting her?

And there was another problem…

“What if I’m not enough for her? She has had another man. I don’t know what I am doing. Plus I have so many other things to think about. Her scent and how fragile she is. Carlisle, what if I can’t please her?” The panic I felt inside was real. Bella had pleasure that I never dreamed of, and while I was incredibly jealous thinking about it, the truth was that it made me feel more inadequate than anything.

My blonde mentor came up to me and put his arm around me. The pretense of hunting was long gone.

“You love each other. Connecting physically with someone you love will always result in pleasure.”

“That’s the other problem; she doesn’t think it will be good for me, that I will have too much to worry about if she is still human.”

Carlisle’s laugh bellowed out from him. “Edward, you can tell her that you may not be human but you are a man. Trust me, son. You’ll enjoy yourself.”

I thanked him before asking for some time on my own. I ran into the forest, looking for answers more than a kill. The truth was that there was one more thing that worried me. In my long and unnatural life, I had committed almost every sin known to man. I had envied and lied, I had stolen and killed. The one area where I was still pristine was in my virtue. If Bella was going to stand some ground, so was I.

If Bella was going to demand my virtue, I was going to demand a commitment from her. I hoped that it would also erase her fears in how I felt. That she would then have no doubt that I would love her forever.

The question was how I was going to propose to her.

 

 


	39. Chapter 31.5 Edward POV outtake

Chapter 31.5

EPOV Outtake #2

 

Leaving Bella was difficult, but I knew that she was safe, the dogs weren’t after her. I arrived back at the house and my family members were engaged in their usually evening activities, reading, playing chess and the things that Emmett and Rosalie do together whenever they have the chance. I cringed as I tried to block out the mental images I was receiving through Rosalie, many people thought it was Emmett that was the wild one but Rosalie was the mastermind behind most of their shenanigans.

 

I called out, gathering them all quickly into the main room getting ready to relay to them what Bella had told me about the wolves. I noticed that Alice was missing but a quick jaunt through Jasper’s thoughts told me that she went hunting.  It was weird for her to go off alone, but I didn’t have time to think of that at the moment.

 

Carlisle looked worried as I began to speak, no doubt reading my panic easily. After nearly a century together he knew me better than anyone, except maybe Bella.  In the short time I had known Bella, she had just gotten me. She may not have known every detail of my life but her heart knew mine.

 

The faces of my family each flashed with a different emotion as I explained that the wolves had told us that we had to leave. Carlisle looked heartbroken, Rosalie looked furious, Jasper looked studious as he took in the information, and Emmett just smirked. Esme was the hardest for me to ignore as her thoughts bombarded me immediately.

 

**Well then you can change her. If we are already being chased, there is nothing for you to lose.**

I held back my growl at her suggestion; I knew that all she wanted was for each of us to be as happy as we could be.  She was vicious in her plight to give her children all that we needed and I did love her for it, even if I couldn’t always agree with her methods. She had been the first to comfort Emmett when he had killed his own singer, telling him that it wasn’t his fault, that there was no way to resist such a call.

 

“Things are not that simple,” I directed my comment towards her, “They will come after us if we take her.”

 

“Let them,” Emmett replied, his eyes lighting up.

 

I shot him a reproachful look but it was Carlisle who called him out. “Remember son, that is Bella’s family.” Emmett looked appropriately scolded but I could hear his inner thoughts pouting about not getting to fight the wolves. He viewed at as the closest to a fair fight we could have as vampires.

 

“What do we do?” Esme asked, turning to our leader.

 

I flung my head around as I heard the internal screaming of my sister followed shortly by her voice, “The wolves are coming!”

 

The six of us were out of the house, bracing for a fight in a matter of moments. I listened for the wolves, I could hear the thoughts of two, but I could gather from their visions that one of them was coming but hadn’t caught up. Would they really be coming to fight with just one? Or two? I didn’t understand, we had until the following midnight.

 

 ** _Stand down._** **_Back to the council building._**

 

The command of the Alpha was obvious even to me. The lone wolf turned and sprinted away. I gestured to my family that all was okay.

 

“They left,” I stated.

 

I was so concentrated on the wolves that I hadn’t listened to Alice’s mind so it wasn’t until she entered my view that I realized why the wolves were chasing her. Draped in her arms and screaming like a banshee, Bella thrashed against the venom in her body.

 

“What have you done?” I roared as I rushed to my love’s side. The scent of her blood filled my nostrils, causing the beast within to rage. I held my breath as I pulled her from Alice’s small body.

 

The vision hit quick.

 

_I ran into the house with Bella in my arms and then I took her and I laid her down on the couch in my room. When I went to speak to her I inhaled and the scent was too much, even with the venom coursing through her, I drained her dry._

“Take her,” I said in a deadly calm voice. When no one moved I demanded more forcefully, “ _Take her_!”

 

Carlisle took the flailing beauty from my arms and I raced off into the woods. Alice was hot on my trail. I was faster, but she was more persistent, yelling for me to wait. I pulled myself to a stop and turned to have her reach me half a minute later.

 

“Edward, it’s not your fault.”

 

“I was going to kill her,” I said coldly.

 

“But you didn’t. She will get washed off and you will be okay. I just spilled a little blood…”

 

“Alice, what were you thinking? How could you do that to her? Take away her life?” I pleaded for understanding.

 

“Because she asked me to.”

 

“What?” I asked feeling a little bit off that Bella wouldn’t wait for me to decide.

 

“She said that you wouldn’t forgive yourself if you did it. She wanted to make sure you had no fault in this so that you could love her with a clear conscience.”

 

My Bella, my silly, wonderful, stupid Bella. And yet she was partially right, because although I was mourning for her life already, I was also celebrating the fact that she would now be mine forever.

 

“Do you really want to leave her alone right now?” Alice asked.

 

I watched as another vision flashed through Alice’s head. Esme was washing the blood off of Bella’s arm and Carlisle had taken the towels out to be burned.

 

I nodded to my pixie sister, following her back to the house. I didn’t want Bella to suffer alone, I never wanted her to feel alone again.  With determination to not have her left alone, I picked up my pace, passing Alice and racing into the house. I followed the sounds of the screams and found her on Alice and Jasper’s bed. I wanted her in my room, but I had no bed and my couch was unlikely the most comfortable place to go through her change.

 

Bella thrashed on the bed and I reached out for her hand, grabbing it softly. Her skin was covered with a layer of sweat and yet she was still beautiful. Her fine features were contorted as she screamed.

 

“Bella, sweetheart, I’m here. It will be okay. I know it hurts.”

 

“Edward, oh God. It hurts,” she wailed. It was the last coherent thing she uttered before the pain became too much.

 

Alice kept a vigil outside the door, giving me some privacy but close enough to lend a hand when I needed. Bella had soiled herself about three hours after she had been brought home and Alice cleaned her up. I would have done it but I wanted to protect Bella’s modesty.

 

I sat and watched as her skin tightened and her body change. I tried to cool her with wet face clothes but they seemed to do nothing. I gave up and tried to lie on the bed with her, hoping my cool body would help her. I held her close to me and I could feel her getting weaker before she got stronger.  Her screams seemed to come less frequent so I kept my body pressed to hers for as long as I could.

 

“We need to leave,” Jasper’s voice cut through the room. His thoughts finished with the reason. The wolves would come, the treaty had been broken and we no longer had any grace time to leave forks.

 

“We can’t take her anywhere like this,” I stated harshly. “It’s not like we can drive over a state and rent a hotel with her screaming like this.”

 

“They will attack.”

 

“Then we will have to be ready,” Carlisle voiced as he entered the room. “Bella is our family now and we will protect her.”

 

Alice was quick to join in. “She doesn’t want us to hurt any of them.”

 

“Of course not,” Carlisle replied, “we will do our best to leave as soon as we can but if they come before Bella awakens then we will do the best to keep them at bay until she does.”

 

“I will keep a watch out. As soon as my visions fail, we’ll know they are coming.”

 

“How far can you see right now?” I asked.

 

She made a face before answering. “I’m getting about a day and a half.”

 

“What should we do? Bella won’t be done her change in two days.” I sounded desperate.

 

“There is one thing I can think of trying,” Carlisle replied, standing very still. “We can try adding more venom.”

 

I cannot lie; there was a certain appeal to the thought of my venom running through Bella’s system. She would still have blood but the scent was already very bearable. I believed that I could bite her without the nasty side effect of wanting to kill her.

 

My family left me alone to do the deed. I hoped that what I was about to do would not cause Bella any more pain than she was already dealing with, but if more venom helped speed up the process then it would be worth it in the end.

 

“I’m sorry, love,” I whispered bringing my teeth to her neck.

 

The skin gave little resistance and yet it was already stronger than human skin.  A small amount of blood entered my mouth as I released my venom into her, it was heaven but diluted enough for me to keep my composure.  I swiped my tongue along the mark, closing it before moving to the next spot. In total I pierced her body thirteen times. I had no idea if it would work, but the act of marking her in such a way thrilled me. And that emotion brought guilt as I watched her shriek and twitch.

 

It was torture to watch Bella in such a state but I knew that she would come out of this and we could be together, as long as the wolves didn’t interfere. I knew it was unlikely but for the first time in a long time I had something to pray about.

 


End file.
